And finally, no flounce this year
It CAN be ok to meet your heroes. The astounding #MelBrooks pic.twitter.com/BtxOvZ4zL9
— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) February 12, 2017
My work here is done. Thanks everybody. Goodnight.
Right, hooray, we did it! As such, the timelines must now merge, and everything can happen at the same time again. It’s a shame, but hopefully we can all meet back here again one day and inexplicably choose to cover something that happened in the past in the present as it happens after it finished. We can dream, right?
I’ve just checked Twitter for the first time since the ceremony started, and saw this:
@stuheritage Will you finally put up a picture of the damned tassel for those of us who'd rather eat brussel sprouts than watch the Baftas?
— nick (@hlorrithi) February 12, 2017
The answer is no.
Now it’s all over, here’s the big news takeaway of the night: La La Land won a lot of awards, but not as many awards as everyone thought.
That’s it. The end. Also some other films won awards OK BYE.
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Things must be wrapping up now, because Stephen Fry is telling a story about something that someone else said a long time ago.
He keeps threatening to veer off into political commentary – “I’m an American...”, “I forgot my passport at the airport” - but doesn’t quite follow through. Instead, he’s sincere and awestruck and promises not to eBay the award.
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Brooks thanks Harvey Weinstein “for having nothing to do with this award tonight” and apologises to Prince William for the American Revolution.
Still, anyway, shut up. There’s a Mel Brooks montage on now, and it’s the best thing we’ve seen in this godforsaken ceremony so far.
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Or navy, for that matter.
Now, finally, Prince William gets to give a Fellowship award to Mel Brooks. Which fun and all, but OHHHHH NOOOO BURBERRY, THAT’S NOT DEV PATEL.
@Burberry you should be ashamed of yourself. #thatsnotdev #BAFTA2017 pic.twitter.com/YBLR0wMAPy
— Sophia Hinton-Lever (@sophiahl) February 12, 2017
And then they walked off without the award. Way to go, La La Land.
La La Land wins. No surprises there. Perhaps it’s because the film has been the frontrunner for ages, the acceptance speech is almost sighed out. It’s deeply indifferent, even to the point that one of the producers accidentally said: “I hope this film inspires you to drink.”
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Oh, that didn’t go on for very long. And he didn’t do any Robert De Niro impressions, either. The boy’s learning.
And now for best film. Tom Hiddleston is presenting this one, so settle in for a bit guys.
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Stone says a bunch of names, then hammers Trump a bit because apparently someone electrocutes you backstage if you don’t do that.
Emma Stone wins for La La Land, which is well deserved. Because La La Land is a good film and she is good in it. Better yet, Emily Blunt didn’t win for The Girl on the Train, which is good because hoo boy that is a dead pig of a movie.
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Eddie Redmayne is presenting best lead actress so foppishly that he comes off like a broken Zoltar Speaks machine that’s had Hugh Grant’s face melted onto it.
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Chazelle offers a short and perfunctory speech that features absolutely no ostentatious jazz for once.
And the winner is Damien Chazelle for La La Land. Tom Ford looks angry. Or surprised. Or suspicious. Or etc etc.
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Mark Rylance is still talking, by the way. He’s only presenting an award, and I still managed to rant about Bing before he finished. Quite the achievement.
Now for Best Director, presented by Mark Rylance from the Cbeebies series Bing. I hate Bing. I hate the episode where Bing murders a butterfly and does his best to be accepted as the victim. Bloody Bing. Screw you, Bing.
Affleck is halting and unwilling to make eye contact with the audience. He also sounds like he hates acting and actors, which is an interesting choice of direction for a Best Actor acceptance speech. No Trump slam, though, so that’s something.
Casey Affleck wins! Tom Ford looks annoyed. Or jealous. Or sad. Or thrilled. Truth be told, it’s quite hard to tell these days.
Lead actor now, presented by Penelope Cruz. She’s making even less effort than Felicity Jones, which I didn’t think was possible until now. Way to go, Cruz.
