It was a week of horror, anger and recrimination on the blog, as this carefully constructed virtual society threatened to collapse in on itself in a haze of bloody gore and, well, bloody Blood Bowl.
Reporting from the front line for the very first time was Umboros, who ploughed manfully through the rage and death to bring us this week's super-compact 'Best of'.
And keep those photos coming in - you know the drill; anything videogame related, landscape format, clean. Gamesblog + googlemail + com
Over to Umboros...
August 3-7, 2009
Monday got off to a bumbling start as weekend hangovers gradually gave way to working week blues. The recession is hitting us all hard and early chat revolved around the best place to get a cheap Wii motionplus sensor. It was a theme to be echoed throughout the week with numerous tasty summer bargains shared on our erudite corner of the internet. Plans are formed regarding a visit to the Monster Hunter Gathering Hall. With rumours of free beer it's a surprise there hasn't been a mass blog exodus.
Things were going well with an unusual amount of game chat, until the subject of 'the worst accident you've ever been involved in' reared its bruised head. It's not often that Chatterbox turns into a contest of one-upmanship (outside of my own geek stories) but Monday afternoon quickly turned into a gore-fest that could turn the stomach of hardened Saw fans. Chubster2010's recollection of a 'helper' posing for a photo as Mrs C suffered two broken arms is guaranteed to restore faith in humanity. Far worse however, was news that Alfienoakes and Kezabien have both witnessed messy suicides first hand. Alfienoakes' story involving a motorway bridge, a corpse and a speeding car is unsuitable for a weekly technology digest.
Having offered up the worst that occurs in the world, Tuesday was a return to geekdom as the Blood Bowl league kicked off. Simian has possibly taken things too far with his full match report. Can we expect match programs, scarves and Chatterbox firms arranging hooligan violence in the future? Plenty of chat about UFC, but a slow day was brightened by Mollocate's breakdown in the face of sobriety. Pilfering his colleagues' pockets was the best advice offered up by our entrepreneurial crew in a bid to find some intoxicants. It seemed to work.
Wednesday got off to an extremely tetchy start, with Cameroon asking what annoyed us most. His vote was for a co-worker who had the misfortune to slurp his breakfast in Cam's earshot. The London Underground was an understandable source of stress for many bloggers, as were tourists, dilly-dallyers and pensioners. Reclining airplane seats were a great divider; surely they are there to recline? "Unless you're on a night flight you should really leave your seat upright," is the gospel according to Limni.
Getting over the pent up frustration from the morning, Jimbob decided to be proactive with his question: "Using only the objects immediately within arms reach, what would be your first choice to kill as many as your co-workers as possible?". Answers varied from the traditional letter-opener stabbing to the inventive use of a tin of spam.
Upset at the four-sided dice chat, TonyHayers and Goody turned to more mainstream pursuits and set up the fantasy football league for all the budding Skinners and Badiels on the 'box. It's for the sportsmanship, for the glory and most importantly for the arguments and bickering over who has cheated by signing Chelsea or Manchester United players.
Team building exercises were the order of the day on Thursday. From hitting frogs with sticks (not an RSPCA approved outing) to visiting bird sanctuaries, the audacity of employers and their determination to make colleagues socialise as well as work proved too much for regulars. Again and again we prove what a merry bunch we all are deep down. As long as you don't try and talk to us.
The chat degenerated (again!) from there to who on the blog had paid for sex. No-one was prepared to admit to this, however both NickT and Dizzyisanegg have allegedly been offered cash for their 'services'. As the day progressed bickering broke out amongst many parties about the appeal of UFC - or lack of it - and who are our worst bloggers, making me wonder why any of us bother coming here in the first place. A rousing suspicion that Limni is secretly taking note of all our weaknesses caused enough concern among the regulars to ignite a Mutually Assured Destruction blackmail scheme, which if it came to fruition would cost half of the bloggers their jobs and boost the UK's productivity considerably.
Friday saw the first impressions of Eidos' new Batman game. Most bloggers were underwhelmed after the hype and delays. Philosopher King summed it up: "Boring, boring, boring. Not un-pretty (but what Unreal engine game is?) but no environmental interaction, repetitive combat, bizarre camera... I gave up and deleted it."
SilverFox was welcomed back after months of absence, having been the unfortunate victim or a burglary. Various prized possessions were stolen, including irreplaceable sentimental items: his PS3 with Wipeout HD. We then learned of all the ways demonic insurance companies ensure they don't have to pay you any money. There are more than mortal men could dream of. Much of the day was spent arranging the Monster Hunter meeting for the London PSP fans. Is it safe to post your phone number on the blog? Shewrog wasn't scared to find out.
Friday ended with Cunning's revelation that the blog has spawned a loving relationship between Automatic and himself. It is nice too see a beacon of humanity in a week where relationships were strained. Next week we find out if everyone survived the Monster Hunting…
Quote of the week
Automatic "God damn, they're all so cute that I'm going to be puking rainbows shortly!". Now the real test of the relationship; will Cunning hold your hair?
Other quotes
"I really need to get myself some better armour, as the stuff I've got now just doesn't have enough defense and even the big chickens are dealing me some brutal damage."
Sounds like Office Pest needs a new job.
"My worst experience was having to drive someone with badly burnt hands to hospital. The smell was awful, mainly as it just smelt like cooked meat, quite tasty."
Davefalse skilfully manages to combine a bad accident with cannibalism.
"In a general free for all, the old b*****s clump together and float from side to side like an organic floating nursing home that's lost it's moorings."
Luckily this is just Mollocate's local swimming pool, not the river Clyde.
Movies
Antichrist, Blood: The Last Vampire, The Proposal, Bruno, Versus, Gone Baby Gone, Bronson, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
Music
The Shamen, Mos Def, The Stone Roses, Lady Gaga, F**k Buttons, Health,
Books
Consider Phlebas, Ulysses, The Stand, The Spanish Civil War, Century Rain, The Road, House of Cards, The City and The City, Money, Zombie Survival Guide, WWE Wrestlers' autobiographies
