Alice on Julian
What were you hoping for?
My future lobster, I suppose.
First impressions?
It was quite hard to gauge because the restaurant sat us at different tables for 20 minutes. He seemed casual and professional, though.
What did you talk about?
Ex Machina, feminism, exes, Julian Assange, Tinder, board games.
Any awkward moments?
We both had to go to the same tube platform but get different trains, so it was hard to know when to say goodbye.
Good table manners?
Yeah, although I was more drunk than I care to admit, so I think mine slipped a bit.
Best thing about Julian?
He seems pretty content with life.
Would you introduce him to your friends?
Maybe. I mean, I wouldn’t be embarrassed at all.
Describe him in three words
Sweet, content, awkward (in an endearing way).
What do you think he made of you?
He asked for my number, but it was almost as if he thought he ought to. I’d be surprised if he didn’t like me, though. I contoured especially.
Did you go on somewhere?
No, just an Uber to South Kensington tube station.
And... did you kiss?
Only on the cheek. I feel like there was a moment when he wanted to, though.
Marks out of 10?
6.
Would you meet again?
I doubt it. Maybe as friends.
Julian on Alice
What were you hoping for?
To meet someone with some common interests.
First impressions?
She was dressed well.
What did you talk about?
Aziz Ansari, TV shows, Theresa May, eating children.
Any awkward moments?
We both assumed the other was late.
Good table manners?
Neither of us audibly farted.
Best thing about Alice?
Her taste in films, and she paid for the Uber. (Thanks. Sorry.)
Would you introduce her to your friends?
Yes.
Describe her in three words
Smart, open, confident.
What do you think she made of you?
“He looks as if Jeremy Corbyn and Mr Bean had a baby.”
Did you go on somewhere?
No.
And... did you kiss?
No.
If you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
I would have eaten less.
Marks out of 10?
7.5.
Would you meet again?
If it were something not involving a mountain of food.
•Alice and Julian ate at the Painted Heron, London SW10.
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