Breaking: Sun-Times investigation reveals 14 things more boring than St. Louis

Relax, Yadi, even the Cubs know there are at least a few things more boring than St. Louis.

This and many more facts in this week’s Cubs Extra feature in Sports Saturday.

(Part of our Cubs Extra section in May 25, 2019, Sports Saturday edition)

BORED CERTIFIED

The schedule compels the Cubs to travel to St. Louis Friday for their first series of the season since third baseman Kris Bryant called St. Louis “boring” during a comedy talk show hosted by Ryan Dempster during Cubs Convention in January.

Cardinals reliever John Brebbia had fun with the comment, responding during a radio interview the next day: “Cry me a river, loser.”

But Cards catcher Yadier Molina seemed to take sincere umbrage at Bryant’s remark, lashing out on social media, calling Bryant “a stupid player” and “loser.”

Bryant laughed off the surprisingly viral episode a few weeks later at spring training.

Meanwhile, out of compassion for Molina’s thin skin, the Sun-Times researched for months and discovered 14 things more boring than St. Louis (none of them interesting enough to rank in any particular order):

• The NBA regular season
• Mike Trout
• Major League Baseball’s video review process (especially when the play is challenged in St. Louis)
• Beige
• First round of the NBA playoffs
• C-Span
• Oatmeal
• Pictures of other people’s kids
• Minivans
• The other metro daily sports section in Chicago
• Michael Buble
• Soccer
• Decaffeinated anything
• Yadi’s tired indignation act (see also: last year’s dumb response to Willson Contreras)

THAT’S WHAT HE SAID

“It gave me some goose bumps for sure. What he did here I don’t even have to say. Who he is to the city, he deserved it. He definitely deserved that. And you really only get that one moment that one time.” —Cubs’ Anthony Rizzo on standing ovation former teammate Jake Arrieta got Monday night in his first game pitching at Wrigley Field since signing with the Phillies as a free agent last year.

“In that moment, he’s not doing anything other than rattle me. It was kind of tired. Sometimes he has to remind people how smart he is.”—Nationals closer Sean Doolittle after Cubs manager Joe Maddon argued twice with umpired during Saturday’s ninth inning that Doolittle’s hesitation delivery was the same “balk” move MLB called illegal when Cubs pitcher Carl Edwards Jr. did it.

“That’s fine. The kid’s a bright kid. I’ve heard him speak; he’s very bright. Maybe I should take it as a compliment.”—Maddon on Doolittle’s comments.

“I don’t know what those are.”—Rizzo when asked his thoughts on bangers and mash. (The Cubs travel next summer to London for a series against the Cardinals.)

HIDDEN FIGURES

7 – Different Cubs relievers with blown saves through the team’s first 20 save opportunities (11 blown overall).

119 – Games the Cubs have played without closer Brandon Morrow since he went on the DL at the All-Star break last year (through Friday).

.284 – Cubs team average with men in scoring position (76-for-268) through their first 32 games, until Ben Zobrist’s personal leave.

.174 – Cubs average with men in scoring position (21-for-121) over their next 17 games without Zobrist.

DID YOU KNOW?

• The last time Yu Darvish threw a pitch in the seventh inning of a game, he did it against the Cubs – in Game 3 of the 2017 National League Championship Series. He makes his 19^th career start for the Cubs Saturday against the Reds.
• The last two starts Houston’s Gerrit Cole made against the Cubs – in Pittsburgh in 2017 as a member of the Pirates’ rotation – he pitched a combined 15 innings without allowing an earned run. The Cubs won both games by scores of 1-0 – Cole taking the loss in one after allowing an earned run. Cole (9-3 with a 2.50 ERA lifetime against the Cubs) starts for the Astros Monday when the Cubs open an interleague series at Minute Maid Park.

PBW TWEET OF THE WEEK

Press box wag: “It’s going to be pretty awkward when the Cubs trade for Doolittle this summer.” (May 18)