The 'Best of' chatterbox posts usually celebrates one single week in the life of the Gamesblog 'forum'. Sometimes there may be two consecutive weeks in one post. But today, we have two Chatterbox chunks separated by a week. "Due to crazy holidays, etc, this is very late," explained Tjvs while handing in the text for April 4-8. A few days earlier, Cripsycrumb got the week of April 18-22 to me. But he didn't put dates on his, and Tjvs had mistakingly labelled his March, not April.
But somehow, I figure it all out, and now here is the whole thing, painstakingly pieced together for your nostalgic reverie...
Monday, February 28
Break-ups, bust-ups and golfing game talk-ups...
Monday kicked off the week with a bang: Seren announced the end of any more free ideas for the lurking writer of a very surreal office based sitcom. It seemed her reaction to getting a new job had lead to a venture out of the wrong side of the bed. The 2010 nicest blogger was going on the offensive because, in her words: "It's the start of the purge." The 'purge' lasted all of about 15 minutes before the officially recognised niceness won out, leading to... make-ups.
Talk of who's going in for Olympics tickets in the ballot followed. Strangely absent from the chatter was which session of beach volleyball Tim put his name down for. So I'm assuming all of them.
Uncle3en maintained his recent record for unbiased and objective views on matters relating to something called FootSport or something. With discussions of (delete as appropriate) some silly/not silly man having either done something silly/not silly, by consciously aiming his face down camera/reacting to having a camera thrust in his face, swearing loudly and there being a bit of a hoo-ha about it. Swearing? We don't go in for that sort of thing here. Good lord no.
Murderous fish-impaling fishermen with their own harpoons, animal accents, seaweed-eating bears, Butter island, The Dude. These were the topics of discussion as the blog died a long slow death, fading away into nonsense and nonce-sense... but just as the Garbage disposal team of time was about to heave the wheelie-bin of destiny into the waste collection truck of fate MrBrow popped up to relay an epic tale of his Blood Bowel final with Worv. Stories of daring-do and elegant displays of the beautiful game in action... were sadly lacking and we were told of Worv bashing and killing his way to the cup. Surprised? Shirley not.
Tuesday
The fifth. Five hundred and fifty five comments. The fifth post from RowLarry is a misquote of Dolly Parton, who is five foot five. Also five foot five is Uncle3en, who was wittering on about brown shoes. Must be something to do with his new job at the train station.
Brown shoes with a black suit? Tan shoes with a grey suit? The blog descended into sartorial boasting blog, and the sartorialist, sartorialiser, the winner of best dressed at the awards, AngryMan13, had this to say: "Never trust a man with a beard or brown shoes."
And as much as Treble asks for advice about his 'friend's' powder blue suit, we all know who he is talking about!
Kirsty Young popped into the blog, to raise the question, along with the Bible and the Complete Works of Shakespeare, what game would you bring to a desert island? Rather a good topic for the blog – allows for an element of intellectual thought, the opportunity for travel boasting (there was this one time, on my gap year, I was travelling from desert island to desert island…) and pedantry blog.
Fegbarr started us off with Shogun 2, Morrowind and Resi Evil 4, all games with depth and re-playability. Questions were raised as to whether this was a well wired, high bandwidth island and if there was somewhere to actually plug your console in.
Timthemonkey came up with something appropriate – Monkey Island 2 – which I suppose is his way of marking his territory. Do I need additional controllers? Does sand counting count? Are there enough snails for Snail Racing. What if there was a hatch on the island? Sheep solves the problem of choice by bringing "Civilisation 2, with two extra copies" that sand can play havoc with a disc drive.
Wednesday 6th March 2011
In these uncertain times, with Chatterboxes appearing at all hours of the day (or not at all) the emergence of a shiny and minty fresh box at just after 7am was a welcome sight for those unfortunate enough to be cognisant enough at such an hour to post a message. To the 13 of you that partook, you have my sympathy.
