Summary
That’s all folks, Bayern record the joint-best ever Champions League result (only after Liverpool 8-0 Besiktas in 2007) and cruise through to the quarter finals. A real shame that this match never really got going, as the Ukrainian team would surely have tested the German champions with 11 men. But credit to Bayern, as Lewandowski aside, they were typically clinical.
There will be slight worries for both Robben and Ribery, who were both substituted with injuries. It is also maybe the last time we will see all those Brazilians in a Shakhtar shirt in Europe, with a a number of clubs poised to make bids for Costa, Fred, and Teixeira in the summer.
Man of the match? Boateng: one goal, two assists. Tidy.
THAT'S IT!! FCB romp into the quarter-finals of the #UCL thanks to a 7-0 win over @FCShakhtar_eng! #FCBFCSD pic.twitter.com/2Y5R37QC6T
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) March 11, 2015
Thanks for reading, and for your emails and tweets. See you next time!
Oh, and I know he’s not German, but if you want to see a clip of David Alaba singing Justin Bieber, you can do so here, courtesy of Dominique Lang.
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Full-time: Bayern Munich 7-0 Shakhtar Donetsk
Game over. But that was probably the case in the third minute, when Bayern got their penalty and Shakhtar had Kucher sent off.
90 min: One minute added on here.
Muller managed to nick the ball away to … wait for it … Boateng who rather than defending the corner, was loitering on the half-way line?! Why? How? I guess you can do what you want when you’re 6-0 up. Boateng beats his man (LOL) and squares it for Gotze, completely unmarked at the back post. It’s actually poor control from Gotze, but he recovers and fires a smart shot through the legs of Shevchuk and inside Pyotov’s near post, catching the keeper off-guard.
GOAL! Bayern 7-0 Shakhtar (Gotze 87)
Well that was inevitable with Shakhtar’s defence stranded upfield.
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86 min: Corner for Shakhtar and a rare opportunity for their defenders to get forward. It’s a good knockdown from Stepanenko at the far post, can Adriano turn it in from close range?! No. Schweinsteiger clears, Müller collects. Bayern are on the counter-attack, ut-oh....
84 min: HAHAHAHA. David Luiz has just scored a equaliser for PSG at Stamford Bridge. The game is heading for extra-time, with the aggregate score at 2-2.
82 min: So nearly a hat-trick for Müller! Rafinha, who has played well tonight (albeit he hasn’t had to think about defending), gets forward again, whipping another cross into that near-post area. Müller meets it six-yards out but side-foots his first-time finish inexplicably wide. How very un-Müller of him.
80 min: Lewandowski is dropping increasingly deeper to pick the ball off Schweinsteiger. Kryvtsov is being dragged around like a rag doll, with Gotze, Müller and Bernat running into the empty space beyond.
Meanwhile in the other game tonight… Chelsea have taken the lead against PSG. Read the latest in our MBM.
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78 min: Shakhtar make their final change: Costa coming off for Wellington Nem. Costa looks relieved to be coming off to be honest, and who can blame him? Can’t say the Barcelona scouts will have learned an awful lot tonight though.
It’s probably the first occasion in the entire match, where Shakhtar have played a high defensive line, and they are punished. It’s a simple long ball, and Lewandowski is clear! He takes it down on his chest with his first touch, is probably a little heavy with his second, but squeezes the ball just under Pyatov to get Bayern sixth. Not a convincing finish, as he almost let Rakitskiy recover, but at least he’s on the scoresheet.
GOAL! Bayern 6-0 Shakhtar (Lewandowski 76)
The Pole gets his goal!
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73 min: Bayern are just pinging it about so let’s have more footballers liking dodgy music, and Simon Frank has reminded us of this Simon Gerrard episode, in which he alledgedly had a fight trying to get a DJ to play a Phil Collins record.
Read this article from 2008, which includes the paragraph...
One report suggested Gerrard and a group of his friends were involved in an altercation after the man refused to allow them to choose the songs played on the venue’s sound system. Gerrard is a big fan of Phil Collins and counts the singer’s greatest hits as his favourite album. He is also partial to Coldplay.
I’d take slight issue with this inclusion, as Phil Collins was actually quite good.
