FULL TIME: Bayern Munich 6-1 Porto (agg: 7-4)
Franck and Arjen who? Bayern were magnificent, admittedly against a Porto side who forgot to turn up until the last 20 minutes. Bayern make the semis, and having made a statement like this, will take some beating. The dream of a sixth European Cup remains. As for the Portuguese, well, they’ll always have Vienna. Good night.
Updated
90 min +2: Bayern stroke it this way and that.
Updated
90 min +1: There will be three added minutes. Weiser breaks into the area down the right and pulls the ball inside for Lewandowski, who should register his first hat-trick for Bayern, but his shot from six yards is blocked. Then Rode has a crack, but that one’s blocked too. Porto desperately want to go home.
90 min: Thiago, who started this rout, is replaced by Dante.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 6-1 Porto (Alonso 88); agg 7-4
The resulting free kick is 25 yards from goal, just to the left of centre. Alonso steps up, having gone close enough with an attempt earlier. This one finds the top-left corner and sweetly ripples the net. A majestic free kick! And the slim chance of a highly unlikely Porto comeback is very much over.
Updated
RED CARD! Marcano (Porto)
87 min: Thiago makes good down the inside-left channel. Marcano, already booked, slides in with his knees up, a very strange tackle. He takes his opponent out. The referee has no option. He’s off.
Updated
86 min: Evandro, down the right, swings a deep cross towards Martinez at the far post. Martinez looks to van Basten a volley home from the tightest of angles, but takes a fresh-air swipe. That really would have been something. Weiser comes on for Gotze.
84 min: Why didn’t this Porto side turn up at 8.45pm local time?
83 min: Oliver Torres has a little space down the left, and there’s acres of empty grass in front of Ricardo, bombing down the inside-left channel. Torres slips the ball inside and forwards, but the pass is too strong and the alert Neuer comes to the edge of his area to claim before Ricardo can latch onto the ball and break into the box.
82 min: Gotze is fouled to the right of the Porto box. Chance for Bayern to load the box. Alonso delivers. Maicon clears. Time ticks on.
80 min: Lahm draws on all that experience and buys a foul with a time-consuming dribble down the right wing. Bayern haven’t exactly been a bag of nerves since the goal, but they’ve been a little unsettled, with the game stretched out of shape. This break gives them time to regroup.
78 min: Lewandowski, step for step, replicates Martinez’s effort of two minutes earlier, up the other end. So close to threading that into the bottom left. Fabiano wasn’t getting to that. What a strange match this has suddenly become. Nothing for the best part of 30 second-half minutes, and now panic at both ends.
76 min: Bayern want to watch themselves here. Martinez embarks on a diagonal run across the face of the Bayern box, from left to right, and then unleashes a low fizzer towards the bottom-left corner. It’s only an inch or two wide of the post, and it’s not clear that Neuer would have got to that were it on target. Another Porto goal would plunge this tie into chaos!
GOAL! Bayern Munich 5-1 Porto (Martinez 73); agg 6-4
Bayern fall asleep. Ricardo slides the ball down the right wing for Evandro, who whips a cross into the middle for Martinez. The striker’s a yard offside, but the flag doesn’t go up, and he stoops to head into an empty net, Neuer stranded by the right-hand post. Porto don’t bother celebrating. But they have a smidgen of hope now. Two goals would do it!
Updated
72 min: Marcano is booked for a fairly basic clatter on Muller. Before the game can restart, Rode comes on for a tired-looking Rafinha.
Updated
71 min: The ball breaks to Martinez on the edge of the Bayern box. He’s got time to send a snapshot goalwards if he’s very quick. But he’s not very quick, and falls over instead. Ricardo twists and turns a lot down the right, in the hope of getting a cross in, but can’t quite work something for himself. A little bit better from Porto, but of course it’s too little, too late.
69 min: Lewandowski nearly sends Gotze scooting into acres of space down the left wing, but his scooped pass doesn’t quite come off. The pair smile at each other. Hey, if you can’t enjoy yourself while 5-0 up in a European Cup quarter final, when can you?
67 min: More admin, as Brahimi is replaced by Evandro.
65 min: Ricardo is booked for a late clip on Bernat.
63 min: Muller zips down the right and whips a dangerous low ball into the Porto six-yard area. Thiago is waiting to tap home, but Marcano steps in to clatter the ball out for a corner. Badstuber tries to guide a header into the top left from the resulting set piece, but it’s not on target. On the touchline, Pep Guardiola must have been livid with the miss, because he’s bursting out of his well-cut suit, Incredible Hulk style! The stitching undone on his trousers, a saucy flash of bare thigh. Oh Pep! I wonder if the club tailor will storm out after this match in a Dr Hans style fit of pique?
