Well, that went horribly wrong for Bayern. The treble is gone. The league and cup double is gone. Meanwhile, Klopp will not quite believe his luck. Out of nowhere his team came back into the game and stoically made their way to penalties. He may well need to thank the maker of Lahm and Alonso’s moulded boots (or perhaps the groundsman) because the two slips were quite astonishing. So alike. Anyway, thanks for your emails. Good luck Dortmund. A cup for Klopp will be a lovely, fitting sendoff.
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Dortmund win 2-0 on penalties!
Well, the two slips from Lahm and Alonso make you wonder whether Klopp has some kind of Jedi mindpower. I can’t quite believe that penalty shootout. Just two penalties scored.
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Penalties! Bayern 0-2 Dortmund (Neuer misses)
The big keeper takes a lengthy run up and thumps it against the bar. And that is curtains for Bayern. Ridiculous. Dortmund go through.
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Penalties! Bayern 0-2 Dortmund (Hummels misses)
Great save Neuer.
Penalties! Bayern 0-2 Dortmund (Gotze misses)
He hits a tame penalty to his left that Langerak saves.
Penalties! Bayern 0-2 Dortmund (Kehl)
Low into the bottom corner. No slips. No bother.
Penalties! Bayern 0-1 Dortmund (Alonso misses)
This is ridiculous. He slips on his tail just as Lahm did. Football gods, you are Dortmund fans.
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Penalties! Bayern 0-1 Dortmund (Gundogan)
Bang. Top corner.
Penalties! Bayern 0-0 Dortmund (Lahm misses)
He slips, John Terry-style, and sends it high over. Oh dear.
Bayern win the toss and will take the first penalty. And it will be Lahm who makes the nervy walk first.
Well, I did say that Langerak could be Klopp’s bit of magic in this match. He has the chance to prove it now. Although, if I was staring at Manuel Neuer’s huge frame in goal I wouldn’t fancy my chances of scoring. I doubt Lewandowski will take a penalty either.
Peep! It’s penalties.
Bayern have paid for not being ruthless in the first half when they were so dominant. Dortmund have a chance to give Klopp a fond farewell with the German Cup when they shouldn’t have had a sniff.
ET122min: “Throughout the game I had the feeling that the man at the (German) mike Gerd Gottlob (“God willing”) was biased,” writes Not That Francis Lee. “And when Kampl committed that second foul (which wasn’t that bad) he immediately said “seeya!” - as fans of the opposing team are wont to do. Plus he’s just screamed for a pen for Langerak’s clearance “having nothing to do with the ball.”
ET121min: Three more minutes folks.
ET120min: Lewandowski wanders back on but he doesn’t seem to know where he is. He shouldn’t really be out there. His vacant eyes look reminiscent of Kramer’s in the World Cup final.
ET118min: Mkhitaryan whips an inswinging corner towards Hummels but Neuer claims brilliantly stretching out above the Dortmund defender.
ET117 min: Lewandowski is receiving treatment on the touchline. He may or may not come back on. But as it stands it’s 10 v 10. Meanwhile Dortmund win a corner.
ET115 min: Boateng must have been a winger in a previous life. He plays another beautiful cross into the box with his right foot that draws Langerak out of goal. Lewandowski, with eyes on the ball, looks like he’s going to get their first but the keeper collides with Lewandowski at the moment of impact and flattens the striker while clearing the ball. He’s not unconscious but I guess he’s seeing stars and other astral objects while he stares upwards from the Allianz turf.
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ET113min: Schweinsteiger heads straight at Langerak from six yards. It was a lovely ball into the box from Boateng that curled in at goal and looked for all the world like it was going to bother the netting after landing on Schweinsteiger’s head. He needs heading practice on repeat.
ET111 min: Benatia is booked for trying to volley Mkhitaryan into next week. This is ugly stuff. Der Klassiker? Ha.
ET110 min: Dortmund look ridiculously tired. Schmelzer can’t even take a throw-in such is the pain in his legs. Saying that, Bayern don’t look too spritely in possession either.
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ET109min: Beep! Beep! Beep! This Dortmund is reversing. If anything I imagine that will make penalties more likely. Dortmund are just lumping it forwards and retreating at every opportunity.
