Parents across the land were already fuming that their cheeky little monkeys won’t be out of their hair any time soon.
But they probably didn’t expect the Prime Minister to have actual monkeys higher up his priority list - announcing zoos would reopen long before schools were back up to speed.
Once again, Detective Inspector Keir Starmer donned his best trenchcoat and pushed the PM on his least favourite subject - the details.
It’s time the PM “took responsibility for his own failings”, Starmer said - following the “mess” of scrapping the return of schools.
Despite telling kids they can’t return to the classroom, Johnson at PMQs was very keen for everyone to know he DID go to school.
A very expensive school, where he learned very long words.
The PM accused Starmer of “tergiversation”, which sounds like the noise you make as you swallow a thesaurus.
There’s a game kids play called ‘opposite day’, where everything someone says means the contrary.
I don’t know whether Johnson played that game at his very expensive school, but he’s taken it professional in his old age, littering PMQs with a mess of contradictions.
“We are sticking to the plan,” the PM insisted, the morning after scrapping a key part of it - the return of schools.
He couldn’t set out a clear roadmap to stopping kids being left behind - but the PM wants pubs open as soon as humanly possible.
“Of course Black Lives Matter," he said, insisting the government is committed to fighting injustice.
But when Lib Dem Ed Davey told him black people are 47 times more likely to be stopped and searched, the PM said the powers are "very important in fighting violent crime."
And the Prime Minister seems oddly keen to be allowed into people’s personal space - hinting again that he’d like to see the 2 metre social distancing guidelines slashed.
He probably didn’t mean it literally when he said his government had “thrown its arms” around the whole country, but honestly, who knows?
Johnson has hated international comparisons ever since they started to make him look bad.
But one idea he could borrow comes from China, where children returning to school are forced to wear one metre-wide hats to remind them of the social distancing rules.
The PM’s haystack barnet is becoming so unruly I hear the Adams Family’s Cousin Itt has applied for a job as his body double.
So importing mandatory hats might have the dual benefit of keeping people safe and making him look a little smarter until the hairdressers reopen.
Unless his big plan to reopen the zoos is so he can hide incognito in the lion’s cage - a safer place for him to hang out than the House of Commons these days.