Updated
61 min: Bernat tears down the inside-left channel and fizzes a shot towards the bottom left. It’s deflected round the post for a corner, from which the ball’s worked up the flank, Boateng floating a chip into the area down the channel. Gotze can’t bring the ball down from the sky, though he had sprung the offside trap. He looks pained at his failure to get a shot away, but not that pained.
59 min: Porto’s confidence is, as you’d expect, at rock bottom. A simple pass out to Marcano on the left wing. A simple trap to control, but he can’t even manage that, jumping all round the ball as it flies into touch. A bad day at the office. We all have them.
58 min: And indeed he takes it, whipping the ball up over the Porto wall and back down towards the top-left corner. Ah, not quite, the ball clearing the bar by a couple of inches. A decent effort.
57 min: The ball bouncing around the edge of the Porto box. Lewandowski can’t get a volley away. Muller looks to chest down, but is barged to the ground. That’ll be a free kick, in a very dangerous position, just outside the box to the left of the D. Xabi Alonso looks like he fancies this.
54 min: A lot of flags waving, and cheery chanting. Nothing of any note occurring on the pitch. Everyone knows this is over. A painful non-event now for Porto. “Thanks for commiserating,” begins Alan Gomes, presumably having worked himself halfway into the half-time port. “I’m an FC Porto fan living in Vienna - last week I visited Ernst Happel Stadium to check out the plaque celebrating that glorious 1987 Champions Cup final, which was played here. I was hoping it would bring luck to the return leg. Oh well. Anyway, I’d argue my pain is even worse than the average Porto fan’s. I’m watching this catastrophe with my six-year old son. Since Austria is, in footballing terms, an extension of Bavaria, and all his friends are Bayern fans, he’s rooting for Bayern. And he’s wildly celebrating. Every. Single. Goal. I’m thinking his sister is going to get the full inheritance all to herself.”
51 min: A signal lack of pace in the game right now. Bayern are content to stroke it around the middle, going nowhere in particular. Porto seem disinclined to press them too hard. If both sides could go home now, they’d do so.
48 min: A strange atmosphere in Munich now. It’s celebratory, obviously, but also a slight sense of anti-climax now. A sense already that we’re just running down the clock, Bayern already in the semi-finals.
21 seconds into the half: The ball drops to Gotze, just inside the Porto box on the left. He flashes a volley inches wide of the right-hand post, Fabiano beaten all ends up. Bayern are clearly yet to declare.
And we’re off again! A second change for Porto, the nigh-on-invisible Quaresma replaced by Ruben Neves. “Ten pounds says ex-Bayern club doctor Hans-Wilhelm Muller-Wohlfhart can now be found curled up with a bottle of schnapps with a few similar dead soldiers at his feet as tears stream down his face,” writes feelgood guy Mark Raven. “Der Daffy Doctor who deserted Munich sees his ex-club up 5-0 and his power play in tatters.” Yes, that one’s not panned out perfectly for him, all told.
Half-time refreshment: An entire bottle of delicious, nutritious, pain-relieving port, to deaden the emotions of anyone supporting the Dragons. This drink’s on us, yours to cut out and keep, a little cheeky lifter from your old pals at the Guardian. And hey, you’ll always have Vienna.
Updated
HALF TIME: Bayern Munich 5-0 Porto (agg 6-3)
Just the five in it, then. Wow. Porto have been an abject shower, but Bayern’s play has been scintillating. The second half will be an exhibition. What a Champions League statement this has been! “Are you Brazil in disguise?” wonders/sings Oliver Lind.
Updated
45 min: Lahm, to the right of the Porto D, looks for his first Champions League goal on his 91st Champions League appearance. This is a rout, not a fairytale, and his looped effort, meant for the top left, sails harmlessly into Fabiano’s arms.
42 min: Badstuber should be taking an early bath. He launches into a disgraceful, two-footed, out of control lunge on Quaresma. He lands on the ball, but that’s not good enough, quite frankly. He only sees yellow, a farcical decision. A red there would have changed things a little. As it is, Porto need to hear the half-time whistle and fast. They needed to hear it after a quarter of an hour, tell the truth, but this is where we are now.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 5-0 Porto (Lewandowski 40); agg 6-3
A corner for Bayern down the left. It’s only half cleared by Porto, and Lahm is soon causing bother down the other wing. He shuttles the ball inside to Muller, who could go down looking for a penalty, Marcano all over his back. But instead he busts for the byline and pulls the ball back for Lewandowski. The striker, 12 yards out, takes a touch to the right, then hammers a low shot into the bottom left. This is an astonishing performance by Bayern, though Porto have been appalling, second to just about every single ball.
