Packed timetables, friendship issues, homework, clubs, exams – children have a lot to juggle when it comes to school. But some are managing an extra source of worry – their toilet habits. “Simon will never poo at school and often comes home with a terrible stomach ache, rushing in and only just getting to the toilet in time,” says Jo of her 13-year-old son. “He says it’s embarrassing and he’s only comfortable pooing at home. He says he’d never go into the toilets alone at his school – there are always older kids in there vaping or skipping class, so it’s not a nice place to be as a younger pupil.
“Children aren’t allowed in toilets during lesson time and he’s too embarrassed to go at other times. He says: ‘OMG I’d absolutely never do a poo at break time when others are there.’
“It does worry me, but I also get it. Even as an adult, it can be a bit daunting – and we know it’s not good for you to hold on.”
Simon’s not alone – research by Andrex found that 76% of children questioned were too embarrassed to poo at school. The reason it matters is because 65% say they struggle to concentrate in class when they’re holding a poo and 30% won’t eat at school in case it makes them need to go.
Dealing with embarrassment
Concerned about the real-life effects on kids, Andrex is trying to raise awareness of the issue and tackle it, with the ultimate aim of creating the first unembarrassed generation.
“My son won’t go at school because of privacy … kids don’t want to use the toilets knowing there are others around,” says Laura. For her son, as with Simon, it’s an issue that got worse in secondary school. “He worries about germs as well as people hearing him or knowing what he’s doing. He’d rush home every day and go to the toilet as soon as he got in, so he’d obviously been needing to go.”
Most parents we spoke to say that children are often not allowed to use the toilets during lesson times, meaning break times are the only option – and then kids are too embarrassed to poo when others are around. “My son ended up finding a disabled toilet in school that he’d use,” says Laura. “He passed the intel on to his younger sister, but I think word got out and it’s now a staff toilet.”
For girls, being embarrassed about using the toilet at school causes another issue. “My daughter will be starting year 11 in September and, as far as I know, she has never used the toilets at her high school,” says Sarah. Her daughter leaves home around 8.10am and doesn’t return until 3.20pm – a staggering amount of time to hold your bladder and bowels, proving toilet worries can create real issues for many teens. “I became aware when her periods started and she struggled not being able to change her sanitary products during the day, so would dash to the toilet when she got home. Now I buy her super night-time pads.”
Talking about toilet avoidance
For some children, the issue can be even more problematic – the embarrassment and toilet avoidance can snowball into medical issues – or even force them out of mainstream education. “In my son’s first term at primary school, he got locked in one of the toilets and avoided using them after that,” says Keira.
“He suffered with constipation for many years and had bedwetting problems. He did have a special toilet pass [so he could go during lessons], but was too embarrassed to use it. On one occasion he did ask to go and wasn’t allowed.
“So, in the autumn term of year 8, I made the decision to home educate him and quit my job. He’s now 16 and going to college in September. He’s fairly open when talking about problems now – and home educating meant he could use the toilet whenever he wanted and take as long as he liked.”
If these issues sound familiar to whatever extent, there are things you can do. First keep an eye on your child’s routine to see if they’re going regularly at home and whether they are rushing to the loo when they arrive back from school.
The parents we spoke to had open and honest conversations at home, and that’s something Andrex encourages. “We are very open at home, talking about everything,” says Jo. “We talk as much as possible to ensure if things aren’t right we know as soon as possible.”
Andrex advises minimising embarrassment with language – not to make pooing a big deal and to avoid words such as disgusting, stinky or smelly. It’s great to talk about your own poos to show kids that it’s something we should all be comfortable with.
Telling the school
Even when things are open at home, embarrassment around older “cooler” kids can still reign in school. As Jo notes: “My son isn’t embarrassed when he’s at home. I overheard him the other day telling a friend who was at ours: ‘Wait a minute, I just need to go for a poo.’ Another local secondary school has single toilets with walls floor to ceiling, to make students feel more comfortable. It sounds like it might work – there’d be no more worrying about if you’re going to get overheard.”
Of course, such changes might not be possible or fast, but Sarah suggests “one idea might be to give out a toilet pass that can be used during lessons, but only once or twice a day to prevent misuse”.
Jo and Laura work in secondary schools and know communication with teachers is key as well as talking at home. If you notice your child is worrying so much that they don’t use the toilet, it’s always worth flagging the issue – especially given Andrex’s findings around how much it can affect academic performance.
“I know staff are trying their best to make a comfortable environment for pupils,” says Jo. “What’s key is always telling the school if there’s an issue – they can only help if they know what’s going on, and children are very good at hiding things.”
Keira agrees, urging parents to “keep fighting” for their children to be able to use the toilet during lessons if they are too embarrassed to go during breaks – and offers some practical advice: “If you collect your child by car, make sure they have the opportunity to use the toilet as soon as possible – don’t go straight off on a trip.”
Some names have been changed
Andrex is on a mission to normalise the school poo. Find out what it’s doing to end the embarrassment and stigma