ET108min: Red card for Kampl! The substitute is sent off for a second bookable offence. He caught Schweinsteiger late. Goodnight.
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ET106min: Schweinsteiger has a mid-life crisis down the left wing, reliving the days when he was a nippy winger. But he looks like he’s trying to run far faster than his legs will allow and Sokratis eats up the space and shoulders him off the ball to end all that nonsense.
Peep! Someone score. Please.
Peep! End of the first half of extra-time. It’s still 1-1.
ET104min: Benatia and Neuer get themselves in a right old tangle as Aubameyang plays a bog-standard cross into the box that should be dealt with easily. Neuer scatters the centre-half’s senses hither and thither with a punch in the face but the defender looks like he’ll survive. He probably won’t take a penalty though if it heads that way.
ET100 min: Alonso floats it in and, unmarked, on the back post Schweinsteiger leaps up and only has to get the ball on target to seemingly score, but his header is tame – and lands on top of the netting. That’s a dreadful miss. He timed his jump well, too. No excuse.
ET99min: Here’s the story on Bayern Munich signing a new €900m 10-year kit deal with Adidas. Back on the pitch there’s a scrap between the midfields taking place. Schweinsteiger emerges with the ball and gallops menacingly at goal but he is felled by Sokratis, a clear foul, for which he is booked. And a foul that Owen Hargreaves is waxing lyrical about. Very clever, he reckons – and worth the yellow. Alonso steps up to take the free-kick 35 yards out.
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ET98 min: Liverpool have been beaten 1-0 away at Hull (sigh).
ET96 min: It’s a more even game now. Bayern are dominating possession again but Dortmund look dangerous on the break. Aubameyang is pulling wide and giving Hummels something to aim for when he has possession in a deep area. I still wonder whether Alonso may yet try to be a little too adventurous when he is the final man and give Dortmund another very good chance.
ET94 min: Bayern win a corner. It’s not very good. Somehow Bayern win another corner. That’s not very good either. Gotze doesn’t even have lactic acid to blame for his undercooked efforts.
ET93 min: Lewandowski brings the ball down brilliantly and swivels on the edge of the box in anticipation of a reverse pass from Gotze, but the little World Cup winner overhits his pass and draws a scornful look from the big centre-forward.
ET91 min: It’s an ugly start to added time. Boateng shanks the ball out for a throw-in and Dortmund attempt some incisive passing with Kehl and Gundogan but the final pass behind the Bayern defence is overhit.
Guardiola has just given Lewandowski an Alan Pardew-esque headscrape. A motivational one, mind.
And we're heading into extra-time!
Well, Dortmund seemed to be going nowhere. Bayern paid for not turning their overwhelming dominance into anything more than a one-goal advantage. One moment of quality from Błaszczykowski and Mkhitaryan brought them level and then they looked like the old, good Dortmund again. Gone was the listlessness and in its place came a new, confident and dangerous team. I don’t know how this will end up now.
90+2 min: Reus breaks free on the right for Dortmund, but with a load of time and space to conjure a decent ball into the box, he slices a horrible cross into the fans behind the goal. Peep! And that’s that.
90 min: Sokratis slides in to stop Gotze on the left. The corner is floated in but Dortmund clear and now we do look like this is going to go on for a further 30 minutes.
88 min: Reus sends a defensive header arrowing straight at Langerak after Bayern won a free-kick on the left. Meanwhile, a bit of housekeeping, Schweinsteiger came on for Müller just before Dortmund’s equaliser.
86 min: Bayern have steadied the ship somewhat after it was threatening to list horribly and crash against the rocks. They’re settling back into possession and perhaps accepting that this is going to head into extra-time.
83 min: Those football gods have done something spectacular here. Robben’s knacked his calf and has hobbled off. He looks crestfallen. Gotze is on in his place.
81 min: What a save from Neuer! Reus slides in front of Rafinha and, from 10 yards out, diverts the ball towards the left-hand corner only to see the keeper stretch his hulking frame across goal and tip it around the post.
