Vic Marks's day four report
So there we go: another ripper of a day for Australia. In its early days the brothers Marsh made a mockery of all our lives, celebrating each other’s tons together in the middle - I’d give anything to experience that with my brother and I don’t even have one. Then when Australia eventually declared, Nathan Lyon with two wickets and Mitchell Starc and Pat Cummins with one each put them in a yet stronger position. They are one dismissal away from England’s tail, and will clinch victory and a 4-0 series win sometime tomorrow. Join us for that, and check back for the report and colour presently - but in the meantime, good morning or goodnight. Why is good morning two words but goodnight one word? Bye!
England close day 4 trailing Australia by 210 runs, with six second-innings wickets intact
I think Australia are shading this, but the first hour tomorrow is crucial...
46th over: England 93-4 (Root 41, Bairstow 18) Lyon begins what is probably the last over the day, and assuming England get through it we can dupe ourselves one last time that they’ve a chance of saving this. To be clear: they have none whatsoever, not a slither, soupçon or iota. For the occasion, Warner has come in at leg slip, but Root is looking solid and plays out a maiden ... AND THAT IS STUMPS.
45th over: England 93-4 (Root 42, Bairstow 18) Cummins returns - not before time, I’d say, though given Australia’s certain victory, perhaps he’s just being saved for future conflict. Root shoves a single into the leg side, and Bairstow sees out the remainder of the over.
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44th over: England 92-4 (Root 41, Bairstow 17) Lyon is back on, but there’s a break while a helmet is brought on ... fill in your own hilarious rib-tickler here. Soon enough, Khawaja is underneath it at short leg and there’s also a silly mid off, but Bairstow looks in control - until he pads up and Smith appeals. Not out (or even close), but a maiden.
43rd over: England 92-4 (Root 41, Bairstow 17) Mike Hussey is talking about why Australia have won, but let’s be real: batsmen converting starts, bowlers being faster and key moments being taken basically tells us one thing: Australia are way better than England. He then talks about England’s preparation not being good enough, which I guess might’ve improved the batsmen a bit, but I can’t see that the outcome would’ve been different. Meantime, Root takes two through the covers - the only scoring off the over.
42nd over: England 90-4 (Root 39, Bairstow 17) Root’s single off Smith’s first ball reduces England’s deficit to 217 - get them in tens, lads. Smith then drags one down to Bairstow, who picks out the man at cover, but when he does it again it goes to the fence, pulled through square leg. Ten overs to go, but it’s unlikely we’ll get them all in.
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41st over: England 85-4 (Root 38, Bairstow 13) Hazlewood tries a slower ball but overpitches and Bairstow doesn’t hang around, nutting it through cover for four. He’s another who has underperformed this tour, or at least, was expected to do better. I’d wondered if his high backlift would give him a decent base on bouncier tracks than he’s used to, but apparently not.
40th over: England 81-4 (Root 38, Bairstow 9) Steven Smith brings himself on for Lyon, hoping to trouble the right-handers with the ball turning away from the bat and by forcing them to hit against the spin to score on the leg side. And he quickly finds some drift and loop, Bairstow turning the only run of the over to midwicket.
39th over: England 80-4 (Root 38, Bairstow 8) Root is batting watchfully here, and seems to have put the pull and hook away to keep out of trouble - I wonder if he’ll change how he bats after this series, because his attacking imperative has got him into consistent trouble for the first time really. But then he moves towards one from Hazlewood, cramping himself in the process, and looking to play cross-batted into the off side - he does very well to miss. Maiden.
38th over: England 80-4 (Root 38, Bairstow 8) Lyon must absolutely loving this, a long bowl with no fear of molestation and plenty expectation of wickets. Root taps his first ball towards point for one, the only run off the over - I wonder if he might get a rest while there are no lefties in the middle.
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37th over: England 79-4 (Root 37, Bairstow 8) It’s Hazlewood not Cummins, and after Root gets one, Bairstow quickly edges him for four after chasing a wide one - his captain has batted 98 balls for his no boundaries.
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36th over: England 74-4 (Root 36, Bairstow 4) Michael Vaughan is trailing BT’s football coverage - of course he says “haitch”, not “aitch”. My mum used to work in HR, and would underline the H in the name of anyone who so spoke on the phone - let that be a lesson to them. Bairstow flicks to midwicket for two, then takes a big stride and almost gives a return catch while initiating a single which Root only just completes.
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35th over: England 70-4 (Root 35, Bairstow 1) Vaughany and Slatts now in commentary together, #bantz #ftw. Root adds his first run since taking the tickle, turning to long leg, and Bairsterr sees out the remainder of the over easily enough when really he should’ve sent mason Crane out to do it for him. I wonder if we’ll see Cummins shortly.
