John Loughton, winner of this year's Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack. Photograph: PA/Channel 4
Shhhhhhh. Did you hear that? Don't worry if you didn't, it was only the passing of Big Brother Celebrity Hijack, and it may or may not have made a sound at all, what with no one being there to hear it. Just a lone, large ginger tree falling in a multichannel forest over there somewhere.
John Loughton, an intelligent young man with political aspirations, won Big Brother Celebrity Hijack. As we saw on the first night, John - as the first housemate to enter the house - was singled out for a torturous game, being a puppet on the end of Matt Lucas's flailing schoolboy arm. Still, winning the game meant that he was safe from elimination until the very last night, and that he might eventually win. And then he did win. And now it's over.
And in between? I'm sorry, I cannot help you there. For some reason the show never jumped out of the schedules at me - there always seemed to be something else I'd rather spend my time watching. Like a repeat of Quincey ME on ITV4, or any random hour of any shopping channel selling anything at all. Or some kittens, playing. So if anyone does know of any stellar moments that we should regret missing, those of us that missed it, please do let us know.
Channel 4 tried to switch it around, with all those talented young adults being bossed around by various stars of chart and stage and screen and Hollyoaks. And they did vaious tasks and there were blogs kept by the celebrity hijackers, and apart from that? Well, it seemed to pass much like Big Brother does. And overwhelmingly you had to wonder why Channel 4 bothered getting "gifted" young people in at all, as opposed to the various characters and extroverts that usually flock to the house. Because Big Brother was never going to be about utilising those skills - it was just going to be about being cooped up with strangers and how they deal, or not, with that. (With increasing ennui, it seems.)
It's different when talent actually gets used, I think. For quite obvious reasons, that can make for an entertaining and compelling reality TV series - whereas watching people who might be skilled but are actually mainly just sitting around on uncomfortable looking sofas is not. So the news that The Restaurant - the culinary equivalent of The Apprentice, or sort of - will be back in the autumn is cause for small cheer. As, in fact, is the return of The Apprentice itself, sometime this spring. And I can't deny that Project Runway on Sky is a small guilty pleasure. Or quite a medium-sized one, if I'm honest. It's the pleasure of watching people who are actually skilled being set tasks that might actually show them and their talents to the greatest advantage - as well as change the dynamic of the group they're living and working in.
Not that I'm suggesting this as a way forward for Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack. I don't think there is a way forward for that, really. Apart from maybe a series-long investigation into philosophical deforestation, tree after tree falling, completely silently due to lack of ratings.
Still, though - I'm serious, I didn't really mean to miss it all after the launch night, and am perfectly willing to admit wrongness if there were great moments of television. Did anyone witness any?
