We were meant to be leaving the EU on Friday.
Instead Parliament tonight staged the kind of plot-twisting drama you'd see in a John Le Carre novel.
Theresa May Brexit: Theresa May's last gamble in tatters as resignation plan is not enough in May if MPs back her Brexit deal.
Yet she looks to have lost the poker game after 30 Tory MPs and her Brexit blow as DUP REFUSE to back Theresa May's deal - despite pledge to quit
Meanwhile MPs finally voted for what they want from Brexit - and Brexit indicative vote results confirmed as MPs vote against EVERYTHING
It leaves Parliament deadlocked and having to make a series of decisions that will change our future over the next week.
And - whisper it - it makes a general election more likely.
Here's an explainer for non-political geeks of what the hell happened tonight, and what happens next.
Brexit: Theresa May's last gamble in tatters as resignation plan is not enough
Theresa May played her final card - by offering to resign if her deal passes on Friday
Theresa May had one card left in the deck - naming a day for her resignation. And she played it.
The PM told a dramatic meeting of Tory MPs that she will stand down and let a new leader take charge of part 2 of Brexit talks with the EU.
She said: "I know there is a desire for a new approach – and new leadership – in the second phase."
She had been under intense pressure to stand down to allow a new Tory leader to take Brexit talks in a fresh direction.
The move is set to trigger a leadership election from May 22. There's just one condition. All MPs have to do is approve her Brexit deal by the end of the week.
But it looks like she'll lose the poker game
Almost immediately leading Brexiteer Boris Johnson announced that he would now back the PM’s plan.
But with the hardline DUP and Brexit blow as DUP REFUSE to back Theresa May's deal - despite pledge to quit there's a hard fact to face up to.
The chances of her ‘meaningful vote’ passing STILL look remote.
Brexit blow as DUP REFUSE to back Theresa May's deal - despite pledge to quit
That would mean Theresa WON'T quit in May
The offer to quit was conditional on the Brexit deal passing.
If the deal fails for a third time - having been defeated by 230 and 149 votes previously - Theresa May could lurch on.
That will leave us in a bizarre twilight zone where a zombie Prime Minister is still stumbling on despite having spelt out that she would go.
So MPs are deciding the way forward
MPs tonight held a string of historic “indicative votes” in a bid to finally work out what sort of Brexit, if any, they could support.
The process was billed as a dramatic "taking back control" from the flailing Prime Minister.
Led by Oliver Letwin, MPs chose between eight options for Brexit including a customs union, second referendum, revoking Article 50 and No Deal.
See the full results here.
Brexit indicative vote results confirmed as MPs vote against EVERYTHING
And MPs have decided they don't want anything
Britain was plunged deeper into Brexit paralysis after MPs failed to give a single option a majority.
The results only served to highlight the gaping divisions and stalemate across the Commons, with no clear vision of what should happen.
They rejected a customs union, a second referendum, and quitting without a deal.
Brexit indicative vote results in FULL: How MPs voted on options for UK's future
That leaves us deadlocked... with May's deal or a general election is more likely
Both Jeremy Corbyn and the SNP called for a general election as both Parliament and the PM crashed along with no plan.
She doesn't want one, but it could be that we are just beginning to run out of options.
There's one faint hope, however - that tonight's chaos will encourage MPs to finally back Theresa May's deal, take the blue pill, and wake up from the Brexit nightmare.
Brexit Secretary Stephen Barclay said the inconclusive result “strengthens our view that the deal the government has negotiated is the best option”.
Both main parties are catastrophically split
Labour split in pretty much every direction imaginable over the series of votes.
Three Labour MPs - Dennis Skinner, Kate Hoey and Ronnie Campbell - voted to crash out without a deal completely.
Meanwhile a whopping 111 Labour MPs backed the motion to revoke Article 50 and cancel Brexit - despite that not being party policy either.
157 Tory MPs voted to back No Deal in a display of the level of hostility May's deal still faces on her back benches.
Two Tory Foreign Office ministers, Alan Duncan and Mark Field, were among 10 Conservative MPs who backed revoking Article 50.
Meanwhile Labour Party chair Ian Lavery was recorded as voting in favour of a "managed no deal", which is, er, definitely not Labour policy. Sources later said it was an error and he hadn't voted that way.
But at least we now have some important clues about the way forward
Despite the chaos we do have some clues about the way forward.
Although nothing won a majority, MPs will hold a second round of "indicative votes" on Monday - and this time, they may rank their results by preference.
That's when the amount of support each option got tonight will be important.
A second referendum led with 268 votes, followed by a customs union on 264, Labour's plan on 237, Common Market 2.0 on 188 and revoking Article 50 on 184.
What do all those options have in common? They all mean a soft Brexit or no Brexit at all.
And if we have preferential voting - where MPs can rank what they want - we could end up with one of those options, even if it doesn't get a majority.
A second referendum was surprisingly close
A second 'confirmatory' referendum on Theresa May's deal failed by 295 votes to 268.
27 Labour MPs voted against a second referendum including Melanie Onn - who resigned to break the whip.
Bolsover MP Dennis Skinner and Don Valley's Caroline Flint were among the other Labour MPs who opposed the motion.
If half of those Labour MPs had voted the other way it would have passed...
And so was a Customs Union
In the narrowest margin MPs voted to defeat Tory Ken Clarke's call for a customs union by just 8 votes. (272-264)
There were 12 Labour rebels and 13 independents who voted against it - including the newly formed Independent Group.
Some of them may kick themselves if the end result of this is just to concentrate support for the PMs deal and they voted down a preferred option.
Or if they change their minds next week, we could be looking at a very different set of results.
We've got to make a decision by April 12...
All this is careering towards a final decision by April 12.
If Theresa May gets a deal this Friday then all bets are off, we leave the EU on May 22, and a Tory leadership contest starts that day (or sooner).
But if - as expected - she doesn't get her deal through, she faces one of three harsh choices in the coming weeks.
Either revoke Article 50 to cancel Brexit; crash out of the EU with no deal; or agree a "long" delay to allow an alternative plan to be put together.
If it's the latter, we could be looking at a soft Brexit. But it's a long journey left to run.
... And this coming Friday and Monday are the days to watch
This Friday is the first big crunch - an expected third "meaningful vote" on the Brexit deal.
If it passes, we leave the EU on May 22 and Theresa May resigns. If it doesn't, we need guidance from MPs.
That's when Monday comes in. At 6pm they'll hold a series of indicative votes narrowing down the way forward.
More than 1,000 days after the referendum, and 48 hours before we were meant to leave, we still have no idea if we'll end up with no deal, soft Brexit, no Brexit, or even a new Prime Minister.
Sweet dreams, folks.