Nathan Lyon this series:
— The Cricket Prof. (@CricProf) January 7, 2018
v left-handers: 17 wickets at 19.23 average and 49.7 strike rate
v right-handers: 3 wickets at 86.33 (197.6 strike rate)
34th over: England 68-4 (Root 34, Bairstow 0) Lyon is grooved here, and has Bairstow stuck on the crease with both balls he has at him. When did sun last stop play?
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WICKET! Malan lbw b Lyon 5 (England 68-4)
Lyon pins Malan on the stumps with one which gets a bit of extra bounce, and though Umpire Wilson takes his time, he eventually raises the finger with certainty. Root allows the review, but Malan’s too near the wicket for height to matter, though the review is retained. Australia are back in the ascendancy.
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33rd over: England 68-3 (Root 34, Malan 5) Back we come and Starc tries a bumper when a yorker, jammed in, is probably what Root fancies least. Next comes a nondescript one before a beauty traps Root on the crease, too fast for him and squaring him slightly before ramming the pad. There’s an appeal, but that looked pretty high to me; maiden.
Root is still receiving treatment and still not loving life. I’m sure he’ll bat on and the physio is grinning away so it can’t be that bad - it’s his bottom hand after all.
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33rd over: England 68-3 (Root 34, Malan 5) Starc’s the danger man, reckons Boycott, and he’s right - unless Cummins, Hazlewood or Lyon has the ball. He comes over to Root, who tries to pull his third ball and wears it on the right hand. It looks unpleasant and there’s a pause as the physio comes on - it could be broken, reckons Dr Lee in commentary, and Root is certainly feeling it.
32nd over: England 68-3 (Root 34, Malan 5) While the umpires discuss the ball’s nick Boycott tries on Brett Lee’s baggy green - “I bat a lot better than Bancroft, I can tell you”, he says. Anyway, we’re back, and Root twists Lyon though midwicket for two, then eases another towards fine leg, allowing Malan to struggle a little more against the off-spin.
Only four bowlers - Cummins, Lyon, Hazlewood & Starc have taken wickets for Australia in this series.
— Test Match Special (@bbctms) January 7, 2018
If it stays that way, it'll be the first time in Test match history that a team has gone through a five-match series with only four bowlers taking wickets.#Ashes #bbccricket pic.twitter.com/3mMGBW4MNy
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31st over: England 65-3 (Root 31, Malan 5) 22 overs to go tonight, including this one - still plenty of time for England to see Australia home. Ah, Geoff Boycott is back in commentary - my guess is he thinks England should’ve played better, and if they had, they’d have done better. Root power-paddles Starc’s final ball down to the point fence for three, the only runs off the over.
30th over: England 62-3 (Root 28, Malan 5) England will be thinking that if these two can be there at the close ... they’ve still got bugger all chance of saving this. And as I ponder that, Lyon diddles Malan with a jazzer, fizzing one it at off stump that turns away as he plays down the original line. But he’d already added two to midwicket, the only runs off the over.
29th over: England 60-3 (Root 28, Malan 3) Starc tries firing at Root’s toes from around the wicket and wide of the crease, but Root is equal to it. Responsible for leading the team song, though - they’re still talking about it, and I’m wondering if such a post is really necessary.
28th over: England 58-3 (Root 27, Malan 2) England would probably have taken this at tea - Vince out as expected, but no other damage. Root eases Lyon through the covers for two then slaps him thataway for two more and three more - he’s looking in fine touch. Meanwhile, Mr Cricket tells us that after a match, when the players are enjoying a relax in the dressing room, at some point after dark comes a knock on the floor. A senior players responds, and this is the cue for them to make their way down into the cellar to grab a few bottles of wine to augment their party. Hussey then goes on to tell us that after he retired and had to pass on the responsibility for leading the team song, he chose Nathan Lyon, who “plays the game for the right reasons”, and embodies the values that needed to be passed on.
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27th over: England 50-3 (Root 20, Malan 1) Malan, on the other hand, faces the opposite conundrum. He’ll be picked, of course, but having done well in this series he needs to perform in a less pressurised environment, which is a different kind of test. So, Starc is back on and Root is through a bouncer quickly, wearing it on the side; another maiden.
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26th over: England 50-3 (Root 20, Malan 1) In commentary they’re talking about whether Cameron Bancroft will get another shy in Australia. On the basis that there’s no one else, he might, but if he can’t make runs at home, with everyone else at it, against an attack entirely unsuitable for the conditions, then not sure he’s got much for Morne and Vern at home. One off this latest Lyon twirl.
Pretty sure I could take him if it came to it.
