NEWS THAT IS BREAKING
Mark Sampson is set to leave his post as manager of the England women’s team. Get the latest on the story here.
VERROU BAD
Leicester City coming out on top against Liverpool is still, even to this day, reported in some quarters of the media as something of a surprise. The Fiver isn’t exactly sure why. The Foxes have been a thorn in Liverpool’s side, a maybe-it’s-time-to-start-cutting-down-on-the-steak-and-blue-cheese-sliders-for-breakfast pain in the hole, for more than half a century now. Consider: Leicester bundled Bill Shankly’s side out of the FA Cup a couple of times in the 60s; kept beating the Reds in the league during the 70s; ended their three-year, 85-match unbeaten home run in the 80s; kept beating the Reds in the league during the 90s; and have a habit of repeatedly beating them in the new millennium. They were reigning champions of England just a few months ago, and if Big Cup is the definitive modern metric, which everyone keeps insisting it is, were the joint-fifth best team in Europe just last April. Liverpool, by contrast, last had something to celebrate in … well, let’s not kick people while they’re down. You get the general gist.
The statistical likelihood of Liverpool’s defeat at Leicester in Tuesday night’s third-round Rumbelows Cup match didn’t stop Jürgen Klopp from walking off the pitch at the King Power with a face like thunder, its current default setting, when the inevitable actually occurred. Liverpool’s fate had been sealed at half-time, when they trudged off having failed to score despite breaking the space-time continuum by enjoying 136% possession. Everyone knew what was coming next. And after Leicester finished the job, it was time for renowned funny man Klopp to come out and raise post-shambles spirits for the fourth time in 11 days. But for once, he couldn’t think of a joke. “I take this tonight, it’s development,” he grimaced, though that final word was a gag of sorts, delivered as it was by a man appointed nearly two years ago and whose team currently makes Brendan Rodgers look like the second coming of Karl Rappan.
It was up to the good folk of penury-enhancing investment concern Ladbrokes to deliver Tuesday night’s funnies. After Burnley were dispatched from the Milk Cup by Nasty Leeds, the latter prevailing on penalty kicks after a dramatic 2-2 draw at Turf Moor, some over-excited PR executive at the popular turf accountant tweeted an emoji of a middle-finger eff-you gesture, aimed at former NL players Chris Wood and Charlie Taylor. All good knockabout fun, in the popular modern b@nter style, though exactly how well-judged the zinger was is open to question, given that Ladbrokes are Burnley’s official betting partner and sponsor of one of their stands. They’ve since offered “sincere apologies” to the club and their fans for “poorly conceived tweets” which were “only intended to be a bit of fun”. That’s nice of them, isn’t it? Yes. And that’s our conclusion to this story, because quite frankly The Fiver is in no position to criticise anyone for dismal patter which falls flat.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray from 7.45pm BST for hot MBM coverage of all the night’s Carling Cup action.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It was a good feeling to be on the pitch, I was emotional, definitely. I just want to say thanks to the fans, to the physios, the doctors, and I want to thank the hospital, the ambulance, everyone. Me being here playing again is for them as well” – Palace’s Pape Souaré, who played 45 minutes against Huddersfield, a year after the car crash that could have ended his career.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Perhaps it’s just me but on his 1974 Panini sticker, John (aka brother of Alan) Hansen, looks like one of those psychotic ventriloquist dolls that went on killing sprees in bad 1980s American movies … or someone who has watched Liverpool’s defending at set pieces in the past 18 months” – Noble Francis.
“I don’t know what is more remarkable – that you would have reason to mention Pyongyang, North Korea in two separate places in yesterday’s Fiver, or that you would get it wrong both times, and refer to Pyeongchang, South Korea” – Ian Gatensby (and 1,056 others).
“If Wayne Rooney starts for Everton against Sunderland in the Worthington Cup, plays poorly and Ronald Koeman pulls him off after an hour, would the remaining 30 minutes he warms the bench, unremunerated, count towards his punishment order as being ‘deemed’ service to the Everton community?” – Allastair McGillivray.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Noble Francis.
BITS AND BOBS
Fifa is investigating Chelsea for the third time in eight years over a potential breach of young player regulations. Chelsea deny wrongdoing.
Karim Benzema has signed a new two-year Real Madrid contract featuring a reported £890m release clause, teeing up an inevitable 31 January £890,000,001 bid from Arsène Wenger.
Harry Kane and Gareth Bale are the only Brits on the 55-man Fifpro World11 player of the year shortlist. A total of 12 players from the Greatest League In The World are among the 55 – alongside 13 from Real Madrid.
Barcelona have met with the inevitable after players wore “Courage Ousmane” T-shirts before their 6-1 drubbing of Eibar, in tribute to £138m Ousmane Dembélé’s hamstring twang.
Slaven Bilic says wantaway Taxpayers FC striker Diafra Sakho is back in the zone. “His attitude is spot on, really spot on, no complaints whatsoever,” he tooted. “I’m not lying.”
Brighton’s on-loan Tim Krul is now Brighton’s Tim Krul after he left Newcastle for good, signing a one-year permanent deal.
And good news, gaffe fans: the Worthington Cup fourth-round draw isn’t at 4am in China this time – it’s 9.55pm BST, after Manchester United 4-0 Burton.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
Lap up 25 of the best Serie A goals from the golden Channel 4 golazo years, with Emmett Gates.
The most admirable characters in modern football are the managers who embrace the basic downright unfairness of the sport, reckons Paul Wilson.
Doncaster manager Junior Ferg muses on Arsène Wenger, dad’s advice and his own Premier League ambitions.
Wolves finished 15th in the Championship last season but, after signing 12 players and a new manager, look like genuine title contenders. Martin Laurence eyes their progress.
Which team has played a home game the furthest from home? Also in The Knowledge: widely shared stadiums, and the four simultaneous English champions sharing the same letter.
And Neymar is apparently unhappy. More than unhappy, in fact. He’s FURIOUS! The Mill has more.
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