Match report
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Right then, that’s about us - thanks for your company and comments. Bye!
Full-time: Bournemouth 0-4 Liverpool
That was an excellent performance from Liverpool, far too confident and enterprising for Bournemouth. Had Jermain Defoe not missed a one on one at 0-2 you never know, but chances are it wouldn’t have materially affected the result.
So, Liverpool go fourth, while Bournemouth, who have dropped a place this weekend, stay 16th.
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90+3 min Solanke conjures his way past a couple of challenges in the box but misses the ball when he shoots, but they recycle possession and he has another shy; Begovic pushes it out and the rebound, too high for Lallana, is headed over the top.
90 min There’ll be three added minutes.
90 min On the one hand Bournemouth haven’t played anywhere near as well as they did at Old Trafford on Wednesday; on the other hand, Liverpool have’t let them.
89 min “Kostas Manolas”, suggests Paul Gallagher. I’ve not seen enough of him, but yeah, he’d get into this Liverpool side.
86 min Nice feet from Lallana, picking his way away from a couple of legs to poke Ings in; he’s got a proper sight of goal, albeit in a crowded box, and sets himself well then drives past the near post.
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87 min Well hello! Everyone’s favourite Countdown selection, Danny Ings, arrives - he replaces Coutinho.
85 min “Thumpigs,” says Matt Loten. “My theory is that it’s a combination of the growing wealth gap, a collective shift in coaching focus away from traditional defending and towards fluid attacking movements, and the rules of the game no longer allowing ‘lesser’ teams to kick the better players off the pitch when things aren’t going their way. An honourable mention, too, for the state of football pitches these days - it can’t be underestimated what a difference that has made to teams looking to play attractive football.”
Sure, though those last two bits have been the case for time, and kickings like this are relatively new. Perhaps teams with better players than once chase the game at 0-2, instead of hoping to limit the scope of their defeat.
83 min Coutinho scurries through midfield and slides the ball out wide for Oxlade-Chamberlain, who’s enjoying himself - relatively and absolutely. He tries a shot, but slices across it, sending it spinning past the near post.
80 min “Well to start Klopp should move Gomez to centre-back,” reckons Mike MacKenzie. “Then if they can’t buy Van Dijk in January, Klopp should shop in Italy where they know how to develop great centre-backs”.
I dunno – Gomez might be a bit young to play in the middle and improve things – in football history, I can’t think of many teenagers who’ve done it. And I’m struggling to think of anyone in Serie A who Liverpool could get who’d improve things to the required level. But I may well be wrong.
79 min Unsurprisingly, things have quietened.
77 min
@DanielHarris Regarding where to get a new defence: only 54 minutes up the road and the route avoids tolls! pic.twitter.com/LH8axqTJc8
— Patrick Crumlish (@patrickcrumlish) December 17, 2017
76 min Solanke replaces Firmino.
75 min I’ve not got the stats to hand, but we seem to be seeing increasingly numbers of these kinds of games; the better sides absolutely tumping the not better sides. Which is strange in a way, as the not better sides have more money and better players than ever before; is the difference the strength in depth? Or just a different mentality?
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74 min Liverpool break and COutinho crosses from the left, getting just too much on it for the sliding Firmino.
73 min Ibe takes possession down the left and screams down the outside of Lallana, who slides in, crumples him, and takes the yellow card; free-kick Bournemouth, close the by-line, which Stanislas whips in only for it to be headed straight out.
72 min “Did Coutinho’s dog just die or is he attempting to do a Lukaku impersonation?” asks JR in Illinois. “He didn’t seem all that happy about his goal and remained stone faced after that assist.”
I didn’t notice, but think it’s just diversity.
71 min The ridiculous Salah departs, to be replaced by Adam Lallana.
68 min So where do Liverpool find themselves a defence? Of course there is better available than what he has, but not many who leap out at one; consider, for example, Machester United, who in Smalling, Jones, Bailly, Rojo and Lindelof “boast” five decent players of similar standard, none of whom you’d trust not to make you look a charlie. Similarly, Chelsea, Man City and Arsenal have centre-backs who are alright and worse; better than what Liverpool have, but that’s not much of a standard.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-4 Liverpool (Firmino 65)
This is another perfectly taken goal. Liverpool triangulate down the left and Coutinho manufactures himself an angle to whip in a cross towards Firmino, running the line near the front post; he dives to punish a header past Begovic.
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65 min Elsewhere, Ryan Babbel has scored a hat-trick for Besiktas. He always looked like he should be a player; now he is.
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63 min Ibe allows a pass to bounce under his studs. It is not at all funny, I promise.