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Kenneth Lonergan wins for Manchester by the Sea, continuing his run of looking as if awards ceremonies are sucking the very life out of him. He’s quiet but unshowy, and even though this speech seems edited I’d take it over a million years of Cirque du Soleil.
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Thandie Newton is presenting best original screenplay now, and doing her best not to swing about on the massive tassel like the headliner in a weird tassel-based Miley Cyrus-themed music festival. More power to her, I say.
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Hey, get this, I just thought of a joke:
Tonight, BAFTA stands for “Brexit And Flipping Trump Attacks”.
I mean, that’s a joke, isn’t it? That has the basic form of a joke. Right? Doesn’t it?
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The head of Curzon is now making a speech with all the blazing charisma you’d expect from the CEO of a moderately-sized company. In a nutshell: yay Curzon, but also boo Brexit.
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Outstanding British contribution to film now, presented with verve by Isabelle Huppert with the briefest of Brexit barbs. Curzon wins it, by the way. Bad luck Peckhamplex. Maybe next year.
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That was a lot of people. My goodness. Sensitively handled, too.
Historically quite hard to make jokes through a grief montage, so I’ll be quiet for a bit.
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Halfway through now, which means it’s time for the death reel!
And the winner is Dev Patel, even though he’s sort of the lead actor in Lion. He’s thrilled about the win, even though fellow nominee Hugh Grant visibly isn’t. He’s being charming and sincere, but the massive tassel behind him has started to sway slightly, and I’m in love with it.
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Now for best supporting actor. Felicity Jones just introduced the nominees in the most perfunctory way. She might as well have just grunted, or burped, or showed her bum to the audience for all the good it did.
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The winner is Under the Shadow, a film about a mother and a daughter and a sort of ghost thing in 1980s Tehran. But the winner is delightfully, nerdily nervous and the most endearing thing I’ve seen onscreen in the last hour.
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Now for outstanding debut by a British writer, director or producer, a category invented by someone who hates liveblogs.
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Although the best visual effect of the night is clearly the massive tassel. God, I love that massive tassel. I want to nuzzle it.
The Jungle Book wins. This is no surprise, since it was basically filmed in a cupboard.
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Best visual effects now. One of Cirque du Soleil drops the nominee envelope from the ceiling, and nobody even throws a single shoe at them, which is disappointing. They must be as bored as I am.
Oh, the film about the one-eyed boy won. Kubo and the Two Strings wins! “I didn’t see this coming,” says director Travis Knight, before launching into a word-perfect acceptance speech that references great thinkers, sums up the film in a neat bow, thanks everyone succinctly and uses the word “cudgel”. I smell a rat.
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Animated film now, presented by Bryce Dallas Howard and Riz Ahmed, both expressing their mistrust of cartoons. Big category this. Finding Dory. Moana. Zootropolis. Some weird film about a one-eyed boy that nobody has seen ...
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Davis is sort of complaining that some films have shots of nice skies, because they take away valuable screentime for actors. I think.
A deserving winner, not least because she did such a good job of adding tonal variation to Denzel Washington’s endless one-note posturing.
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The winner is Viola Davis for Fences, which sets up a weird pattern whereby the presenter of one award ends up winning the next but one award. Which, if I’ve done my maths, means that Hugh Grant is about to win Best Animated Feature.
This is a very strong category, of course, and this would be much more tense if the awards were live and we didn’t already know who’s won this.
Hugh Grant’s onstage! This is promising. He’s being charming about female genitalia, which is pretty much his stock in trade these days. He’s presenting best supporting actress, by the way.
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Davies is discussing story structure, and haltingly thanking people. That’s what you came to this liveblog for, isn’t it? To read scintillating sentences like “a man is thanking people”? Right? Well, get used to it.
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And the winner is Lion, which was written by Luke Davies and whoever came up with the algorithm for Google Earth.