Here is to more gains in 2018 with @bpisportsuk pic.twitter.com/btrUkMF8QZ
— Chris Tremlett (@ChrisTremlett33) January 6, 2018
25th over: England 49-3 (Root 19, Malan 1) Cummins is so good. He flings one outside off to which Root retreats - it’s 86mph, and induces a fence which is just about withdrawn as the ball just about passes. But he responds well with a drive for three into the covers before Cummins raps Malan on the pad, but high up; the ensuing appeal is summarily rejected. So Cummins comes around for two dots, and that’s drinks.
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24th over: England 46-3 (Root 16, Malan 1) I know England are cooked whatever, but if they let Lyon bowl like this, he’ll bowl them out, or hold down an end whole the quicks bowl them out. Anyway, Malan nurdles his way off the mark with a single, and Root forces one through the covers, the only scoring in the over.
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23rd over: England 44-3 (Root 15, Malan o) Cummins slings down a beast that Root just evades, or which just evades him more likely, and we see that of Vince’s eight dismissals this series, only two balls were hitting the stumps or anything like it. Are they going to take him to New Zealand and see if he can find a way against a marginally less menacing attack? And would that prove anything anyway? Maiden.
James Vince's dismissals this series fit with the pattern of his career. pic.twitter.com/KCiAHtIKYj
— The Cricket Prof. (@CricProf) January 7, 2018
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22nd over: England 44-3 (Root 15, Malan o) A lefty for Lyon, just what England need. But Root is on strike to begin with ... a single sees one rip past Malan’s edge ... he survives.
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WICKET! Vince c Smith b Cummins 18 (England 43-3)
AND THERE IT IS! And there it is. Cummins coaxes a little extra bounce, attracting Vince’s outside edge like an industrial magnet, and Smith has to juggle the catch as koalas shudder the country over, before pouching it eventually. I bet Vince rolls off the bed at least six times a night.
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21st over: England 43-2 (Vince 18, Root 14) Outside edge from Vince gets him two - Cummins is bowling beautifully here, varying his pace - but with only one slip, it’s a little trickier for Vince to vince.
We have a new innings total for Test cricket. 649 had, until today, never been made before. #Ashes2017
— Ric Finlay (@RicFinlay) January 7, 2018
20th over: England 41-2 (Vince 16, Root 14) ... NOT OUT. It’s great ball though, drifting away, pitching outside off, and turning back in but not as much as Vince expected. He celebrates with a single.
20th over: England 40-2 (Vince 15, Root 14) These last two serieses, as Jonathan Trott would say, England have been in such strife all the time they’ve just let Nathan Lyon bowl - unlike 2005, say, when they went after Warne. Oh look! Vince edges and is given out! But he reviews, on the basis that the bat hit the ground and not the ball...
19th over: England 38-2 (Vince 15, Root 12) Single to Root behind square on the off side before Cummins tries a slower one without reward. So he cranks the pace back up as Vince tries to relax us all by flashing ... he misses, but there’ll be another opportunity around in a minute, I’m sure.
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18th over: England 38-2 (Vince 15, Root 12) Vince, who has a start - fancy that, etcetera - is standing on off to face Lyon, and sees away another maiden without too much aggravation. Anyway, I am going to reproduce my most recent email in its entirety as a lesson to us all:
“Currently in fabric (the club). the techno’s banging. loving the OBO, keep it up. hopefully will make it home to a few more wickets and a five-fer tomorrow perhaps for Nathan ‘Nathan’ Lyon.
all the love ❤️
Gil”
Don’t tell my Rabbi, but I’m more of a Friday Fabric person - or was, when I had a life and was courting my wife - and am now re-evaluating my other life choices as I narrate, yet again, yet another kicking for England.
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17th over: England 38-2 (Vince 15, Root 12) Cummins into the attack. What a ripper he is, the so and so – I already can’t wait to see what he gets up to on Saffer decks in February and March. Binger Lee tells a tale of his sister trapping his fingers in a door and clipping the top off his middle one which means his seam-uppers are bowled with two same-length digits. Three from the over, anyway.
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16th over: England 35-2 (Vince 11, Root 12) In the crowd, a couple of Aussies are getting after the Barmy Army and rightly so – imagine being sat near that lot for eight hours when you were hoping for an enjoyable day. The ladz retort to 4-0 taunting with the national anthem, which really shows everyone.
“You know things are bad when the temperature recorded in Sydney (in Celsius) is likely to be higher than England’s second innings total,” emails Oliver Deed. What people need to realise is that England are competing ironically, so are actually well ahead in the match.
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15th over: England 32-2 (Vince 11, Root 10) Vince looks really confident and really pretty. Ahahahahahahaha! Excuse me. I’m not sure what came over me. He cracks a three through the covers, of course he does, he’s like a song with a belter of a riff that goes absolutely nowhere. Any more for any more?
14th over: England 27-2 (Vince 8, Root 10) Root strokes two off Lyon, into the covers, but that’s the only scoring from the over. “Root and Vince need to hold on and drag this out to day 5,” tweets Brendan Fawkes. “As much as I support Australia, I support another excuse not to do housework more. First time I’ve ever said this, ‘C’mon England!’”
