Brian Graham was preparing to run out under the lights at Celtic Park but his brother would not leave the darkness of his mum’s middle room.
Almost a decade on, the 33-year-old striker recalls it as the moment he knew his sibling Daniel wasn’t well, a moment that will always stay with him.
So too does walking down the hill from Stark’s Park to have his dad tell him his older brother was in hospital after a suicide attempt.
And, four years ago, when Graham lost his sibling a few months shy of him turning 40.
Partick Thistle will line up tonight in an SPFL Trust Trophy tie rendered meaningless compared to the cause the third round is shining a light on, that of FC United to Prevent Suicide, a national campaign to save lives.
It is for that reason former Raith Rovers frontman Graham has chosen to open up on his own personal experience for the first time, in the hope other families do not suffer the same fate.
And in the hope that change is not just seen within football after players throughout the game got behind FC United but the community at large.
Speaking candidly about his sibling’s initial attempt to take his own life, Graham said: “I stayed out of the house at this particular point. This had all happened on the Friday night, I didn’t know anything about it.
“I remember playing the game the next day and I came out of Stark’s Park. I don’t know if I’d scored but I was on a high.
“We’re walking down the hill to my dad’s car and he said, ‘Listen I need to speak to you...’.
“We went from there straight to the hospital to see my brother.
“He did get sectioned that time but in due course after that there was never, ever enough done for him.”
With the support of his family, good days did follow in the ensuing years. But ultimately, Graham and his father took him back to hospital, such was their concern for his mental health.
After a few hours, though, Graham says the three of them were allowed to walk out the door despite their pleas for him to be sectioned again.
Daniel died the next day.
Graham said: “He got the support from us, obviously we tried to help him in every way we could. You could see he had down days, you could see when he had good days and bad days.
“But I remember when I realised he was really not well was in my mum’s middle room.
“I was playing for Raith Rovers and we had a cup game against Celtic at Parkhead.
“My brother was a big Celtic fan, as kids we grew up Celtic fans and that was the first time I was going to play at Parkhead.
“I was very excited, I wanted my brother to be there, see me walking out at Parkhead but he was in the room with the light off and didn’t want to speak to anybody.
“Obviously then I knew he wasn’t well because he would have been buzzing to come to that game, to see me at Parkhead.
“I think it is getting better where people are spreading
the word, there are more people speaking out.
“But I still believe there are not enough people who will speak out because they probably feel a bit embarrassed.
“Because I remember at the time when it happened with my brother, I was a bit taken aback by it, I was a bit embarrassed.
“I didn’t want anybody knowing about it. If I’m being honest, it was from a personal, probably a selfish, point on my part because I was in the public eye.
“I didn’t want this out about my family and what has happened to my brother.
“But as you get a bit older and you realise when you get a chance to do something like this, you just need to get it out and speak out.
“And if this story could help another family, that is why I’m doing it.” Graham has not only chosen to speak up, he has also done a mental health course through the Chris Mitchell Foundation, set up to raise awareness following the tragic death of the former Falkirk and Clyde player, aged 27.
Also now manager of Partick Thistle Women, he has made it his mission to be better placed should one of his players one day confide in him that they’re struggling.
“This is a great campaign trying to do it and I really hope there is change with this,” the striker added of FC United.
“But one of the biggest problems is there’s not enough carers for this, there are not enough bodies to look after the poor souls who are struggling.
“And that is one of the biggest criteria where they probably try to change beds, try to get them out as quickly as possible to get the next one in – and that is not how it should be.
“These cases aren’t going to go away overnight, they need care on a daily basis, they probably need a phone call every second day to check in on them.
“I don’t think things like that are getting done.
“Some people will say ‘Oh, he took drugs’ but I believe he took drugs because of the demons in his head. It will go down as an overdose but I believe he died by suicide.
“The time he was in that hospital, the day before he died, I know he was a bit hard work then because I had seen him.
“He was a bit cheeky to me that day and he was a bit cheeky to the nurses and doctors, which I get – he wasn’t mentally right.
“But these people are probably dealing with this daily and don’t probably know how to deal with them. They were happy just to get rid of him, to say I don’t want to put up with this carry-on any more.
“It is weird because a short period after he died I had a dream and he was in it.
“It was him apologising to me, saying sorry and the two of us were crying in the dream.
“I woke up in the middle of the night, I was in floods of tears and like ‘Was that real?’.
“It was as if he was coming back to say, ‘I’m sorry for my behaviour’.
“It was as if we made up in that dream.”
Brian Graham is pictured wearing the FC United to Prevent Suicide kit, as part of a national campaign to save lives. You can follow the team on Twitter: @_FCUnited. If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or feeling suicidal, please don’t hesitate to ask for help by contacting your GP, NHS24 on 111, Samaritans on 116 123 or Breathing Space on 0800 83 58 87.