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Here’s Stanley Tucci to present the next award, for adapted screenplay. He’s less grumpy onstage, perhaps because it’s taking every atom of his energy to outshine the giant Bafta tassel that permanently threatens to drag attention away from him.
Tom Holland wins. This is probably because it’s a public vote, and more people saw Captain America: Civil War than any of the other films. Or it might be because Tom Holland is a good actor. His acceptance speech is surprisingly polished for a newcomer. Oh, the confidence of being Spider-Man.
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Seriously, it’s a very big tassel.
Now here’s Viola Davis to present the Rising Star award. She’s being highly sincere but DEAR GOD look at the size of that tassel she’s standing next to. I mean, wow, that’s the biggest tassel I’ve ever seen. There’ll be a parody account of that giant tassel on Twitter by the end of that night, mark my words.
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Ken Loach is giving an impassioned speech about the government’s cruelty towards the needy, and the upcoming war against the establishment.
However, my main takeaway is that they’ve put the lectern far too far back on the stage. It took poor Loach about ten minutes to walk all the way back there. I blame the acrobats.
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Dev Patel and Nicole Kidman are up first, to present the award for outstanding British film. For the first time tonight, let’s pretend that we didn’t look up who won it on Twitter two and half hours ago.
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Fry was just about to gear up for a classic “Here’s Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant, I’m going to kiss one of them, come here Hugh” joke, but he was just T-boned by Streep tearing up to him and snogging his face off. Probably for the best.
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We’re currently operating on one Trump reference every four minutes, if anyone’s counting.
Fry’s shtick here is less “telling jokes” and more “just saying the names of people he can see to a wall of near silence”. It’s like being back in school.
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There’s now a long, long montage of every single film that was released this past year. Remember, these are the bits that the BBC could have edited out, but didn’t.
And here’s Stephen Fry, looking slightly muted, as if he knows that he’s two hours away from being forced off Twitter by a load of eggs again.
On the plus side, Meryl Streep is doing a wonderful job of pretending to look entertained by the sight of some people doing backflips to the sound of Alanis Morrissette falling down a toilet. She looks staggered. World’s best actress.
“Hey Hollywood, fancy coming to the Baftas?”
“Sure, what’s it going to be like?”
“Have you ever seen the interlude in the middle of the Eurovision song contest?”
*Line goes dead, forever*
“Oh Christ, someone call Julia Stiles.”
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“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Cirque du Soleil.” I do not get paid enough for this, honestly.
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The red carpet show has been reduced to a three-minute sizzle reel, by the way. It’s like a Guess Who’s Pretending The Hardest To Be Excited About All This competition. Julia Stiles wins, btw.
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We’re promised strong language tonight. Let’s have a sweepstake about who it came from. My money’s on Tucci.
Right, good, OK. The BBC Bafta broadcast is about to begin. Reset your clocks, everyone.
Speaking of which, here’s another news story about something that might count as a spoiler. Fair to say that someone has (or will) said something in reaction to something that has either happened or is about to happen. Look, this is so confusing. I’ve started foaming blood out of my nose. Here’s the story.
Timeline update: the image at the head of this liveblog is of Stephen Fry hosting the awards some time ago. Meanwhile, on the liveblog itself, we’re pretending that he hasn’t actually hosted them yet. I tell you what, my brain hurts something rotten. I feel like I’m in a later episode of Lost.
One of the unexpected upsides to watching a livestream of a red carpet show is that Bafta didn’t have chance to edit out the endless, deathless, grinding, soul-sapping tedious monotony of the red carpet.
Witness Stanley Tucci 1:54 in, unsuccessfully battling to conceal his disdain for the red carpet gauntlet. He wordlessly moves down a line of adoring fans, not even bothering to look up to address the recipients of his autograph. He passive-aggressively mutters at eBay autograph touts who scream at him to sign multiple photos. He looks like a man defeated. And this is Stanley Tucci, for God’s sake. A gauntlet like that would crush a normal mortal like us. I just hope there’s a free bar in the Albert Hall.
