HERE COMES ANOTHER MERSEY DERBY
With the British football media’s stocks of mawkishness severely depleted following last week’s “special Anfield night”, The Fiver can’t help but worry if it’s perhaps a little too soon to be staging a Merseyside derby … at Anfield … at night. Just six days after Liverpool’s heroic late Big Vase comeback against Borussia Dortmund, Jürgen Klopp’s team will entertain local rivals Everton in what is ostensibly a fairly meaningless end-of-season fixture between two mid-table sides with more important things on their mind. You almost certainly won’t know that from Sky’s coverage, though – even if they are forced to drum up additional interest from football-fatigued neutrals by billing it as The Last Ever Merseyside Derby To Be Played While West Ham Are At Upton Park.
There has been much speculation about the seriousness with which both managers will be taking the game, what with Everton having an FA Cup semi-final this weekend and Liverpool now facing the very real possibility of winning Big Vase and securing the Big Cup qualification spot that goes with it. But whichever players are involved, as a one-off spectacle it’s likely to be full-blooded and entertaining, if not all that important in the cosmic scheme of things. Consequently, before his first Merseyside derby, Klopp has urged his players to keep their heads and not barrel around giving it the big’un. “A red card can happen for a late challenge or something but not because you want to show you are the man,” he said. “I understand aggressiveness. Be prepared to hurt yourself, not someone else. If you feel all passionate do more than usual but not in this part of the game.”
While Klopp couldn’t be more popular with his club’s fans, his opposite number has endured a difficult season in which he has moaned a lot about referees, visibly aged by 25 years and incurred the wrath of Everton fans who, one suspects, would have fallen over themselves to be just three points behind Chelsea at this stage of the season, if you’d offered it to them last August. “From a human point of view, we are all aware of what is going on and that can hurt you,” said Bobby M, upon being quizzed about various bedclothes and neatly printed sheets of A4 calling for his exit. “But in the same way I’ve had many more signs from fans who see what we are trying to do, and can see where we are going.” At Anfield on Wednesday night, the Spaniard faces a defensive crisis of such potentially epic proportions that cult hero Tony Hibbert could even make his first appearance for the club since December 2014. If he features and scores his maiden Everton goal after 16 years of trying, his final Merseyside derby would make for a seriously special Anfield night.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I was listening to the PA because the ball was out of play, and as soon as I heard the reg I was thinking: ‘That’s my number plate’. I thought I’d blocked someone in, so I said to [team-mate] Jamie Allen: ‘That’s my car, that,’ and he said: ‘What?’ I said again: ‘That’s my car they’ve just called out.’ I looked over to Kevin Gibbins [the head of sports science] and said: ‘My car’s just been read out, can you sort it out?’” – Rochdale’s Callum Camps discovers mid-match that he had left his headlights on in the Spotland car park. The midfielder went on to open the scoring in the 1-1 draw with Gillingham. More interestingly: Rochdale have a head of sports science?
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“Re: Míchel (yesterday’s Fiver). Yes, we get it. Sometimes a chairman (or indeed woman, in this case) will give their absolute backing to a manager, only to sack him a week later. What else are they going to say? Isn’t it actually perfectly sensible not to undermine the manager for as long as he’s in the hot seat, even if you have other long-term plans (see Manuel Pellegrini)? Stop using these backing/sacking quotes please! If I didn’t know The Fiver better, I’d suspect this was a hastily cobbled-together feature to add to the word-count, conceived without due consideration to the fact that interesting quotes from footballers are as rare as hens’ teeth” – Mark Pearson.
“Jordan Glossop thinks Craig Gordon is handing his advantage away by telling strikers he knows where they’re going to aim their penalties (yesterday’s Fiver letters). But is he a genius/idiot, like Vizzini, or an idiot/genius, like Wesley? Inconceivable!” – Oliver Winkles.
“Regarding yesterday’s letter from Michael Hann about Andy Carroll running at full pelt. Full pelt? Andy Carroll? Really?” – Marc Meldrum.
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BITS AND BOBS
Celtic manager Ronny Deila has reservations at the Hotel Du One at the end of the season. “I will never forget the welcome I received almost two years ago at [Queen’s] Celtic Park from so many fans,” he cheered after announcing his departure, coincidentally making those fans happy again for pretty much the first time since.
Gus Poyet is also packing his bags at AEK Athens, though telling the Greek media about it the day before before their cup semi against Atromitos has irked owner Dimitris Melissanidis a tad. “What he did was unacceptable, it was not the appropriate time to unsettle the team just hours before the semi-final,” Melissanidis wept. “AEK has never leaked any information from any of our meetings with him and for him to talk to the press about the contents of our meeting is immoral.”
Nasty Leeds director and grown adult Edoardo Cellino has been suspended from all football activity for three matches after becoming embroiled in a Facebook row with fans.
Arsenal fans are making Arsène Wenger sad. “I want our fans to be happy and when they are not, it affects me,” sobbed the Gunners manager. “You do not want to play in a negative environment,” he added as a horse disappeared over the horizon.
Manuel Neuer has inked a new five-year deal at Bayern Munich. “I feel at home at Bayern and am happy that we have now got everything sorted,” he roared.
And Peterborough chairman Darragh MacAnthony was feeling somewhat funky after a controversial red card for Chris Forrester was followed by a last-gasp Barnsley 1-0 win in League One on Tuesday. “An evening watching pure incompetence, cowardice, cheating & more,” he tweeted. “Credit to our 10 men though & shift they put in against the odds.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Who was the first footballer worth their weight in gold? Here’s The Knowledge (readers).
If clubs are ready to go wild in the aisles then Ed Aarons is on hand to sort their shopping lists, with the top 10 U-23 talents around Europe.
What’s that coming over the hill? It’s the end of toxicity in football, according to Premier League plans. Marina Hyde looks at the continuing rise of the stupids.
Barney Ronay on Leicester facing up to a Jamie Vardy-shaped bump in the road.
Cue the music: goals of the week, goals of the week … goals of the week, goals of the week … Ángel Di María [waves] goals of the week … Didier Drogba [waves] goals of the week … Barrie McKay [waves sheepishly] goals of the week, goals of the week, goals of the week … goals of the week!
Rafa Benítez finds Newcastle’s heart to give the Gallowgate renewed belief, writes Jacob Steinberg.
Win! Win! Win! We’ve a pair of (home) tickets to Sunderland v Arsenal on Sunday up for grabs.
And where has it all gone wrong for your club this season? Tell Martin Belam. Or else.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
