Joe. Java. Jitter Juice. Cup ’o Mud. Cappuccino dei capi. Black Gold. Buzz in a Cup. Badger Lamont’s Brutal Lament – whatever you call the delicious dark dribble of the hard-milked coffee bean, for me and many equally addicted qwa-fey quaffers the world over, nothing would ever get done without it - at least not in any relatively-pleasant-for-other-people kind of way.
Yes, when it comes to coffee, I’m nothing short of a tragic junkie. Each and every day, I wake up, twitching. First order of the day: make coffee. Normally in my 1.5-litre percolator ,so that there’s no fear of running out any time soon. However, should the morning prove particularly vexing, I can and do supplement this with the aid of a Lavazza pod machine while the percolator cools enough to be reloaded, thus ensuring I stay coffee-quenched all the livelong day.
There, I admit it, I’m a relentless user. A remorseless abuser. A bean-fiend of the highest order. But this means I’m also quite the coffee connoisseur – no awful instant for me, thanks muchly. No, freshly ground beans or pods prepared for me by the finest brains known to coffeekind is the only way to go with my Joe. So, who better to call on than a self-confessed coffee-cadet to review the triumvirate of Bosch’s Tassimo range? Just me and a ménage à trois of coffee-crafting pod machines designed to deliver the consummate cuppa on command is a thoroughly modern marriage made in hot beverage heaven.
Which is exactly what went down – armed with no fewer than 58 pods, one ‘Keep Calm & Carry On’ coffee mug and all three ‘Finesse Friendly’, ‘Happy’ and ‘My Way 2’ Tassimo machines, I over-imbibed at the barista-based teat of Bacchus himself until buzzing like a broken refrigerator. And now I’ve finally stopped vibrating, here’s all you need to know about the best of Bosch.
Pods on favourite
First things first, although these are undoubtedly coffee machines, perversely their raison d’être doesn’t start and end with this most aromatic of libations. Indeed, although Tassimo pods come from all manner of coffee cognoscenti, such as Kenko, L’Or, Costa, Gevalia, Jacobs and Marcilla, there are also hot chocolate and tea pod options available, and even decaff pods.
The next thing to note is just how very affordable all three machines are. Starting with the ‘Happy’, this little drink spinning diamond normally retails at £80 but is currently on offer for just £35. Equally, the step-up ‘Finesse Friendly’ has seen a recent reduction from £90 to an incredible £40. Whilst the range-topping ‘My Way 2’ is also down in price from £100 to £75. What’s more, remarkably, these reductions appear permanent, so enriching your kitchen with top Tassimo tech has never been so economical.
No counterfeit coffee
Also important to note is that, whilst you can pick up Tassimo pods from all over the place, from most supermarkets to countless digital dealers online, Tassimo itself sells pods directly and also offer some excellent deals on buying in bundles, so you may find your coffee far more cost-efficient if you stick to the source.
Finally, only Tassimo pods work with Tassimo machines, so don’t get fooled into parting with your hard-earned pretend pods that won’t cut the coffee mustard. Vitally, Tassimo pods are uniquely shaped and feature a barcode that the machine reads to prepare Java perfection. Other pods don’t, and even if you get them to fit, the outcome will just be a big mug of slightly steaming disappointment. Also, on reflection, ‘coffee mustard’ sounds horrible. So don’t try that either.
Right, less talkie, more coffee…
Best Tassimo Machines at a glance:
- Best overall: Bosch Tassimo My Way 2 - £69, Amazon
- Best for eco-aware awake juice: Bosch Tassimo Finesse Friendly - £61.99, Amazon
- Best for bargain-seeking would-be baristas: Bosch Tassimo Happy Friendly - £82.92, Ama\on
Bosch Tassimo My Way 2
Best: overall
The top of the Tassimo coffee machine tree, the My Way 2 may sound like the Frank Sinatra sequel that never happened, but what Bosch has given us here is a 1.3-litre capacity pathway to pod coffee perfection. Available in black, black and white, and black and cream finishes, the larger tank means less faffing and refilling, while the fact that it also takes a Brita filter also means far better tasting brews for those who live in hideous hard water areas, like most of London.
Working in exactly the same way as the Finesse Friendly above, the My Way 2 takes only Tassimo T-DISC pods, from which it reads the barcode to automatically prep your desired drink altering temperature, liquid volume and intensity accordingly. But then, in a twist that only the My Way 2 can deliver, you can also adjust all three of those things yourself via the front sensor panel to tailor everything to your exacting taste, then just sit back and let the machine work its coffee-making magic.
What’s more, when you’ve achieved your perfect combination of settings, you can then save that mix as one of four profiles in the machine’s memory to access instantly in the future, thus cutting your impatiently-waiting-for-coffee time down to next to nothing.
