What’s that? It’s my mum calling me for dinner. So, thanks for your company tonight, your emails and tweets. Have a good day, hope y’all come back again, y’hear!
Here’s Kieran Reed to accept the Bledisloe Cup. “It was a true Bledisloe Test,” he says kindly. “The [Australians] stuck at it tonight and made us work really hard... It was never going to be the same [as last week] but we were fortunate to get some tries in the second half.”
Read then hoists the massive piece of silverware over his head. That’s the 14th consecutive year a Wallabies team has had to witness such a scene.
When will the misery end, Australia?
Not a lot of love for the referee out in social media land, and the Wallabies did seem to get the blunt edge of his stick on a few occasions, but his adjudications certainly didn’t change the outcome of this game.
Lol true story, NZ was the better team , But damn you have been poor Roman Poite #NZLvAUS #SSRugby https://t.co/Ihqfzsqq7x
— Ganief Adams (@MGAdams02) August 27, 2016
Do the All Blacks get to keep the Bledisloe Cup at this stage, possession being nine tenths of the law and everything?
They weren’t quite as sharp as last week but then the Wallabies were a little more dogged. But it seemed the best the Wallabies could do was spoil the All Blacks, not hurt them on the scoreboard. They barely looked like scoring all night.
Fulltime: New Zealand 29-9 Australia
And that is that, four tries to none, and another bonus point for the All Blacks (in terms of the Rugby Championship). That too is the Bledisloe Cup secured for yet another year.
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80 min: Just as it appears the Wallabies have got themselves a consolation try we discover they haven’t. Replays show Phipps dropped the ball in the act of slamming it down. He looks to have injured his shoulder in the process.
79 min: Their noses bleeding in the altitude, the Wallabies push deep into AB territory, a galloping Folau, put into a hole by a Cooper inside ball, dragged down a little short. It shoots out to Hodge but the ABs are off-side.
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77 min: The Wallabies are throwing crazy passes in their own in-goal, Folau almost passing directing to Fekitoa. Cooper catches instead and just squeezes into the field of play. That was suicidal stuff.
75 min: NZ have lost a little slickness here in their desperation to add to Australia’s pain. They seem to be rushing things, pushing passes. That said, Kaino pops a sweet ball as he’s falling to a charging Charlie Faumuina. Faumuina resembles a small atoll, albeit one with a thick beard. But one pass too many for NZ and the ball goes to ground.
74 min: Our referee tells off the Australians for repeated infringements. There’s a nice shot of Cheika behind the glass rocking back in his chair and mouthing something you don’t need to be a lip-reader to read.
73 min: Another penalty from in front to NZ; hands in the ruck.
As I wait for another scrum to be set there’s time for Jen Oram to pick me up on calling Ben Smith Brad Smith. I’ll sneak back and fix that, Jen, and no-one will ever know!
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71 min: As the scrum has to be reset a few times I can tell you NZ have had 61% of possession and 65% of field possession, though it feels like 72% and 86%.
70 min: Penalty to NZ right in front of the Aussie posts. Barrett could kick it with his eyes taken out and left in a sock in the sheds but there’s not much point. Time to go for the try and drive the dagger a little deeper.
68 min: New Zealand go close, playing hot potato near the left touchline, Perenara and Dane Coles prominent. Exciting stuff that Australia just managed to snuff out.
66 min: Back we are near Australia’s 22 after a lovely measured kick from Barrett finds touch.
But a relieving penalty to Australia sees Foley kick for touch. He doesn’t find it. Perenara does.
Conversion! New Zealand 29-9 Australia (Barrett 63)
Barrett puts NZ 20 ahead, and he had a big hand in that try, his run around the back setting up Smith’s tackle-busting run that caused panic in the Aussie ranks.
Try! New Zealand 27-9 Australia (Cane 62)
And from a ruck Smith delivers a short ball into the chest of a charging Cane and there’s no stopping him from there!
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61 min: A procession of possession to the ABs. They are camped in Australia’s half, and here’s Ben Smith beating one, beating two, beating three before being hauled down 5m out.
