If video game-related discussion 'forums' were to have a World Cup, Chatterbox would be Holland: brilliant, beautiful, but with a streak of psychological instability a mile wide. Last week saw discussions of Monster Hunter Tri, regional accents, injured pets and what happens when you bend down and growl at a dog that's expecting a ham sandwich. Frankly, you'll only get one, maybe two, of those on Neo-Gaf...
So yes, welcome to another Best Of, a collection of moments from the Chatterbox canon, this week edited into 'shape' by Beardofbees, the Diego Maradona of chat management. Make of that comparison what you will. Take it away, Diego!
Football: it's not coming home. Again.
Well, there's a world cup on and, at least last week, England were competing (albeit in the loosest sense of the word). Initially, talk was dominated by England's poor performance against Algeria. "The cats were cowering under the spare bed by half time of Friday," said Sorbicol. "The wife was not impressed by my choice of language and I was utterly disgusted with the complete lack of effort and commitment by the team."
Of course the Gamesblog is far from an English-only community, and the rest of the readership were also quick to join in with the jibes. Alimantado offered some critique from the valleys: "You poor wee moppets stinking up yet another tournament. At least the French are exploding with a little élan"; and from north of the border Riadsala asked "Can we not have somebody else represent the UK? … Even the Isle of Man would be an improvement."
There was some talk on whether it was appropriate to boo and deride the team for their lacklustre game, Simian pointing out, "the fans have every right to express their dissatisfaction, and the only way to do that is to boo!" Lazybones also admitted to a little unpatriotic behaviour: "I did this, from the safety of the pub I was in. I like being part of a hooting, booing crowd. They did deserve to be booed. They are kind of at work, and booing is a verbal warning."
eMTG stepped in at this point to coin a new piece of lingo. Speaking of the ex-skipper himself, he suggested: "He is so vile a human being that I hereby formally petition the box that forevermore if someone's behaviour is so bad or so selfish it makes your mind boggle, that person is referred to as a 'Terry'." We waited eagerly to see if this would be adopted.
Of course, by Wednesday England had another match underway, this time thankfully pulling out a better performance. After a brief absence, Riadsala returned to the blog for the afternoon. "Sneaked away for a pint," he explained, "then England scored and I decided I'd be happier working."
On Thursday morning, a victory for the England boys had been secured and a general spirit of deluded optimism was present, summed up nicely by herselfthemonkey: "I know I'm only a girl and therefore don't understand football but, given the OTT celebrations by press & drunken fans alike, I thought England won the World Cup yesterday. Is this not the case?"
(I hope someone broke it to herselfthemonkey gently - Keef)
Monster Hunter Tri
This Wii game has been winning hearts and minds on the Gamesblog. It's proving that the chatterbox likes its games challenging and unforgiving, an honour also shared by Demons Souls for the PS3, which also got its fair share of discussion. The difference between these games for the purposes of compiling a Best Of, however, is that Lazybones is playing Monster Hunter.
"I fought a big pink monster. I made him cry. Then I used what was left of the monster to make the character I'm playing a kind of pink hat. I didn't sleep until three ... "
"If I'm awake then I hunt the monsters. If I sleep then the monsters usually hunt me."
"Once the hat was on I felt appalled. Wearing this grotesque pink trophy on my head; my character's head ... I have since taken it off and put it in the box. Fit to be taken out only on special occasions; in a spirit of grim resolution."
The infectious glee led to much piqued interest from the other bloggers. "The enthusiasm you have over Monster Hunter Tri", exclaimed Shawshank22, "really, really makes me wanna try it." EasilyLed was on hand with a warning, however: "I seemed to spend a long time wandering round doing nothing. A couple of times I had to hunt monsters which just ran away when I found them till I ran out of time. Once or twice I had to fight monsters which killed me so easily that I never felt I had a chance. Is this normal?"
Yes, EasilyLed, that's normal
(Actually, nothing about any of this is normal - Keef)
Accents
Where do the chatterboxers come from, and what do they sound like when, instead of typing comments, they're talking audible words out of their actual mouths? Inquiring minds wanted to know, and so a discussion on accents was kicked off.
SandySleaze admitted to coming from Leicester, although expressed a note of hope with the sentiment that, "Living in Market Harborough may make me sound more middle class over time." Another welsh-born, but well travelled, blogger, BLC07, expressed sadness over his indistinct lilt: "To my dismay," he said, "I'm often mistaken for being English."
Timthemonkey was quick to describe his fiancée and fellow blogger: "Herself still has a light Kentish toff lilt unless she's drinking when she becomes Keira Knightley's snobbier cousin." And SageSmith gave us both a perspective on the Manchester tongue and a glorious sign that eMTG had been successful: "My younger brother moved to Surrey ten years ago and now seems to possess a stronger Mancunian accent than he ever did when he lived in God's Own City. He sounds more like Liam Terry Gallagher every day."
Lazybones also chimed in. "I'm not so sure what accent I have - I sometimes get told it's odd. Some people say it's kind of northern. It occasionally widens out to become like an accent from Birmingham. I have lived equally in Merseyside and the midlands, and London, I guess. I've got nothing interesting to say on the matter," he mused.
