It’s easy to come on top when you’re negotiating with Donald Trump, so long as you’re prepared to sacrifice your dignity, ethics, and self-respect. As leaders around the world have long realized, the way to get on the President’s good side is through crawling flattery and submissiveness, and perhaps throwing in a $400 million private jet for good measure.
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has clearly been paying attention, as he’s just delivered a masterclass in brown-nosing Trump. Trump has now effectively deleted tariffs for the United Kingdom and said it was “because I like them”.
It should be remembered that Starmer is the leader of the (nominally) left-wing Labour Party, whose ministers have previously described Trump as a “KKK/neo-Nazi sympathizer”, an “odious, sad, little man”, and as a “racist, misogynistic, self-confessed groper”.
Doubtless, Starmer thinks similar things, but he’s successfully suppressed his opinions and his self-respect. He’s glowingly described Trump as a “true friend in the Oval Office” and love-bombed him, including officially inviting him on a royal state visit to the United Kingdom where Trump can hobnob at Buckingham Palace.
Kneel before Trump!
Keir Starmer cleaning up Trump's mess…pic.twitter.com/UvoqtuOSCU
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) June 16, 2025
There was even a moment where Starmer literally took the knee to Trump during their meeting at the G7. Butterfingers Trump dropped the trade agreement on the floor, only for Starmer to quickly kneel at his feet and scoop up his papers.
The moment was only slightly spoiled by Trump saying, “I just signed it, and it’s done. And so we have our trade agreement with the European Union, and it’s a fair deal for both, and it produces a lot of jobs, a lot of income.”
That’s great Mr President, only this deal is with the United Kingdom, not the European Union. But no biggie for the mistake, you’ve had a long flight and you’re ever so busy, can I get you anything? Tea, coffee, maybe shine your shoes? What if I got on all fours in front of you so you can put your feet up on my back? You like us, right? Ha ha, you won’t economically ruin my country for on a whim right? Right?
Sometime down the line, there may come a political price for cozying up to a man currently sending the troops out to squash legitimate protests, who commands a squad of masked goons scooping anyone they choose off the street and sending them to foreign hellholes, and who’s leading us inexorably into World War 3. But, for now, the Starmer tongue has more than proved its worth and the Trump butt has never been cleaner.
