Only last week Lost In Showbiz was speculating that the Beckhams may eventually be forced to use their kids as a kind of epidermal Lebensraum to accomodate their ever-expanding tattoo collection; now Grazia suggests that David and Victoria are considering acquiring the skin and contents of a whole new child. Yes, according to the magazine, David was deeply touched by his recent UNICEF-organised visit to Sierra Leone, and he and Posh are considering adopting.
"If there's one subject that can move him to tears," a source is quoted as saying, "it's the thought of being unloved, uncared for and with no hope or future."
Jesus. Is it EVER not all about his 100th cap?
Anyway, if true, the move would of course spell instant fashion death for the celebrity adoption trend, denuding it overnight of all its folksy cool, and causing the return of photogenic tykes like Madonna's little David Banda and the entire Pitt-Jolie infant army to the third world orphanages whence they came. It would be a lot like when Page 3 girls started wearing Ugg boots.
Under cover of night, or from CIA black sites, private jets would extraordinarily render the outmoded tots back to where they were purchased, leaving some low-level flunky to dump them on the steps of their erstwhile childrens' homes, with only the baby Dior threads on their back and a Swarowski-encrusted iPhone - tragically already sans dial tone. Adjusting to life back inside, without a macrobiotic chef and a retinue of "people" would be a heartbreaking struggle indeed, with several of the youngsters expected to fail to make the transition, retreating instead into a twilight world of pretending the lunchtime slop has been flown in from an ayurvedic clinic, and commanding their non-existent publicist to announce a new perfume line to the rats chewing their blankets.
Come on Beckhams: do you really want this one on your conscience?
