That’s it for today’s clockwatch. I’ll leave you in the Fairy Liquid hands of Scott Murray, who is watching the Manchester derby. Thanks for your company, goodnight.
Tottenham Hotspur 5-0 Burnley
The Man of the Day award goes to...
Final scores
You can check all today’s results here. These were the final scores in our featured games.
Premier League
- Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool
- Tottenham 5-0 Burnley
- Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace
Championship
- Fulham 1-2 Bristol City
- Sheffield Wednesday 2-1 Brentford
League One
- Coventry 1-1 Ipswich Town
League Two
- Exeter 3-2 Northampton
Scottish Premiership
- Hibernian 3-0 Aberdeen
Bundesliga
- Borussia Mönchengladbach 2-1 Bayern
Updated
Liverpool P16 W15 D1 L0 F40 A16
You might not like them, but you’d have to be a rare old plonker to deny their sheer brilliance. They would give any team in English football history a run for their money. ‘Run’ being the operative word. The buggers never stop. They are the perfect fusion of attitude and aptitude.
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Full time: Fulham 1-2 Bristol City
Despite a ferocious late onslaught from the home side, Bristol City hold on to beat Fulham and move up to fourth in the table.
Updated
Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool Ben Fisher has already filed his report from the Vitality Stadium, where the best team in the world swaggered to victory.
Full time: Spurs 5-0 Burnley
Jose’s swashbucklers move up to fifth in the table. They are now only six points behind Chelsea.
Fulham 1-2 Bristol City Fulham are denied an apparently stonewall penalty, and it’s all kicking off at Craven Cottage as a result.
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“Not all good news for Liverpool,” says Niall Mullen. “We have just ended our record run without a clean sheet.”
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Full time: Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace
A tedious game ends with a bit of aggro. In a surprising development, Wilfried Zaha was heavily involved.
Full time: Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool
Liverpool move 11 points clear with another comprehensive victory. Not even the apocalypse can stop them now.
“A clean sheet for Liverpool,” says Ian Croasdale, “would be most welcome!”
You’ve got Joe Gomez in your Fantasy team, I can tell.
GOAL! Fulham 1-2 Bristol City (Kamara 86)
Aboubakar Kamara gives Fulham a bit of hope at Craven Cottage.
A couple of goals in our featured games Northampton have pulled one back at Exeter - they trail 3-2 now - while Hibs have gone 3-0 up against Aberdeen.
Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace The scoreline still flatters both sides, it says here.
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“IF, IF it happens,” says Peter Butterworth of Liverpool winning the title, “we do promise to be utterly unbearable.”
I’m quite sad that I won’t be around to experience such a momentous occasion. I had no idea this was on the cards when I booked a nuclear bunker in the Kerguelen Islands from March-June 2020.
“Rob,” says James Boyle. “The Fiver had a Stop Football campaign some years ago, If we Stop Football this weekend, do Liverpool win the league?”
No, I think Everton and Manchester United do.
GOAL! Fulham 0-2 Bristol City (Diedhiou 76)
Bristol City have doubled their lead at Craven Cottage, and are on course to move level on points with third-placed Fulham.
Poor old Sol His Southend were 2-0 up at Bristol Rovers. They now trail 3-2. He might have to play himself at this rate.
“Hi Rob,” says Matty Spillum. “Does Burnley’s recent form strike a fearful blow to the proper football man set?”
Why are you asking me? I’m wearing my Julian Nagelsmann underpants.
GOAL! Sheffield Wednesday 2-1 Brentford (Fletcher 73)
Steven Fletcher has scored again! His second goal in five minutes gives Sheffield Wednesday the lead against play-off rivals BRENTFORD.
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The team news is in for the Manchester derby, and Scott Murray is about to dispense it.
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GOAL! Tottenham 5-0 Burnley (Sissoko 74)
The reinvention of Jose Mourinho continues. Moussa Sissoko has put his freewheeling Spurs side 5-0 up against Burnley.
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GOAL! Sheffield Wednesday 1-1 Brentford (Fletcher 69 pen)
Steven Fletcher’s penalty brings Sheffield Wednesday level, deservedly so, against Brentford.
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“Winning at a canter is my preference as it is much better for my blood pressure,” says Mike MacKenzie. “My fear is that around May 1 the PL will determine that Liverpool failed to register some secondary player who made 10 late substitute appearances and we’ll lose the 30 points from those matches.”
Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool “Given the number of late winners and VAR controv, I wouldn’t be calling this season a ‘serene procession’, for Liverpool” says Marv. “Fun, though.”
You’re not looking at the whole pie, Jenny.
The latest scores in our featured games
Premier League
- Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool
- Tottenham 4-0 Burnley
- Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace
- Everton 3-1 Chelsea (FT)
Championship
- Fulham 0-1 Bristol City
- Sheffield Wednesday 0-1 Brentford
- Huddersfield 0-2 Leeds (FT)
League One
- Coventry 1-1 Ipswich Town
League Two
- Exeter 3-1 Northampton
Scottish Premiership
- Hibernian 2-0 Aberdeen
Bundesliga
- Borussia Mönchengladbach 2-1 Bayern (FT)
GOALS! Hibernian 2-0 Aberdeen (Boyle 52 & 68)
Two goals from Martin Boyle - yes, yes, I missed the first - have put Hibernian in control against Aberdeen.
GOAL! Exeter 3-1 Northampton (Fisher 65)
Two in two minutes for Exeter.
Full time: Borussia Monchengladbach 2-1 Bayern Munich
Ramy Bensebaini’s injury-time penalty has put Monchengladbach seven points clear of Bayern, who drop to sixth in the table.
GOAL! Exeter 2-1 Northampton (Martin 64)
Exeter have come from behind to lead in-form Northampton.
GOAL!!!!! Monchengladbach 2-1 Bayern (Bensebaini 90+2 pen)
The leaders have stolen victory against the champions!
“Here’s a truly terrifying thought about this year’s Liverpool side,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “I was saying to my friend David who was born in Liverpool and knows the team from Shankly’s days, ‘If a young Ian Rush arrives on the training ground, who does he replace?’ Neither of us had an answer. If Ian freaking Rush can’t start for your team, you’ve got one hell of a team.”
Or you have a team that doesn’t play with a classical No9. It’s almost impossible to compare Roberto Firmino and Rush, because apart from their phenomenal defensive work they have very little in common.
GOAL! Coventry 1-1 Ipswich (Biamou 56)
It’s there!
“STOP TALKING ABOUT US WINNING THE TITLE!!” says JJ. “Every time people mention it I break out in cold sweats that the whole team is going to break out with a severe bout of norovirus, Hicks and Gillett are going to buy us in the new year and we re-sign Charlie Adam, Stewart Downing et al.”
In fairness, Andy Carroll has hit form of late, and you can never have too much squad depth.
Bundesliga Jadon Sancho has scored twice for Borussia Dortmund, who are crushing Fortuna Dusseldorf 5-0. They will move up to third unless Bayern get a late winner in Monchengladbach.
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“That Son wonder goal immediately reminded me of George Weah’s 1996 solo run vs Verona, which is here in full Channel 4 glory,” says Jeremy Dresner. “In the sexy sprinting category for sure!”
GOAL! Tottenham 4-0 Burnley (Kane 54)
Harry Kane gets his second of the game with another thumping strike.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool (Salah 54)
An insouciant flick from Mo Salah puts Liverpool 3-0 up, and 11 points clear.
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League Two The leaders Swindon are in complete control at Blundell Park; they lead Grimsby 3-0.
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Great solo goals We’ve updated an old Joy of Six to include Son’s masterpiece.
“You can give it the big ‘Liverpool are going to be champions’ all you like, I’m not buying it,” says Matt Dony. “93 minutes into Newcastle away, if they’re still top, I might start to believe. But even then, I think I’ll probably worry that the whole season could be under VAR review: ‘Decision Pending - No Title.’”
Here’s a question for Liverpool fans: will it feel weird, after waiting for so long, to win it at a canter? I always assumed that, when it happened, it would be an emotional rollercoaster (like 2013-14 would have been) rather than a serene procession.
“Rob,” says Simon Pennington. “They’re already playing that Son goal on a loop at half time.”
And that’s just at Watford.
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GOAL! Monchengladbach 1-1 Bayern Munich (Bensebaini 60)
Ramy Bensebaini rams a header past Manuel Neuer to bring the Bundesliga leaders level!
Here’s Simon McMahon, generously doing my job ... so I don’t have to!
“Hi Rob,” says Simon. “Runaway Scottish Championship leaders drawing 1-1 with lowly Alloa at a dreich Tannadice. Nicky Clark with the leveller on the stroke of half time. Expect Lawrence Shankland to finish the job from the bench in the second half. Elsewhere, Arbroath lead beleaguered Dundee 1-0, as do Inverness at home to Ayr. I think there‘s a game tomorrow between two Glasgow teams as well...”
