Kids, eh? In my day, liquor smuggling involved attacking merchant ships off the east coast, submerging the booty in the brackish creeks of Essex, before picking it up in the dead of night, days later; but I dare say this way is easier. Booze tubes – tubular flasks that mimic an applicator tampon – are now available from online retailer Prezzybox, for the concealed transportation of alcohol. These fake tampons are “stealth flasks” that allow you to sneak booze into events that don’t want you to BYOB. Consulting the packet, such circumstances include: festivals, sporting events, hotel pools and “Shot on the spot! Bachelorette parties”, which are words that chill the blood. The product is “not intended for illegal use”, in the same way that Formula One drivers are “not intended to be boring”.
Are they convincing as a sanitary product? The booze tube logo printed on the tube is a giveaway, but colour and size are spot on – and door staff probably won’t investigate further. Unless you’re a man?
I was going to sneak some contraband Cointreau into the club, but was worried about getting “shot on the spot” if bouncers caught me. Plus, I abhor the club. So, I snuck some into a pub instead (and a city farm beforehand). It was easier than anticipated. No one looked twice – until I uncorked a tampon and began to drink from it. To be honest, that sparked a few ... conversations. (The llamas looked pretty judgmental, too, but I think that’s just their faces.) Still, I had the last laugh. Everyone has a time of the month they can’t afford to buy drinks; I must have saved £20, which makes me a smug smuggler indeed.
Other stealth flasks include a fake bottle of sunscreen, a hairbrush and a hollow umbrella that holds almost half a pint. I’m not sure which object is the least weird to drink from.
Stealth flasks, then: ethically dubious, and people may question your rationality. But, unlike a round at a festival bar, that’s a small price to pay.