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BAFTA RED CARPET FACEBOOK HIGHLIGHT
1:17 in – Zoe Ball and Ron Howard stand together on the red carpet. Zoe Ball has two tickets to the Baftas, and she offers them to whichever of the frozen, miserable penned-in fans can scream the loudest. Ron Howard looks like he would happily welcome the sweet release of death.
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By the way, I’ve been asked to continue the liveblog until 11:15pm, which is 15 minutes after the BBC’s Bafta broadcast finishes, and about two full hours after the actual ceremony itself ends.
I haven’t asked why yet, but I think the unspoken reason is that it means I’ll get to cover Stephen Fry flouncing off Twitter again.
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I mean, on the plus side, I’m having to couch each post of this liveblog in such convoluted explanations of the bizarrely pre-recorded nature of the BBC’s Bafta coverage that I’m probably going to hit my annual wordcount by about 10.30. Somebody pack my bags, I’m taking the rest of the year off.
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INEVITABLY THE TIMELINES HAVE ALREADY MIXED.
Right, so, on the liveblog we’re supposed to be ignoring the fact that everything we’re covering live already happened in the name of entertainment. However, in the real world, one of the winners (who I won’t announce for fear of spoiling things) has done something so newsworthy that it warrants a mention here. Even though, according to the rules of the liveblog, he isn’t actually going to do it for another 45 minutes, when he’ll do it on telly.
SO – deep breath – if you want to see what the newsworthy thing is, the story can be found here. But don’t click on the link if you’re planning to discover the awards as they go out on television. Clear? Anyone? Hello?
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If you happen to be part of the presumably minuscule percentage of people who a) have just joined this liveblog and b) really hate scrolling down, here’s a rather lovely gallery of red carpet fashion for you.
Also, in a fit of easily preventable panic, I’ve just discovered that the BBC isn’t actually doing its traditional Bafta red carpet show this year.
This means I basically have two choices: either I just directionlessly vamp for an hour, or I do the next best thing and point you all to Bafta’s own red carpet show on Facebook. I’ll be dipping in and out of that for the next 45 minutes. If I find anything remotely worth discussing, I’ll timestamp it.
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Hello again - Stuart Heritage here. So, just to fill you in on the uniquely berserk multiverse of Bafta timelines:
ON THE LIVEBLOG: The red carpet has just ended, and we’re waiting for the ceremony to begin in an hour. The excitement is palpable!
IN REAL LIFE: The red carpet ended almost two hours ago, the ceremony has been going for ages, many of the winners have already been announced and you can find most of them by spending about a nanosecond on the internet.
I hope that makes sense. Do try not to think too hard about it, because you’ll probably cause yourself a mischief. Anyway, I’ll be following and reacting to the TV broadcast only, if that’s any help.
Having critiqued many a frock over the past three hours we are off, and here’s the two second fashion review: the boring strapless dress is over! Long live the super low V. Bye.
A dress that feels like a twist in a novel, in that the jazzy bit happens when you least expect it to, in the final third. It is quite unlike our favourite Kelly Macdonald fashion moment – the slip dress in the original Trainspotting, obvs – but it’s very lovely regardless.
It takes pretty good facial hair to take an attention away from a dress with an ombre rainbow sequin dress as worn here by Amelia Warner. But, Jamie Dornan’s facial hair has the power to change the the shaving habits of men across the nation. Note the slight increase in bushiness, men. That is big news in the world of beards.
As the actual Bafta winners trickle in, we already know who has won the red carpet: Alexander McQueen. Emily Blunt joins Hannah Bagshawe and Kate Middleton by wearing the brand. Her dress has a Leonardo’s Primavera vibe and a nice swishy skirt. We also like that John Krasinski is giving his best Serious Face.