I’m dreading the return of existential threat at the start of every day, now that cricketing dread is almost gone.
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13th over: England 27-2 (Vince 8, Root 8) Hazlewood is bousting in but gives Vince an easy two first up, down to mid off, before settling into his his usual miserly persona.
“Is it just me,” begins Tim Featherstone-Griffin - yes it is, it always is - “or has everyone else had enough of KP spouting ‘Why is 100 better than 99? I have absolutely no idea’? Ever since I heard it all those weeks ago, I’m inclined to shout at the screen ‘Because we have a denary number system, so it’s the lowest number with three digits!’”
It’s a real mystery. Incidentally, KP would still get into this England team wouldn’t he? How could it come to this? We’re really worried about living. How could it come to this? Yeah we really wanna know about this.
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The players are back with us. We’ll be away again presently.
So, 40 overs left today - it’s like the Refuge Assurance, basically (with the option of eight more should a finish look likely). If Australia can get rid of Root quickly, they’ll fancy themselves to cement the absolute battering today. But maybe they’ll fancy another day of this because let’s face it, what could possibly be better?
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12th over: England 25-2 (Vince 6, Root 8) Lyon bowling to a slip, a leg-slip and a short leg. Vince takes a single off the first ball, no more runs follow, and that’s tea. Expect to see England return thoroughly fortified in 20 minutes.
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11th over: England 24-2 (Vince 5, Root 8) Vince opens his body to evade a bouncer and takes it on the shoulder, a real sair yin and the highlight of an over yielding but a single.
“Given that the dominating discussion today has involved The Weather — Just like the Poms! We are a lot alike! — may I offer the dubious ‘fact’ (via Twitter) that the hottest place in Syd-er-nee today is Penrith!” offers Sarah Bacon. “So at least Test 5 isn’t being played at Homebush, right? Poor old England were beetrooted by the sun, and bashed by the relentless defence of the Aussies today (well, every day, really), but they’re still playing. Bless. And despite the inevitability of the result, they’re seeing doing everything within their means, and that’s good to see. As has been commented by various pundits on a variety of media services though, they’re just being done slowly, a la Paul Keating. Because why not?”
I’d like to hear Monica Galetti giving some feedback on that.
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10th over: England 23-2 (Vince 4, Root 8) After that brilliant first over, Lyon hasn’t looked as dangerous – the two righties in the middle probably explain that. So he twirls and sidles through another maiden instead, building pressure.
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9th over: England 23-2 (Vince 4, Root 5) Hazlewood returns from the other end and is immediately on the money. But then Root times one beautifully off his hip and Lyon, who’s just escaped a phalanx of kids asking for autographs, just cuts off the boundary at square-leg; they run three, the only runs off the over. Meanwhile in commentary, Boycott talks about bowlers rubbing the ball in the dust, which is to say that his average is even better than it sounds. What a player!
The King of Spin @ShaneWarne on how Nathan Lyon worked over Alastair Cook in his opening over: https://t.co/vhFwlbdpM8 #Ashes pic.twitter.com/lehCiARBKU
— cricket.com.au (@CricketAus) January 7, 2018
8th over: England 20-2 (Vince 4, Root 5) Lyon sends down a maiden.
Starc to Stoneman this series: two of the collection of balls aimed at Stoneman's stumps have produced wickets. pic.twitter.com/xflQa7SNuB
— The Cricket Prof. (@CricProf) January 7, 2018
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7th over: England 20-2 (Vince 4, Root 5) Swann reminds us that England should’ve fielded on winning the toss, but I’m not certain we’d be seeing much different; I think Australia might be better than them. Anyway, Root is away as busily as usual, and he’ll need to score a breezy 67 before getting out if England are to hang on for the win stay in the match beyond this evening.
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6th over: England 16-2 (Vince 4, Root 1) “Think you could now add Stoneman to your list of discards, don’t really see that he has had a very much more successful series than Vince,” emails Peter Rowntree. “Of the newcomers only Dawid Malan has really made the grade. As far as the bowling goes, yes, Stokes will come back in and so then we need a fourth fast bowler I would struggle through with Mark Wood and Jake Ball until such time as one of the newcomers who do hit the pitch harder comes through - so the likes of Josh Tongue, Ben Coad. I would take young Hameed, and dare I say it Ben Duckett to NZ - Ben’s a wild young lad, but him and Hameed are the two most talented young batsmen in the Country, and at some stage England have to forgive and forget, what was only a minor offence blown up out of all proportion anyway.”
Vince has had more goes than Stoneman and it’s hard to see him ironing out the faults. As for Duckett, agree entirely that what he did was irrelevant and if Strauss had told the press to do one post-Bairstow we’d not be here. Hameed needs to get some runs - if he’d done that last season he’d be in Australia now.
