When my children were still in primary school, I once let my English stiff upper lip slacken and asked them whether I had ever said how much I loved them. "Yes," responded my truculent son, "but not with money."
I am reminded of his precocious attempt to persuade me to apply hard cash to a soft problem every time I hear about efforts to use monetary bonuses to encourage executives to hit non-financial goals.
Reduced emissions, safer factories, better gender balance: companies everywhere are enshrining such creditable objectives as "key performance indicators", putting a price on the target, and letting greed take care of the rest.
"I think we've got to do more to tie the outcomes to compensation, so that it's meaningful and it's real," declared
More than once I heard delegates suggest similar solutions in similar terms. The argument went like this: make bonuses dependent on progress, particularly on diversity, because bonuses are "the only language executives understand".
In that case, it is about time executives learnt another language, because at the highest level, bonus-based pay packages are a mess.
Indeed, there is something perverse about suggesting that companies should hammer away at the vital, sensitive question of how to improve their environmental, social and governance performance using a blunt instrument - the cash bonus - that has helped deepen mistrust of business, and widen inequality.
When misused, monetary bonuses foster selfishness, backbiting, even cheating among employees. Staff who start taking bonuses for granted become resentful if the cash is withdrawn, as banks that have tried to rein in such rewards since the financial crisis have discovered. When bonus packages are too complex, evidence suggests that managers simply ignore the targets altogether.
Adding non-financial goals undeniably complicates what is already a baffling array of executive incentives. Measuring how managers have performed against softer targets is also notoriously hard. That is one reason why, at board level, directors seem to have wide discretion to adjust chief executives' bonuses for non-financial performance.
Coca-Cola, for example, assessed the 2016 performance of its then chief executive,
I would question whether
Leaders should do their best to encourage and harness workers' love of the job. But cash bonuses can get in the way of this intrinsic motivation to do the right thing.
Not to say that incentives are worthless.
Still, I am queasy about offering cash rewards for good intentions that should be the norm. I don't like promising cash incentives to my children for excellent exam results, either, let alone for loading the dishwasher or vacuuming their bedrooms.
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In fact, I fear the main effect of focusing executives' attention on cash bonuses for being cleaner, safer or more inclusive will be to remind them that the most "meaningful and real" rewards are available for the headlong pursuit of pure profit.
Twitter: @andrewtghill
Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2017