The collage of the day's chat started to take shape throughout the morning once the normal (that's definitely not the right word) people had arrived and inhaled their morning caffeine-laced beverages.
Newcomer BlueAndWhiteBoy delurked mid-morning, revealing himself to be something of a long time blog-fan: "I have a confession… I have been reading the box for years on and off without contributing (or understanding) anything.... I am the proud owner of a nice new PS3... I now feel qualified to submit my application to formally join the box. Now all I need are a few games..."
Games? I take it he hasn't been paying too much attention over the years if that's the sort of talk he expects around here, especially with Chubster off on his Honeymoon.
Then, in a shocking turn of events, GWX reappeared on the blog, and entered into massive argument with AndyC, resulting in him live streaming a re-enactment of his latest wrestling game victory on his pet cat. Well OK, that didn't happen but I had a feeling that your attention was waning. It's OK, I don't blame you, but let's focus shall we? The second half of the week awaits…
As the day continued the box got sucked vortex-like into the dangerous waters of oft-circled topics, like an unwitting female poster to Cunning's patio. The relative merits of Band of Brothers and the Pacific were weighed (BoB is better, both still brilliant TV) as well as discussion of completing games and Platinum trophies, a topic to which EnglishRed declared: "You haven't beaten a game until you take a photo of the end credits and post it on an internet blog."
Winner of best (and worst) Thai-based blogger 2010, EasilyLead, emerged in the afternoon much to the confusion of Makar: "Hello. Someone thought you might have died last week. Can you confirm or deny this?" As it emerged, he was very much alive, and had a distinctly unique take on the recent Tsunami, one that the major news outlets had so far missed: "It was sort of fun, actually. We played 'Thailand's got talent'. I didn't win."
The day ended with a good old-fashioned Listblog, this time for best sports film, and in a nice piece of symmetry, the last comment was posted just after seven, wrapping up another thrilling entry into the Chatterbox archives.
Thursday
A slow day, rather dull in general,
The most interesting topic of the morning was a can of RedBull,
CatZilla's 'demented' expression, probably proved consequential,
as he was refused purchase of said drink, driving him quite hysterical.
Then came lists of caffeine restrictive operators, in order categorical,
Local shops with strict energy drink rules, to countries international,
MilknCheese pointed out, a complete ban in France was operational,
Somehow this then linked to talk, of Canada being liberal.
The rest of the blog could well have been written in cuneiform,
Except Keef's request that we have a Guardian Gaming night brainstorm,
Suggestions flew in thick and fast: KZ3, MAG, BlOps and Motorstorm,
But PS3, Xbox or PC? No consensus came on platform,
And somewhere in all this, Jaykelly was lost in a Near-Eastern sandstorm.
Friday April 8th
Firstly a thank you: 739 comments and no 'All' button is like the Rorschach test from hell. All I keep seeing is page numbers. It's sunny outside, I don't think I'm going to make it… I'll just execute the autosummarise.exe file and head out. See you all on the other side.
Autosummarise active.
Checks complete.
Straw to Gold settings initialised.
Vernacular: Historical (text mismatch warning)
Verily the day begins with the erstwhile merits of a variety of fermented yeast-infused beverages being assessed. For there is a much rambunctiousness amongst the civilians as they each present their case, UncleBen however is vexed at the discussion's timing: "Beerblog doth cramp mine eyes, being positioned at such an early hour on a Friday."
Twixt mid-morning the conversation approaches seemingly magical "games", struggles of good versus evil, a Killing Zone was entered and survived by a brave troop, SerenVikity did cast aspersions on the gentlemanly upkeep of some participants. The moral code hath no place in war though, and the accused is unrepentant. There is also discussion of backstreet card games, and a Bowl seemingly entrenched in Blood, it appears to be a good luck charm to those who have partaken though, and much banter is exchanged.