80 min: Schmelzer has just rivalled Iago Aspas for worst corner ever. Actually I don’t think it will ever beat this …
78 min: Aye, aye. Mkhitaryan, who hasn’t done much at all this season, almost makes it 2-1 with a snapshot from the edge of the area that Neuer diverts out for a corner with an awkward save in at his body. Dortmund are on it all right.
77 min: Well, well and, um, well. That was unexpected. Before the goal I was just wondering whether Klopp thought this was a two-legged tie. Now Dortmund are full of energy and playing to a thrash metal soundtrack.
Goal! Bayern 1-1 Dortmund (Aubameyang 75)
Well, the football gods have spoken. Mkhitaryan finds space on the left of the penalty area, where Blaszczykowski finds him. He hits a first-time ball across goal where Aubameyang stretches and directs the ball back into the goal from the tightest of angles. Neuer flaps his hands at it from behind the line but he’s too far back and it’s a goal. One moment of good play has brought Dortmund level. Bayern protest that it wasn’t over the line, but it was. Easily.
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71 min: Alonso is booked for a cynical trip on Reus. It’s a daft free-kick to give away. From 40 yards out Blaszczykowski whips it in to Aubameyang, but his header from 15 yards is plucked out of the air by Neuer as easy as you like.
69 min: Klopp has brought on too-many-consonants-in-unexpected-places’ Henrikh Mkhitaryan in place of Shinji Kagawa. Dortmund have started to gain a bit more possession in the last few minutes. Gundogan has got a few touches and is trying to influence play from deep.
67 min: Thiago, who has been very impressive tonight – creative, diligent in possession and who offers a bit of the unexpected – is withdrawn. On in his stead, it’s Arjen Robben. A lusty roar greets his little sprint on to the Allianz Arena turf. He hasn’t pulled anything. That’s a good sign.
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65 min: This lolly should help Bayern buy up the remainder of Dortmund’s squad.
Have a bit of that Nike! Adidas extends kit deal with Bayern until 2030 (!) for around €900m http://t.co/v7uEcMeDLI
— Marcus Christenson (@m_christenson) April 28, 2015
62 min: Klopp ought to change something soon. He isn’t getting enough bodies forwards to bother Bayern. Attacks are petering out far too easily – it’s a cup game and his side are going to be knocked out with a whimper and in his final Klassiker against Pep. Meanwhile, Blaszczykowski, has just been scythed down by Rafinha, whose name is taken by the referee. That’s the first booking of a tame game.
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Stat!
3 - Robert Lewandowski has scored in each of his last three competitive games against his former club @BVB. Prolific. @FCBayern
— OptaFranz (@OptaFranz) April 28, 2015
Bayern are still pouring forwards with sharp, incisive passes and making this game look ever so easy.
58 min: Thiago draws a fine save from Langerak after Müller dampened a delicious a pass into the tricky midfielder. Bayern are so, so dominant here that if they don’t score a second shortly, the football gods may start to work their magic and conjure a way for Dortmund to get back in the game. Not that I’m religious, mind. But you know how football can be.
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55 min: Did I say Lewandowski was giving Dortmund nothing? Well, he wallops the ball against the bar after racing clear on the left and having a one-on-one chance with Langerak but choosing to hit it early. Then Müller clatters a shot straight at Schmelzer – I think – from the rebound and claims a handball as the ball flicks up off his heel and on to the defender’s outstretched hand. Yup, should have been a penalty. Bernat’s reverse-pass to set Lewandowski clear was sublime, I might add.
54 min: “That’s an almighty hex to throw Marco Reus’s way, crowning him the 2018 Bayern player of the year,” spits Daniel Stauss. “I hope you’ll be first in line to apologise to him after he’s photographed smoking clove cigarettes while being pulled over for speeding away from his burning bathroom which he ignited with stolen fireworks.”
51 min: Schmelzer’s corner is cleared comfortably by Lewansowski at the near post. He’s giving his former employers nothing tonight.
50 min: But hang on, Reus has a pop at goal from 30 yards after pouncing on a rare Xabi Alonso misplaced pass*. It’s deflected and Dortmund have a corner. Yes, a corner. * They’re rare but often lead to goalscoring opportunities. He’s one of those players who just plays the pass no matter the possible consequences. See Man City and Porto away.
