If you give love, it gets returned to you. It's true that the love you give to your partner you get back by just feeling the love for that person in the first place. If you do anything to amplify it or make it grow, like saying "I love you. You're wonderful," it nurtures the closeness and makes both of you feel fulfilled.
Even though the intent is to get the other person to feel your love, the words help you feel more love too. When we think we are expressing our love for our mate, in truth we are also building our capacity for that love, and actually making it grow. So sharing your feelings, saying the three little words does make a difference, and if you add another phrase explaining why you love your partner ("because you are so kind, so funny, such a good partner and parent"), it means even more.
Being loved for a reason, and expressing it when you say "I love you," will allow your partner to feel your love on a deeper level. A generic "ILY" is great, don't stop saying it, but an expression of love with a solid reason behind it is just more powerful. Perhaps we need to understand what makes us loveable, especially when we might not love ourselves in the moment.
Being in a loving relationship is harder when you are hard on yourself. Fortunately, one of the gifts of love is that you have someone who will reflect back to you all of the wonderful, loving, and creative parts of yourself. Sometimes it's easy to forget why we love and are loved, and getting those reminders from your partner is very helpful when it comes to loving yourself.
For some people, being in a full-on relationship is very difficult, and there is no shame in that. Self-love and love from others, that sense of belonging, is an important part of having a full life, but you don't have to be in a relationship to get what you need. An uplifting word from a friend or a relative can make all the difference, so do share some of your feelings in return. Start slowly, and you will see that what you get back can be very fulfilling.
When it comes to feeling good about ourselves, the affirmations we get from those around us are very important. Getting a bunch of "likes" on your favorite social media page will give most people a lift, but getting them in person is much stronger and even healing. The idea is to get in touch with and feel the positive feelings within you, and a kind word from almost anyone can help you see them.
One of the things we forget to do is to tell ourselves we are loved. I know that can be hard to do, so we tend to take the easy route and let others tell us. That is great, but learning to give love to yourself is very important to a good life. All you have to do is remember that when you are expressing love to the important people in your life, you are also expressing it to yourself.