The discourse is subsequently turned to that of the theatre, albeit one which seems to be employed within one's abode. The merits of older performances versus new are raised by Jo5ephkn1ght in baffling terminology, seemingly involving wizardry of an almost certainly evil nature. He is gruffly rebuked by Artiefufkin however: "I wish Briggsy was here to go ballistic at your claim that old films won't be close to 1080p. Basically, it would be several paragraphs of bile, decrying you for your fundamental misunderstanding of the relationship between film and digital resolution." [translation unavailable]
The phrase 'reference quality' is frequently cited, seemingly this is a spell of some nature to ensure the highest possible standards are met.
A late afternoon revelation that Fantomex is distantly related to the throne of England steers the conversation in a refreshingly monarchistic direction. Shouldst 200 individuals suffer fatal accidents, he would ascend to the highest position, a thought which doth leave McBegbie in a treasonable mood: "A compelling argument for a republic if ever there was one".
The day draweth to a close with a lively discussion regarding people's preferred comedic performer, such jesters as Will Ferell, Steve Carell, Tina Fey, Steve Coogan are discussed without much consensus being reached, a conclusion which appears to be the norm here regardless of topic.
Quotes of the day
"Where would the world be without people who moan about how other people play games?"
CountGinula makes the case for games forums everywhere.
"It was 'Action News 6' and I played a functioning illiterate on-the-scene reporter called Rusty Manstache. I ended up in a shootout with my fake cousin and my co-anchor who I fought in Vietnam, Roger Fightmann"
ElQuesoDiablo has some sort of breakdown.
Quote of the week
"Fish probably look at us using phones and stuff and think, 'what on earth are those people doing?'"
Treble's animal philosophy lesson 417a
TV: Game of Thrones, Friday Night Dinner, Twenty Twelve, Band of Brothers, Planet Earth.
Newcomers: BlueAndWhiteBoy
April 18-22
Day A
And so begins another week. Although, thanks to the royals and the religious types, it's the beginning of three short weeks and two long weekends for most of the blog. Reason enough to celebrate the impending regal nuptials.
As the weekend's activities were discussed, following a comment from 'style icon' Liam Gallagher, Smellavision questioned the blog's fashion gurus on the acceptable etiquette when wearing a shirt: "How can I pull this look off in the office and still be presentable? Can you wear a tie and not tuck your shirt in? A cravat? Can I wear a suit and not tuck my shirt in? I presume that a tailored shirt is the way to go. Need the blog's help?"
Tips were shared and although the general consensus was that a shirt should be tucked in for a professional look, there was some disagreement on the question of the top button. Never let it be said that the regulars of the chatterbox shy away from the important issues of the day.
In games-related chat the usual suspects featured heavily – Tiger Woods 2012, Killzone 3, PES and Blood Bowl. Limni also extolled the virtues of his new obsession, World of Tanks. Rather than being a one-stop shop for all your tanking needs this is a free MMO based around, well, tanks.
Postulation was rife during the afternoon as worldsworst put forward the suggestion, "If the blog were ever to be recorded for distribution as a podcast, who would you like to do your voice?" Limni's suggestion of Patrick Stewart prompted a somewhat critical response from SirGigiddy: "Upon hearing that he'd been cast as you in the podcast, Stewart has come out in favour of assisted suicide. Coincidence?"
The afternoon degenerated as always into the usual mire of quotes, potential libel and our foreign contributors coming late to the party.
Quotes of the day
"Camping seems to be the way forward though, I spent hours sitting in a bush sniping"
Limni attempts to goad the COD and BFBC2 players in to a state of apoplexy.
"I fear for you, poor, starving, lying in the gutter, cast aside like a human piece of garbage."
Simian wonders whatever happened to Greg Howson.
Day B
Tuesday. An uncharacteristically early Chatterbox. That's not a dig at Keef, I think he does a hell of a job over there. I'm just saying.
"I think there is only one thing to talk about today, and that is science of the aperture type."
If only that were the case, piscario. If only.
