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The Independent UK
The Independent UK
Mike Bedigan

Bill Maher skewers Pete Hegseth’s Quantico speech: ‘No gays, just buff, hairless men’

Bill Maher poked fun at Pete Hegseth’s remarks to military bosses in which the Defense Secretary blasted “fat generals” with facial hair, summarizing the bizarre, anti-DEI speech as: “No gays, just buff, hairless men.”

The late-night talk show host said that Hegseth’s “TED talk,” for which top brass had flown to Quantico from all over the world, had been half about “warrior ethos” and half about “grooming tips.”

Hundreds of generals attended the rare and impromptu gathering at Quantico, in Virginia, on Tuesday, where both Hegseth and President Donald Trump addressed them.

The Defense Secretary said it was "completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon,” adding that all mandatory fitness tests would now be set to male benchmarks only.

"The era of unprofessional appearance is over," Hegseth told the audience, which sat in silence.

In his Friday monologue on HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, the comedian joked that the new motto for the U.S. Marine Corps, rather than “Semper Fi” (Always Faithful), would be changed to “no fat chicks.”

“He included the generals in this. He's too many fat generals and admirals walking around the halls of the Pentagon. Are you kidding?” Maher said.

“This is supposed to be an exercise in morale building – because nothing pumps you up like taking a 22-hour flight to be yelled at by a Fox News dry drunk about your love handles.”

U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth speaks to senior military leaders at Marine Corps Base Quantico on September 30, 2025 in Quantico, Virginia (ndrew Harnik/Pool via REUTERS TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY)

Maher also addressed the Defense Secretary’s description of military personnel with facial hair as “beardos” – an apparent combination of the words “beard” and “weirdos” – calling it “Shaving Private Ryan.”

“It's funny,” he said. “Half the speech was about a warrior ethos that we want, and manly men and the other half was grooming tips… because nothing says warrior ethos like, What products do you use?”

He added: “So to recap, no gays, just buff, hairless men.”

Democrats have broadly condemned the event at Quantico, which they said sought to drive partisan politics deep into the U.S. military.

Hundreds of generals attended the rare and impromptu gathering at Quantico, in Virginia, Tuesday, where they were addressed by both Hegseth and president Donald Trump (POOL/AFP via Getty Images)
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