“We aren’t champions yet, it’s early December - don’t jinx it!” says Sam Trenery. “Unless that’s the intention. Aside from that - I’m really happy to see Keita on the scoresheet. There’s a seemingly unending hope from our fans that he will come as good as he was meant to be when we signed him. Let’s hope he can kick on now.”
The problem for him, and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, is getting a regular game. It’s hard to see that happening, certainly in the short-term, even though they are both cracking players. In fact, Oxlade-Chamberlain is probably more deserving of a regular place with his country than with his club.
The half-time scores in our featured games
Premier League
- Bournemouth 0-2 Liverpool
- Tottenham 3-0 Burnley
- Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace
- Everton 3-1 Chelsea (FT)
Championship
- Fulham 0-1 Bristol City
- Sheffield Wednesday 0-1 Brentford
- Huddersfield 0-2 Leeds (FT)
League One
- Coventry 0-1 Ipswich Town
League Two
- Exeter 1-1 Northampton
Scottish Premiership
- Hibernian 0-0 Aberdeen
Bundesliga As things stand, RB Leipzig are top of the table. They lead Hoffenheim 2-0, while Bayern are 1-0 up at Monchengladbach.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-2 Liverpool (Keita 44)
Everything Jurgen Klopp rotates turns to gold. Divock Origi and Xherdan Shaqiri scored against Everton in the week; now Naby Keita has probably sealed victory at Bournemouth with a cool finish from Mo Salah’s beautiful backheel. There’s no two ways about it: Liverpool are going to be champions.
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Sol Campbell’s Southend lead 2-0 at Bristol Rovers. ICYMI , this is a cracking interview with Sol by our own Jonathan Liew.
Tottenham 3-0 Burnley Jay Rodriguez heads a simple chance wide from Dwight McNeil’s gorgeous cross.
GOAL! Monchengladbach 0-1 Bayern (Perisic 49)
Ivan Perisic gives Bayern a deserved lead in the meeting of the Bundesliga leaders and champions, lashing a shot through Yann Sommer.
Updated
GOAL! Exeter 1-1 Northampton (Williams 38)
A quickfire equaliser for Exeter. Randell Williams is the man spreading cheer around St James Park.
These are the latest scores in our featured games. I’ve even got the correct opponent for Sheffield Wednesday this time.
Premier League
- Bournemouth 0-1 Liverpool
- Tottenham 3-0 Burnley
- Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace
- Everton 3-1 Chelsea (FT)
Championship
- Fulham 0-1 Bristol City
- Sheffield Wednesday 0-1 Brentford
- Huddersfield 0-2 Leeds (FT)
League One
- Coventry 0-1 Ipswich Town
League Two
- Exeter 0-1 Northampton
Scottish Premiership
- Hibernian 0-0 Aberdeen
Bundesliga
- Borussia Mönchengladbach 0-0 Bayern (2.30pm)
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-1 Liverpool (Oxlade-Chamberlain 35)
Moments after Nathan Ake limps off injured, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain gives the leaders Liverpool the lead from close range. They are on course to go 11 (E-L-E-V-etc) points clear.
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GOAL! Exter 0-1 Northampton (Goode 33)
Charlie Goode has given in-form Northampton the lead in League Two’s big game.
GOAL! Coventry 0-1 Ipswich (Keane 31)
Keane... Will Keane!
GOAL OF THE SEASON CONTENDER! Tottenham 3-0 Burnley (Son 32)
Son has made it 3-0 with an astonishing solo goal. He picked the ball up on the edge of the area. The Spurs area. Then he ran the length of the pitch, beating allcomers in the process, and slipped the ball past Nick Pope.
The king of the solo goal, Matt Le Tissier has a big dumb grin on his face and has proclaimed it the Goal of the Season on Sky Sports.
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GOAL! Sheffield Wednesday 0-1 Brentford (Mbeumo 29)
Bryan Mbeumo gives Brentford the lead, heading home from a wrongly awarded corner.
Tottenham 2-0 Burnley “If there’s one thing that makes me worry more than Spurs going two down in the first ten minutes,” says Ian Davis, “it’s Spurs going two up in the first ten minutes.”
Surely Spursiness and Jose Mourinho are mutually exclusive concepts?
GOAL! Fulham 0-1 Bristol City (Brownhill 26)
In the battle between third and fifth, Bristol City take a deserved lead through an emphatic header from Josh Brownhill.