62 min Klaan makes a Klavan out a clearance, trying to get wide with a pass and finding Ibe, who drives at Robertson, wins space for a shot with some clever sleight of foot. and sees his effort blocked behind; the corner comes to nothing.
61 min Defoe shifts the ball and cracks a typical snap-shot down Mignolet’s throat. Figuratively speaking.
60 min Lovely from Oxlade-Chamberlain, who wins the ball with a crunching tackle outside the Bournemouth box, the drives into it down its left-hand side, teasing Francis before drilling a shot that raps the near post. He’s played well today.
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58 min So what level of player are we saying Mohamed Salah now is? Is he better than all of Hazard, Sane, Martial, Sterling and Sanchez, or just “in a good moment”?
56 min Bournemouth move the ball nicely across the park from right to left, and eventually Daniels darts into Stanislas, who flicks nicely into the path of Fraser, skating into the box, left hand side. But he snatches at the chance, slicing it wide of the near post, and Liverpool escape.
54 min “Bag of otters noses? Okay, I’m lost.,” says Professor Ian Orme.
I respectfully recommend a refresher course in Greats.
53 min Again Stanislas picks the ball up between the lines and again has passing lanes as the Liverpool back four parts. Burt he looks to go inside Lovren when he ought to have gone outside and as a consequence Ibe can’t get near it.
52 min “As long as the term Cherriestanbul (not Bournestantinople) doesn’t enter the lexicon today, I’ll be happy,” emails Peter Oh.
They’ll be dancing in the aisles of Sega World and whooshing down the slides of Splashdown if it does.
49 min Henderson pumps one high for Salah and Ake misjudges the flight; I’d not be at all surprised if he evacuated there and then. But he does just about enough to crowd him out thereafter and Begovic rushes out to complete his salvation.
47 min Chris Brock emails in Jermain Defoe’s Premier League scoring record, noting that it’s “Not bad for a guy who spent most of his career at West Ham, Portsmouth and Sunderland...”
Sure - but why did he play there? I was just saying that for someone who’s just a finisher, his finishing isn’t reliable enough or varied enough, – not that he’s rubbish. But because of his whacking it style, when it works it looks natural, assured and brilliant.
46 min We go again. Fraser is on for Pugh, presumably to give Daniels some support.
Half-time fun: Bournemouth as Jacob Rees-Mogg remembers it.
Half-time: Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool
That was great. Liverpool started very quickly but didn’t score, Bournemouth improved, Liverpool scored twice, Bournemouth improved but didn’t score when they ought to have done, Liverpool scored again.
45 min There shall be two added minutes.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool (Salah 44)
This is a proper playground goal, this, and one that’s been attempted a few times already today. Salah gets the ball on the right, running into space behind Daniels, then jinking infield until he has an angle of which he likes the look – Daniels is watching – beats Ake, then flings his body into a low curler that hustles the ball past Begovic. I think Liverpool will probably win from here, and that Salah is a player.
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44 min This is really fun game now, or would be were it not for the flagrant disregard for tactical imperatives.
43 min Henderson into Salah, who squares across the face of the box to Coutinho and keeps going, ready for the beautiful pass lofted over the top for his delectation. H e duly imparts the laces, expecting to score, but Begovic stands up and then dives to save well.
41 min Back to that Defoe miss, it was a fair effort and everyone misses sometimes. It’s just that for someone whose reputation is as a finisher, his finishing isn’t as good as it should be or is meant to be. Rather like Romelu Lukaku, he tends to just whack it.
40 min Oxlade-Chamberlain, who was good in the early stages before going quiet, drives a low cross-shot through a phalanx of legs and Begovic sees it late, doing well to tip it away.
39 min Oh! Bournemouth have got the measure now, and Stanislas breaks through midfield then slides a pass through for Defoe, in one on one! But the most natural finisher in the world who doesn’t do anything but finish so must be great at finishing smacks low past Mignolet and against the inside of the post! What a chance that was!
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37 min A mistake from Klavan sees Bournemouth pouring through midfield and Pugh gets around the outside of Gomez, but again Liverpool muddle the ball away. Jurgen Klopp is going to write the saddest mettlar song of all-time if Virgil van Dijk ends up at Manchester City.
35 min Surman bends in a devilish one, then another when it’s half-cleared, and Liverpool do not look comfy defending them, but eventually get a free-kick on the edge of their box.
34 min Fine cross from Pugh down the left, and Lovren is under it ... he doesn’t deal, so Robertson heads behind.
33 min Liverpool have been here before, and we have a few scrappy minutes, which might encourage Bournemouth that the game isn’t gone. They’ll need three to get a draw, I’d say.