With steam self-cleaning automatically undertaken after your coffee is complete, flavours from different pods will never merge like some hideous coffee chimera to ruin the purity of the proceeding cuppa.
In now slightly jittery conclusion, then, featuring a height-adjustable cup stand to contend with anything from a Sports Direct-scale mugzilla all the way down to a dainty espresso thimble, an elegant-looking, easy-op control panel, and a reasonably robust design, the My Way 2 is a decidedly well-conceived and constructed bit of kit. Capable of churning out almost every kind of coffee imaginable with all the skill, speed and style of a barista-trained cheetah, if you not only want but demand coffee your way, then do it the right way with the My Way (2).
Buy now £69.00, Amazon
Bosch Tassimo Finesse Friendly
Best for: Eco-aware awake juice
Nestled in the creamy middle of Tassimo’s three-strong range of coffee creators sits the pleasingly proportioned Finesse Friendly. Available in a range of easy-on-the-eye colourways from basic black and black to a sort of cream and grey, not only is the Finesse Friendly an attractive addition to the caffeine addict’s kitchen, it’s also particularly friendly when it comes to the planet, being made from 35 per cent recycled plastic, coming packaged in 94 per cent recycled materials and even being A+ rated for energy efficiency, meaning that it’s as green in operation as the Green Tea and Mint it can make for you.
Featuring a removable 0.7-litre reservoir for ease of filling, operation is all conducted via one button, through which you can set the Finesse to flow, up your strength sensation using ‘IntensityBoost’, and even set the machine to descale itself via the ‘CALC’ option. So, all very simple to operate, but that simplicity on your side doesn’t mean the machine itself isn’t a powerhouse of smart. Rather, imbued with something called ‘IntelliBrew’, when you pop your ‘T-DISC’ pod of choice into the holder, the Finesse uses barcode recognition to ‘read’ the pod and adjust parameters of temperature, time and cup volume accordingly, thus doing all the barista work for you.
A height-adjustable cup stand means fewer spatters and more coffee in the cup, so whether you’re after an Americano, longing for a Latte, in the mood for a Macchiato, or simply quite fancy a Cappuccino, the Finesse ensures every last delicious drop of the black brew of your choosing follows the natural flow of things: from machine to cup to mouth to brain.
With a reasonably small footprint meaning it doesn’t take up too much space on the work surface either, for highly affordable, quality coffee in seconds, the Finesse is not only Friendly by name, it’s also friendly on the pocket, friendly on the planet, and friendly on smooth, rich coffee flavour.
Buy now £61.99, Amazon
Bosch Tassimo Happy Friendly
Best for: Bargain-seeking would-be baristas
There are those who seek simplicity in life. The kind of people who don’t want to ever be in danger of having to overthink things. You know, those who want to just pod, prod and go. And for these very complexity avoiders, Tassimo present this: the über-affordable Happy.
Indeed, Happy by name and happy-making by nature, you will be in possession of all that makes Tassimo tick.
So, first off, there’s a 0.7-litre water tank, the same size as the Finesse, so ample capacity for a few standard-sized mugs of your favourite aromatic ambrosia. Also akin to both the Finesse and the My Way 2, the Happy comes armed with ‘IntelliBrew’ for one-touch, barcode-based coffee creation. And, as you might imagine, the Happy can also handle all the 50-odd flavours of coffee, tea and chocolate pods that its bigger siblings can.
With one-button descaling also in place, at this point, what with all this bigger model-aping functionality, you may well be wondering what the downside is. But here’s the twist – there isn’t one. Okay, it may not be as feature-packed as the My Way 2 or Finesse, but the convenience it brings to top-quality coffee making is utter unquestionable.
And there we have it, smaller of form to help fit in the snugger kitchen, ludicrously low in price, and capable of transforming pods of coffee grit into a staggeringly wide range of delicious drinks in a matter of seconds, the Bosch Tassimo Happy is bean-rendering brilliance at an absolutely bargain price.
Buy now £82.92, Tassimo
Verdict
Yes, as stated earlier, I’m a hopeless Coffeeholic, an out-and-out Java Junkie, a bean-fiend of the highest order, but that also means I know the difference between good coffee and the merely mediocre. The three Tassimo machines I’ve tested here – alongside the 48 coffee pods I put through them – all produce piping-hot perfection. But there can only be one atop the Tassimo throne and, unsurprisingly, for me that's My Way 2.
The ability to tweak and tailor settings to my own exact tastes and then have that ready at the push of a button appeals to both my coffee connoisseur posturing and my need-it-now addictive nature!