A lovely moment on Sky Soccer Saturday, where Paul Merson’s voice crackles with childlike glee as he realises how easy it is to pronounce the name of Bournemouth winger Danjuma.
Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace By all accounts, the 0-0 scoreline flatters both sides.
Bournemouth 0-0 Liverpool It’s all quiet on the southern front. Liverpool have dominated the match without creating any clear chances.
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Tottenham 2-0 Burnley Robbie Brady has hit the underside of the bar for Burnley, so perhaps that match isn’t over. Talking of which...
“Have you forgotten the new law that specifies Spurs have to concede two goals in every game they play under Jose?” writes Anthony Turi. “Do you mean we can just write this game off as a score draw right now?”
The patented Guardian Score Guesser™, having processed the first 20 minutes, suggests it will finish Spurs 74-2 Burnley.
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Tottenham 2-0 Burnley Now Dele Alli has missed a great chance for Spurs, who are thoroughly rampant.
Tottenham 2-0 Burnley Moussa Sissoko has hit the post for Spurs, who are all over Burnley like a cheap cliché.
The latest scores in our featured games
Premier League
- Bournemouth 0-0 Liverpool
- Tottenham 2-0 Burnley
- Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace
- Everton 3-1 Chelsea (FT)
Championship
- Fulham 0-0 Bristol City
- Sheffield Wednesday 0-0 Preston North End
- Huddersfield 0-2 Leeds (FT)
League One
- Coventry 0-0 Ipswich Town
League Two
- Exeter 0-0 Northampton
Scottish Premiership
- Hibernian 0-0 Aberdeen
Bundesliga
- Borussia Mönchengladbach 0-0 Bayern (2.30pm)
“I’m not worrying about Virgil not getting a rest, as he rarely seems to exert himself,” says Matt Dony. “Often, the only real stressful part of his game is the energy he has to put into shouting at his fellow defenders.”
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GOAL! Tottenham 2-0 Burnley (Lucas Moura 9)
Lucas Moura scores from a yard to double Spurs’ lead against Burnley. That game is already over.
Updated
Live scores! You can follow all the goals as they go in around Europe by clicking this thing here.
Bundesliga It’s still Monchengladbach 0-0 Bayern, but Bayern have been very dominant and could easily be a couple of goals ahead.
“Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “Right about now, Klopp is probably ordering his crew to set phasers to stun.”
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THIS STAR TREK STUFF MEANS.
GOAL! Tottenham 1-0 Burnley (Kane 4)
Harold Kane Esquire gives Spurs an early lead with a fierce hit from 25 yards.
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“There is a view,” says John Tumbridge, “that the only reason Ferguson was still employed at Everton was because no one had the courage to tell him to sling his hook.”
There’s a drone for that.
Peep peep! It’s 3pm, which means the 3pm kick-offs have kicked off!
“If teams are Star Trek line-ups,” begins Ian Copestake, “then Arsenal quite possibly provide the guys beamed down to the planet with Kirk that no one has seen before or will see again.”
That’s extremely harsh on André Clarindo dos Santos (born 8 March 1983), more commonly known as André Santos, is a Brazilian footballer who most recently played for Figueirense.
Bundesliga It’s Borussia Monchengladbach 0-0 Bayern Munich after 20 minutes of the big game in Germany. Bayern have had most of the ball but neither side has had a shot on target, it says here. RB Leipzig, who are second, lead Hoffenheim 1-0.
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Premier League And here’s Andy Hunter’s report on Everton 3-1 Chelsea.
La Liga Here’s more on Real Madrid’s comfortable with over Espanyol, which put them top of the table for at least the next few hours.
“Gosh Rob, I’d be scared to tell van Dijk he was out of the line-up and I wonder if Jurgen Klopp feels the same,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “I’m sure VVD has his light and whimsical side, but from all I’ve seen – and this is my club, remember – if they were still making Star Trek movies and you needed an athlete to play a Klingon (as basketball’s James Worthy did) could you think of anyone better? ‘Prune juice. A warrior’s drink.’”
Championship Leeds have gone top of the table with a 2-0 win at Huddersfield. Both goals were crackers - Ezgjan’s Alioski’s volley and a header from Pablo Hernandez to complete a lovely counter-attack.
Premier League Everton have beaten Chelsea 3-1 in the early kick-off at Goodison Park. The infectious fervour of Duncan Ferguson made for a classic Goodison occasion; his celebrations alone were worth the ticket price, and I suspect Everton fans will be talking about this day for years. Not because they beat Chelsea, but because Big Dunc’s team beat Chelsea. Brilliant stuff.