59 min: A lineout on the Aussie 22 is caught by Read and the Blacks drive it closer and closer to the Aussie line. Finally they let the ball breathe and after a zip from Lienert-Brown, the ball comes back to the left where Savea is hemmed in on the touchline. His attempt to tiptoe inside it fails when he touches the chalk.
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58 min: Barrett misses the easy-ish penalty attempt, shanking it.
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57 min: Penalty to NZ, Australia offside at the ruck. This followed a Barrett catch deep in his half which he followed up with the kind of run you make when you’re trying to get away from a toothy dog. In, out, here, there, he ate up about 40m before he was finally pulled to ground.
55 min: Australia secure possession despite a screwing scrum and Foley finds touch near the half. His line kicking has been pretty good tonight.
Australia seem to be just trying to keep the score respectable at this point. Do they have a try in them? They need more than one.
52 min: Israel v Israel! Folau just gets back to snaffle the ball after a NZ chip kick aimed for Dagg on the right flank.
Hmm, maybe Cooper is not gone after all. He appears to have recovered before the tarp was thrown over him. As you were.
50 min: A penalty to Australia but this time Hodge can’t get the right direction, though he sure hits it hard. It clears the dead-ball line by about 20 m. Do you get points for that?
Cooper’s night is over. He’s succumbed to bullying that leg injury.
Conversion! New Zealand 22-9 (Barrett 49)
From the left touchline, Barrett does the business. Well, not ‘the business’, presumably he went at halftime. I mean, he kicks it.
Try! New Zealand 20-9 (J. Savea 48)
And from that NZ shoot downfield and score!
It comes from a bomb which Dagg pulls out of the arms of Cooper. It’s recycled and Barrett runs a cut-throat angle then sends a beautiful cut out pass to Ben Smith who draws Folau to send Savea over in the corner!
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47 min: Genia! Catches a bomb, brushes out of Smith’s tackle, then Moody’s, then Whitelock’s, then races down the middle of the field. But there’s no-one with him, and now the referee blows a penalty — but against Kepu!
45 min: Short arm scrum penalty to Australia which displeases Franks who wants to discuss it with the referee, but the Frenchman sees someone he knows in the crowd and what with all his waving and ‘allo’ing’ he misses Franks’ appeal for a chat.
43 min: Fresh from their rest the ABs are throwing it about now with the type of abandon that used to be called ‘gay’ but can’t anymore because of those bloody PC’ers ruining things for everyone! But Moody’s attempt to bat on a ball instead of catching and passing ends up in a knock on.
Cooper, Quade, on the deck being treated for a leg injury. Australia still a man down, Coleman not due back for another few minutes.
Peeeeeep!
41 min: Shortly after the restart a scrum is set on the halfway line and NZ are awarded a penalty. A bit of push and shove ensues and the cries of the French referee (“Leave it, leave it, leave it number one”) cut through the noise of the crowd.
Of course, I knew that. I just didn’t at the time. Ah, memories of school exams come flooding back:
@PFConnolly the white stuff under the peel in an orange is called the 'pith'. You're welcome #facts #NZLvAUS
— Jervillian Swike (@JervillianS) August 27, 2016
Just before I skip away to boil the billy, here’s Geoffrey Osborn: “I am in Bangkok. I could watch today’s match live on cable but will hurt too much. Even watching the anthem and haka today was bad enough, the Wallabies looked like rabbits caught in the headlights. I prefer to have the sting taken out of the inevitable pain by slowly reading your words while sipping a whiskey.”
Whiskey you say? 6.30pm in Australia right now. Is that whiskey time?
Anyway, as I ponder that, something on the temptation archers face during competition:
Halftime: New Zealand 15-9 Australia
But NZ can’t find another try and the ref blows for the break. The Wallabies will be as pleased as you can be to go into halftime of a Test trailing by six. They’re doing enough to stem the tide and frustrate NZ but they haven’t had much of a chance to get across the line.
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40 min: Australia awarded a penalty inside their own half and Foley finds touch. Cheika is on the sideline in a pea coat with the collar up. He has something approaching a murderous look on his face. I don’t think he’s angry, however. It’s just his face.
