Have I over-used the phrase 'better late than never' in relation to this regular round-up? I have? Okay. But this week, I had an excuse - I was being blown off a medieval castle in Rome by the city's worst storm in 50 years.
But anyway, Fantomex was on writing duties and managed to track down some game talk! I'll leave you a second to recover yourself...
Back with us? It's okay, it's okay - it didn't last long.
Make some strong tea, unwrap a Blue Riband bar and settle in...
Part one: A fabled beginning...
Monday kicked off a week of Fable 2 chatter. Excitement is reaching fever pitch. Umboros23 posted his huge and very detailed review (which we won't include here) and this stimulated more discussion.
Then, of course, came the proper chatterboxness!
Tonyhayers reviewed Umboros23s Fable 2 review:
The quality is higher than almost all of your posts. The prose crackles and fizzes with wonder, delight and sheer gay abandon. "Typical NPC fashion" is a cracking new term for the modern rash of badly uniformed toy cops running around our streets. "Got a love groove down in the bedroom" paints a lovely picture of the post-coital state of the mattress.
An enthusiastic 9.
Then, ever the post-modern, post-structuralist, Beardofbees reviewed Tonyhayers' review of Umboro23's Fable 2 review:
Hayers, if I may be so bold, let me review your review of the review:
Unfortunately Hayers tone here is not completely discernable. Despite the outwardly positive nature of the review, clear traces of sarcasm leak through as, after all, we feel they really deserve to. One assumes we are on the same level as the reviewer of the review, but can never be entirely confident. A bleak commentary on the faceless communication of the Internet age to be sure, but a necessary one.
The illogical paradoxes and sheer mind-bending oddness of Chatterbox have all but worn off for regulars. We're now merely jaded misanthropes. Or "gamers", if you will.
On Tuesday, Chubster2010 posted a rather wonderful critique of Channel 4's interviewing techniques in regards to games.
Did anyone see Shigeru Miyamoto on Channel 4 news last night?
Now - I love the bloke - he's amazing, and you really couldn't ask for more from a gaming figurehead. BUT, last night was the first time he's actually managed to slightly irritate me (an irritation that was exasperated by Channel 4 handling of the segment).He was going on about how too many developers are relying on violence to sell games and then (surprise, surprise!) Channel 4 put up a montage of scenes from GTAIV and described how violent it is.
I know Miyamoto (and Nintendo) have always been focussed on family friendly game design, but this kind of statement (to me) seems to have a total disregard for huge swathes of the game development that is out there.
Do the majority of developers really rely of violence to sell? Sure there are a lot (or, should that be A LOT?) of violent games out there, but what about racing games? Sports titles? Puzzle games? The list of successful and high quality non-violent games is huge.
I guess I just find it a bit disappointing that someone as high profile as Miyamoto should be used to permeate the 'videogames are rotting our child's minds' message, and that he didn't convey a more balanced perspective on the industry.
Also, maybe he should have commented that too many developers are churning out gash mini-game collections and Brain Training-clones...
Quite a fabulous commentary on the state of mainstream journalism you'll agree, but is this anything we're not already familiar with? I'm sure Miyamoto and most developers are also quite used to journalists using the words "violence" and "GTA4" in every interview, but surely people are getting tired of this OTT shock-horror handling of a respected pastime and art form? Opinions at the bottom, please..
Smellavision then came up with another opportunity for the blog to create a new word:
You know that feeling, when you think you've got to the end of a game, and another level springs from seemingly nowhere...
Unfortunately, we agletted out on it.
Tuesday, BeardOfBees commented on the forthcoming Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Junior..
Yeah I heard Downey Jr was playing the great detective too. He said in an interview that they're exploring some sides of him found in the novels but generally not in film/TV so far - e.g. his love of martial arts.... Robert Downey Jr playing a kung-fu fighting Sherlock Holmes? Who thinks these things up.
I'll tell you who, Guy bloody Ritchie!
"Does anyone have an iPod FM transmitter thingy for the car? If so, what model have you got and would you recommend it?" asked OfficePest kicking off a brief discussion. Apparently, no, nobody would, and they are poor. Believe it or not, you can get an MP3-CD playing car radio with USB port in Lidl for £50..
OfficePest also reposted for a couple of days in a row about an online Warhawk grudge between himself and some best-in-the-world-type player. You know the type, ladies and gents, the ones who will cuss and bark at all and sundry for their own lack of ability when not spawn-camping or being a whiner and logging off before a game ends.
Without posting it all, he heartily encouraged everybody to mass-brawl the guy back to the Stone Age. Bloggers, it is never worth fighting fire with fire. Except in this case, where it is, of course, in the highest sense of honour.
We are (mostly) genteel British gamers, after all, so do it for the maidens and fillies, chaps!
Zooey74 came up with a good point on the problem:
According to stats he has played around 117 days worth. Warhawk has been out just over a year (400 days-ish) So he has spent over a quarter of the past year playing Warhawk. Leave it - the man is blatantly insane.
On Wednesday discussion turned to Harry Hill, and a very clear Marmite-style divide emerged. Some love him, some hate him, though by far the best comment was from BeardOfBees:
Entertainment value would definitely go up with a slight mix-up of the show's format. I suggest a Roman-style arena and the releasing of various wild (possibly hungry and drugged up) animals. Let's see if gurning and weird impressions can defeat a bear on crack.