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Liverpool’s packed schedule has forced Jurgen Klopp to embrace rotation in the last couple of weeks. For today’s game, Sadio Mane and Trent Alexander-Arnold are rested.
It’s notable, if unsurprising, that there is one player who is yet to be rotated. Virgil van Dijk has started Liverpool’s last 66 Premier League games. (I’m pretty sure that statistic is correct. If it’s not, deal wiv it.)
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Tottenham Hotspur v Burnley team news
Tottenham Hotspur (4-2-3-1) Gazzaniga; Aurier, Sanchez, Alderweireld, Vertonghen; Sissoko, Dier; Lucas Moura, Alli, Son; Kane.
Subs: Rose, Lo Celso, Sessegnon, Eriksen, Skipp, Whiteman, Parrott.
Burnley (4-4-2) Pope; Lowton, Tarkowski, Mee, Pieters; Brady, Hendrick, Cork, McNeil, Rodriguez, Wood. Subs: Drinkwater, Gibson, Hart, Lennon, Vydra, Goodridge, Driscoll-Glennon.
Referee Kevin Friend (Leicestershire)
Watford v Crystal Palace team news
Watford (4-2-2-2) Foster; Femenia, Kabasele, Cathcart, Masina; Doucoure, Capoue; Pereyra, Sarr; Deeney, Deulofeu.
Subs: Gomes, Mariappa, Chalobah, Gray, Hughes, Success, Foulquier.
Crystal Palace (4-3-3) Guaita; Kelly, Tomkins, Cahill, Schlupp; Kouyate, Milivojevic, McArthur; Townsend, Ayew, Zaha.
Subs: Dann, Hennessey, Benteke, Wickham, McCarthy, Victor Camarasa,
Riedewald.
Referee Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire)
Bournemouth v Liverpool team news
AFC Bournemouth (4-4-2) Ramsdale; Francis, Mepham, Ake, Rico; Fraser, Lerma, Billing, Danjuma; Solanke, Callum Wilson.
Subs: Boruc, Gosling, Surman, Ibe, Lewis Cook, Stacey, Simpson.
Liverpool (4-3-3) Alisson; Gomez, Lovren, van Dijk, Robertson; Milner, Henderson, Keita; Salah, Firmino, Oxlade-Chamberlain.
Subs: Mane, Adrian, Shaqiri, Origi, Jones, Alexander-Arnold, Elliott.
Referee Chris Kavanagh (Lancashire).
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Championship Leeds, who started the day in second, lead Huddersfield 1-0 thanks to a sizzling volley from Ezgjan Alioski. There are just over 20 minutes remaining in that game.
La Liga Real Madrid have beaten Espanyol 2-0 to go top of the table. Raphael Varane and Karim Benzema troubled the scorers.
The leaders Liverpool will go 11 points clear, at least for the next 23 hours, if they win at Bournemouth. They famously lost 4-3 at the Vitality Stadium three seasons ago, having been 3-1 up, though that was in the slightly shambolic days before VAR - Virgil, Alisson and Robertson. On their last two trips to Bournemouth, Liverpool have won emphatically, 4-0 each time.
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Preamble
Hello and welcome to coverage of another bumper afternoon of association soccer. There are only three 3pm kick offs in the Premier League, but there are plenty of other sources of the old entertainment. One of the more intriguing fixtures is in Germany, where the leaders Borussia Mönchengladbach host the champions Bayern Munich.
You can see a full list of fixtures here. We’re unable, in the absence of 482 hands, to focus on all of them. So these are our featured games this afternoon (all 3pm kick-offs unless stated, but you probably knew that anyway, and in truth we could have done without this parenthesis, especially as it’s starting to go on a bit. For heaven’s sake, it’s taken up more than half of this paragraph!).
Premier League
- Bournemouth v Liverpool
- Spurs v Burnley
- Watford v Crystal Palace
Championship
- Fulham v Bristol City
- Sheffield Wednesday v Preston North End
League One
- Coventry v Ipswich Town
League Two
- Exeter v Northampton
Scottish Premiership
- Hibernian v Aberdeen
Bundesliga
- Borussia Mönchengladbach v Bayern (2.30pm)
We’ll have team news and all that jazz imminently. In the meantime, you can follow Everton v Chelsea with Scott Murray. You’ll not believe the score!
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