Maybe he’s angry now! Genia fires a cannon of a pass into the chest of the man beside him and the ball rebounds into the hands of the ABs who’ll get a chance to attack in the shadows of halftime.
Yellow card to Coleman
38 min: And that’s 10 in the bin for Coleman who’ll now get a chance to pick the best slices of oranges for himself, ones without the white inner skin on them. What’s that stuff called?
Kearns says he’s not upset at Coleman for doing that as it shows intent, stomach for the fight, or something like that.
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37 min: Genia grubbers downfield and NZ have to turn and chase, but they regather and regroup and send the ball left to Ben Smith. As he hooks up with Julian Savea Coleman crunches him with a shoulder charge.
Penalty! New Zealand 15-9 Australia (Hodge 35)
What a lovely kick! Hodge hits it with everything, including a verse of poetry, and it flies as straight as an arrow from Cupid’s bow. Welcome to the Wallabies, son!
34 min: Franks penalised now for having a head like a pie dropped from a three-storey building coming in at the side. Reece Hodge, who came on for Ashley-Cooper, lines up a penalty attempt from three metres on his own side of halfway.
31 min: Barrett misses his second kick of the night, spraying a penalty goal attempt across the face from widish on the right. He’s 2/4 which, for him, isn’t great.
After the ABs get the ball back, Retallick coughs up the ball on the half when a takes a peek at the onrushing defence.
30 min: The Wallabies are hanging in there, though AndyinBrum doesn’t like the cut of their jib:
@PFConnolly https://t.co/zY4SX5Npk2
— (((AndyinBrum))) (@AndyinBrum) August 27, 2016
29 min: Australia penalised for jumping across in the lineout but the referee has reversed the call after we review footage of Dane Coles using a swinging arm on the man on the ground.
An email from Phil Withall: “You have to feel for the Wallabies,” he says. “Like a small child forced to attend a wedding where the school bully will be in attendance, they know they will have to go to the toilet eventually. And they know who will be waiting for them...”
Pennywise the Clown from It?
27 min: From a maul Smith fires a ball towards an unmarked Dagg on the right touchline, a couple of metres out. It would have found him too had Genia not shot out of the line like a Baggins out of a mountain cave and intercepted the ball. A try-saver.
25 min: Barrett missed the conversion attempt but it seems academic now as they ABs start to warm to the task, the smell of blood tickling their nostrils. They flood to the left before being foiled by a couple of good tackles from Hooper and Cooper.
Now the ABs win their own lineout 10m out from the Wallabies’ line.
Try! New Zealand 15-6 (Dagg 23)
No he didn’t! That was some slick running by Barrett and a nice finish by Dagg.
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22 min: Cooper shanks a touch-finder and the Blacks gather like storm clouds wearing jackboots on the Aussie 22.
And here they come! Smith picks up at the back of a maul and sends the ball to the right. Barrett puts his foot down and slices straight through the gold line! Inside the Aussie 22 now he sticks his pass onto the chest of Dagg who steps inside three defenders to crash over.
But we’re going back to that maul. Did Smith knock on?
Penalty! New Zealand 10-6 Australia (Foley 21)
Foley hits it sweetly. The Aussies will be happy enough with this at the moment.
20 min: Another penalty to Australia for NZ not rolling away as Genia looked to clear the ball from a ruck on the NZ 22. Foley will take the shot at goal, some 10m in from the left touchline.
18 min: Scrum penalty to the Wallabies, Franks the man pinged, I think, for dragging it down. Foley finds touch 10m into NZ territory and Australia win their lineout throw, Coleman securing possession.
16 min: Australia lose their second lineout against the throw. They just cannot get it right in the lineout.
As Ashley-Cooper is treated for a head knock, the ABs swing it to the left. Just as some space looks to open up for him Fekitoa can’t hold a sharp pass and the ball shoots forward into the possession of the grateful Aussies.
Penalty! New Zealand 10-3 Australia (Barrett 14)
But NZ hit straight back after Kepu is penalised for coming in from the side during an Aussie possession. Barrett gets out his sextant, takes a breath, and steers it over.
Penalty! New Zealand 7-3 Australia (Foley 12)
And now Australia are on the board. That’s something no-one was about to take for granted before this game.