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WICKET! Cook b Lyon 10 (Australia 15-2)
It’s another jaffa! Lyon pitches on middle and as the ball spins away, Cook plays down the wrong line as the off-bail is sent flying. Cook won’t like how he allowed that to happen instead of being positive in defence and coming forward, but that first delivery spooked him. Meantime, Australia’s heavy roller is hurtling.
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6th over: England 15-1 (Cook 10, Vince 4) On comes Garrance and he turns his first ball away from Cook - it’s a pearler, is that, that is, is that - and Cook gets nowhere near.
5th over: England 15-1 (Cook 10, Vince 4) Nathan Lyon is stretching away as Cook and Vince pile on the agony for Australia. So, when your side is losing a series, at what point do you stop going to kip with the earphones in, and checking the score when you wake for a slash?
Stoneman been gutsy and brave but ends the Ashes with a series average of 25.77. In 2013/14, Carberry averaged 28.10
— Tim (@timwig) January 7, 2018
4th over: England 10-1 (Cook 6, Vince 4) DROPPED! Not words to which Shaun Marsh is a stranger, but Cook fences at the first ball of the next over, and with the ball flying through what is a huge gap between keeper and one, Paine stays so Marsh goes, but can’t hang on! They run a single, and Vince edges four off the final ball of the over.
Youngest to 12 000 runs:
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) January 7, 2018
A Cook 33 yrs, 13 days
A Tendulkar 35 yrs, 176 days.
Tendulkar is youngest to 1000, 2000, 3000, 4000, 5000, 6000
Cook is youngest to 7000, 8000, 9000, 10000,11000, 12000#bbccricket
WICKET! Stoneman lbw b Starc 0 (England 5-1)
Starc bowls short of a length, slanting across, and hits Stoneman on the knee-roll, with him fully off the ground. But up goes the finger ... England review ... but it’s hitting the top of leg!
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3rd over: England 5-0 (Cook 5, Stoneman 0) England also need to work out what to do with their quicks. Obviously Stokes will come back, but who is going to succeed Broad and Anderson? And how can they possibly be integrated when Broad and Anderson are still England’s best bowlers? I’d ask Trevor Bayliss, but he probably doesn’t know. Anyway, a nurdle to Cook gives him his 12,000th Test run; he’s now 400 behind Kumar Sangakkara, placed sixth on the all-time list, and is already the highest opener. Not just one of England’s greatest ever cricketers, but one of England’s greatest ever sportsmen. And here’s my Cook fact: before his now-wife moved in, he had an oche in his living room. But Stars raps Stoneman on the pad!
2nd over: England 4-0 (Cook 4, Stoneman 0) Hazlewood tears in from around like the T-1000, looking to catch the edge of the footholes - the pitch is baked hard. But Cook presses a brace into the covers, then nudges a single. So, which Englishmen are we saving and which are we tossing? I’d bin Vince, and possibly Moeen as well; no it doesn’t mean I don’t love him, but Crane needs a shot and he’s not getting it any other way.
1st over: England 1-0 (Cook 1, Stoneman 0) Starc flies in and beats Cook’s edge by not very much at all, but the second is nurdled to midwicket. This brings Stoneman onto strike, who could use a score here. Despite one of the worst nicknames in history, I’d persevere with him whatever happens next because he’s shown a bit of something and England aren’t exactly replete with alternatives, but he’ll need to work himself out against the short ball. The problem, of course, is that he’s not doing that at home.
Anyway the chaps are out, Starc has the ball and Cook has strike. Here we go!
Awards dept: Mason Crane might have missed out on a doubleton, but his analysis of 30-2-121-1 is the most expensive ever crafted by an Ashes debutant. He’s shown promise, but.
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Talking of divorce and the Ashes, I think it was me who said...
“Speaking of interesting statistics,” emails Kin Thonger, “this is the first time since late 2017 that I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to check the scoreboard and had to wake my wife to comfort me in my moment of utter despair. She also points out it’s the final time in our marriage that an Ashes test interrupts her sleep and that no other wife in the entire history of cricket has displayed such patience.”
I’m sorry to hear that, mate. Plenty of fish and all that.
Morning/evening everyone! Pretty sure England have got this, and it’ll be my privilege and pleasure to call them home.
Australia have 52 overs at England today. So with the extra half hour... yeah, I know. That’s me done. For the day and the series. If you’ll indulge me a moment, it has been an utter joy bringing you the OBO throughout this Ashes series. Thank you so much for your generous company throughout. For now, I’ll leave you with Daniel Harris.
AUSTRALIA DECLARE AT 649-7! They lead by 303.
