Full time: Bournemouth 0-2 Everton
That’s it. Everton are into the quarter-finals. They had a bit more luck and a greater need to win than Bournemouth; those were the decisive factors in a pleasant game that got better as it progressed. Thanks for your company. Night!
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90+1 min Coleman is humped over in the box by Ritchie. Martin Atkinson says play on. Those two have been niggling at each other in the last 20 minutes, though that probably wasn’t enough for a penalty.
90 min There will be a minimum of four minutes’ added time. Deal with it.
89 min King’s driven cross from the right towards Stanislas is claimed very well by Joel.
87 min This game isn’t quite done. Another find inswinging cross from Stanislas is headed over by King, six yards out. He couldn’t get over the ball and was under pressure from Joel.
86 min This game is done.
83 min “Barkley really is the new king of the deflected shot isn’t he?” says Owen Parsons. “Think that’s his fourth goal this season that’s found its way to the back of the net via a defender.”
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81 min A double Everton substitution: £13.5m striker Oumar Niasse makes his debut, and Kevin Mirallas is also coming on. Lukaku and Barkley go off.
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79 min Barkley’s shot is well blocked by Elphick. This has been an excellent second half.
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78 min Adam Smith replaces Gosling for Bournemouth.
Oviedo swung in a low corner from the right was flicked dangerously across goal by Barry at the near post, marauded onto the loose ball to score with glee from six yards.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 0-2 Everton (Lukaku 76)
It’s 2-0 now!
76 min Barkley almost gets his second. Lennon made a great run across the penalty area and then laid it off to Barkley, who placed a first-time curler towads the far corner. It was going in until it hit the elbow of O’Kane before deflecting just wide.
73 min Another chance for Bournemouth. King skins Funes Mori down the left and cuts a fast low cross back to Ritchie, who whips a first-time shot wide of the near post from 10 yards. He should probably have worked the keeper.
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72 min Gosling misses a great chance against his old club! Stanislas picked him out with a beautiful inswinging cross from the left. He was in a criminal amount of space, six yards from goal, but planted his header straight at Joel.
71 min Murray comes on for Juan Iturbe and wins a corner straight away with a shot that is deflected wide by the stretching Jagielka.
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70 min The substitute Glenn Murray is being prepared for Bournemouth.
68 min King is booked for kicking the ball away in a heat-based funk. It’s all a bit scruffy at the moment.
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66 min Iturbe is booked for a scissor tackle on Gareth Barry.
64 min Bournemouth’s first substitution, with Matt Ritchie replacing MacDonald.
63 min Oof. Stanislas’s free-kick from 25 yards hits the leaping Lukaku in the wall and deflects fractionally wide of the post.
60 min Bournemouth get a corner. They don’t score from it. This information comes to you on a need-to-know basis.
59 min “Ah, Glenn Hysen,” muses Ian Copestake. “A blast from the past. I always imagined him playing in a suit even when he was bedecked in Candy advertising. A dapper man indeed.”
58 min Lukaku has a goal disallowed for offside. I’m not sure that’s the right decision. He was played in by Barkley and slipped the ball under Federici, though the flag had long since gone up. Replays suggested he was probably behind Barkley when the pass was played and therefore onside.
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Barkley received a pass 20 yards from goal, to the left of centre. He shifted the ball infield and tried to curl it towards the far corner. Instead it nicked off Gosling and looped high in the air. Federici, backpedalling desperately, was beaten in the Shilton/Brehme style and the ball drifted into the net.
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GOAL! Bournemouth 0-1 Everton (Barkley 55)
Ross Barkley’s deflected shot loops over Federici and into the net!
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55 min Barkley plays a cute pass into Lukaku, who lays it off for McCarthy to shoot from 20 yards. He splatters it a few yards wide of the near post.
54 min Here’s Doremus Schafer. “No discussion about long-range headers is complete without this Odd goal from Jone Samuelsen.” Tell it to the judge.
52 min “I would rather experience 15 minutes of Ray Winstone querying the small print on a car lease form than the echo chamber of dense grey despondency i’ve just been subjected to,” chirps Craig Smaaskjaer. “Are the chaps in the studio distracted by the possibility of a ‘Brexit’? The discovery of gravitational waves? Time itself?”
50 min Oviedo hoofs King up in the air, then has the brass neck to suggest he got the ball. He didn’t. The free-kick is swung deep by Francis and cleared to the edge of the box, where MacDonald chests it down and smacks the ball over the bar.
“Moved on,” says Gordon Pittendrigh. “Sham 69 and pizza with chorizo, anchovies, capers and Tabasco. Beer as well.”
Right Everton. It's up to you. Which one am I drinking tonight? pic.twitter.com/XasVfn9dzC
— michael devereau (@mickdev2000) February 20, 2016
48 min Lennon’s shot is deflected wide for the first corner of the half. Cleverley curls it towards the near post, where Coleman arrives late and heads over from six yards. He couldn’t get over the ball.
46 min Peep peep! Bournemouth beginning the second half, kicking from left to right.
“Best long-range header?” says Tomas Kinney. “Another Argentine, Martin Palermo, disagrees with your suggestion.”
And Carlton Palmer disagrees with yours.
Half-time chit-chat “What I love about live football on BBC,” says Mark Power, “is getting to halftime and not being subjected to car commercials or Ray Winstone being Ray Winstone.”
Half time: Bournemouth 0-0 Everton
Not the greatest half of football, although Joel’s penalty save from Charlie Daniels was memorable. See you in 10 minutes!
45+1 min Gosling is booked for persistent filth.
45+1 min This, of course, is the best long-range header ever.
45 min Barkley plays a lovely ball wide to Coleman. He crosses back towards the edge of the area, where Oviedo tries to score with a flying header. It goes miles wide.
