... NITED WILL FACE NO FURTHER SANCTIONS ... SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS U ....
Manchester United will not face any further punishment for their conduct at Stamford Bridge yesterday during the 1-1 draw with Chelsea. The club were given an automatic £25,000 fine after seven players were shown yellow cards but it was thought referee Mike Riley might take issue with several further incidents, including Rio Ferdinand calling him "[rude word] ref" at the game's conclusion.
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USE YOUR ILLUSION
"Worse than Graham Poll! You're worse than Graham Poll! We know you are, we're sure you are, you're worse than Graham Poll." It's fair to say the Reading fans at Vicarage Road weren't entirely happy with referee Stuart Attwell on Saturday ... even after he had awarded their team a goal that wasn't and a penalty that might not have been.
Afterwards Attwell's assistant referee, Nigel Bannister - who actually 'saw' the goal - told Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd that an optical illusion was to blame for his error. It's not the most convincing explanation. This is an optical illusion. This is an optical illusion. This is an optical illusion.This is a player attempting to cross the ball into the box before it goes out of play. It's not an optical illusion. It's not a goal. It's a corner.
Still, at least Reading manager Steve Coppell, who refused to apologise for his players' actions on Saturday, has offered an olive branch to furious Watford supporters, who have been inundating the club with demands for justice, vengeance, and news of the ticket allocation for next week's match at Burnley. "If the authorities decide a replay is the correct thing to do then I've got no objections whatsoever," said Coppell. "We don't want to be seen to be taking advantage of anything. I really don't know what to say to make it right."
Perhaps if Coppell or one of his players had mentioned something at the time, he wouldn't have to say anything.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
"[Van Gaal] is a total fool, he's ridiculous, he has a large head and small brain" - Hristo Stoichkov shows he has never quite got over being played in midfield by Louis van Gaal at Barcelona 10 years ago.
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THE RUMOUR MILL
A list of players who want to leave Newcastle: Michael Owen, Alan Smith, Joey Barton, Shay Given, Nicky Butt, Damien Duff, Mark Viduka, Obafemi Martins, Charles N'Zogbia, Shola Ameobi and Steven Taylor. List ends.
A list of players that want to sign for them: list ends.
But Mike Ashley needn't worry, for he has a solution to everyone's problems: appointing Kenny Dalglish as the club's manager. Do you want to tell him or should we?
Manchester City have lowered their sights towards Karim Benzema and Carlos Tevez.
Hull are interested in signing Stelios to add some international class. The Greek winger, presumably, not the jovial purveyor of cut-price air travel.
And Juande Ramos wants to spend £12m on Spanish winger Diego Capel in January.
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NEWS IN BRIEF
A consortium of Nigerian entrepreneurs, handled by London-based NVA Management, have raised £350m in the hope of buying Newcastle. That's the same NVA Management that produced Rio's World Cup Wind-Ups. Anyone smell a sequel?
Mido will miss Middlesbrough reserves' Carling Cup tie with Manchester United reserves tomorrow with groin knack.
Arsene Wenger has dispelled any notion that he might be jealous of Manchester City's new wealth. "It doesn't look like they are there to make any money. So if they are not there to make money out of it, then are they buying it out of love? Well, I am not sure these people are supporters of Manchester City from a young age," he moaned over a lunch of sour grapes.
Real Madrid midfielder Guti and assorted security guards were attacked by a deaf boxer at the club's training ground on Saturday with one security guard needing hospital treatment.
Johan Djourou has signed a new 'long-term' deal with Arsenal.
And Geraint Williams has left Colchester United by mutual consent. "In my opinion Geraint was badly let down ... by myself for failing to back him publicly before it was too late," chairman Robbie Cowling said, giving Williams the 'it's not you it's me' speech. Kit Symons is the U's new manager.
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STILL WANT MORE?
Reading and Watford should have sorted their own mess out and evened up the scores, argues John Ashdown in his football league weekend round-up
Real Sporting de Gijon are so happy to be back in the top flight that even being thrashed by Barcelona was a joy, says Sid Lowe.
AC Milan might have destroyed Lazio but they are still over-reliant on one man, says Paolo Bandini, and sadly it's not Zeljko Kalac.
Leander Schaerlaeckens found only one thing could make up for a terrible week of European football for the Dutch, a wonderful weekend of domestic action.
And in tomorrow's £0.80 Big Paper: New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush discusses why he wants to be US president; the killer Sudoku commits its 105th murder; and become the next Harold Pinter with our guide to playwriting.
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FIVER LETTERS
"Did anyone else notice the tiny hint of hypocrisy in Luiz Felipe Scolari's assertion that Manchester United's players lacked respect for the referee?" - Gavin Teasdale.
"I would agree with Mark Poole's assessment of Craig Brown as the nicest man in football (Friday's Fiver letters). I met him in France the night that England lost to Argentina in the World Cup 1998. He had the rare opportunity to put the boot into an English football supporter as a Scotsman but he was a true gent. David Pleat on the other hand could do nothing other than comment how much one of my friends looked like Chris Sutton" - Malcolm Francis.
"Re: Troy Taseff's revelation (Friday's Fiver letters) - Can Troy explain why 'the other way round' would be any better. Celtic Queens & O'Rangers Pope's makes no sense to me" - Barry Derbyshire.
"Thank you Troy, without you, none of the other 16 readers would have picked up on that either. Also, the manager of Wigan isn't Bernard Cribbins but Steve Bruce and England's Brave John Terry isn't really brave" - Phillip Mercer.
"Re: Jon Morrell wondering how sharks got in the canals (Friday's Fiver letters). They swam there" - Phillip Hynes (and the entire Fiver-reading population of Australia).
"How did the shark get in the canal? He picked the locks. No? OK. How did the shark get in the canal? He just barged in. Etc. Etc." - Alan Cooper.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk.
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ANYONE SEE JOSH PLAY QUEEN MARY UNIVERSITY LAST NIGHT. LOVELY CROWD, APPARENTLY ...
