Well not to interfere but in the end I went to Dave, babes I know it sounds ridic but are you sure that nobody will, like, STARVE? I mean the Goveys were on the edge even before child allowance stopped & now Sarah says without the black market in complimentary gel eyeliners it would be goodbye to the aroma diffuser and don't even think about threading, I swear Oik would not care if he heard his wife was bartering her novels for a half-leg and bikini? Seriously, Anya saw her turned away from Bharti Vyas, like something out of Dickens, she was like, thank God Frances knows I am not much of a reader, or she would have been after my tote in SECONDS, I have never seen such desperation in a woman's eyes. And on the school run everyone says it is coming to a choice between lose the family skiing holiday or try sex trafficking, though God knows where you start in Notting Hill, I know someone saw a year-five mother auctioning an au pair outside Lidgate, apparently there is this amazing asylum-seeker who will do a month's maths coaching for a 12-portion beef bourguignon pie, serious bargain, but what happens to the homework of children of mothers who may only have an old charwoman to sell, I mean no offence but how is that even fair?
And Dave was just explaining when Tommy Strathclyde finally resigned and he had to write this letter saying farewell to the legend that is the Fartmeister etc. But actually, total result? Because Crosby keeps going, Dave, listen to Lynton, you keep your fatty boombahs or you target lardarses, you can't do both, am I right Sabrina? So Fellowes is doing intermittent fasting, Soamesy is on the Dukan and Picklesy's gastric band is booked for as soon as he will fit in a lorry? But the Fartmeister just went, do not ask me Dave, as a Strathclyde and a patriot I will make any sacrifice for this party save one – and that is to lose the physique that has driven women wild, I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me my chins or give me death. Dave was like, whatevs :)