31 min We learn that Wilson is out with injury – apologies, that is not noted below – and Stanislas is now with us.
31 min King is hurt and departs – he’ll shortly be replaced by Stanislas.
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28 min This deficit is no more than both sides deserve really; it’s almost as if we have a matrix which measures, objectively and precisely, objective and precise deservation in football. But what I mean to say is that Bournemouth were lax at kick-off, Liverpool were not, and even though the home side improved before going behind, the away one had their tails up.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-2 Liverpool (Lovren 25)
Someone gets a boot on the corner at the near post and appears to have diverted the ball over the line at the far. But Firmino is having no such thing, extending a leg to divert it back across goal as Daniels hopes and assumes – hossumes – that his work is done. It is not, and Lovren dives low to head in Liverpool’s second.
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25 min Liverpool are going to score again. Henderson picks a pass into Salah, who backheels a return into his stride. He can’t make anything of it, but Liverpool have a corner...
24 min Suddenly Bournemouth look ragged, and Salah bousts down the right then cuts back for Wijnaldum, who is so busy mentally excelling that he physically misses the ball and everyone laughs.
22 min Bournemouth very just so open during that attack, and never really had a defender well enough positioned to jockey - they always had to try something desperate, which allowed Coutinho to see them coming. I believe there are those who think Christian Eriksen superior; I doubt many defenders would tell you that.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-1 Liverpool (Coutinho 20)
This is a masterfully taken goal! Klavan drives a pass into Coutinho who flicks first time out to Robertson, takes the return at inside-left and drives at the Bournemouth defence as his pal takes a man away outside. Then, when Coutinho reaches the box, skips across the face of goal, sending Cook out for a bag of otter’s noses in the process, before driving a low finish inside the near post. Brilliantly done.
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18 min We’re enjoying some midfield mess, and then Bournemouth move the ball to the right, where Ibe thrashes a shot into Mignolet’s midriff, which sounds like a craft beer or something.
16 min Liverpool have come into this a little in the last few minutes, though you still get the impression that they will not score the first goal.
14 min Lovren chases King on down the Bournemouth right, gets a bit of heel on the ball before cleaning out the man, then does his nut when penalised. It’s an outrage! The free-kick comes to nothing.
13 min Salah pursues the ball out wide; one fine first touch is all it takes to see him away from Daniels and into the box. He then opens his body and rushes into curler, which dips just over the bar. Liverpool are playing very nicely.
11 min What an effort this is! Coutinho coaxes a bend over the near side of the wall and against the inside of the post, as Begovic flails himself into the net! The ball bounces away, and Bournemouth survive.
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10 min Daniels gives the ball away and Oxlade-Chamberlain doesn’t let them away with it, exchanging passes with Coutinho before Ake barges him over. He’s booked and Liverpool have a free-kick on the edge of the box, right of centre...
8 min Daniels makes a right arse-up of a long pass which sets Liverpool onto the attack, but Salah can’t make anything of the ensuing break. Liverpoo maintain pressure though, and a clever ball from Coutinho, across the box, picks out Firmino racing to the line; he catches up with it and snaps the ball back into the middle, but Begovic catches easily.
6 min On the touchline, Eddie Howe is rotating his hand at the wrist, the universal gesture for we’re sleeping here lads, pick it up. And almost immediately, Daniels slots a ball through the middle which puts Defoe in a race with Lovren; Lovren wins it easily.
5 min “I’m obviously looking forward to a fraught 2-3 victory for Liverpool, characterised by yet more ‘hilarious’ commitment to defending, but I fear my capacity for football entertainment has already been filled by (almost-unbelievably) Scottish football,” writes Matt Dony. “If Simon McMahon is reading (of course he’s reading. He’s ALWAYS reading), he’ll be glad to know that Scottish football has finally found some magic, and touched this sullen Welsh heart. Of all the numbers Celtic could’ve chosen to throw away their unbeaten run, they’ve declared on 69. Childish? Yes. Rude? Definitely. But, entertaining? Absolutely. And it’s a fact that will stick with me for years to come.”
As it were.
4 min Liverpool have started well, and Oxlade-Chamberlain picks a pass out to Gomez, who arcs a venomous low cross into the box; a touch is all it needs, but no one is around to apply it.
3 min Oxlade-Chamberlain does well out on the right, chcuking a foot over the ball to create space and angle for a cross ... then delivering a goodun, met by a towering header from ... Philippe Coutinho! But he gets underneath it and sends it over the top.
2 min Liverpool sweep forward and Coutinho almost manages a to sneak ball into Firmino, but Ake intercepts and Bournemouth bring it away.
1 min Blow your whistle! Blow your hoooorn!