70 min: Change for Shakhtar, Teixeira off for Ilsinho. Brazilian for Brazilian.
68 min: Bayern break and Lewandowski twists and turns on the edge of Shakhtar’s box, as he tries to work the place for a shot. There was willing runners there, and it would have been much better to lay it off, but Lewandowski is obviously desperate to get a goal. Eventually he is closed out. 5-0 at home, and your main striker still hasn’t scored. Is that a worry?
66 min: And that is almost the last act for Badstuber, who is replaced by Dante. Badstuber gives Pep a wry smile, and Pep gives him a pat on the head in return.
Shakhtar clear the corner, but Rafinha picks up the loose ball, drives to the byline and delivers a wonderful cross, with pace, to the near post. Badstuber, still up from the corner, manages to get clear of his marker and bullets his header at goal. It’s straight at Pyatov but the Ukrainian can only tip it onto the inside of the post, before it trickles into the net. Keeper should have done better.
GOAL! Bayern 5-0 Shakhtar (Badstuber 63)
You know I said Bayern had two defensive-minded players on the pitch tonight? They’ve scored two goals and had one assist...
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61 min: Bernat almost makes an immediate impact – dancing his way past three Shakhtar defenders. Dropping the shoulder, he steals a yard from Kryvtsov and shoots low and hard. Pyatov looks as though he’s got his feet in a muddle but somehow it catches the back of his heel and squirts behind for a corner.
58 min: Here come a Bayern sub: Bernat on for Ribery, who looks to have come off badly from that Fred challenge, whilst Stepanenko receives some treatment, both himself and Rakitskiy seem to be struggling.
Meanwhile, there is an update on Robben, he’s got a trapped nerve. Ouch.
#Robben went off with a trapped nerve. RT = Get well soon, Arjen! #FCBayernLive #FCBFCSD pic.twitter.com/lJO3NQFU1s
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) March 11, 2015
56 min: You have to applaud Fred for his performance tonight, his stamina has been immense in lieu of Shakhtar’s 11th man. This time he bundles Ribery off the ball to kill a threatening Bayern counter-attack and offloads it cleverly. Great play.
54 min: What a chance for Shakhtar! The tie might be over, but that was a lovely move. This was the first time that the Brazilian’s had been given any time of space inside Bayern’s half, and they used it well: Teixeira, Fred and Costa combining to free up some space on the left. The full-back Shevchuk is completely free, takes a touch and fires in a low cross towards Adriano. The centre-forward tries to poke it towards goal, but it’s a great block from Badstuber on the six yard box. Saved a certain goal.
More Ribery wizardry, this time he beats Srna to get to the byline, before firing a low cross across the six-yard box. Pyatov comes off his line but his tip only takes it away from his defenders, and Müller is there to mop up, finishing into an empty net.
GOAL! Bayern 4-0 Shakhtar (Müller 51)
Oh dear.
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Simple goal: Ribery cuts inside after some wonderful interplay with Gotze, plays a one-two with Boateng (what is he doing in Shakhtar’s penalty box again?!), gets his head up and slips a calm finish into the bottom right hand corner. Pep continues to celebrate like he’s won the World Cup. Fair do’s.
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GOAL! Bayern 3-0 Shakhtar (Ribery 49)
This could end up being a cricket score.
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47 min: There are a few occasions where Shakhtar have had some encouraging positions on the counter-attack but a poor pass has broken the move up. This time it’s Fred who is the guilty man. You can put that down to the Bayern pressing though, I suppose.
Peeeep, here we go again.
The teams are back out, there are no changes. It’s unclear if Pep was lambasting Lewandowski in the tunnel just there, or if he was just enthusiastically telling him to DO SOMETHING.
Half-time entertainment, and it’s another instalment of out ‘German taste in music’ series. Hat-tip: Canada’s Travis Dudfield.
The following is from this 2006 Simon Hattenstone blog.
“Being German, I love David Hasselhoff. It’s actually the law back in the Motherland. For me the Hoff is almost like some kind of higher spirit. Hoff-ness is everywhere. The Hoff is a big inspiration - in times of trouble I often ask myself, ‘how would The Hoff deal with this situation?’” ex-Fulham full-back Moritz Volz
For those who like Volz, I would encourage you to visit his website, Volzy.com, which includes a catchy Englishman in New York-based soundtrack, and a list of his favourite websites, which includes… Nando’s.
