One minute you're gazing lovingly into their eyes, the next you're thinking "Wait... What?" The person in front of you has just hurtled from the pedestal you put them on to the pit of pathetic. The reality hits like a tone of bricks: "I'm dating an idiot."
Maybe it's because they thought tuna is made from chicken, or that Africa is a country. Perhaps their hidden racist, misogynistic or selfish side finally popped out from behind the mask they've been wearing so well until now. Whatever the reason, there's no turning back. Your not-so-better half has revealed that they're not the sharpest tool in the shed, a few fries short of a Happy Meal, and they are certainly not playing with a full deck of cards. The lights are on but no-one's home.
Someone recently asked, "At what moment did you realize you were dating an idiot?" and some of the answers are nothing short of pure, glorious stupidity. Bored Panda has put together a list of the funniest, most cringe and downright sad responses. From confusing simple geography to misunderstanding how basic objects work, the stories range from harmlessly goofy to "what in the red flag?" levels of alarming. Many prove that today's dating pool is indeed awash with dimwits.
#1
Years ago dated a guy who was a little vain to say the least. One day while playing cards I asked him to put on his mirrored aviator sunglasses because I found him sooooo attractive when he wore them. Needless to say I won every hand. That was 35 years ago and my mother still laughs at what an idiot he was.
Image credits: Fogo123
It is said that prevention is better than cure. And since there is no cure for stupid, avoiding dating an idiot seems to be the logical option here. Sometimes people hide it so well that the idiotic statements take a while to slip out. But other times, the joke's on you. Because the signs were probably there, you just missed them, or chose to ignore them.
Below is a crash course on how to spot the proverbial blunt tools in the shed, which we think you might find interesting. Afterall, if you didn't like learning or reading, you probably wouldn't be here in the first place.
Which brings us to point 1. People who have low IQs aren't very curious. They show little interest in gaining new knowledge, digging a little deeper, or reading and questioning the full article behind that potentially fake headline. They feel they know enough and couldn't be bothered to look beyond the "what" to figure out the "why?"
#2
He took me out to my favorite restaurant, a chic little upscale cafe, for dinner on Valentine's Day and made fun of the way I pronounced filet. He tried to get the waiter on his side. "Can you believe this? Hahaha! She wants the 'fill-*ayyyy*!" Then he leans upwards conspiratorially, "she means the *fillit,* obviously. Hahaha!"
Then he wouldn't shut up about it. I was like, "it's French, the -et sound is pronounced 'ay'" but he wasn't having it. Kept going on and on about how stupid I must be until he dropped me off at home. I told him we were done the next day.
Image credits: sweetrhymepurereason
Does your date use the same small words over and over again, when regurgitating a boring story? That's a Red Flag coming right out of their mouth.
Those on the lower end of the intelligence spectrum tend to have smaller vocabularies and lower intellectual curiosity overall, notes Your Tango. "They don't think outside of their own worldview, and have a limited ability to see other people's perspectives, which can make them fairly close-minded."
#3
Every time I went to her house, there was small brown/melted "V" shapes in the carpet. I always wondered what they were..
Then one day, I went over one time and saw her hair straightener lying on the carpet. She left it on ALL THE F*****G TIME, and would just go to work. Like.. how have you not burned your apartment complex down yet?
Image credits: Doebino
Unfortunately, people who have low IQs could also have something else known as the Dunning-Kruger effect. This annoying thing is when people who actually know very little on a certain topic assume they're very knowledgeable about it. In other words, they think they're intelligent and there's nothing you can do to change their narrow mind.
"The scope of people's ignorance is often invisible to them," wrote Psychologist David Dunning wrote. Think of the people on this list, convinced that denim comes from cows, or that oxymoron is a cleaning solution. No, moron!
#4
Picture this, High School 1980ish. Boyfriend and i went to see Friday the 13th movie and I would hide my eyes when the scarey music started. Turns out i am not a fan of horror for sake of blood. After the movie my boyfriend was pissed at me and accused me of seeing the movie before. He thought that that was why I knew something scary was coming up. It couldnt have been the formula scary music. Lol. That moment I decided to go to college and not marry my high school sweetheart.
Image credits: Tess47
#5
He asked me to proofread an essay he had written on Lenin. Half the essay was about Lennon...
