“You never learn more than when you get your ass kicked,” Craig Bellamy had said matter-of-factly of cherry-picking a friendly against England and, presumably, he kept telling himself that as Thomas Tuchel’s side eviscerated his bewildered Wales team within the opening 19 and a half minutes. Bellamy stood open-mouthed, eyes frozen, on the edge of his technical area after Bukayo Saka located the top corner of Karl Darlow’s goal to make it 3-0 and the reality is it should have been 4-0 inside 40 minutes. No wonder Bellamy found himself glancing towards one of the giant scoreboards.
In many ways the Wales manager predicted this, jesting a boxing promoter would not pit the teams together owing to the gulf between the squads, and 20 minutes in it felt worth pondering if there was any value in stopping the count. Bellamy defended selecting this fixture, insisting his squad would relish the challenge of facing a team fourth in the Fifa rankings and that the contest would provide him a barometer of where they stand before Monday’s crunch World Cup qualifier at home to Belgium. He spied similarities between England and Belgium and suggested the post-match analysis clips would retain their value rather than requiring them to start over.
There was a touch of pantomime to the pre-match jousting between foes, chiefly the boisterous jeering of each other’s anthems. So much for Bellamy saying the teams cannot consider themselves rivals because of how irregularly they face each other, this the first meeting between the nations since England cantered to 3-0 group-stage victory at the World Cup in Qatar, which sent Wales packing. That match was Gareth Bale’s 111th and final appearance in a Wales shirt, withdrawn at half-time after only seven first-half touches. Liam Cullen, the Swansea forward operating in a midfield role, managed a mere four in the opening 47 minutes here; by comparison, the commanding Elliot Anderson and Declan Rice racked up 55 and 50 respectively. The most alarming thing was how quickly this game, too, descended into a nonevent.
The early intentions had been good, David Brooks tearing towards Anderson to pinch the ball before galloping forward inside the first minute. It was one of few Wales actions that spoke to Bellamy’s vow that his team would not be tourists. They were, however, undoubtedly second best, England completing almost twice as many passes as they hogged possession and Wales’s first shot on target did not arrive until the 56th minute, when Jordan Pickford repelled a Brooks volley. In the first half England managed 25 touches in the opposition box to Wales’s five and Wales’s sole shot was a wayward Harry Wilson effort that corkscrewed harmlessly away from Pickford.
The Wales defence was missing when England led inside 130 seconds. Bellamy, in a bomber jacket, turned in disgust after Neco Williams failed to track Marc Guéhi and retreated to the dugout to take a second look with his assistant, Piet Cremers. It made for grim viewing and the vast Wembley bowl seemed to swallow those in red and grow bigger every time England breached the Wales goal. Bellamy warned his players to expect “Champions League speed” and Wales struggled to cope with the hosts’ speed of thought. A difficult test morphed into an exercise in damage limitation.
A quadruple substitution midway through the second half featured Ben Davies, on his 99th cap, Williams, this his half-century for his country, Ethan Ampadu and Wilson depart with the bigger picture in mind. It was at that point that the almost 8,000-strong band of Wales supporters decided to play the hits. “Wales away, a-huh, a-huh, I like it,” they sang on loop, many fans by now, naturally, shirtless. It seemed to translate to the pitch – Wales unhinged, one of those substitutes, Chris Mepham, forcing Pickford into a rare save. Mark Harris, the Oxford striker who also entered off the bench, sent a header over, the cameras panning to Ian Rush in the stands.
Wales had to play a friendly as it is a World Cup qualifying round but defeat will have a negative effect on their ranking – and potentially their ranking for the playoffs next March. The Welsh optimists, Bellamy among them, will point towards the extra day of recovery time – Belgium host North Macedonia on Friday – and the relatively little travel as positives before welcoming Kevin De Bruyne and co to Cardiff.
On the pitch at least it felt a demoralising evening after so much progress under Bellamy, this only his third defeat since taking charge 15 months ago, but the most important thing is that the disappointment does not linger, that the damage is not lasting. Williams was scratching his head at the interval and he was not the only one left feeling punch-drunk. For Wales, this proved an uncomfortable clinic and Bellamy can only hope his side learn their lessons in time for Monday. “I got my ass kicked,” he conceded afterwards.
