Blankety Blank is the gameshow that refuses to die. After laying dormant for 14 years, ITV has decided to haul it out of storage and recommission it for a brand new generation.
Yes, ITV. Despite being remembered as a BBC show, Blankety Blank hobbled through its final two unremarkable years in the early noughties on ITV. ITV killed Blankety Blank, and now ITV gets to resurrect it.
Clearly, this is less than brilliant news. ITV has a habit of mushing gameshows down into a thick, lowest-common-denominator sludge that appeals to nobody, but at least fills some time between Jurassic Park and The X Factor.
The best possible thing that could happen to Blankety Blank now is if someone like Paddy McGuinness took over and oversaw a ho-hum photocopy of the original show. But this is ITV. We cannot rule out the horrible prospect of Keith Lemon’s Blankety Blank. Look at Through the Keyhole, once a respected if smug BBC1 series that ITV snapped up and transformed into a witless totem to endless, tortuous, shrieking, pointless, Lambrini-drinking, grunting, cheapskate, empty-calorie Keith Lemon muck. If ITV has the power to do that to Through the Keyhole, imagine what a mess it would make of Blankety Blank.
What makes this news really sting is just how elegant the show was in its pomp. In the late 70s and early 80s, when it was hosted by Terry Wogan, Blankety Blank was effortless. Although it was always ridiculous in set-up and execution – a man with the world’s most overt comb-over charmed double entendres from minor celebrities while clutching a car aerial – Wogan presided over affairs with such an incredible lightness of touch that it was like watching a party you wished you could be invited to. Wogan managed to get the best out of his celebrity guests and his terrified, mulleted Abigail’s Party contestants at the same time, an incredibly rare feat.
Although Les Dawson (and, to a lesser extent, Lily Savage) managed to imprint Blankety Blank with a different personality, it is Wogan’s stewardship that remains the most iconic. This is what should be replicated now. So who should be hired?
Rob Brydon seems an obvious choice. After all, in 2014 he hosted a short-lived and barely remembered BBC1 gameshow called The Guess List that wanted to be Blankety Blank so badly it hurt. Giving him this job would be a kindness.
Alternatively, ITV could go upmarket. The US version of Blankety Blank, Match Game, has also just been revived. The host? Alec Baldwin. Emmy-winning actor Alec Baldwin. Oscar nominee Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin, with his prestige and quick wit and voice like melted chocolate. Does the UK even have an Alec Baldwin equivalent to hire? Hugh Grant? Sir Ian McKellen? Daniel Craig? Maybe ITV should just bite the bullet and ship in Bill Murray to do the job.
My own personal preference, not that it counts for anything, is Peter Serafinowicz. This is purely for his note-perfect Wogan in the 2003 Comic Relief Blankety Blank sketch. Because, look, if you can’t better the original, you might as well copy it as shamelessly as you can. Rather that than Keith Lemon. Anyone but Keith Lemon.