Image credits: MonkeyScales
People operating with an open mind, or in a higher intelligence bracket, would be more likely to recognize and admit what they don't know than people with low intelligence. They lack intellectual humility, is how Your Tango puts it, which means they don't acknowledge that they struggle to understand certain topics.
"People with low IQ lack cognitive flexibility, or the ability to be open-minded. As a result, they're hardlined in their thinking, and they don't shift their opinions very often, if ever," reads the site. "Even when presented with new information, they refuse to change their opinions."
Of course, what that means is that they don't take well to being challenged intellectually. "If say denim comes from cows, then denim comes from cows. I've done my research."
#6
My ex boyfriend saw a very large lady wearing double denim, then turned to me and said "wow, how many cows died for her outfit?!" At first I laughed then realised he wasn't really joking and after probing, genuinely believed that denim came from cows. It was the beginning of the end really...
Image credits: braithgwirod
Forget about thinking outside the box when it comes to the lesser intelligent of the human race. They're likely to see things in black and white. This is something referred to as "dichotomous thinking" or "polarized thinking." And according to the American Psychological Association, it's defined by thinking in terms of polar opposites, without acknowledging that there are other possible outcomes besides the two extremes of good and bad.
#7
I was a vegetarian when we were dating. Pretty early on he asked if I ate fish. I said no, I don't eat any animals. To which he replied "a fish isn't an animal, it's a mammal". I didn't even know what to say, I just walked out of the room.
#8
When i had to explain that you spray mosquito repellent on YOURSELF, not in the air at the mosquitos.
For the third time.
It's not like wasp spray. Stop f*****g wasting it.
Image credits: birdbrainiac
"People who display dichotomous thinking have a tendency to use words like 'always,' 'never,' and 'impossible,' when describing themselves or their situation in life," notes Your Tango. "This kind of thinking can cause stress in relationships, as people see others as falling firmly on one side of the spectrum and can't recognize their inherent nuances."
#9
When she told me that the wind comes from trees.
You know, because they wave around, and that pushes the air around, making wind.
No, she was not joking.
Edit: I'm so pleased that my far-and-away top rated comment of all time is about how stupid my ex-wife is. Screw that b***h.
Image credits: TheAbyssGazesAlso
#10
When I was 19 I briefly dated a guy who wanted to get married and talked about it early on, so it felt very serious. One day we met up to study together and he made a comment about how disgusting he found gay people to be and it really bothered me. I didn't know what I say so I sat quietly for a long time as he talked and a million things went through my mind. He started to sense that I was upset so he leaned in and quietly asked me if I was "one of those black girls who pretends to be nice and sweet at first but is actually just angry and mad a lot?" Being the type of person I am/was, I said no and he said "good" and went to class. I stopped answering his phone calls/texts and spoke to him only one time after that. He was a special kind of idiot.
#11
Told her i was excited to see a movie coming out soon. Lord of the rings. She told me that it was her favorite book. How likely its it to find a 9/10 who is into books?
Went to the theater. You know how the movie begins? Telling the story about the rings and all. Sometime around Rivendell she turns to me and asks when the kids get to the island. Asks me when does the plane crash.
She sat through around an hour of Gandalf, Gollum and Hobbitses before asking when does Lord of the Rings become Lord of the Flies.
Image credits: Arcades057
#12
When he blamed the loan company.
I said I had $20,000 in student loan debt. He said he had something like $20,000, too. He then changed his answer to $40,000. Then thought about it and didn't know. I pressured him to actually figure it out.... turns out, he owed $120,000 in student loans. He blamed the loan company for not telling him how much he was taking out. He blamed them for making him pay it all back. I pointed out that the information was on the forms he signed every year. He said that it was unrealistic for them to make him read all of that information.
My favorite part is that his degree is in communication.
Image credits: anon
#13
He tried to tell me that an oxymoron was a cleaning solution.
Image credits: Lyd_Euh
#14
When he asked me why my cats haven't started hibernating yet.
Image credits: anon
#15
When I was trying to teach her how to drive. She hops into the drivers seat and immediately starts driving down the road on the wrong side of the road insisting that I was wrong. She was 17 at the time. I reached over and turned the ignition off, pulled the keys out and jerked the emergency brake. I screamed get the hell out of my car. It took 2 days and several of her friends to convince her that she was wrong. I'm not kidding. Dead serious. This was 31 years ago. My wife, nosy person that she is, looked her up on Facebook. She has had a terrible life.