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42 min The game has livened up a bit now. That penalty incident was very strange. McCarthy just controlled the ball with an outstretched arm. It wasn’t as spectacular as Glenn Hysen’s volleyball smash back in the day, but it was still a little peculiar.
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JOEL SAVES DANIELS' PENALTY!
Daniels hits a firm, low penalty towards the corner, and Joel plunges springs to his left to make a fine save. Bournemouth should probably have scored from the rebound as well, and if we ever see a replay I’ll be able to do my job and actually describe what happened.
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PENALTY TO BOURNEMOUTH
37 min Bournemouth get their first corner. Daniels hangs it up beyond the far post, where McCarthy has a lapse of the brain and brings it down with his arm. A clear penalty.
36 min “For all the furore over John Stones, I find it significant that in the last four and a third games, while he’s been sidelined, we’ve conceded one goal,” says Mark Power. “As you say, great defenders, lousy defence. To paraphrase Francis Urquhart, I couldn’t possibly comment any further.”
34 min Gosling receives a lovely pass angled pass from Iturbe in the D and tries to go round Jagielka, who stretches to make an excellent tackle.
33 min Dear someone on the pitch, please do something. Love, Rob.
29 min Federici makes an important save to keep the game goalless. Lukaku skinned the last man Elphick with a devastating change of pace on the left wing, and kept going all the way into the area until his stabbed close-range shot was blocked by Federici.
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28 min Stanislas eyes the top corner from 25 yards, and then eyes Row X as he follows the movement of his wild shot.
26 min Barkley hits a bouncing shot towards goal from 25 yards that is saved easily by Federici.
25 min A fierce wind might be not helping when it comes to precision in the final third. Whatever the reason, the game is getting worse by the minute.
22 min Everton are still dominating possession, and still looking more pretty than penetrative.
21 min Stanislas sprays a good-looking pass across the field to Iturbe. It goes straight into touch.
20 min “Funes Mori is becoming quite the centre half, impressive,” says Mark Turner. “And he’ll get up and score you a headed goal or three from set-pieces. Seems like years ago that John Stones was the man, bet he’s regretting not taking the offers from Chelsea. And Funes Mori’s brother is a kick-butt forward in Mexico, Everton should send a scout.”
The Everton paradox: they have a few fine defenders, and a poor defence.
17 min McCarthy takes a yellow card for Team Everton with a deliberate trip on Iturbe.
15 min Everton’s passing has been accomplished and pleasant, but thus far they haven’t really got behind Bournemouth.
13 min Iturbe leads a stirring Bournemouth break, running a long way before making a weary Horlicks of a low shot from 20 yards.
12 min A patient move from Everton ends when Coleman thunders a delightfully inept cross miles out of play.
9 min “Cleverley is no Iniesta,” bleedinobviouses Phil Podolsky. “But he’s more of an Iniesta than Fellaini is a Toure, if you look at it from United’s perspective, no? A good passer of the ball when given the confidence.” Yeah he’s a decent player when he’s on form, but confidence is a big issue.
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7 min This has been a terrific start from Everton, with Bournemouth stuck in their own half.
5 min Anyone out there?
4 min Everton’s first chance. Lukaku runs at the defence and plays a fine reverse pass to Barkley. He’s six yards out, at a tight angle to the right of centre, and mishits a cross/shot/cross-shot that bobbled through to Federici.
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3 min Everton have started strongly, calmly demonstrating their interpretation of the concept of tiki-taka.
1 min Everton, in white, kick off from left to right. I may or may not have sauntered off for a coffee assuming this was a 5.30pm kick off, and arrived back at my desk two seconds before the first whistle. Sorry.
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Was there really life before Twitter?
VIDEO: @gerardeulofeu and @RomeluLukaku9 arrive at Dean Court ahead of today's @EmiratesFACup clash. #BOUvEFC pic.twitter.com/t0XaYgM7MU
— Everton (@Everton) February 20, 2016
These teams both have shiny, happy memories of the 1984 FA Cup. Bournemouth put out the holders, Manchester United, and Everton went all the way to Wembley on the back of Andy Gray’s patented sliding header. That was the fourth of Everton’s five FA Cup wins, the last in 1995; Bournemouth best FA Cup performance was reaching the quarter-finals in 1957.
The teams
Bournemouth (4-1-4-1) Federici; Francis, Elphick, Distin, Daniels; O’Kane; Iturbe, Gosling, MacDonald, Stanislas; King.
Subs: Boruc, Wiggins, Smith, Butcher, Pugh, Ritchie, Murray.
Everton (4-2-3-1) Joel; Coleman, Funes Mori, Jagielka, Oviedo; McCarthy, Barry; Lennon, Barkley, Cleverley; Lukaku.
Subs: Howard, Baines, Stones, Mirallas, Niasse, Deulofeu, Osman.
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Preamble
Good evening. A weakness can be a strength sometimes. The top level of English football is probably as poor as it has been since football began in 1992, but the upside is that the Premier League is thrillingly competitive and, better still, unpredictable.
The same should therefore be true of the FA Cup. Since Everton won the tournament in 1995, all bar two of the finals have been won by Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester City and Chelsea. None of those sides are as strong as they were, however, so there is a great chance for the other teams to do something they all dreamed about as kids: to win the bloody FA Cup.
It was not always thus. Even when Everton started the 2009 final with a 1-0 lead, you kind of knew Chelsea would win. This year, there nothing to be scared of. Dare to dream? Bothering to dream would be a start. FA Cup glory is not the intoxicating substance it once was; football’s current value system prioritises mediocrity over fantasy, so both these teams will probably play a load of reserves with the Premier League in mind. Gah!
That said, a repeat of the endearingly unhinged 3-3 draw in the league in November would cover up a multitude of team changes.
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