Name: Rationing.
Age: Most popular between 1940-1954, but it is starting to make a comeback.
Primary victim: Leporidae.
What? We’re rationing rabbit food? Has there been a supply chain issue on Watership Down? Nope, it’s down to our old friend, suboptimal Spanish meteorology.
The same suboptimal Spanish meteorology that caused the infamous courgette shortage of January 2017? The very same, old chum. The very same.
What has happened? Once again, bad weather in southern Spain – from where we import much of our fresh produce – has damaged vegetable stocks. This time, it’s lettuce and broccoli that are the hardest to come by.
Oh, no! Is there another shortage? Yes, but don’t worry, because supermarkets aren’t just going to let stocks vanish like they did with the courgettes. That’s why many of them have instigated a ration of sorts.
A lettuce ration? Yep. If you go to Morrisons, for example, you are only allowed to buy two iceberg lettuces a visit.
Wait, people actually buy more than one lettuce at a time? Well, sure. Big families presumably eat quite a lot of lettuce.
Wait, people actually eat lettuce? Aren’t you supposed to buy it in a moment of delusional self-virtue, then leave it in your fridge for a month until it liquifies? No.
Oh. Will this rationing be over soon? Possibly not. A spokesperson for the British Leafy Salads Association said …
Hang on, the what? Alright, calm down, Britain has a Leafy Salads Association, let’s not make a fuss about it. Anyway, he said that this year’s Spanish crop has been utterly devastated by the weather, which remains so bad that some farmers can’t even go and plant the next lot.
So what are we supposed to do? Relax. There are still lettuces in shops, aren’t there? Admittedly, they are mainly thought to be American, so they will be more expensive and less fresh than their European counterparts, which represents a worse deal for British consumers.
What a remarkable allegory for Brexit. Oh, everything’s a remarkable allegory for Brexit to you, isn’t it? Wind it in a bit, snowflake.
Do say: “First they came for our courgettes, and I did not speak out because I was not a courgette.”
Don’t say: “As an alternative, why not feed your rabbits microwavable pizza?”