#16
She thought Al-Qaeda is a country. She actually expressed interest in visiting it someday.
Image credits: anon
#17
I had this one ex boyfriend who would play Russian music fairly loud in the car. One day I asked him why and with a straight face he said "It's to scare away the black people.".
Image credits: Beholdthebooty
#18
He looked out the car window to check his parking job, then closed it on his own head.
Image credits: stay_bronze_horseman
#19
Not me, but a best friend in high school. Hanging out with her, her bf and my bf. We were having a conversation on who the richest people in the world were. He says " I know who the richest guy in the world was! Johnny Appleseed!".
We all laugh.
He continues "ya because he invented oxygen" *crickets
Unfazed by all our blank stares and silence he proceeds to say "because Johnny Appleseed invented trees, and trees make oxygen."
He was 100% serious.
Image credits: Arimmer90
#20
We were in the car listening to the radio when the host starts talking to a vet about administering animal first aid (BBC Radio 2, in case you're wondering- they cover a lot of things unrelated to music) She explains that many dogs are injured or k**led each year by people throwing sticks for them to fetch, as the sticks can splinter and injure their mouth and/or throat. She recommended a dog toy instead.
Boyfriend immediately goes off on one, saying dogs have chased sticks for millions of years and that no dog has ever died from it. I point out that the vet on the radio just described several instances where dogs had died. He continued shouting about "political correctness gone mad". I said again that she's a vet, she's clearly seen these injuries enough times to notice a pattern and warn people about stick danger. He decided it was a "conspiracy" designed to sell dog toys rather than good old-fashioned, low cost sticks. I pointed out that vets can charge a lot more for life-saving stick removal surgery than a dog toy, and that the vet hadn't even recommended a specific brand. Nope- sticks are great for playing fetch and all dog owners should throw sticks. He was SO ANGRY. We didn't even have a dog.
#21
He thought procrastination meant overthinking.
Disillusioned meant one didn't have enough light to see.
Disenchanted meant one had stopped chanting.
The list goes on and on. The funniest part is he couldn't understand why we had so much miscommunication.
Edit: I just sent him a text using the word 'assumption', I wonder if he is going to think I'm suggesting a**l.
Image credits: QuixoticQueen
#22
We were having dinner when I mentioned I couldn't eat cheese because I'm lactose intolerant. He asked how I could eat eggs. I told him that lactose was found in dairy, which comes from cows. He vehemently rejected my explanation that eggs did not come from cows and were not dairy, and wouldn't believe me until he googled it for himself.
#23
When he thought the moonlight shining down on the water through a hole in the clouds was the sun coming up through the ocean. 😑.
Image credits: Kevdog1800
#24
A. He asked me why i watched the news, "it's soooo boring"
B. He was extremely proud of never actually reading a book all the way through.
C. He accused me of "Playing him" when i broke up with him after 3 months.
#25
My girlfriend thinks I made up the USSR...
Image credits: Brownbearbluesnake
#26
He literally burnt a book that I had talking about different magic stuff and myths in different cultures because I would go to hell for having it.
#27
Watching a Movie
Her: "Oh it's the Vatican!"
Me: "Yeah?"
Her: "That was in Twilight."
Me: "......and?"
Her: "It's just famous is all."
Me: "Famous for what......" (I really had to know if she knew)
Her: "I mean it was in Twilight."
Me: "Do you know what else it's famous for?"
Her: "Not really, no."
Me: "Weren't you raised catholic?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Didn't you go to catholic school?"
Her: "Yes."
This was three weeks in to a 4 week relationship. Yeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...
#28
My girlfriend thought Alaska was an island because on maps of the United States it's always sitting in its own boxed off section in the corner (because it is connected to Canada not the US) and she thought it was like Hawaii.
Image credits: PimparooDan
#29
She went and bought a car. I asked her what car she got. VW Rabbit. Asked her what deal she got: 7 years. 24% interest.
#30
Not someone I was dating, but a colleague of mine was dating this guy...
It was a group of recent graduates working as software developers, and we were all just hanging out, having some drinks, and someone had bought a copy of Cards against Humanity.
We start playing, and he's asking her about a few of the cards - not unusual - there are some American references that people here tend not to get.
