We’ll leave you with Ben Fisher’s report from the Vitality Stadium. Thanks for reading!
Still want more? Yeah you do.
Full time: Bournemouth 1-4 Newcastle
Peep peep! It looks like Bournemouth’s five-year stay in the Premier League is coming to an end. They were thrashed by an impressive Newcastle, who scored some delightful goals and could have won by more. It was a dreadful night for Eddie Howe’s team. They didn’t throw the towel in, and they deserved credit for that in the circumstances, but their confidence is shot to pieces.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 1-4 Newcastle (Gosling 90+4)
Bournemouth score with their first attempt on target. A long free-kick was headed over Dubravka by the backpedalling Ake, and Gosling forced it in from a couple of yards.
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90+2 min Nearly a fifth for Newcastle. Carroll plays a one-two with Shelvey and rakes a fierce shot that is palmed behind by the diving Ramsdale.
90 min Five minutes of added time. Harry Wilson’s long-range shot is headed over the bar. Bournemouth are playing with plenty of pride, still searching urgently for a consolation goal.
88 min “In my previous email I spelled the word “favorite” correctly but I see it has been printed incorrectly for me on my behalf,” says J.R. in Illinois. “Now I’m going to look like a stupid jerk poseur to all my fellow ‘Muricans. We’ve got plenty of problems over here but one of the great things about us is that we can all agree on how to spell “favorite” properly. In fact I’d go so far as to say it’s one of the bedrock principles of our society. You’ll be hearing from my attorney.”
Now you’ve misspelt lawyer!
86 min Newcastle have taken 10 points from their last four league games, either side of lockdown, including consecutive away wins for the first time since March 2017 (I think).
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84 min Stanislas’s deflected shot spins a few yards wide. From the resulting corner, King heads over from eight yards after a header across goal by Cook. It was a sharp chance, with almost no reaction time.
80 min Chris Mepham is on for Steve Cook.
79 min Oh my days! Lazaro hits the bar with a storming long-range effort, struck this time with his right foot, and Hayden puts the rebound high and wide of an open goal. That is a very special miss.
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78 min VAR checked for offside but the goal stands.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-4 Newcastle (Lazaro 77)
What a night for Newcastle! That was another classy goal, and completes a crushing victory. Shelvey put Lazaro through with a nice angled pass, and he clipped the ball confidently over the outrushing Ramsdale.
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75 min We’re having technical problems, but you haven’t missed much apart from a load of substitutions.
Newcastle Yedlin and Hayden for Manquillo and Joelinton.
Bournemouth Gosling for Lerma.
69 min Fernandez is okay.
68 min Fernandez is down after being caught in the face by King’s arm. I don’t think it was an elbow - it certainly wasn’t as bad as Jordan Ayew’s the other night - and VAR isn’t getting involved.
66 min “Delighted to see Saint-Maximim taken off,” says Paul Sheppard. “Great player, great performance, sadly.”
He’s so much fun, that’s what I like most about him.
64 min Bournemouth’s next game is at Old Trafford on Saturday. Newcastle are at home to West Ham the following day.
62 min Two changes for Bournemouth as well. Junior Stanislas and Harry Wilson are on for Arnaut Danjuma and David Brooks.
61 min Two changes for Newcastle: Valentino Lazaro and Andy Carroll replace Dwight Gayle and the brilliant Allan Saint-Maximin.
60 min: Brooks hits the bar! He is one Bournemouth player whose head hasn’t dropped and that was a lovely effort, curled over Dubravka and onto the crossbar from 20 yards.
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60 min I’m so pleased for Steve Bruce, who was the subject of some disgraceful ridicule earlier in the season. First he stabilised Newcastle defensively; now he has got them playing some lovely attacking football.
A crisp square pass from Saint-Maximin found Almiron 30 yards from goal. He set off on an angled run, straight at the heart of the defence, before pushing the ball away from Ake and clipping it back across Ramsdale into the top corner. That was lovely.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 0-3 Newcastle (Almiron 57)
That’s another majestic goal!
55 min Saint-Maximin goes on a sensational 60-yard run, starting at the edge of his own area, before finding Almiron. He’s tackled and the danger passes for Bournemouth, but it was another example of Saint-Maximin’s wildcard ability. There aren’t many more entertaining players in the entire Premier League.
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52 min Saint-Maximin’s low drive from 25 yards is pushed away by the diving Ramsdale. He is a brilliant player, Saint-Maximin.
47 min “On the subject of mascot mismatches,” begins Jonathan Denness, “I think Hornets v Bees is more brutal.”
Are they mascots or nicknames? Or both? I’ll level with you: I didn’t pass my GCSE in mascot studies.
46 min: King has a goal disallowed for Bournemouth! That would have been the perfect start. Solanke’s deflected shot swirled away from Dubravka and hit the post. King put the rebound away, but he was comfortably offside when Solanke had the original shot.
46 min Peep peep! Newcastle begin the second half. Lewis Cook has replaced Philip Billing for Bournemouth.
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Half-time reading
“Painful to watch as a Cherries fan, making a team with a league-low possession ratio look like world beaters,” says Paul Sheppard. “Taxis for Smith, Lerma, Billing and Solanke please. At least give Surridge a chance up front ffs. And, yeah, I would happily relegate the bottom five.”
Half-time: Bournemouth 0-2 Newcastle
All things move toward their end. After five joyous years in the Premier League, Bournemouth are going down*.
* Unless they score at least two and ideally three goals in the second-half.
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45+2 min Ake is booked for a foul on Almiron.