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48 min: Weiser scurries down the right, cuts inside his marker and slides a perfectly-timed ball into Müller (whose run is equally perfectly timed). The Bayern player tries to beat Langerak at the near post but the Australian gets his midriff on it and the ball goes out for a corner. The red and blue wave of dominance looks like it’s only going to get bigger and more overwhelming on the evidence so far in this half.
46 min: The 2018 Bayern Munich player of the year, Marco Reus, is fouled. He dusts himself off and floats a free-kick into the back post but there was not enough whip on it to bother the Bayern defence.
45 min: Hummels wallops the ball out of play and then applauds himself. That’s the spirit.
The teams are out. Dortmund look fired up. Perhaps Klopp had his ghetto blaster in the dressing-room.
Another view on Alonso’s move to Bayern
“Regarding: ‘ ... writes John McEnerney. “Smart move by Pep buying Xabi Alonso he’s one of the most complete midfielders in the last 10-15 years..’
“Indeed smart move, because every other player for that position was injured during this season (Schweinsteiger, Martinez, Lahm, Thiago) and they needed a midfielder. But wait, no not a smart move!” roars Hauke Wemken. “Bayern bought a player from Real Madrid, age 32(33?), for around 10m Euros and pay him a lot of money because Real signed the best German playmaker from Bayern, Toni Kroos (age: 25?), a much better all-round midfielder than Alonso. And why was Real able to sign Kroos on a free deal? Because Bayern was not willed to pay Kroos what he deserves. That’s not a smart move. I think I hear Real still laughing.”
Still, if they win the treble it won’t be half bad business Hauke. No?
In case you’re wondering my German translator is not the former Man City chairman. “So while this is Francis Lee, it’s not that Francis Lee. It used to get me extra marks from my Mancunian chemistry teacher in the 80s, mind. Just for putting my hand up to a question I’d get “Franny Lee ... great player. Makes bogroll now.” I was born in his chubbisome’s heyday, btw. - and my dad (a rugby man) genuinely had no idea what he was doing giving me that name ...And I’ll spare you the stories about my uncle Christopher ...(yes, really).”
Did your uncle play this at Christmas? I hope so …
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Half-time
You get the feeling that Bayern have been running at 75% here too. They could have cut loose but instead played the waiting game and took their chance when Dortmund’s well-drilled defence slipped out of shape. Klopp needs to inject some energy and a bit of invention into his side. Reus has seen so little of the ball. Not that any other Dortmund player has seen much of it either.
45 min: Weiser has a shy from the edge of the box but it’s well over. And that’s half-time. Bayern have been miles better than Dortmund.
43 min: Lewandowski watches an audacious attempt drop just wide from 30 yards out. He was under pressure but, spying Langerak off his line, somehow hooked a shot a foot wide of the far post with the Dortmund keeper completely stranded.
41 min: Müller is a brilliantly unlovely footballer. He looks awkward and lacks polish. But he’s so, so good at causing havoc and being wherever the ball is. Any other examples of brilliant unloveliness over the years? My colleague, Ian McCourt, reckons Fernando Torres. I’m not so sure. Readers?
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38 min: Dortmund attempt to play out from the back but Bayern press Dortmund with the kind of energy the team in yellow used to be brilliant at themselves. The upshot is that the ball is quickly shuffled back to Langerak, who hoiks it upfield and back into the Bayern machine. The ball is soon recycled and back at Thiago’s feet. He jinks infield and sets Weiser up for an attack down the right flank. A jet-heeled burst and cross leads to a corner. Alonso whips it in towards Müller but Hummels clears.
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35 min: Blaszczykowski, who has had little effect on the game tonight from a central position, appears to shove Bernat to the floor as the little winger tries to burst into the box, but the referee waves away Bayern calls for a free-kick and Dortmund very quickly give possession away. As you were.
32 min: The game needed that. Dortmund can’t be so deep now. They’ll have to do a little dancing of their own. “That little dance and dink from Thiago between and past two Dortmunders prompted the German commentator to quip ‘most players’d need to see an orthopaedist after that’.” Thanks to my German translator, Francis Lee, for that. I’m guessing that’s not Francis Lee. If so, how’s the toilet-roll business Francis?