He becomes czar, and it becomes painfully clear that he is just flat out struggling to read the words on the cards. Not the more esoteric stuff either, just a lot of the standard words. Young child level reading.
Most of the things in this thread are amusing, but this moment was heartbreaking. Everyone in that room took reading completely for granted - we are talking about a group of software developers with degrees.
Fortunately people were tactful about it and while he was obviously initially self-conscious for that round, it's a free-form enough game people pushed it into a form that included him more - people laughed longer at things when he was trying to read something to give him time, or defined more unusual terms casually as they praised the joke or whatever ("that's good - I like the wordplay with X and Y"). He seemed to take part and enjoy it, and I don't think people came away as patronising.
I feel bad putting it in the post because "idiot" has such negative connotations, and the guy wasn't necessarily stupid, but rather clearly not educated. I just thought it makes for an interesting counter to all of the "d***s who are stupid" examples. This guy was genuinely nice, and it's horrific to me that anyone can reach twenty years old with such poor literacy in the UK. I can't imagine my life - reading is such a huge part of it in so many ways.
Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for all the kind words. I'll clarify that he wasn't a graduate, he was just dating one of the graduates. He also wasn't dyslexic - I had similar thoughts initially - I got the story from the graduate he was dating after the event - she explained that it was to do with problems growing up meaning he just never gained basic literacy. She was trying to persuade him to try an adult learning course at the time, but they split up for unrelated reasons and I only knew him through her, so I'm afraid I can't give any updates.
#31
My father found out he married an idiot when my mom casually talked about the moon changing shapes every night.
#32
I dated a guy for months, we went swimming once so I took off my makeup. This fool says to me "wait, your eyelashes aren't black?"
I am a redhead. Leaning toward strawberry blonde. I was speechless.
#33
He didn't know why his credit card balance kept increasing even after he made payments, and wouldn't accept that it was because he was spending more than he was paying. Sigh.
#34
We were felling trees with my teen boys when I heard an, "Ow!" - looked up and middle son is slapping a bee off his ear... And here comes the rest of the swarm, doing that thing bees do to warn you off, booping into him.
Guess the vibrations of the chainsaw and too many people around or the dog stepped on the hive (was in old log on ground) and the bees fixated on middle son.
So I told him to hop in the van and drove him out of there. No biggie, right? He got stung a handful of times but he's not allergic or anything.
Bf was *incredulous*... He thoroughly believed that my son and I had panicked and bolted because we *saw a bee*.
Um, what? We sure did see a bee. Then we saw the other bee. And then all of their little bee friends. How did you miss the CLOUD OF BEES?
I had to hold his hand through the reality that my son was swarmed, had a half-dozen stings he wasn't b******g about, and please, honey, please ... the only kind of person who would "run at the sight of a bee" is not a "p***y!" but someone who was deathly allergic and not in possession of their epipen... So even if my son was "running like a b***h because he saw a bee!", the logical presumption would then be he was in serious danger and trying not to die.
Please think less about how you think this makes you look tough because bee stings don't phase you and think more about how this makes you look callous and stupid for not being able to determine "reasons" why other people might not stick around bees.
#35
Dating a girl in college that I had my eye on for 2 years. Finally got with her. About 4 months into the relationship we both finished college. Both finance majors, and I was really in to her, and we talked about moving in together after college.
She had no job during school, nor one lined up for after. She was a horse nut, and envied my BMW. So of course, she goes out and buys a CPO BMW, at 9% interest with no money down for 7 years, and of course buys a horse because why not? Boards it at a ranch super far away but lavish, so board ain’t cheap, and needs to buy more s**t to saddle it and feed...
She comes to me and explains that she can’t afford all this, and needs me to chip in “cuz I’ll get to ride the horse and drive the car sometimes”... she comes up with the brilliant idea to have ME pay for all of our potential fixes expenses (rent, car, horse, cell, utilities, etc), and HER money will pay for fun stuff... fun stuff at her discretion of course.
Dumped that chick that night. Went home, informed those who might be affected, took sleeping pill and earplugs and passed the F out. That next morning I had ~200 calls and texts from her, about 30 voicemails, 5 more voicemails from her MOTHER, and a call from the leasing office telling me she had been there between 1-4 AM screaming my name and banging on my door... glad I parked my car elsewhere otherwise I’m sure it would have been trashed.