193rd over: Australia 649-7 (Paine 38, Cummins 24) Crane round the wicket to Paine, but a long way down the legside. Has enough time to turn around and whack it behind YJB. Doesn’t get enough of it to reach the boundary. Tickles another down that way too. Cummins turn, pulling to deep backward square and he’s beaten the fielder. Oh that’s a shocking misfield from Stoneman, completely misreading the bounce. The lead is 300 and in turn, after one more single, Steve Smith calls them in! IT’S OVER!
192nd over: Australia 639-7 (Paine 34, Cummins 19) “Do you think Bancroft is feeling pretty good about life right about now?” asks Felix Wood. Broad too. Remembering that he picked up Bancroft with his second ball of the innings, about 49 hours ago. Every offering of his 30th over of the innings scored from here in 1s then 2s, before Cummins gets an inside edge to a yorker that runs to the boundary. Dear oh dear.
And we have John Phaceas with us on the email as well. “A few years before that scorcher recalled by Athers, I was playing a club game in Perth when the official temperature hit 46C, though we were playing in Victoria Park (east of the river) and the locals reckoned it was at least 47C on the ground. Perfect day for us to be bowling. We were convinced we had their opening batsman out first ball caught off his gloves for a globe (ball absolutely smashed into his fingers as he fended off his nose), but he was given not out. He went on to smash 189 in three hours, they made about 350, I got cautioned by the umpire for rolling up my trousers to try and cool down, and then I went in and got a third ball duck in the last half hour of play.” Awful game most of the time, isn’t it?
Here’s a picture of Neville Chamberlain celebrating Stuart Broad’s 399th Test wicket: pic.twitter.com/nXeQ8kKwH1
— George Dobell (@GeorgeDobell1) January 7, 2018
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191st over: Australia 629-7 (Paine 32, Cummins 11) England have gone beyond 1000 overs bowled at the Australians in the series. Stats everywhere at the moment. Heavyweight battle between Finlay and Samson. Meanwhile, Cummins has smacked Crane for consecutive boundaries through the legside. The Mexican Wave going here now as well. Party time.
Brothers both reaching 100 in the same Test innings with the other brother batting at the same time:
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) January 7, 2018
I & G Chappell Aus v WI at Bridgetown 1973
I & G Chappell Aus v NZ Wellington 1974
M & S Waugh Aus v WI Kingston 1995
S & M Marsh today@AlisonMitchell #bbccricket
This is the 1000th over England have bowled at Australia in this series. 617-7, trying to shift Paine and Cummins after two days in the field. Must be fit.
— kevin mitchell (@kevinmitchell50) January 7, 2018
190th over: Australia 618-7 (Paine 30, Cummins 2) Only the fourth time brothers have been batting together when they have both reached three figures in a Test innings. Of course, that’s an Andrew Samson stat on TMS. He’s a freak. Cummins off the mark off Broad through square leg. Edge! Paine flays, but it is about fifth slip and runs. Three of them. Jimmy has only bowled four overs today. Four bloody good ones, too. But fair enough. Broad might have to come off again soon. We’re having an excessive heat drinks break. Fair enough that, as well.
Shaun Marsh is the 4th batsman to be run out in the #Ashes for 150+. The other 3 times were in significant matches:
— Phil Makepeace (@SurreyPhil) January 7, 2018
Leyland 187 from England's 903/7d including Hutton's 364.
Morris 196 in Bradman's last Test.
Pietersen 158 at Adelaide 2006/07 when England declared and lost.
WICKET! Starc c Vince b Moeen 11 (Australia 613-7)
Starc huuuuuge over midwicket, clearing the rope. But when he goes at Moeen again, a fat top edge goes waaaay into the hot sky. Vince keeps his cool, taking it nicely. Fair play to the spinner for throwing it up again. “Moeen’s average tumbling!” says Ali Martin to my left. It’s 115 for the series, if you were wondering. He has 2/170 in this innings. Yuk.
189th over: Australia 613-7 (Paine 27, Cummins 0) Paine calmly defends the last couple.
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188th over: Australia 606-6 (Paine 26, Starc 5) 54 degrees in the sun, 42.9 in the shade, TMS say. Mike Atherton next to me recalling a time when England were scheduled to play a Test in Perth and two days out it was 46 degrees. Had that been the case on day one, the plan was to push the start back a day. In the end, it cooled down so they got. But is there a precedent for players coming off due to heat? I can’t remember seeing it. Happens a fair bit during the Australian Open tennis where they come off when it is 38 or above.
Back to the middle, Broad to Paine who drives down the ground. Moeen puts in the big ones to keep it to three. Round the wicket to Starc, who is trying to access the legside to begin, but instead carves behind point for a couple. Then beats him! Good bit of bowling, maybe a hint of reverse even as it moves away from the left-hander after pitching. Always plenty going on when Starc is out there.