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Goal! Bayern 1-0 Dortmund (Lewandowski 29)
Well, back just in time! The former Dortmund player, initially, has Hummels’s terrible positioning to thank for this. Alonso played a 45-yard pass with a bit of fade over the top and in behind the Dortmund defence. Lewandowski raced away, lofted it over Langerak only to see it bounce back off the post. No fuss, he picked it up and from the narrowest of angles, nutmegged Hummels, and found the net from 10 yards with the side of his foot. A fantastic finish but he was afforded far too much space.
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Sorry! Hmm.
(Drums fingers)
No pictures!
24 min: Someone has pulled the plug at the Allianz Arena and the match is gone. Blip! But never fear, if the game continues in the same pattern I can tell you that Bayern are pass, pass, passing and Dortmund are huff, puff, puffing. Hopefully there’ll be something concrete to report on soon.
22 min: Dortmund have a compact shape and are doing enough to stop Bayern before they get too close to their goal but it’s not very exciting. To highlight this, Sokratis steps in to win possession off Müller on the edge of the area and then steams off up the pitch only to find himself short of options before giving possession away.
19 min: Bernat is an explosive little player. He invites Durm to a race down the left wing … and wins. He then waits for the defender to catch up before buying a corner. This time a foul in the box means there’s nothing in it for Bayern.
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17 min: Weiser gets a gallop on and then slaloms at pace between two Dortmund players and shapes to shoot in the box, but a collection of two Dortmund players stop him in his tracks. There was a shout for a penalty. But a replay shows there was no contact and Weiser went down a little too easily.
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15 min: Bayern are starting to attack more vigorously now. Lahm gets on to the end of a one-two and slides a low ball to the nearpost that is cleared and then he connects with Lewandowski in the box, with the striker playing a flick back into the captain’s path only for two Dortmund players to scramble the ball out of play in the panicked fashion. The corner, this time, comes to nothing.
12 min: Thiago just produced an outrageous bit of skill that didn’t do much other than bamboozle a couple of Dortmund players, but it was the football equivalent of a bodybuilder flexing his pecs on the beach at the little fella. It was a reverse rollover with his studs carried out at 100mph. Bayern then win a corner that Alonso arrows towards Müller, who shoulders it a foot wide of the left-hand post. Dortmund ought to get wise to that corner. That’s twice he’s been picked out.
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10 min: “Looks like Klopp is taking style tips from Tim Sherwood. Who’d have thought, Tim Sherwood being a style icon amongst football managers,” ponders David Murphy, referencing the Klopp’s gilet. To be fair, the gilet is the least of Klopp’s fashion crimes over the years. Some of Dortmund’s merchandise wouldn’t make a clown look any more ridiculous.
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8 min: Bernat shows a nifty turn of pace on the left and skips past Durm before lacing a cross into the box that is more hopeful than anything else. It’s not dealt with brilliantly and arrives at Weiser’s feet on the right, he belts it back across goal but Transfer-Speculation’s Mats Hummels clears.
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6 min: Dortmund just touched the ball. Bayern won it back as though offended. Meanwhile in La Liga. Barcelona are 5-0 up after 40 minutes. If you want goals, check in with Jacob Steinberg here.
4 min: Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. And pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. Yes, Bayern are easing into this with some ball-hogging at the back. I imagine Alonso has already had more touches on the ball than the whole Dortmund team put together.
2 min: Bayern set the tone for this match, asserting themselves with some comfortable touches on the ball and finally winning a corner on the right. Alonso swings it in towards the penalty area, where Müller wins the header but can’t generate any power.
Peep!
1 min: We’re off. Reus has an early, but deflected shot at goal, as Dortmund mount an early counterattack after Bayern probed down the left.
Top tifoing!
#MiaSanMia #FCBBVB #packmas pic.twitter.com/XxbmFvLxrY
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) April 28, 2015
It’s Batman and, um, Robben.
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Well, the Allianz Arena is bouncing, as you’d expect. The players are gathering in what isn’t really a tunnel at Bayern Munich, more a gigantic terminal, where the players have acres of space to limber up before being delivered on to the pitch. It’s like football in 2078.