11 min: The Wallabies work their way deep into the ABs’ 22 after some good lead up work by Folau. Then a Cooper bomb is caught spectacularly by a high-flying Folau on the NZ line! While he is kept out, the ref blows his whistle and we go back for a penalty. Foley will kick for goal.
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Conversion! New Zealand 7-0 Australia (Barrett)
Barrett opens his account with ease.
Try! New Zealand 5-0 Australia (Dagg, 8 min)
And we’re off and running! Aaron Smith sets up the opening try, slaloming through the Wallabies in midfield and causing fractures in their defensive line. Two phases later the All Blacks go right, start popping balls, and one from Owen Franks ends up in the hands of Dagg who cuts back inside and scores close to the posts.
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6 min: Cooper catches within his 22 and, with a chorus of boos reverberating around the stadium, he boots the ball downfield. Looks like Cooper hasn’t been forgiven for that McCaw faux pas.
More noses out of joint following a penalty to NZ, Adam Coleman singled out by the ref. There’s a little feeling in this game.
4 min: But NZ turn it over again following their lineout win on the Aussie 22. Kerevi will be relieved.
3 min: NZ turn it over on the Aussie 22 and to celebrate that rare bit of good fortune Kerevi executes what is known in the business as a mongrel punt — from outside his 22 and into touch on the full. That was woofing all the way, that kick.
2 min: Penalty to NZ following the lineout and it prompts a bit of argy-bargy —more argy than bargy it should be said.
Peeeep!
1 min: Barrett chips it down to Hooper who catches cleanly on the Aussie 22. Cooper then makes his first contribution, a decent touch-finder, 10m into the All Blacks’ half.
New Zealand to kick off...
Here comes the Haka, Kieran Reed taking point. It’s last week’s flying wedge, with Aaron Smith conducting.
The Wallabies stand and face it gamely. Me, I’d be in the foetal position.
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The players are out on the field! First the Wallabies, who should have been serenaded by one of Chopin’s best crowd-pleasers:
The All Blacks could have rubbed it in further by coming out to this:
Anthems now. You know how they go.
Yeh, take that, New Zealand!
Yep, you got us bro #NZLvAUS pic.twitter.com/I7kLaKYTNw
— Hamish Rutherford (@oneforthedr) August 27, 2016
‘Soul-searching’ is a term being bandied about tonight. Apparently the Wallabies have been doing a lot of it since that 42-8 thumping last week. I won’t for a moment predict a win for the men in gold but surely they’ll improve on last week. As brilliant as the All Blacks were, the Wallabies were a rabble.
Famously un-biased commentator Phil Kearns says he was on the pitch moments ago and noticed a “real steel” in the Wallabies’ eyes, so “he’s hopeful”.
John ‘Nobody’ Eales adds that the Wallabies “can’t go out there tonight thinking near enough is good enough.”
As you ponder that, ponder this: New Zealand have won 41 straight Tests in New Zealand.
Teams:
Here is your #AllBlacks 23 to face Australia in game two of the #BledisloeCup tonight.#NZLvAUS pic.twitter.com/9wpNDMmV1W
— All Blacks (@AllBlacks) August 27, 2016
Here's your Qantas Wallabies team to face New Zealand tonight. #BledisloeCup #NZLvAUS pic.twitter.com/V9tUpHUuwj
— Qantas Wallabies (@qantaswallabies) August 27, 2016
Good start for Kieran Read who was superb last week:
AllBlacks: #AllBlacks have won the toss and will kick off in game two of the #BledisloeCup.#NZLvAUS pic.twitter.com/tCce5RFKFy
— Pipi Nuñez (@NunezPipi) August 27, 2016
All the pressure tonight is on the Wallabies and coach Michael Cheika. Inevitably, Cheika’s job security has been raised in the press but this week ARU chief executive Bill Pulver tried to put that to bed:
Michael Cheika’s our coach right through to the World Cup and he’s a world-class coach. At the elite level of rugby things ebb and flow and that’s what we’re seeing here. Our boys will fight back. Mate, nobody’s on notice.”