Because we do not wish to be Fake News we have not posted this picture of Daisy Ridley’s utterly gorgeous dress until now, because we did not know who had designed it. Now after much waiting, we still do not know, and we’re getting a bit bored of not knowing, and we think you need to see it. Our money’s on Victoria Beckham, Roland Mouret, Jonathan Saunders for Diane von Furstenberg or Roksanda.
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The Balenciaga retrospective isn’t even at the V&A yet but Amy Adams’ dress is already referencing the cocoon - the signature shape of Cristóbal Balenciaga. Definitely the outfit so far that will garner the most approval from fashion history students. Looks pretty great too.
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Riz Ahmed’s decision to bring his mum with him to the Baftas is adorbs - but it also ups his fashion points considerably. His mum is both shoulder robing and giving good suit. Ahmed is just wearing a tux. A new fashion icon is in our midst.
Guys! There is a man trapped in Michelle Williams’ dress! Help him! This is the new Dog Trapped in Plank of Wood. It’s actually really sad.
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Chainmail is totally a thing RN and we reckon this creation is the work of Versace - similar ones have been worn by Michelle Obama and Donatella Versace (how meta) recently. Cruz’s version changes it up by adding a fluted chainmail sleeve to proceedings - something, even with several hundred fashion shows under our belts, we can’t ever recall seeing before.
It’s McQueen! It’s McQueen! Turning once again to the designer of her wedding dress, but with very 2017 ‘cold shoulders’, the Duchess of Cambridge has employed quite a high fashion look tonight. The earrings are stupendous, too – presumably from Her Maj’s collection. That guy with her looks fine.
Paging Maleficent producers: if you’re thinking of a sequel, Thandie Newton would be a good shout for the Angelina Jolie role. The long hair, dark lipstick and strapless pointy dress is almost terrifyingly glamorous. Add magical powers for the full effect.
This is Chanel Couture - look number 38 from the Spring 2017 collection, if I am not very much mistaken. It is also a red carpet look involving trousers, and trousers, or ‘pant suits’ are a bit of a thing at the moment. Furthermore, the string of pearls around Stone’s left foot suggests that anklets are about to go high fashion.
Imagine how many red carpets Meryl Streep has done by now. And she still looks like she’s having a blast. We love that this trouser suit, with lacy camisole and fringed scarf, would be just as at home here as it would be at a cocktail party. We have a feeling Streep goes to lots of cocktail parties.
Time for a Chandler....could JK Rowling BE any more awesome right now? In the same weekend, she has taken down Piers Morgan on Twitter and slayed the red carpet. On the day it was announced some of Prince’s back catalogue would be going on Spotify, the colour of this column dress is surely a nod to the Purple One.
We’ve got a feeling that Tom Ford thinks his hair looks really different today. We’re imagining this new ‘do – slightly ruffled and feathered at the hairline – was brainstormed during a board meeting between Mr Ford and six or seven of his staff. It’s very nice. As is his burgundy tuxedo. We would like to stroke him.
Now here’s a woman whose fashion choices bring to mid the phrase ‘we are not worthy’. Huppert’s Golden Globes outfit involved exposed midriff. Here, she’s in floor-length silk, buttoned up, with long sleeves. Not only appropriate for London in February but also immaculate and confident - you can’t imagine that Huppert is much of a spiller. The statement earrings of emeralds and diamonds whisper class. Parfait.
Tulle is kind of a big deal in fashion right now, and Naomie Harris is also kind of a big deal in fashion right now (see the cover of New York Magazine’s fashion issue for details) so this is a bit of a red carpet moment. And before anyone accuses Harris of going a bit too ‘ta-da’ with her look (and for me there is no such thing as too ‘ta-da’ anyway) know that earlier she Instagrammed a picture of herself and her huge tulle skirt crammed into the back of a cab with the caption “feeling like Cinderella tonight”. Aw.
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Nicole Kidman loves a deep V-neck this awards season. If her Gucci-created SAGs gown came with parrots (parrots!) this Armani Prive gown is more classic glamour, the kind of dress favoured by women who have a social calendar littered with benefit galas. Who knows what deep V surprise Kidman has in store for the Oscars. The countdown has begun.