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“Hi Gregg,” writes John McEnerney. “Smart move by Pep buying Xabi Alonso he’s one of the most complete midfielders in the last 10-15 years he could be the difference in the semi v FCB & tonight. Great video of him nutmegging ZZ in training.” Don’t get me started on Xabi. He makes me emotional. He also likes Wilco. It’s too much.
Steffen Freund, who is on the telly, reckons Dortmund have a great chance tonight with Marco Reus back in the side. Rafa Honigstein, often of this parish, is talking them up too. He reckons they’re still the second best team in Bundesliga. Take no notice of that table showing them in eighth place.
“What about ‘office chair football hipsters’ for those of us stuck at work right now?” Dave Anderson is keeping it hip in work.
Some calm before the storm, courtesy of Sufjan Stevens, whose new album is lovely. Klopp wouldn’t approve, mind.
“Being described as an ‘armchair football hipster’ made my night. Thanks, Gregg.” It doesn’t take much to make Ian Copestake happy.
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So, Robben only makes the bench for Bayern. As for how Pep will set up, who knows? He went 3-1-3-3 last time out. Although whatever he starts with, it usually morphs into something else after 10 or 15 minutes anyway. Imagine all those players with arrows pointing to every part of the pitch. Yeah, something like that. Peak Pep. As for Dortmund, it looks like a 4-3-2-1 with Bender, Gündogan and Blaszczykowski running their little legs off in midfield. Hipsters?
Team news! Team news! Team news!
Bayern Munich
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Evening. It’s Der Klassiker! That sounds meaty doesn’t it? Like it’s going to leap through your TV set and switch over the channel and then threaten you with violence if you dare try to watch anything else. Unless you’re at the match that is. But, hey, this MBM is catering for armchair football hipsters so that’s not likely.
This is being billed as Jürgen Klopp’s last dance with the team that has done so much to persistently make his job as Dortmund manager ever more difficult by buying up his best players. They offered him flowers before the match – presumably in recognition of what a great scout he’s been for them over the past five years. Klopp turned them down in case you’re wondering. He knows a condescending pat on the head when he sees it coming.
“[Dortmund] has told me that he would not like the air of battle to be interrupted by the flowers, and I respect that,” said Bayern chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, perhaps being a bit poetic with a translation that could just as easily read “jog on.”
Mind you, this may not be his final Klassiker. He could very easily end up being fed by the giant that made him starve some time down the line, perhaps when Pep has grown bored of winning. Or he could manage Dortmund again sooner than you think. He seems such a natural fit there. I expect he’ll be back at Signal Iduna Park within the next 10 years, teary-eyed, yellow baseball cap perched up on his greying bonce with rock music running through his mind.
I fancy Dortmund tonight. I know? Stupid, romantic, it makes no sense. Some would say that’s how Klopp comes across at times too. But I fancy him to summon the magic in his final (for the timebeing) pop at Bayern. Sure, they may have Arjen Robben coming back and recently made Porto resemble a bunch of drunk admin staff bumbling around the office looking for the right bits of paperwork, but Bayern also looked laboured as they won the title at the weekend.
OK, I’m grasping at straws here. They’ll probably win the double again. Maybe even the treble. But Dortmund have a goalkeeper deputising for Roman Weidenfeller tonight who has not lost in his last three appearances against Bayern: Mitchell Langerak, there’s your magic.
Team news to follow …
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Gregg will be here shortly. In the meantime have a read of Raphael Honigstein’s Bundesliga blog this week:
In 2014 Bayern Munich charged to the earliest Bundesliga title ever before the end of March, with seven matches to spare. They were slightly later to put their feet up in 2015, retaining the crown with four games left. “German champions on the couch. It’s a weird but beautiful feeling!” tweeted Thomas Müller, after Borussia Mönchengladbach’s 1-0 win over second-placed VfL Wolfsburg on Sunday night had confirmed the inevitable.
The German international goes by the changing-room nickname of Radio Müller thanks to his frequent – but more often than not quite insightful – public announcements, and the slight regret that could be detected in his statement hints at the club’s and their supporter’s bittersweet feelings. As much as Matthias Sammer insisted that winning the league was “never normal”, it nevertheless has become the norm.
