Big Phil Scolari at Stamford Bridge

"Are we witnessing the evolution of Chelsea's first Champions League winning manager," asks Charlie Batho. If by "evolution" you mean "procurement by expensive process of trial and error", then yes Charlie, we certainly are. Photograph: x

"Can Abramavix and Scolarix win the heart of Cristiano and persuade the diva to sign for Chelsea," jabbers John Barry. Even we're finding it hard not to root for the Chelsea owner when he looks that excited. Photograph: x

Neil Pollock is the kind of cynic we like: a funny one. "Let's hope Big Phil doesn't find himself signing on as soon as his predecessor," he chortles. Photograph: x

"It took Phil some time to convince the strange man hanging around Stamford Bridge that he wasn't going to turn this job down," guffaws Andrew Ferguson. Photograph: x

Michael Dunlop has given Chelsea fans a helping hand with their first terrace chant for the new manager. "Scolari, woo-ooh, cantare, wo-oh-oh-oh ..." Photograph: x

Matt Baille might think he's the only person to spot the similarity between Big Phil and Gene Hackman ... Photograph: x

... But he's really not. "The old man has arrived to try and sort out the most dysfunctional family in the Premier League," parps Thomas Hébert. Photograph: x

Highbury Lad gives as impartial an assessment of Big Phil's upcoming role at Chelsea as you would expect from someone who goes by the moniker "Highbury Lad". Photograph: x

“This summer’s biggest smash will feature a craggy faced old timer and a girl(ish) bully," wibbles Kev Gilmour. "Big Phil better enjoy the attention while he can before he slides down the billing in this saga!” Photograph: x

To be honest, Neil Kavanagh's effort is a bit strange even by our standards. Apparently Big Phil is using his "Pied Piper of Porto routine", and a bottle of Mateus, to lure Chelsea's summer transfer targets to the Bridge. Photograph: x

Paul Brookes has the media taking certain precautions ahead of Scolari's first Chelsea press conference. Photograph: x