Updated
38 min: Nothing is going right for Porto. Martinez dives into Boateng, looking for a free kick just outside the Bayern box down the left, or maybe even a penalty. He’s getting neither, but he does receive a booking. Dear oh dear.
THIS IS BECOMING A ROUT. Bayern Munich 4-0 Porto (Muller 36); agg 5-3
Muller, 25 yards out down the inside-right channel, sends a weak-ish daisycutter goalwards. The ball takes a defection off Martins Indi, and spins towards the bottom-right corner. Fabiano should have it, but he’s dived too early, and is ahead of the ball. His legs should come to the rescue, but the wildly spinning ball goes between them! Muller could hit that shot 999,999 more times and it wouldn’t go in. When it’s your evening, it’s your evening.
Updated
34 min: The referee’s patience snaps. Herrera shoves Lewandowski in the back, and he’s in the book. What a pointless foul, in the middle of the park with Bayern going nowhere. What a pointless booking.
33 min: Reyes suffers the humiliation of being hooked early doors. He doesn’t look particularly injured as he trots off with a face like thunder. Ricardo comes on.
30 min: Quaresma wins a corner down the right. Porto only need the one goal to take this to extra time, of course. The resulting set piece is a non-event, and Bayern break upfield at speed. Muller is preparing to tear into a lot of space down the right wing, but he’s upended by Casemiro. The ref takes pity. Porto look highly confused, shocked, and in the throes of panic.
29 min: And this is Bayern Munich in crisis!
Updated
WHAT A GOAL THIS IS!!! Bayern Munich 3-0 Porto (Lewandowski 27); agg 4-3
This is a world-class goal. Lahm romps after a long ball down the right. He whips it back inside for Muller, who level with the right-hand post, 12 yards out, volleys a pitching-wedge of a pass inside for Lewandowski. The big striker rises and guides a peach of a header into the top-right corner. That unfolded so beautifully, with a real sense of destiny. As pretty as football gets. What a start this has been by Bayern Munich. Porto are stunned.
Updated
25 min: Quaresma slides into Bernat down the left, just outside the area. A free kick in a very dangerous position. A shoving match develops. Grown men here, folks. The set piece is hit long. Too long. Porto finally get a chance to breathe. They’ve been battered from pillar to post. Bayern have been magnificent.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 2-0 Porto (Boateng 22); agg 3-3
Bayern couldn’t have started this game any better. A corner down the right is pumped into the mixer. Badstuber rises on penalty spot and wins a header, the ball squirting to his right, where Boateng rises and guides a header into the bottom right. Fabiano, scrambling back, can’t gather. And as things stand, Bayern are going through on away goals!
Updated
21 min: Porto are all over the shop in midfield right now, second to everything. Thiago chests the ball down in the centre circle and hoists a pass forward for Muller, who takes a touch and looks to welt one into the top-right corner from 30 yards. Not quite, Fabiano gathering. But the home side have fairly flown out of the traps here.
18 min: Reyes and Martinez do a number on Gotze down the left wing, a proper double whack. Casemiro went through on Badstuber just before the goal, too. Porto are testing the referee’s patience here.
16 min: Porto knock it around the back, with a view to clearing their heads. They look fairly nervous. Bayern are pressing hard, with Pep’s trademark pep.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 1-0 Porto (Thiago 14); agg 2-3
This had been coming, and was brilliantly simple. Gotze chases a ball down the left wing, and pulls it back for Bernat, who scoots past him to the byline, then whips a cross to the near post, where Thiago can’t miss with his header. That was a peach of a cross from Bernat! Bayern have halved the deficit in double-quick time.
Updated
12 min: Brahimi jigs down the left touchline, drops a shoulder, and whips a brilliant cross into the Bayern box. Problem is, there’s nobody in a garish two-tone blue shirt in the middle. His team-mates let him down badly there, for that was some fine wingplay.
10 min: It’s all Bayern, though. Rafinha bursts into the Porto box down the right, then checks back. For a second it looks like he’ll be able to cross, but loses possession and concedes a foul. But the home side are soon coming back at Porto, Muller chasing a clever Lewandowski reverse pass down the inside-right channel. He bursts into the area and hammers a shot on target. Fabiano parries well, but only into the path of Lewandowski, who has been following up. The striker sidefoots goalwards, and should score, but hits the left-hand post, the ball squirting away to safety. So close to the opening goal!
8 min: Reyes slides through the back of Gotze, to the left of the centre circle. That could easily have been a booking. As could the next challenge, Casemiro’s agricultural lunge on Lewandowski, another needless one in the middle of the park where nothing much is going on. Lucky for Porto, Martin Atkinson sees this sort of nonsense in the Premier League often enough, and isn’t inclined to get his cards out yet.
