I once had the pleasure of turning Boris Johnson into a string of sausages.
To be fair, it was Mr Punch cranking the handle, shouting: “That’s the way to do it!
But I was the one ramming the blond-haired clown into the mincing machine.
And having a hand in Boris’s end was a thoroughly jolly wheeze.
I was on Brighton seafront, learning the art of Punch and Judy and hearing how different eras have spawned new clowns to become Punch’s foil.
Like Hitler, Maggie Thatcher and traffic wardens. And Boris had been a favourite with the crowds for years.
Ever since making an arse of himself on Have I Got News For You, rugby- tackling children and dangling from a zipline like a total wally.
BoJo became the clown for our time – and he has absolutely revelled in it.
Because Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson believes he’s wittier, funnier and cleverer than anyone else.
He thinks it’s hilarious to compare women in burkas to letterboxes, and “satirical” to describe people in Africa as having “watermelon smiles”.
And, this week, he thought it was an absolute hoot to joke about the calculated destruction of jobs, communities and lives.
He said Margaret Thatcher had done us all a favour by decimating the coal industry in the 1980s because it gave us a head start in fighting climate change.
Then he laughed at his own brilliant gag, telling journalists “Thought that would get you going.”
But the person who should be going is Boris.
Because even the deluded Tories who voted him in must now realise that they fell for the ghastliest of jokes.
The gag has worn so thin it is now transparent. Revealing the arrogant, contemptuous, snob hiding behind the jollity.
We can all have a hand in the end of Boris Johnson by putting him the political mincer at the next general election.
But before that Keir Starmer needs to find his inner Punch.
And convince us all that HIS is the way to do it.