FROCK UPDATE: It has been brought to our attention that Viola Davis’ dress is by Jenny Packham. Fascinating fact: Jenny Packham is sister to The Really Wild Show presenter, peroxide devotee and badger fan, Chris Packham.
Wearing suits is kinda Héloïse Letissier’s thing. Here she looks particularly louche and French and also performs the important task of reclaiming pinstripes from the abhorrent Sean Spicer. She is also indulging in what we in the trade call ‘puddling’ with the fabric of her extra long trousers spilling elegantly over her brothel creepers. YES.
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The first couple on the Baftas’ red carpet is - fittingly - the First Couple of red carpet couple dressing. Redmayne is glossy and smart like a Weimaraner. Bagshawe is elegant in an embroidered column with only the slightest of eyerolls at the lovie circus around her. Also, top marks for the loose plait hair-do. We’ll be copying that tomorrow.
Patterned stripes are certainly a look - and the colours combos here are particularly unusual, the blue of a Bic biro mixed with tomato soup red and school blazer green. Add the rorschach test prints, the quiff, the cheery hoop earrings and the brighter red clutch and Bowman is taking ‘happy accident’ dressing to a new level.
The dress is perfectly fine – palest periwinkle with on-trend long sleeves – but Julia Stiles’ hair deserves special recognition here. It’s shiny, tousled and relaxed – it’s basically Kate Moss, the easyJet years. For the avoidance of doubt, that means it’s completely fabulous.
We just had to google Anya Taylor-Joy but she’s now totally on our radar - largely thanks to the fact she’s also on the radar of Alessandro Michele, the Gucci designer, fashion’s current pied piper, and the probable designer of this dress (we’ll eat our Gucci loafers if it isn’t him). What Michele says goes and if he says that Taylor-Joy should wear tiered sky blue tulle with an open-mouthed tiger embroidered on the front, we can’t help but agree. More of her please.
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You have got to respect Viola Davis for all kinds of reasons, but specifically tonight for wearing her coat. It is, after all, absolutely freezing. What I can see of the dress underneath looks pretty great – a punchy shade of violet, her namesake colour. All power to her.
Hello from the fashion desk!
And we’re off with Stephen Fry, a reassuringly twinkly presence to start the red carpet proceedings. The Baftas presenter’s black tie choice is fine but the clothes aren’t really the point here. It’s all about the salt-and-pepper hair, the smile and the kind smize, the sort of smize that would get perfect 10s from the ANTM panel whatever cycle. And top marks from us too.
The weather, of course, is typically British tonight. Something tells me the red carpet galleries are going to be tremendous tomorrow.
Red carpet ready
Hello, and welcome to The Guardian’s live coverage of the 2017 Bafta film awards. The Oscars might get all the limelight and the Golden Globes might have all the fun, but the Baftas has nevertheless managed to carve out its own little niche over the years, as the single most needlessly pre-recorded awards ceremony in the entire world.
In a moment, Hannah Marriott and Lauren Cochrane will take the reins of this liveblog and talk you through what’s happening on the red carpet in real time. Then, at 6:45pm, the ceremony will begin. But I won’t start liveblogging it until the TV broadcast at 9pm. By this point you’ll already know the names of all the winners, because they’ll have already been available on the internet for hours. So, if you’re reading this, one can only assume that you must just really like reading liveblogs alongside watching the telly. In which case, more power to you.
But back to the awards. The big questions tonight are:
- Will La La Land win as comprehensively as it did in the Golden Globes?
- Can Moonlight or Manchester by the Sea mount a surprise ambush?
- Which just-landed American star will be most hilariously caught out by Britain’s comically awful weather?
I’ll be back at 8pm to liveblog the BBC’s red carpet coverage, even though a) Hannah and Lauren will have already liveblogged the actual red carpet coverage and b) the internet will have already announced most of the winners by then. Confusing, huh? Wish us luck!
