I think I might be having a bit of an identity crisis. Ask me if I’m a human and I will agree heartily – I have all the right bits, can generally manage rational thought and, try as I might, I’ve never quite cracked the flashier feats of the animal kingdom, like breathing underwater, swinging through the treetops or popping into my neighbour’s house through a door flap and demanding a second dinner.
But the idea of me being described as a “man”? Nope, feels weird. Army generals are men. Premier League footballers are men (you can tell from handy team names like “Man United”). Even though I have the right parts and lack the ability to perform exciting female feats like making my chromosomes match, “man” is not a word I’ve ever really felt comfortable using.
For years I’ve tried justifying this by pointing out that I’ve spent much of my life at odds with society’s idea of masculinity. When people start asking why I feel so uncomfortable being referred to as a man, I’ve cited my various characteristics that have not typically won me nominations for Man of the Year. Things such as the fact that, at school, when PE teachers would (often) tell me to “man up” I’d accuse them of sexism. Or that I’m now into the fourth decade of a movie taste that means the only kind of films I genuinely enjoy are cartoons. At a push, I point out that when my fiancee goes away for the weekend and it’s time for a full-on LADS LADS LADS blowout, the best I manage is a really wild boardgames sesh before popping out to a spot of immersive theatre.
But if I’m honest, this is nonsense. My reluctance to refer to myself as a man has nothing to do with society – it’s way more to do with immaturity. After all, I’m totally comfortable with being referred to as “male”, “mister” or even “sir”. The thing I really struggle with about using the word “man” is that, for me, it has the terrifying ring of mortgage repayments and knowing enough about basic car mechanics to understand that a “carburettor” isn’t something you order in an Italian restaurant. Call me a man and I want to scream: “I’M NOT A MAN! I SPENT LAST NIGHT EATING HARIBO IN MY TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE PYJAMAS!”
It is, however, time for me to accept that I need to embrace my masculinity. I’m in my 30s, for Christ’s sake – by my age, my dad had not only had three children, but had also fostered a very respectable moustache. In three months’ time, I’ll be married, and from there it’s not long until home ownership and fatherhood loom. If I can’t get to grips with my own masculinity, then I have no chance of helping raise a son who can.
And really, I have no excuse. After all, in a world where one of our leading commentators on masculinity is Grayson Perry, there are no more protestations to be made about my – or anyone’s – kind of manliness not fitting in. My notion of masculinity has its own place in society, because what being a man is really about is doing what feels right. All I need to do is take the time to figure out what that is exactly.
So, for the next seven weeks, I’m going to go on a journey. I’m going to use the articles and videos from our What makes a man? campaign with Philips and immerse myself in the accumulated learnings of various experts on male identity. I’m going to find out how to make a great impression, how to be kinder to myself and figure out what male traits work for me. I’m going to figure out what makes me the specimen of masculinity that I am and move beyond the fact that I feel a bit weird using the word “man”. I’m going to start using it and I’m going to start owning it, man (there, started already).
From now on, if anyone ever tries to make me feel like I’m not masculine enough, I’m going to look them in the eye and declare that I’m a proud, confident man. I’m going to assert that what makes me a man is my doing what feels right. And, with any luck, it’ll go better than it just did when I stridently announced to my fiancee that: “I’m all man, lady!” If I’m honest, I was hoping for a better reaction than: “You’re all Manlady?”
Do what feels right with Philips: whether that’s working out what’s right for you or finding a grooming routine that works. Find out more about Philips’ shaving and grooming here
