Usually I’d say I am a very upbeat person. In fact, when it comes to being positive, I am pretty much off the scale. But over the last few months, I’ve been struggling.
I can’t get motivated to do things I used to do every day without hesitation – have a workout, cook, tidy, put on a nice outfit, do my hair and make-up, read, learn and generally be productive and self-sufficient.
I’ve been procrastinating, I’ve put on weight and I can’t be bothered. It’s like someone has pierced a hole in me and all my energy and sparkle is slowly escaping.
I am not myself, but why? Of course there’s lockdown – being unable to visit family and friends is taking a toll.
And winter weather doesn’t exactly lift spirits. But it’s not just those things.
After talking to my husband, I realised that since last October – when I broke my ankle while filming and needed surgery to insert a metal plate and nine pins – I have been getting depressed.
But I was in denial.
Until now, at the age of 50, I had never broken a bone. I had never had surgery (except a caesarean) that left me unable to live my normal life. I have never depended on anyone to do things for me.
And I have found it hard to cope. My nickname is “machine” because, for my age, I’m fit, fast and in good nick.
But my physical well-being is so critical for my mental health. And when the two disconnect, I fall into depression.
I tried to have a positive approach to the fact that I would have a sore, damaged ankle and scar for the rest of my life.
But behind the smile, I was devastated. And my anxiety about being unable to carry out physical activities was crippling.
I did not leave my home for six weeks. I could not bear any weight on my ankle so I hobbled around on crutches but was frustrated beyond belief.
I did what I could to stay fit, but it was not the same – and my mental state started to go downhill.
It’s hard to understand how much psychological care is needed to cope after an injury and surgery. But I did some research – and what I found blew my mind.
One Canadian study found there is an increased risk of mental health issues for a minimum of 10 years following an injury.
And people with serious injuries are “three times more likely to be hospitalised for mental health”.
Psychotherapist Dr Sheri Jacobson says recovery from an injury can trigger “lack of interest in life, loss of motivation, sadness and depression”.
Just knowing what I was experiencing was normal helped me to feel better.
Acceptance, and mindfulness, can help you cope. Therapists working with athletes also use goal-setting and relaxation techniques. But support is essential, so do reach out for help.
I am on the mend after I talked to my GP. If you are struggling after an injury, I urge you to do the same.
