On a still, chill evening at ANZ Stadium, on a surface fast and firm, with a full moon glowing benignly in the sky, the Wallabies were annihilated 42-8 – a record defeat on home soil by any side – by the clinical, slick and all-too-powerful All Blacks. It was men against boys. It was masters versus students in The Meaning of Life. It was a slaughter.
Pre-match we’d been treated to the unedifying sight of the Australian Army band ripping off The Hives’ iconic rap hit Tick Tick Boom. But even these soldier types, rapping away and shaking the room, proved capable of putting on a better show than the Wallabies.
Australia were in this Test just after the haka. Then Bernard Foley kicked off and Kieran Read stormed through and marked like Tony Lockett. It would typify the Kiwi captain’s efforts throughout the evening. The man was immense.
The Wallabies’ best attacking moment came in the second minute when a cross-kick by Foley bounced for winger Dane Haylett-Petty. The Wallabies rolled onwards, won a penalty and Foley kicked the goal.
Further hope came when All Blacks hooker Codie Taylor came off with a head knock, while the reserve hooker, Dane Coles, was nursing a a rib cartilage injury. Such an injury is not comfortable for a man in the middle of a 1700-kilogram scrum, yet Coles ran free like the buffalo.
And then the hope died. After Israel Dagg inadvertently mooned the western stand, the All Blacks sent the ball through the hands. Read dummied and drew Haylett-Petty and Ryan Crotty scorched away for a fine five-pointer.
From the kick-off Matt Giteau emerged from a ruck limping, testing his ankle by trying to run on it. Staff strapped it heavily but he limped away again. He did his best and went on the wing but it was clear he couldn’t run, and before too long he was gone.
The Wallabies conceded penalties while Beauden Barrett missed a goal from wide out, then kicked long for the line. The All Blacks piled in, spun it wide and sent huge men at the line – Sam Whitelock, Brodie Retallick, Read. The Wallabies scrambled and conceded another penalty. It was all they could do.
Foley bunted kicks. The plan wasn’t “run everything”, there was nuance. There was no way through, but there was nuance. Foley and Dagg traded kicks before Folau tried a kick that hit an All Black leg and the ball bounced into the arms of another one. Retalick plunged over but television replays denied him.
No matter. The All Blacks won a scrum against the head when Will Genia fed the ball and Stephen Moore toe-poked it into the visitors’ back-row. Coles was running like his rib was made of titanium and looked like was having a heck of a time. They all were.
The Wallabies, meanwhile, conceded more penalties. Read asked the referee, Jaco Peyper, if he’d consider using the sin bin for further infringements. He then pointed to the posts and Barrett stretched the lead to 10.
It was all the All Blacks, even then. They were owning everything – territory, possession, penalties. Pick any statistic, and the Wallabies were being owned in it. Even when they won a penalty, kicked for the line and found great field position, they lost the lineout – the giant Read leapt in front of the much smaller Hooper, begging the question, why throw to Hooper?
At the next lineout Moore threw the ball to the front, perfectly into Read’s bucket-hands and away went the All Blacks, surging down field. They were in love with the left. They swung it back to the middle. Big locks ran free like centres. Barrett saw a huge hole and ran into it to make it 20-3.
Twenty points soon became 25, when Foley’s attempted kick was charged down by Jerome Kaino, who scooped up the ball and scored himself. And the contest was effectively over with just over half an hour on the clock.
More mistakes flowed from the Wallabies – a turnover here, a knock-on there – before Barrett, the man-of-the-match, turned on his superior footwork and pace to put Waisake Naholo through to score.
With the score at 32-3, Michael Chieka’s half-time speech would have surely peeled paint while Hell’s Bells by AC/DC played out in the stadium, somewhat aptly, prior to the resumption of play.
Coles and Julian Savea added tries within quick succession as the All Blacks’ dominance continued in the second half and Nick Phipps’ consolation try with five minutes remaining did nothing to change that, leaving New Zealand likely to remain the resting place of the Bledisloe Cup, for at least another year.