45 min Cook drives a crossfield pass straight out of play. Bournemouth are unrecognisable from the team that punched so admirably above their weight for four seasons.
42 min “Hey Rob, I’m here,” says J.R. in Illinois. “I’m here. This game is one of my favourite mascot matchup mismatches. I mean it really doesn’t get much more one-sided than Magpies v Cherries, does it?”
41 min Danjuma smashes the free-kick over the bar.
41 min King is fouled in the D by Manquillo. This is a decent chance for Bournemouth, with Billing, Danjuma and Brooks over the ball.
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39 min King turns smartly away from Shelvey in the area. Then he tries to nutmeg Manquillo, who keeps his legs closed to goal-saving effect.
36 min Bournemouth are struggling to get a kick, and in the last 10 minutes they have had only 26 per cent of the possession. Newcastle have been brilliant.
33 min Sean Longstaff has pulled something, a hamstring I think, and is leaving the field. That’s such a shame because he was playing beautifully. Miguel Almiron replaces him.
32 min There have been some very unlikely escapes in the Premier League era, so nothing is impossible, but Bournemouth look for all money like they are going down.
That was just brilliant from Newcastle. Newcastle kept the ball for the best part of a minute before Saint-Maximin decided to cut to the chase. He beat Smith with ease on the left, got to the byline and screwed the ball towards Longstaff, 10 yards from goal. He smashed it into the roof of the net with his left foot. The build-up was good, the run from Saint-Maximin delightful, and the finish from Longstaff emphatic.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 0-2 Newcastle (S Longstaff 30)
What a marvellous goal!
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27 min “Hi Rob,” says Jonathan Seyghal. “Does anybody want or deserve to stay up?! How about we start a petition to let Watford, West Ham, Bournemouth and Villa all go down... and let Norwich stay up out of sympathy for that FA Cup knock-out?”
Maybe everything should be based on how many points a team gets. More than 76 and you’re champions, even if they are three of you; fewer than 38 and you’re down. What could possi- oh.
25 min Time for the drinks break. Bournemouth have improved slightly after a dreadful start, but Newcastle are the better side.
23 min Kelly is booked for inflicting pain on Sean Longstaff.
21 min The resulting free-kick is clipped in by Brooks and headed away by Lascelles. Smith nods it back into the area, where Solankie hooks a half-volley wide on the stretch. He was only seven yards from goal but it was a very difficult ball to control as it came over his shoulder.
20 min David Brooks is starting to see more of the ball, which is usually a good sign for Bournemouth. He beats Manquillo with a lovely bit of skill near the byline, prompting Manquillo to drag him to the floor.
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18 min There’s been a second goal at Goodison Park. Let Paul Doyle be your human vidiprinter.
17 min Danjuma wins a corner on the left for Bournemouth. He takes it himself ... and swings it straight out of play on the far side.
16 min Anyone out there?
15 min Sean Longstaff drags a shot on the turn well wide from 20 yards. Newcastle are much the better side at the moment.
14 min Bournemouth look flat, as they have in most of their games since November. It’s strange to see a team that have been so vibrant, and added so much to the Premier League in the last five years, in such a funk. If they lose tonight, I think they’re down.
12 min There’s been a goal in the match at Goodison Park. You won’t believe the score!
10 min It would be going too far to say Newcastle have a swagger, but there is certainly a spring in their step. They look really confident and relaxed in possession.
8 min A half-chance for Bournemouth to equalise. Danjuma scurries down the left, cuts back and tees up Billing on the edge of the area. He sidefoots a poor effort that goes high and wide.
The goal came from a dreadful mistake by Jefferson Lerma. He miscontrolled a simple ball just outside the Bournemouth area and was tackled by Sean Longstaff. Saint-Maximin screwed the loose ball into the area to find Gayle, who finished decisively into the far corner. That was a good finish, especially given his miserable miss against Manchester City on Sunday.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 0-1 Newcastle (Gayle 5)
What a shocking start for Bournemouth.
3 min Lots of Newcastle possession in the first few minutes. A long ball forward almost falls for Gayle in the area, but Ramsdale is quick off his line to claim.
1 min Peep peep! Bournemouth kick off from left to right.
The players are out on the field, all looking businesslike. Newcastle are sporting their orange change strip.
Some pre-match reading
Team news
Bournemouth (4-4-2) Ramsdale; Smith, S Cook, Ake, Kelly; Brooks, Billing, Lerma, Danjuma; King, Solanke.
Substitutes: Boruc, Stacey, Rico, Mepham, Gosling, L Cook, Stanislas, H Wilson, Surridge.
Newcastle (4-3-3) Dubravka; Krafth, Fernandez, Lascelles, Manquillo; S Longstaff, Shelvey, Bentaleb; Saint-Maximin, Gayle, Joelinton.
Substitutes: Darlow, Schar, Yedlin, Rose, Ritchie, Hayden, Lazaro, Almiron, Carroll.
Referee Kevin Friend.
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Preamble
Good evening. Bournemouth will hope that this match acts as a bookend. Their season started to go wrong in the return fixture, a 2-1 defeat at Newcastle in November. Bournemouth were seventh going into that game; now they are 18th and in all sorts. They have picked up only one point in their last six games, having hinted at a revival with consecutive wins in late January and early February, and have lost 15 of their last 20 games. In any currency, that’s relegation form.
The fact their opponents are safe should be in Bournemouth’s favour, though we thought the same before their last home game, a chastening 2-0 defeat to Crystal Palace. With an extremely tough run-in, they need points at their earliest inconvenience. This really is a mustn’t-lose game.
Kick off 6pm.
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