A mum-of-five covered in bruises and with a stab wound in her leg bundled her children and a few possessions into a car and fled her Welsh home, leaving almost everything she owned and most of the kids' toys and bikes behind.
She had been sexually assaulted and beaten by her partner over 12 years, and her son had tried to kill himself at one point after she was slashed down the side of her face.
But it was when she was found unconscious outside her home, beaten black and blue and stabbed, that she decided, finally, enough was enough.
“I drove 236 miles from Newport to the North of England covered in bruises and I was stabbed in the back of the leg," said the woman, who does not want to be named.
“My son was quiet on the journey up there. The kids packed a little holdall with some of their toys, my son took his X-Box, along with the clothes in the boot of the car. We lost everything, we left most of the kids’ toys, bikes and the swimming pool. It’s hard as I’ve done it twice - it’s really, really tough when you up and leave. It’s about whatever you can get in your car at the time.”
She had fled to a women's refuge in the North of England, a lifeline for women in all manner of circumstances. There are similar facilities all over the UK offering escape to women who can not stay where they are any longer.
A Welsh Government spokeswoman said: “There are over 300 refuge spaces in Wales for any person in need of a safe place. Throughout the pandemic space has always remained available. We would urge anyone experiencing any form of violence or domestic abuse to seek out the help and support which is available across Wales. Our Live Fear Free helpline is there 24/7.”
The woman who spoke to WalesOnline said her relationship did not begin as an abusive one.
“The first year was fine, it was a normal relationship,” she said. But she added: “Throughout the 12 years, I was sexually assaulted by my ex-partner, I was hit and the children were hit. Social services said there should be no contact with any of the kids. He went off for the weekend and I changed the locks."
Then she suffered a near tragedy.
“My son had tried to hang himself in the bedroom. I got to him in time. It happened two days after I was slashed down the side of my face. But as there was no CCTV, the police said there was no evidence and the case was dropped.
“My partner then assaulted me and stabbed me in the back of the leg. I was knocked unconscious, it was 3am, it was lucky this man saw my shoes in the headlights or I would have been left outside until light. I was taken to hospital and treated for everything, luckily the stab wound was not too deep. It was the last straw and made me flee to Yorkshire as far away as possible."
She said she would not have been able to get through the crisis if she had not been able to move her life into a refuge.
“It’s a lifeline. But it was scary. There were five self-contained flats in this large building, the staff were brilliant. There’s cameras, security codes on the door and your mail goes to PO Box addresses.
“There was a washbag for me, with a toothpaste, a pack of Tampax and sanitary towels along with some family shampoo. There was a little rucksack with pants, socks, a toy and a teddy and a set of PJs. There were towels already in there and they did have a food storage cupboard. Some refuges have store rooms and some do not, it’s all to do with donations.
“I had my twin girls, my boy and baby girl with me, we had two bedrooms. When I went into the refuge, the baby was six months old, the boy was 11 and the twins were six. My eldest daughter was not able to come with us, if she had she would have had to apply for a space herself so she moved in with her mother."
She said the scale of what had happened to her only became apparent when she started receiving help and was able to talk about it with someone.
"Reality hits when you start having counselling, things I thought were not abuse were confirmed to be abuse."
She said that when she left the refuge she was found a house to live in, but was burdened with debt.
“We had to sleep on the floors for days until I could figure things out,” she added.
But her ordeal was not over. She has since returned to Wales to try to piece together her and her children's lives again after her life was once more placed under threat from her former partner. He managed to track down the north of England property in which she was living after being moved to a home following eight months in the refuge and targeted them once more.
“We had to flee Yorkshire - the social services said if we didn’t our ex would kill us. He had appeared at our home at 3am and he was squirting stuff on the three doors, I do not know how he managed to find us. We left after heading to the police station."
She found herself in another refuge in Newport, before moving to one in Torfaen.
“The refuge in Newport, that was just one room. It was an absolute nightmare, the baby was one, the boy was 12 and the girls were seven and when lockdown hit the boy was having to work online for school.
"It was the most basic set-up. In the room we had a fridge as there would be food going missing in the main kitchen, I was having to buy things daily. We would have to survive off a couple of tins of beans, soups, bags of pasta and sauce and tea."
“We had to share the same room in Torfaen, we were under each other’s toes and during lockdown we had to home school as well. We would only have the kitchen for an hour and a half and then had to come out. It was hard as we had to do different bed times - we had to do that for eight months."
But she said the refuges had helped her immensely.
“It’s been a rough time but in a refuge the staff have been absolutely amazing. I have had to be strong as I went through 12 years where I didn’t know if I would leave."
Wales is home to 300 refuge spaces on top of safe houses, supported accommodation, and so-called 'move on accommodation', a stepping stone for people to 'move on' with their lives. In the last week there were on average 19 spaces available on a daily basis in Wales - a six per cent availability.
Anne Hopkins, refuge manager at West Wales Domestic Abuse Service (WWDAS), said rising numbers of people had been seeking help in the last couple of weeks.
She said: “We have been full in the last few weeks, it's getting busier now things are opening up again. They feel more confident to move now because things are slowly going back to normal. Spring/summer has always been busier. Two days are never the same and it can be chaotic sometimes. When people leave it's the fear of the unknown, they leave everything they know behind them.”
She added: “Domestic abuse is a taboo subject and people do not realise they have been through it. We support men as well as women and we have a separate place for them in Aberystwyth. By the time they come to us they are pretty broken by then, the men are in relationships with women and also with men - it's 50/50."
Anne said their refuge places were taken up by 80% women and 20% men and that security systems were in place to protect them during their time on site, and their phone location settings switched off.
She said the aim was to make the refuge a home away from home.
"We have a lovely large TV and space for people, who have their own rooms when they arrive. We want it to be welcoming and that it's their home.”
Contact the Samaritans on 116 123 and Live Fear Free at https://gov.wales/live-fear-free or call 0808 80 10 800 or text 07860 077333.