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Half-time: Bayern Munich 2-0 Shakhtar Donetsk
What a shame we had to have that early red card for Kucher. Bayern with one foot in the quarter finals.
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45 min: The half is rather petering out here, Bayern keeping the ball, and seem happy to see this out.
43 min: Regarding better penalty takers...
Balotelli? @michaelbutler18 Never in doubt. Is there a better penalty taker in the world?
— Mister Justin (@mister_justin) March 11, 2015
David French also seconds that, on the email.
41 min: Lewandowski has had a poor half, despite Bayern’s dominance. First he gives a cheap free kick away to give Shakhtar’s defence a breather, then on Bayern’s resulting counter-attack, can only muster a weak shot straight at Pyatov.
38 min: Ooooo a fracas. Ribery goes down off the ball, with other Bayern players claiming Costa elbowed him in the back of the head. Boateng is incensed and starts some handbags. Bayern’s players are asking for a red, but the ref only dishes out yellows to Costa and Boateng, for his reaction. The Allianz Arena booes, but there doesn’t look to be anything in that alleged elbow.
Both @JB17Official and #Costa are shown yellow cards following an altercation. (38') #FCBayernLive #FCBFCSD 2-0 pic.twitter.com/BQNU9HTwQ7
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) March 11, 2015
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36 min: What is perplexing is how deep Shakhtar are defending. Bayern are often able to play keep-ball, even inside their opponents’ box.
“Thought the penalty and red card in this match was weak but red against Ibra in the other match was insanely wrong,” emails Gene Salario. “Nice to see though that Arjen is sharing his years of experience with the younger Bayern players.”
Not sure it was his generosity of spirit that lead to the substitution, but ok.
33 min: It’s not the prettiest goal, but Guardiola and co won’t care about that. Muller heads a clever knock down to Lewandowski, who despite being on the six yard line, has enough time to take a touch, turn, and fire a point-blank shot at Pyatov. The keeper makes a superb save, but Boateng – what on earth is he doing there? – tapping in the rebound from two yards. He’s not offside, with Srna on the goalline. Game over, surely?
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GOAL! Bayern Munich 2-0 Shakhtar (Boateng 33)
And there’s the killer goal.
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30 min: Corner to Bayern. Shakhtar are defending admirably, although they have been a touch lucky, but you sense that if Bayern find a second, that will be the tie over. As it stands, Shakhtar still need just one.
Update from the Chelsea v PSG game, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been sent off! Follow it live here.
28 min: Goalmouth scramble! Shakhtar survive! Ribery jinks right, then onto his weaker left before firing a strike at Pyatov. It’s not in the corner, but one of those low, central shots that sometimes catches keepers out. Pyatov gets down well, and Srna is able to hack clear at about the 746,936th attempt.
25 min: Gotze loses possession to Teixeira, who intercepts the pass before poking the ball beyond Badstuber. It’s a pretty blatant foul from the German, and a yellow card for Badstuber. Rightly so.
24 min: Shakhtar can’t get out of their half. Neuer is standing just next to the half-way line. He already looks very bored.
23 min: What a miss from Lewandowski! Simple cross played in from the right from Rafinha, and Lewandowski is completely unmarked at the back post! He has time to judge the flight before planting a bullet header against the far post from eight yards out, with the rebound landing safely, as far as Shakhtar are concerned. It should be 2-0.
21 min: We’ve had a couple more replays on that penalty decision. Whether it was correct or not, it has ruined the tie somewhat.
“Should have been a yellow for the dive. Incredibly harsh, and it’s not as if Bayern needed any help,” quips Tim Hughes.
19 min: Bayern in complete control, every pass being jeered. The Allianz is bouncing, just 800 of the 70,000 are Shakhtar fans.
17 min: Robben is being taken off! Rode is ready to come on, it looks at though the Dutchman is feeling his hamstring, although he’s not very happy at coming off.
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15 min: Bayern are already peppering Shakhtar’s goal. First Robben hits a volley – did that striker Shevchuk’s arm? – but it is blocked, next Ribery cuts inside but his effort is closed down well by Kryvtsov. Ouch, very brave, but that looked like that hurt. Hands to the pump, etc.