A short week, and spirits were up. Volume was up. From the painstakingly precise greetings of the oddball early crowd to the mid-morning 'just up' boasting of the long-term unemployed, people were posting a lot. One of the best things about the Chatterbox is hearing, in some considerable detail, just exactly what everyone did the night before. Tuesday didn't disappoint. I couldn't tell if Amipal's recap really actually happened to him, or if it was from a film or something, but I liked it: "I invisibly snuck into the spy's lair in Bravil. Boy were they surprised when I summoned a Daedroth in their midst." I'd imagine they were.
People kept banging on about 'Game of Thrones', which, I believe, is a PC game set in some kind of high fantasy world. Some thought it was okay, and some thought it was pretty bad. Whatever. Nerds.
Goody's new avatar was... breathtaking. But what did it mean? I don't know. Yet I couldn't look away. That kind of thing is hard to un-see. Not that you'd want to.
Politics. Now we're talking. Issues. Heavyweight stuff. Pseudo-intellectual sparring. AV chat. Electoral systems. What are they? Who knows. We'll probably never know. But let's at least attempt to thrash it out. Isn't that why we're here? Just thrash it all out by typing lots and lots of big, complicated words. The opinionated 'stepping' to the ignorant ('stepping', in this sense, being street talk, which you probably wouldn't know). Demoralising stuff. And as with basically every other topic on here, it invariably led into sex chat. A good two or three hours worth of it. Most of that part of Tuesday can't actually be printed. Nor should it ever be printed. Or even ever said, really, in words, on the internet. Milkncheese was one of the few that was actually mature enough to be adult about the whole thing: "That's what ski-masks are for." Good point. Seriously, though, what's sexier than a ski-mask? What is? Very little, is what.
Piracy. Copyright. Infringement on or upon that copyright. Theft. Crime... Terrorism. What, wait, terrorism? Are you serious? The al-Qaeda? All important things. All big important words. Big ideas. I think R042 put it best, when he said, "Would a vegetarian be entitled to take a bunch of steaks from a supermarket?" Indeed. Just think on that for a second. Personally speaking, I don't think vegetarians should be allowed into supermarkets. But you try telling that to the PC Brigade.
Almost five. Home time. Is running blog, 'worst blog'? Worse than general exercise blog? Could be. It's not really for me to say. It's definitely up there. It's just so... specific.
Question: Is posting unusual text symbols on the internet inherently racist, or just plain old magic? Are they both actually the same thing? Certainly something to think about. Everyone went home.
Quotes of the Day
"I smoked an old fashion pipe. Quite frankly, it was horrible"
HumOfEvil. I personally enjoy an old fashioned pipe, I enjoy it very much. And quite frankly, I find this comment horrible.
"The older generations just love to drop the occasional racial epithet in conversation." -
Sheep2. It was a more innocent time, the 90s.
Day C
Where do all the missing Chatterboxers end up? Some say Charles Arthur has a special place for them in Hell. One 'boxer managed to escape his vile clutches, he's not dead but he's only got One Life Left. Yep, veteran blogger Lazybones has become a Digital DJ. Surely it's just a matter of time before he ends up on Newsnight Review, joyously hooting it up in HD?
RowLarry spent the previous evening watching Suzy Perry, the Geeks' sweetheart, on The Gadget Show. They were focusing on gaming tournaments. The presenter had a brief interview with a 'Professional Gamer' who was apparently part of a clan called Team Dignitas. Is Horst resorting to headshots to meet with demand or just trying to drum up a bit of business through sponsorship?
AV, FPTP, ER, RV, L/T/LD, PCP and NWA. It took me a while to work out that this was Politics talk rather than people chatting about games. Needless to say, some half-thought-out ramblings by the bloggers didn't do much in the way of illuminating things. The general gist of it all seemed to be whatever system kept out the Tories was best. BeCool had a useful method of forming an opinion: 'Are the Daily Mail for or against this?' That rule can be applied to pretty much any situation in fairness.
World of Tanks. Has it really come to this? The War Historians and those more serious about their hobby seem to be warming to this one. Give it a few weeks and there will be drawn out arguments in tedious detail over whether the M1 Abrams (1980) is actually superior to the Merkava MK3 (1990). Can't wait.