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Australia's 600 is up
187th over: Australia 601-6 (Paine 23, Starc 3) It is currently 42.5 degrees in Sydney, one outlet reports. Have that. Both men content to take singles here - three of them - rather than taking Moeen down immediately. It won’t take Starc long. Instead, he tucks a couple square bringing up Australia’s 600.
Shaun Marsh has scored 445 runs this series - second only to captain Steve Smith. Brilliant, inspired selection. 34 years old - in career best touch.
— Neroli Meadows (@Neroli_M_FOX) January 7, 2018
WICKET! Marsh run out Stoneman 156 (Australia 596-6)
Tim Paine takes a quick single into the offside from the last ball and Marsh is late to the call, an excellent fling from Stoneman. They go upstairs, but he’s well out. Superb innings.
186th over: Australia 596-6 (Paine 16, Starc 0)
Earlier in the over, Paine struck Broad’s first ball on the up through extra cover to bring up the 50 stand. They are clapping Broad in the outer, as he’s just gone for his gallon. Struck with his second ball two days ago. Two days ago. The 250 stand up in the eventful over as well. But at least England have a new bloke to bowl at. Small mercies and all that. 402 minutes for Marsh at the crease. He finishes the series with an average of 71. Fair selection, that.
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185th over: Australia 590-5 (S Marsh 155, Paine 16) Shaun Marsh is playing quite a gorgeous hand. He’s getting better and better. Sure, he nearly got himself ran out after cutting. Bit of confusion. Michael Vaughan jumps in. “He’ll dance down and hit the next one over the top.” What does he do? Just that. Brilliant summarising. The lofted drive bounces a couple of times before going over the rope. Singles exchanged to end the over. This is brutal from Zaltz. Just brutal.
Assuming Australia score another 16 runs, it will be the 5th time in 15 away Tests since New Year 2016, that England have conceded 600. They conceded 600+ away from home five times between 1955 2015 (none from 1955 to Dec 2003).https://t.co/sKc4KK2Qmx
— Andy Zaltzman (@ZaltzCricket) January 7, 2018
Shaun Marsh brings up his 150!
184th over: Australia 584-5 (S Marsh 150, Paine 15) I’ve shifted from ABC to TMS. Michael Vaughan saying that he has never seen cricket played in conditions this hot. Big call. But not a bad measure of how horrible it is outside. Disco Stu has the ball in his hand from the Randwick End, running in at Tim Paine. “For me, it is when do Australia want to win,” Vaughan continues. “Do they want to win today or tomorrow?” To the point, as always. Paine takes a single staight up. Then Marsh is on the advance, driving two down to long-off. A stump comes out of the ground from return throw, requiring an England player to help pop it back in, which appears harder than it is. I am burying the lede here though: Johnny Bairstow is keeping in a floppy hat! A thing of beauty. Oh, and Shaun Marsh brings up his 150 through midwicket with the last ball of the over. 393 minutes, 283 balls. His second time to 150 in Test cricket.
Jonny Bairstow keeping in a wide-brimmed hat looks like a beekeeper
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) January 7, 2018
We are back! Australia’s lead is 232. England have taken five wickets. Shaun Marsh is on the way to 200. Tim Paine is looking good. It is 41 degrees outside. Cricket!
LUNCH: Australia 578-5
183rd over: Australia 578-5 (S Marsh 145, Paine 14) Moeen to send down the final over before lunch. Paine takes another single off his pads. Marsh defends the rest to get himself through to the break. That’s the way. 99 added for one wicket in the session.
Shaun Marsh got himself to three figures from the fourth ball of the morning via a gorgeous cover drive. He really enjoyed that with his brother Mitch. There was a period with the third new ball just after that where the visitors deserved a breakthrough via Jimmy Anderson, who bowled a beautiful four over spell. He found the left-handers’ edge, but sure enough, it went between Cook and Root in the slips.
Mitch Marsh up the other end raced through the 80s thanks to a poor Stuart Broad spell, bringing up the ton from Tom Curran’s first ball. A moment of madness, where the brothers embraced for a hug and nearly ended up with one of them run out. But they got back in time before having another cuddle. Lovely, amusing moment.
Next ball, Mitch lost his off-stump when Curran slipped under his bat with one that jagged back nicely. But that was the only moment of joy for England. Leading into the break, Shaun Marsh drove as well as he has at any stage in his beautiful innings. There’s no reason a maiden double ton isn’t around the corner after lunch. I’ll be back for that in about half an hour. For now, I’m jumping into a plate of lunch and an ice bath.
If you are after something to listen to, check out Geoff and my chat with Jason Gillespie. As mentioned earlier in the OBO, he’s a wonderful fella. In this interview, he speaks about everything from masculinity to veganism to leadership. Superb. (Subscribe! Review! Thanks)
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182nd over: Australia 577-5 (S Marsh 145, Paine 13) Curran to Paine. He clips square for one. He keeps Marsh quiet for the rest of the set. He’s been alright, you know.