Finally, the lack-of-self-awareness award went to Fantomex who posted the following comment whilst discussing another matter: "Bonzer result, what nick is it in?" followed just scant moments later with a wade into accent-blog with: "Despite being born and bred Romford/London, I often get asked if I'm Australian. I have no idea why."
Glastonbury
First-timer to the festival Makar was looking for advice—"Getting naked and covering your body with paintings of flowers and strutting around in front of the cameras is ok right?" — as well as a hook-up opportunity: "I'm about 5 foot 10, short brown hair, will be wearing a t-shirt. You can't miss me."
RedDread was quick to offer his own suggestions for a good time: "Do not, under any circumstances, paint a 'hilarious' random word (Sausages, for instance) on a big banner and wave it near the stage. Or, indeed, anywhere. It will make you a Terry of unimaginable proportions," and several others spent a fruitful few hours making suggestions for items to bring along, only some of which contravened English statute.
HereComesTreble was quick to poo-poo most of these, however: "In my day, all you needed to take to a festival was the clothes on your bag, a box of wine, a huge wad of cash (small bills), and a knife. Small enough to tape to the inside of your thigh, but big enough to kill a man." (and there's the Glastonbury spirit, summed up in one phrase - Keef)
BloodBowl
This Games Workshop classic has seen much online play by the gamesbloggers recently, either using the licensed game of last year or other unofficial implementations available. The week saw a huge amount of posts on administration, match arrangement, setup and technical advice, and match reports. All of which were, by volume, worthy of brief acknowledgement — but too dull for anything more than that.
Timesplitters
Kicked off by a comparison made with Bioshock 2, SageSmith asked of this PS2-era game, "Anyone know if there are any plans to rework this series? Would be immense fun online… I'd sell my gran for a copy of a new-gen version."
As somebody who never played Timesplitters or its sequel, all that this humble author could do was try to build up a mental image of the game from the comments that were made:
VictoriousCupid: "Nothing quite as scary as a whole team of gun-toting ducks coming after you"
Umboros23: "The likes of Bullethell look to be doing a similar FPS with some new ideas. Not sure if it features a monkey."
(You mean Bulletstorm, surely? Keef)
Sagesmith: "It was all about the mummies."
Amipal: "We used to set up a Bag Grab game with an all zombie team. Hilarious times punching off zombie head after zombie head."
Gettingnervous: "I still have nightmares about falling snowmen."
Timethemonkey: "The scream the gingerbread men emitted when you set them alight will haunt me until the day I die."
In conclusion: I'm still not sure if this was a wind-up.
Animal injuries
Begun by Sorbicol, whose cat had badly injured his leg whilst chasing a fly, there was a wave of sympathy and heartfelt concern for the critter—"Ah, poor little fella. Waking up half shaven is not fun," said SuperSmashIn, "…I know." And this was followed by a list of injured animals experienced by the 'boxers, most of which are far too gruesome to repeat. Typifying the horror, amipal fed back on one tale with: "That story is disturbing, even more disturbing than the evening I ran over a family of ducks," which should suffice to outline the general idea.
Again, however, Lazybones came to the rescue by turning the discussion neatly around: "I once got attacked by a dog," he explained. "My own dog. I put my face next to its face and growled when it was plausibly expecting to be given a ham sandwich. It went nuts."
More money than sense
With the launch of the iPhone 4, a discussion erupted on the mental state of the people forking out £600 for it on release day. Leaving this aside, it was the fringe conversation on outrageous spending that became interesting. In general consumerist bafflement, SageSmith asked "What quantity (number of bottles) of aftershave is it acceptable for a man to own before he exposes himself to the risk of being dubbed a softie" and Limni chanced the flush and wealthy mood with "Does anybody want to buy a mountain bike?"
(This has just stopped even *trying* to make sense, hasn't it? Keef)
Quotes of the Week
"I was in a band once called 'Brad Hogg's Left-Arm Chinaman'. We were good. We were very good."
We'll have to take HereComesTreble's word, of course.
"Does that mean we have 'Dwarf Terry Wizards'?"
RobLindsay comes to terms with linguistic developments.
"I've dropped half my sandwich on the floor. I think I'm going to cry. :o("
Herselfthemonkey has a bad day.
"Steven Seagal: He is too hard for the cinema, so he goes straight to DVD"
CatZilla is a fan of everyone's favourite lawman and blues guitarist.
"I went to the Bhuddist centre of world peace and tranquillity (it's in Scotland!) and I got attacked by angry seagulls."
SerenVikity grapples with an inconsistency of place and experience.
"Thanks for all your congratulations and best wishes for my new son yesterday. Slightly fewer thanks for the name suggestions - I think I'll pass on Wayne, Terry, Emile and even - though it was tempting – Fabio"
Huge congratulations to Killerbee and the growing family.
Regulars
Don't forget that you can find information on everyone's gamer tags - and more! - at the Chatterbox wikipage.
And check out our inspiring Spotify list - especially the additions Keef made on a boozy Friday night a few weeks ago.
Finally, make sure you're free on July 17 for the Official Gamesblog Meat-Up, taking place at the historic George Inn in London Town. More info here.