The post-lunch lull was spent by a few justifying why it was OK to download copyrighted material off the internet without paying for it. Some terribly unconvincing reasons combined with arguments which defied all logic were put to poor use. Predictably no one from either side changed their opinion.
The rest of the day; well, I guess you had to be there really. I wasn't.
Quote of the Day
"Pedestrian and lacklustre. Textbook stuff."
SockpuppetPseudonym sums the chat up.
Day D
The second half of the four day week kicked off in textbook fashion. Discobox took advantage of an early start to reveal that, "I had an interesting experience sat on my toilet once. It's one of those suspended jobbies. I heard a sort of creaking sound, and before I knew it, the toilet had given way, and both ceramic and human dropped six inches, p*ss slowly spreading across the bathroom floor. Luckily I hadn't yet managed to pinch a loaf." Unsurprisingly this led to the sharing of everyone's favourite scatological euphemisms, which won't be reprinted here.
Discussions eventually moved on to topics more suited to a left-leaning newspaper, such as the 'Republican' parties taking place on the same day as the royal wedding. Was anyone planning on popping along? Amipal wasn't: "No. If they love France and America so much, they should go and live there".
Next up was the perennial favourite of chatterboxers' other halves and their... unpredictability? Alimantado told us "An ex was p*ssed off with me for weeks and I was clueless as to why. Turned out she'd had a dream that I'd made her pregnant and then left her to bring up baby on her own. The clincher? When I pointed out it was unfair to be annoyed with me for something she'd dreamt, she replied: 'It shows you're not committed to this relationship if that's what I think you'd do.'"
There was some disbelief as to why people would put up with this sort of behaviour, and luckily Sheep2 was on hand to enlighten us: "Low self esteem and lack of judgement"
In spite of Keef trying to encourage talk of Portal 2, games chatter hadn't really got off the ground. Limni stepped up as chief cheerleader for World of TANKS!!! MendozaLives had his interest piqued: "If I were more serious about my hobby, or a sinister war enthusiast hermit, I would consider that tank game"
Worldsworst shifted gears: "I'm posting from home today. The kids are watching one of those Beethoven films. In the past five minutes, Beethoven has knocked over an entire house (he was tied to some sort of structural support) AND has won a cheeseburger-eating contest. Fantastic stuff. Is there a better movie dog than Beethoven?"
The blog was all over this, with Hooch, Cujo, and Digby making strong showings. Mention of Hooch brought us to alcopops blog with fond reminiscences of alcoholic ginger beer, lemonade and turbo shandies. HereComesTreble was unimpressed though: "Is a well made gin and tonic not good enough anymore? Not cool enough?"
The afternoon slid onwards, with warm and fuzzy forays into both wine and cheese blog, with the general consensus being anything apart from "Yank muck" for both. This irked the blog's camping American, OpinionatedMike, who felt that this should be the place to talk about games:
"To summarize Wednesday Blog: Portal 2 comments - 5; Games comments - 15; Other - 539 (Cheese - 80)"
Business as usual then? Lovely.
Quote of the Day
"I have already resigned myself to seeing discobox's toilet story in the 'Best Of' for today"
Keef proves himself to be the most eerily prescient of the Guardian's games journalists. [Yes! Quote of the day! I've done it at last! – Keef]
Games: KZ3, TW 2012, PES, Blood Bowl, Portal 2, World of TANKS!!!
TV & Film: Dr Who, Game of Thrones, Your Highness, films about Gladiators.
End game
Join the official Gamesblog spotify list and share your own favourite tunes. Last addition – 'Revolutionary Generation' by Public Enemy.
Check the Gamesblog wiki for everyone's game tags and more!
This 'Best of' compilation was written by Crispycrumb, Smellavision, Onedave, Seren, McBegbie, HereComesTreble and RustyJames. It was edited by Tvjs and crispycrumb.