#36
When I had to sit her down and explain step by step why inviting your boyfriend and the guy you're cheating on him with to the same dance was a bad idea.
#37
When she wouldn't talk to me for two days because of things I did to her in HER dreams.
#38
Ex-boyfriend was either an idiot or a pathological liar.
-Believed if a road, like US I-95, physically went north-south-north, the name of the road changed from I-95N, to I-95S, then back to I-95N all on the same stretch of road.
-He claimed he was going to buy an island in the middle of a local river, even though the majority of the islands were so small that they would sometimes disappear/appear/move whenever it flooded
-He claimed to take a sleep study that showed he only needed 2 hours of sleep at night, unlike most people who need 8
-He claimed it was illegal to have speed limits less than 35 mph.
-He claimed his Mercury Cougar was a Jaguar.
He said other stuff, but those were some of his main beliefs. I dated him for way too long.
#39
We were watching a film called The Orphan. She turned to me after a harrowing scene and said that's terrible, who would put their kids in an orphanage.
#40
He didn't know pickles don't grow out of the ground as pickles. After explaining the whole pickled cucumber situation, he actually didn't believe me at first. We're married, and he's never going to live it down.
#41
He thought that chocolate truffles were mushrooms covered in chocolate. He thought all waffles were made of potatoes, therefore any sweet toppings on a waffle were revolting. He spelled "performance" as "preformance" consistently, including on job applications, and when I corrected him, he wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the day.
Normal stuff, really, I'm sure we'd have worked out fine if he wasn't a monumental d**k as well...
Edit: To clarify "all waffles". I am aware of the potato variety (and they are delicious).
#42
He was surprised/in disbelief that I knew how to make a grilled cheese (we were 25/26 at the time).
#43
When he nodded and said yes as the moving van rental guy explained the height of the truck and what clearance was needed... then half an hour later, he drove it into the parking garage at our apartment complex and ran it into a low beam, smashing the top of the truck.
Then he claimed he hadn't been warned about low clearances and I was making up/imagining the entire prior conversation.
Then he drove said moving truck at 80 mph on a speed-trapped highway. Trooper ticketed him, said he wasn't ticketing me because I really had no choice but to try to keep up with that idiot.
The relationship didn't last a whole lot longer.
#44
He told me he ate a pine cone once because he was dared to. I love that man more than anything.
#45
I was riding the bus to school with my then girlfriend in 12th grade, I made some reference about us living on the west coast. She then began to correct me and say we live on the east coast. This argument continued for 15 min on the bus and people looked at her like she was crazy. It wasn't till later she found out we live on the west coast. Btw we lived in a California at the time.
#46
When he said President Obama himself, not the Army, not representatives, but the president in person was going to come to his house and take his guns.
I knew he was a conservative, it was casual and we didn't see eachother for long. I was in the mood for something different.
But that conversation got me laughing in his face. That was the last date.
#47
I dated literally one of the dumbest f***s in America.
We'll call her 'A'
A was a special breed of stupid.
She thought pizza was an animal. No, seriously. she thought there were pizza hunters.
She liked to pick up cigarette butts off the ground and pretend to smoke them in front of passing by cars.
She thought Tylenol and crack were close enough to be the same d**g. And would tell everyone she had to take crack pills for her headaches
Thought resident evil games were based on real life events.
Though the thing that caused our break up was when she called me, crying, sobbing, screaming that she was pregnant with another guy's kid. Turns out she thought making out got you pregnant.
Edit: I forgot another thing, me and my family legitimately make this joke to this day still.
We were out really late, and didn't have time to really go out to dinner before we went home, my parents were with us. and she bought a sandwich. A decided she wanted it warm and decided to microwave it.
She put it in for FIVE GOD D**N MINUTES I SWEAR TO F**K. We had no idea and it was like, almost liquidated because the bread had been in there so long.
Now whenever you f**k up a meal we say "You A'ed that right up." Only, her actual name rather than the letter.
#48
He was convinced that depression isn't a Real Thing and that I just wasn't trying hard enough to be happy, and why wasn't I considering how that made him feel?
#49
When I asked her if she thought they will impeach Bill Clinton: "What does 'impeach' mean and who is Bill Clinton?".
#50
Don't know if this counts, but I told her my cousin died and she replied "do you like my nails?".