14 min: First real break for Shakhtar! Fred collects a clearance and plays a lovely one-two with Costa. Fred is clear of the defence but has an entire half to dribble before he reaches Bayern’s goal... outstanding tackle from Boateng. The German showed such pace there. First sign of danger there though, and remember one goal and Shakhtar are leading this tie.
12 min: Another corner for Bayern, this time a direct result of an outstanding shank by the keeper Pyatov. They are really under the cosh here Shakhtar.
11 min: Bayern work a corner, and it finds its way to Robben, who swivels but can only blast over.
9 min: Shakhtar make their change: Taison, an attacking midfielder coming off for Kryvtsov, who is a central defender. Shame for Taison, who was bright in the first leg, and who also has a magnificent head of hair. Think Willian, x20.
7 min: So close for Bayern! Lewandowski sets off down the left channel, and he has the legs on Rakitskiy, breaking into the box. The Pole is forced wide but dinks the ball over the onrushing Pyatov. His cross/shot evades both the inside of the far post, and Robben who was stretching to reach it. Behind for a goal kick. Shakhtar really need to reorganise now that they are down to 10 men. Missing their key central midfielder.
5 min: Costa shows good feet in the middle and releases Adriano who wins a corner. Cor, this just got a whole lot harder for Shakhtar, surely a set piece is their best hope of an away goal. Easily cleared by Bayern.
GOAL! Bayern 1-0 Shakhtar (Müller pen 4)
Never in doubt. Is there a better penalty taker in the world?
Bayern’s first slick move of the night, completely carves apart the centre of Shakhtar’s defence. Gotze glides through and gets himself between Kucher and the ball. There looks to be minimal contact, but the German hits the deck regardless. Kucher is judged to be last man – he probably was – so he’s off. Question marks still remain over the contact though, replays are unconvincing. Muller gives Pyatov the eyes, sends him the wrong way and passes the ball into the bottom left hand corner.
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3 min: PENALTY TO BAYERN! RED CARD TO SHAKHTAR’S KUCHER!
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2 min: Bayern have assumed control of the football, and have already tested Neuer with three difficult backpasses, which the keeper has dealt with supremely. He’s quite good, isn’t he?
Peeeeeep! And we’re off!
The teams are out, Bayern in their red and white strip, whilst Shakhtar are in white, with an orange trim. The Champions League anthem is playing, cue goosebumps, etc. Let’s do this!
Kevin Richtscheid, from Canada no less, has got in touch with tonight’s first email:
“It’s not exactly demonstrative of Germans with bad taste in music, but who can forget the following clip:
As good as Thomas Müller’s moves are, don’t miss Manuel Neuer’s in the background. That hand swish is something else. World Cup victory for these two was inevitable.”
As the Ukraine crisis rumbles on, in an attempt to persuade their Brazilians not to leave, Shakhtar have launched a training camp in the South American nation, which is nice/should hoover up the remaining talent on the continent.
Shakhtar’s chief attacking threat will be based around their four Brazilians: Douglas Costa, Teixeira, Taison, Adriano.
All eyes, not least the reported Barcelona scouts in attendance in Munich tonight, will be on Douglas Costa, who looks certain to move on this summer. Chelsea considered a bid for him before they signed Cuadrado and Roma are also said to be interested. Costa would cost around £30m, he’ll be looking to impress tonight.
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This has no bearing on tonight’s match, other than the fact he used to play for Bayern, but I still think this is an appropriate moment to bring up this tweet from last month.
Happy Birthday to the greatest entertainer of our time ! @robbiewilliams #legend
— Toni Kroos (@ToniKroos) February 13, 2015
THE GREATEST OF OUR TIME. The Germans aren’t known for their sarcasm, either. Crikey.
If there are any footballers you know (preferably German, but whatevs) that you know have awful music taste, do let me know via email michael.butler@theguardian.com or via Twitter @michaelbutler18.
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Pep has had three interesting things to say ahead of tonight’s match, starting with that he thinks he could be sacked if Bayern don’t get through tonight!
