Cabinet secretary Apart from your Great Repeal Bill, you still have to say what “Brexit means Brexit” actually means.
PM Any ideas?
Cabinet secretary That’s challenging.
PM There’s one problem: there’s no way back. And there’s another problem: I can’t see the way forward. So I’ve been reading about the Oracle at Delphi. Everything I say should be open to interpretation.
Cabinet secretary The oracle was actually the high priestess Pythia, whose name referred to the sweet sickly smell of the decomposing body of Cameron – sorry, Python - that enveloped her after he was slain.
PM Yes, I didn’t like that bit. Must we still hire so many people to staff the Brexit Department and International Trade?
Cabinet secretary Yes. It’s challenging. First we have to hire lots of people, just to process the CVs of the people we need to hire.
PM God! Then what?
Cabinet secretary We either get people from KPMG at very high cost. Or place an advert: “Multi-lingual, world-class authority on global trade and international law required.”
PM Why hasn’t Corbyn asked me about Brexit at PMQs? Could he be on my side?
Cabinet secretary Maybe. You’ve been accused of pretending to support Remain during the referendum while soft on an emergency brake for immigration.
PM Rubbish! I split up 33,000 immigrant families and refused to put any time limit on the detention of immigration detainees. I said I’d allow refugees only a temporary stay in Britain. I withdrew British support for naval search and rescue missions in the Mediterranean. My record on immigration is unblemished and clear.
Cabinet secretary Corbyn says he won’t put any curbs on immigration.
PM None of us do things just because we say so.
Cabinet secretary He might. Knowing him.
PM Good thing he can’t then. When this bill goes through parliament we’ll be in a much better place.
Cabinet secretary What if the Lords hold it up?
PM They won’t want to provoke a constitutional crisis.
Cabinet secretary Aren’t we already in one?
PM Oh yes.
Jonathan Lynn is the co-creator of Yes Minister. @mrjonathanlynn
