Benidorm actress Crissy Rock has opened up about the harrowing abuse she said she suffered during her childhood.
The 60-year-old from Liverpool appeared on ITV's Loose Women to talk about her horrific experience and how she is finally learning to forgive herself and come to terms with what happened.
She told the panel about alleged physical and sexual abuse by her grandad, and said: "A lot of what happens in your life is related to mental health. And I've always known why I have these feelings and why I have these anxiety attacks, but I am able now to control it.
"A smell, a sound, a noise and then it has this domino effect with transports you right back.
"The most horrible thing is that he is your grandad and you love him. You don't expect this person to turn into what he did.
"I have a phobia of a bath, because for me it was being dragged out your bed by the scruff of your head, thrown in a freezing cold bath and water from a pan thrown over you and scrubbed with a scrubbing brush and being told how disgusting and filthy you are, and this is all your fault."
Crissy was living in a house with her whole family at the time the alleged abuse started.
When her mum and dad moved out she wanted to stay with her nan, but she said her home was no longer a safe space.
Crissy said: "So, that's why being a comic helped a lot. Because I never really had a home. So, the only home I ever felt safe was on a stage. Nobody could take that off me."
She was asked if she realised what was happening when the abuse started at the age of seven, and why she didn't feel she could tell anyone.
She said: "Because you were told it was your fault and that they wouldn't believe you and they would think you were horrible and stupid.
"I couldn't concentrate in school, that's why I could ready or write till I was 27, because I was so worried about what was going to happen when you got home."
She admitted that she had self harmed for 17 years following the abuse, and it only stopped when she was forced to help care for her grandad after he had a stroke.
When he died, Crissy said her anger grew, and added: "How dare you just die and not say anything. I loved him as a granddad and I don't understand why he did what he did."
Now that she is finally coming to terms with what happened, she added: "If you can love yourself, anything else is a bonus."
Viewers tweeted their support for the actress.
One said: "What a terrible time that Chrissy went throughout your life & what happened & speaking on live tv 'you're one phenomenal lady ' I know as the bubbly character on best hit show #Benidorm keep strong I love you Chrissy Rock
Another said: "Must take so much courage to speak out like this!"
A third added: "Sending all my love to Crissy. A Liverpool icon, a woman who is the master of her craft."
*Loose Women is on ITV1, weekdays from 12:30pm
.jpg?w=600)