I am still young, but I know what would happen if we do not go through to the next stage. I am the coach of a really big club and I know that it is a problem if we don’t progress to the quarter-finals or the semi-finals, even the final. That is part of the business and I am prepared for it.
Pep won’t get sacked. But it’s nice of him to admit that he’s mortal.
Perhaps there will be surprises for us, we do not know yet what kind of game they [Shakhtar] will play - defensively or not.
This is hugely important, figuring out Shakhtar’s mindset. The Ukrainian side are at their best when they counter-attack, which is worrying for a Bayern side that looks almost overly offensive. But will Shakhtar stay compact as they did in the first leg, or push for that vital away goal? They can’t defend for 90 minutes at the Allianz and expect to progress.
We have not practised penalties!
Wouldn’t worry about that Pep, your team is full of Germans. Oh, and you’ve got Neuer.
Tonight’s heroes and villains:
Bayern: Neuer, Rafinha, Boateng, Badstuber, Alaba, Schweinsteiger, Robben, Götze, Ribéry, Müller, Lewandowski
Shakhtar: Pyatov, Srna, Kucher, Rakitskiy, Shevchuk, Fred, Stepanenko, Costa, Teixeira, Taison, Adriano
Referee: William Collum (Scotland)
Ok folks! Hold onto your hats! Bayern have selected all of two defensive-minded players – Badstuber and Boateng – considering that Alaba, Rafinha and even Neuer are constantly looking to get forward. Lewandowski, who didn’t start in the first leg, comes in for Xabi Alonso, which tells you everything you need to know about Bayern’s outlook tonight. I’m going to pluck for a 4-1-4-1 formation, with Schweinsteiger attempting to hold things together in front of the defence. What an important role he’s got tonight.
Shakhtar’s only change from the first leg is to bring in Stepanenko, who has returned from suspension, for Fernando. 4-4-2.
Preamble
Hello world! And welcome to Germany v Brazil round three!
Firstly we saw Deutschland pummel the World Cup hosts to within an inch of their collective lives last summer, in one of the most memorable matches ever. Last month in the first leg on this here round-of-16 tie, 99% German Bayern and 99% Brazilian Shakhar played out a 0-0, that according to our MBMer that evening, a one Ian McCourt, was so boring he occasionally took to counting his feet.
Here’s to hoping tonight’s effort is somewhere between the two. We’d like both goals and tactical competency please, Mr Football. Preferably an early goal, too. And whilst admitting that this preamble’s 99%-based maths is false (Bayern’s Robben, Ribery, Alaba, Shakhtar’s Srna, Pyatov, Kucher to name but a few) in a vain attempt to insert some kind of higher narrative, there is something to the two nations thing. “We have 13 Brazilians in the squad who are dreaming of exacting revenge against Bayern’s six world champions,” barked Shakhtar manager Mircea Lucescu before the first leg. The sentiment hasn’t changed.
The stats are ominous for Shakhtar: Bayern didn’t cede a single goal at home in their Champions League group, and history tells us that after drawing the first leg away in Europe, Bayern have gone on to win the tie 19 out of 21 times.
To top it all off, this guy is back.
Welcome back, captain Lahm! #esmuellert #FCBayern pic.twitter.com/AXCQ0BVDQu
— Thomas Müller (@esmuellert_) March 9, 2015
Having said that Philipp Lahm wouldn’t be included in tonight’s squad, Pep has only gone back on his word, the cheeky so and so. Bayern’s captain returned to training last week after breaking his ankle in training in November. The 30-year-old will likely just be putting his feet up on the Bayern bench tonight, but with Javi Martínez and Thiago still sidelined with injury, and Xabi Alonso suspended following his red card in the first leg, they are surprisingly light in the middle of midfield, so don’t rule out Pep bringing the little man on if needed.
He shouldn’t be needed. But then this round-of-16 has already thrown up some surprising results – Arsenal 1-3 Monaco, Bayer Leverkusen 1-0 Atlético Madrid, Real Madrid 3-4 Schalke – and Shakhtar only need a score draw to progress. They were resilient in defence at home, if you can call it that, but with their creative star Bernard still missing, may struggle to prize a Bayern defence apart.
We don’t know what’s going to happen. Because football.
Kick-off: 7.45pm GMT.
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