Best. Suggestion. Ever. And for what it's worth, I think Harry Hill is gash.
Crispycrumb later regaled us with a home tale:
Girlfriend relayed a conversation with her flatmates in which they stated that any man wanting to get in with them could not like football, or sport generally. Choice quotes were "I've converted several men with a trip to the theatre" and "Well, people who like ballet are culturally superior to sport fans". This caused the girlfriend to spit feathers and go ballistic as she's both a trained ballerina and a lifelong Hammers fan.
Chat eventually turned to oldskool metal, and the expected dirge that will be the new Guns'n'Roses album. Unfortunately, the impending release means that I can no longer make snide comments that China actually will be democratic before Chinese Democracy arrives.
Craggyisland let his feelings be known:
Not so impressed to see so many metallers in here. It's all just a little too close to stereotype. Sad, lonely geeks listening to horrible music whilst playing with themselves. Perhaps that's why Guitar Hero sells so well. A crossing of the demographics.
Not quite a fair assessment, but a relevant one nonetheless..
Then, a brief dalliance with "who's-been-on-the-blog-longer" one-upmanship. Nobody wins at this. Ever.
On Thursday, Chubster2010 lamented on a purchase:
I had the pleasure of playing 'More Games Party' on the Wii last night. Now, I didn't expect much from this title, but feck me, it really is astoundingly awful. One of the minigames has you throwing virtual beanbags at a plank of wood.Is this the most uninspired game concepts ever? Can you think of anything more mundane?
Answers included this gem from Umboros23:
How's about Wii Paint? You can go round to people's houses and use the Wii mote to paint their walls in an up/down motion. It would be realistic so every foot you move your arm covers a foot of the wall, but obviously it will need a couple of coats. You could start out with creosoting a shed, then build up to a fence, before finally becoming a professional painter. Money earned can be spent on successively better means of transport to jobs in the neighbourhood, from your first bike to an eventual white ford transit.
Then Lazybones suggested something that will probably end up being made:
How about Wii Shake! Shake the Wii remote to make your Mii's jump up and down on screen. Then take photos to send to all your friends.
Well, can you think of worse?
Discussion quickly moved on to bad 4x4 drivers and useless cyclists, leading to a safety suggestion from CBPodge:
During the driving test you should be made to open and drink from a bottle of water, receive a text on your phone and read it, take a call and tell them you're driving and will call them back, and change the station on the radio without using a preset station. It's all things you're going to do while driving, so you may as well be judged on your ability to do them.
Also, all tests should involve you being led to a very out of the way part of the town/city you are doing the test in and finding the way back to the test centre without the help of the instructor. Asking pedestrians is fine.
Driving between the lines, looking in your mirror and parking are things any moron can do. It's the other stuff that causes accidents, so you shouldn't be able to drive unless you can do 'em properly.
This man talks sense.
Part two: Stop! Ham time!
Sure, it's not directly Chatterbox related, but a large portion of the bloggers this week migrated over to this post, all about using your home power lines to transfer the internet. Keith's article attracted a horde of enraged Ham Radio geeks, almost as much of an anathema to Chatterboxers as zombies.
Nonetheless, it is a haven of maddening banter and ultra-nerds, though the hoped-for one-on-one duel to the death between a Chatterbox leader and a Ham-ster (I'm so witty) never arrived. Boo.
Product of the week
For the bravest Chatterboxer confronting zombie hordes, we recommend this stylish bedside table.
Video of the week
Chubster2010 gives us Chimp Riding Segway. 'Nuff said.
Quote of the week
"Paralympics: Do disabled gods live on Mount Paralympus?"
Lazybones strides confidently past the political-correctness checkpoint into quote-of-the-week territory.
Have I got quotes for you?
"We heard mention of it, but decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice"
ImperfectRex quoting from funny news story of the week.
"Quick tip for you: if you're ever doing an after-dinner speech, you say,
'My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, sorry I'm late, I just popped to the toilet. And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said 'I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure''". Straight away you've got them by the jaffas.
TonyHayers comes out with another slice of his well-lived life, possibly in quote form.
"Great, now I know that it's got a shotgun weapon in it. Why not just tape my eyelids open and force me to watch the whole game beginning to end why don't you."
BeardOfBees, this is what ProPlus and Red Bull cocktail chasers were invented for!
"Just so you're fully spoilt, I should mention that Crysis involves a crisis. I did originally spell 'crisis' as 'crysis', then realised that's moronic."
CBPodge and the perils of purposeful game misspellings.
"The chatterbox used to be a lot funnier."
ImperfectRex on the gradual state of decline. You mean, we used to be funny?
"Packs of dogs should attack you like a pack of dogs, not run after you like 5 year olds playing football. Now imagine you are the ball, you hate five year olds, and you have a pump action shotgun with 12 rounds in the chamber. Game over."
Umboros23 on Fallout 3 AI.
"I love to advise everyone on how to live their lives. I also believe that commenting here gives me sufficient social standing to judge absolutely anyone. I fully intend to keep doing this from now until the day I die. If I happen to be joking at any point, I firmly resolve not to indicate this with any kind of smiley. If people are offended by my comments, then that brings a tiny glow of satisfaction to my otherwise cold, dead soul."
Last but not least, Limni shows off his happy-go-lucky side.