Out they come. Bournemouth payers are hugging and stuff; in the studio, Graeme Souness is doubtless stroking his thighs as though Gennaro Gattuso has just offered out Joe Jordan.
The players are tunnelled; Jordan Henderson is modelling his gameface.
So how do you defend Salah? On the ball, by forcing him outside, but what do you do once he’s on the move? Have his full-back follow him? Detail a midfielder to be on the look out? A centre-back? What we’re seeing with him is why Cristiano Ronaldo was so prolific once he moved to the left wing; the game isn’t really set up to stop players who move from out to in like they do.
Apparently Mohamed Salah likes to score goals and run into the middle. More news as I get it.
“Can you play ‘the referee’s a ...?’”
Our @bournemouthuni Big Game is in full swing 👌 🎺#BOULIV | #afcb 🍒 pic.twitter.com/61zsTAmnvv
— AFC Bournemouth 🍒 (@afcbournemouth) December 17, 2017
People walking. Weird to think that football managed for so long without this.
The lads arriving at the Vitality Stadium 👋 pic.twitter.com/QwV2BVdAae
— Liverpool FC (@LFC) December 17, 2017
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Liverpool, meanwhile, have Sadio Mane on the bench, so will start Philippe Coutinho from the left. That’s not his best position – I wonder if, in the end, he’ll be a number 8 not a number 10, or maybe even a number 8.42 – and also if Liverpool will miss Alberto Moreno outside him, who’s better going forward than Andy Robertson.
I imagine that Eddie Howe decided thay the sharpness of Jermain Defoe would have greater effect against Liverpool’s defence than Manchester United’s. Though Defoe came very close to an equaliser in midweek, one brilliant first touch setting him for a snap-shot foiled only by the uncanny brilliance of David de Gea. Hell be fancying himself to skip in and out of Lovren and Klavan, I shouldn’t wonder.
Anyway, back to the less crucial news of which players we’ll be watching this afternoon, Bournemouth make five changes and Liverpool four, respectively:
For Bournemouth, out go Fraser, Arter, Gosling, Stanislas and Wilson, left out altogther; in come Pugh, Cook, Surman, Ibe and Defoe.
And for Liverpool, Karius, Alexander-Arnold nd Mane are left out, while Can is suspended – Mignolet, Gomez, Henderson and Oxlade-Chamberlain replace them.
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“So Adam, how did you spend your time off?”
“Well I thought about learning a language, but in the end decided to focus on growing my hair.”
👀 Anyone else remember our last @premierleague fixture against @LFC at Vitality Stadium? 😏#afcb 🍒 pic.twitter.com/SgFaWLejsj
— AFC Bournemouth 🍒 (@afcbournemouth) December 17, 2017
Buzz-cuts and Curtains
Bournemouth (4-4-1-1): Begovic; Smith, Francis, Ake, Daniels; Ibe, Cook L, Surman, Pugh; King; Defoe. Subs: Boruc, Cook S, Fraser, Gosling, Arter, Stanislas, Afobe.
Liverpool (4-3-3): Mignolet; Gomez, Lovren, Klavan, Robertson; Henderson, Wijnaldum, Oxlade-Chamberlain; Coutinho, Firmino, Salah. Subs: Karius, Milner, Mané, Lallana, Ings, Solanke, Alexander-Arnold
I wandered lonely as an: Andre Marriner (Sheldon, West Midlands)
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Preamble
We’ve all tried growing our hair and faced the horror of awkward in-between stage; roughly, it comes just after the awkward short stage and just before the awkward long stage. Who can know if where we were isn’t as good as we’re getting, and if we can even get to where we think we’re going?
Bournemouth and Liverpool are there. Bournemouth are more or less established in the Premier League now, or at least, they’ve stayed up twice with no serious alarms, and really ought to again. So the question is what they do next: do they accept the short back and sides as their lot, or do they embrace the stupidity of a lush, attention-seeking mane?
Liverpool, meanwhile, are experiencing a version of the same at the other end of the table. Twice in the last ten years they’ve made it nearly all the way, only to attack themselves with a set of garden shears at the very last moment. This time, they’ve assiduously cultivated a hair metal thatch, only to run out of finasteride just as the richer cats around them are bussing their wads on transplants.
This game last season was a belter, two bald men fighting over a can of Brasso or somesuch, and we should get something decent this afternoon. Bournemouth were excellent at Old Trafford in midweek, while Liverpool are too good not to improve on their effort against West Brom. Neither side will sit back, both sides could use a win, and whatever happens and depending on our bent, we get to appreciate their ambition or snigger at their naïveté.
Kick-off: 4.30pm GMT
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