He also said we should expect to see a different Wallabies team tonight:
Michael Cheika has only had a couple of days to pull this together but you’re going to see a team on Saturday night that plays with a lot of pride and really tries to do their country proud again … Losing the first four [this year] was not in the plan and I know our national coach is hurting and really the entire team is hurting. That’s why I’m really confident you’re going to see a team that really does play with a lot of pride on the line this weekend. We’ll see a far superior performance.”
Speaking of Richie McCaw (how about these seamless segues!), did you happen to catch Martin Pengelly’s interview with him during the week (linked to at the start of this blog)? It was a good read and McCaw came across, infuriatingly for those who love to hate him, as down to earth.
One line that stood out for me was this: “That’s the great thing about the ABs,” said McCaw. “It doesn’t matter who you are, the team just moves on.”
Does any team in world sport manage generational change as well as the All Blacks? Whatever you do, don’t tell the Wallabies that the All Blacks are currently in a rebuilding period.
Getting excited!! #NZLvAUS pic.twitter.com/6jdhHFpVyl
— Duncan Turnbull (@duncanturnbull) August 27, 2016
Speaking of Quade Cooper – whose inclusion has led many to think about the rearranging of deck chairs on the Titanic – he’ll be playing his first game for the Wallabies since the World Cup final. He was expected to be in the mix in the centres after the Wallabies lost three outside backs to injury in last week’s Test, but he’s been picked at No10 to partner his former Reds teammate Will Genia, pushing Bernard Foley to the centres.
It’ll be interesting to see how Cooper – a walking bag of rocks and diamonds – is greeted by the Wellington crowd. He’s normally as well received in New Zealand as lamb laced with anthrax. I realise he was born and raised in New Zealand, and thus his playing for Australia might put noses out of joint, but I believe he’s disliked because he once walked past Richie McCaw and forgot to genuflect.
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Pre-ramble
Last Saturday night in Sydney the Wallabies and All Blacks, good eggs the lot of them, took part in ‘International Bring Similes to Life Day’.
As such, prior to the Test match, the referee picked out of a hat a slip of paper (among dozens) on which was written a familiar simile. He showed it to the Wallaby and All Blacks teams and between them they had the challenge of acting out the simile during the game. The crowd, of course, didn’t know which simile they were tackling thus providing them a tremendous amount of fun as they tried to guess.
Well, as we all discovered, last week’s simile was “Like a hot knife through butter” with the All Blacks playing the role of the hot knife and, perhaps fittingly given their jerseys and soft centre, the Wallabies playing the role of the butter. I’d be surprised if any spectator was unable to work that one out so good were the troupers on the field. So well done all concerned!
Anyway, that was then and this is now. Today, in Wellington, the All Blacks will take their turn as hosts (Kia ora!) and welcome a Wallabies team that looks so ready to be devoured they may as well be glazed and have an apple in their mouth. Indeed, the All Blacks are the shortest-priced favourites in Bledisloe Cup history – even including the dark days of 2005 when Eddie Jones was at the helm of the then Wobblies. (Eddie Jones! There’s a blast from the past. Wonder what’s happened to him? Probably teaching high school maths out in the sticks somewhere.)
Given what we saw last week it seems inconceivable that the Wallabies – who’ve now lost their past five games, including last year’s World Cup final – could upset the home team and set up a Bledisloe Cup decider at Eden Park in October. It seems inconceivable they’ll even get close. And that’s before you even take into account Australia’s woeful track record across the ditch/dutch. They haven’t beaten New Zealand in New Zealand since 2001, a time when petrol was 10c/litre, Bing Crosby was in his pomp, and young children found entertainment in rolling hoops down the street by whacking them with small sticks.
But keep your chins up, Wallabies fans! In sport, anything can happen and it often does. And need I remind you that the Wallabies have a secret weapon, one brought in from the wilderness to play at No10 tonight? That’s right, Quade Cooper is back!
Could he be the spark that brings new life to this moribund Wallabies outfit?!
Kick-off: 7.35pm local (5.35pm AEST)
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Paul Connolly’s our man with the Midas fingers today, but until he settles in, feel free to cast your eye over this one-on-one interview with Richie McCaw:
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