6 min: Space for the man who won the World Cup for Germany, Mario Gotze, down the left. Not much space, mind. But he still manages to curl a low ball into the box from near the corner flag. It’s hacked clear easily enough, but that was a cute ball in from a tight position.
4 min: Bayern launch it long down the middle. Thiago rises on the edge of the box to cushion the ball down for Lewandowski, whose first-time strike is blocked the second it leaves his boot by Maicon.
3 min: Lahm whips a cross into the Porto box from the right. Lewandowski rises to head, and sends the ball goalwards, though not at any pace. Fabiano rises to pluck the ball from the sky with a yawn. But this is a lively start from the German champions.
2 min: Bayern are on the front foot immediately, then. There’s a quick game of head tennis along the front of the Porto box. Maicon eventually hoicks the ball clear. A rare old atmosphere in the Fussball Arena, as you’d expect for a game of this magnitude.
And we’re off! Porto get the ball rolling, and in the first half will be kicking in the direction of the inflatable bear, not that he’s been allowed inside. Torres gives the ball away in the centre circle, forcing Herrera into clattering Xabi Alonso. A slightly panicky start from the away side.
The teams are out! Bayern are in their red-and-blue striped shirts, while Porto sport their garish two-tone blue away number. Coaches Pep Guardiola and Julen Lopetegui, former team-mates at Barcelona, smile and embrace each other warmly on the touchline. Let’s see how long Pep’s equilibrium lasts if Bayern start slowly again tonight.
So Bayern will have to do this without their star men Franck Ribéry and Arjen Robben. They still have some star men in Thomas Muller, Robert Lewandowski and the out-of-sorts Mario Gotze, to be fair. They’re not doing too badly. Porto meanwhile welcome back defender Ivan Marcano. “Bayern stand a reasonable chance of turning this tie around,” opines Peter Oh, “as long as their recent training sessions have focused on curling free kicks around and lofting pot shots over a parked bus.” To be fair, this might not be as far fetched a scenario as it sounds, if the ad for Champions League sponsor Nissan, Andrés Iniesta chipping a ball through the open windows of a passing car and into the net, is anything to go by.
Updated
You will be watching ...
Bayern Munich: Neuer, Rafinha, Boateng, Badstuber, Bernat, Lahm, Alonso, Thiago, Muller, Lewandowski, Gotze.
Subs: Reina, Dante, Pizarro, Gaudino, Rode, Weiser, Schweinsteiger.
Club doctor: Hans-Wilhelm Muller-Wohlfahrt.
Porto: Fabiano, Reyes, Maicon, Marcano, Martins Indi, Herrera, Casemiro, Oliver Torres, Quaresma, Martinez, Brahimi.
Subs: Helton, Quintero, Evandro, Hernani, Ricardo, Ruben Neves, Aboubakar.
Referee: Martin Atkinson (England).
History and precedent are not prepared to be Bayern Munich’s pals tonight. The European Cup story of these two teams will always be, first and foremost, about one of Bayern’s many final failures: Porto’s 1987 victory, Rabah Madjer’s gorgeous backheel, all that. Bayern’s two subsequent Champions League quarter-final victories over the Dragões, in 1991 and 2000, just don’t cut it by way of comparison.
Then there’s the wider picture of Bayern’s attempts to recover from away first-leg defeats - like the 3-1 loss they suffered in the Estádio do Dragão last week - in Europe’s greatest club competition. They’ve succeeded on nine occasions, it’s true. But they’ve failed more often than not, suffering 11 defeats in these circumstances. And that includes eight of the last ten times they’ve tried to turn things round like this.
And best not to mention their four attempts to come back from a two-goal deficit in Uefa competition. They’ve lost every single tie.
Porto meanwhile have won 34 out of 41 rubbers in which they’ve won the first leg at home. And they’ve also triumphed in all three ties when the first game finished 3-1. And lost just one of the further seven home ties won at home by a two-goal margin.
So is there any hope for poor old Bayern? How about their last home game against a Portuguese team? They faced Sporting Lisbon (hey, it’s colloquial, so sue us) in the round of 16 in 2009, and thrashed them 7-1. So, y’know, not directly relevant, but it’s not all bad.
But it might be all bad. One of the European powerhouses, with five victories in their competition to their name, could be going out tonight, snuffed out by the hand of, well, another European powerhouse, Porto having won this thing twice themselves. But it would still count as a shock, European football being what it is right now, and Bayern hotly tipped to win the competition this year. As a result, we could have a cracker on our hands tonight. It’s on!
Kick off: 8.45pm in Munich, 7.45pm in Oporto, 7.45pm in London.
Updated