“If I were captain of Australia (unlikely as I’m 57 and English/Canadian) with the series won, I’d just go for the ultimate humiliation, keep batting, and try and reach four figures.” You’re a cruel man, David Marriott. At the very least, I think they should bat until very late today. Taking that slightly longer-term view, there is absolutely nothing in it for them bowling with it like this. Maybe a stint in the final hour. That’ll do. As Chris Stocks notes here, it might be hurting their chances of a win. But still.
Steve Smith’s conservatism affecting Australia’s chances of a win say @CricViz pic.twitter.com/oqLanLumWd
— Chris Stocks (@StocksC_cricket) January 7, 2018
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181st over: Australia 576-5 (S Marsh 145, Paine 12) Moeen Ali returns from the Paddington End. Nothing changes. To be fair, he has won a false stroke out of Paine, who nearly gives a catch back to the spinner, much as Smith did a hundred years ago when he was dismissed. But when he’s short, Marsh thrashes him through cover with a minimum of fuss. Three boundaries in the last three overs. Should have 150 by lunch.
Another email from St Albans as the temperature here in Sydney reaches 41.7 degrees, the ABC reports. “The Rural Fire Service crew are on standby duty in the fire shed watching the cricket,” says Halifax Brown. Let’s hope they are able to do that all day and nothing flares up. Fingers crossed.
By contrast. “There’s a government advisory against playing or anything outside here at -14C,” emails Michael Inglis in New York. “Thanks for the warming OBO I’m snug inside.” Lovely to have your company.
180th over: Australia 571-5 (S Marsh 141, Paine 11) Shoooooooot. Best of the morning from Shaun Marsh, who is into the 140s bisecting the posh-side ring with a lavish square drive off Curran. No reason Smith won’t let him keep batting, a double ton well within reach.
The big question, I suppose, is whether Tremlett will use his superpower for good or evil. https://t.co/6VxEzViqLV
— Jonathan Liew (@jonathanliew) January 7, 2018
179th over: Australia 566-5 (S Marsh 137, Paine 10) Crane gets some big spin early on, but Marsh works with it to get off strike. Paine then takes one from a full toss. But the best bit comes last, Shaun Marsh down the track and crunching an inside-out cover drive on the up. That’s a lovely shot to the rope. With that, Mason Crane has now conceded the most runs by an England bowler on debut, Ric Finlay informs on ABC.
@collinsadam There’s the (in)famous incident where McCullum ran out Murali as they were celebrating a Sanga hundred. Must be others though.
— Brian Clifford (@Cliffo1981) January 7, 2018
178th over: Australia 560-5 (S Marsh 132, Paine 9) Curran going steadily enough here as we lead into lunch. Paine keeps it ticking with a clip but he finds the outside half of Marsh’s big bat. Nearly an edge, in other words. Gives his back of the hand Ian Harvey Slower Ball a go, but misses. At least he’s having a crack. Marsh turns one fine to keep the strike.
This is very good. Smith’s response to the Mitch Marsh ton/near run out. Okay stattos, I need to know: has anyone made their century and been run out from the same delivery?
177th over: Australia 558-5 (S Marsh 131, Paine 8) Crane to Paine. Nice. Runs everywhere here, four balls scored off. Singles exchanged through the leg side before Marsh strokes through cover the way he does so well. For three. Paine keeps the strike, driving down the ground for one. “Knowing Darren Lehmann’s mentality,” Chris Rogers says on ABC, “he will be loving keeping England out there.”
And on the email. “It’s already 40 in St Albans (NSW - not Herts!),” writes Jonathan Nolan. How about that, one of my best mates is a Jonathan Nolan. This isn’t him. “We are predicted to hit at least 45 (but I expect 50) - how long do you keep the English in the field in 40 degree heat?!” I overheard someone say in the press box that there has been a government advisory about being outside playing sport today. I.e. not to do it.
176th over: Australia 552-5 (S Marsh 127, Paine 6) Well bowled Tom Curran. Sends down a decent maiden to Paine. Gets considerable movement back towards the wicketkeeper, unlucky not to hit his stumps as well. Very handy delivery. This is probably Curran’s last chance to influence selectors to get a gig for the New Zealand tour in March, so not a bad time to get it moving around a bit.
175th over: Australia 552-5 (S Marsh 127, Paine 6) Mason Crane gets on again from the Paddington End. Not surprised. No point persisting with Moeen with so little going on. Oh, ignore that. He’s given Paine a half-volley to climb into and the Tasmanian is happy to do just that. The only way this could get better for Australia is for Paine to race to a maiden ton before they board the plane to South Africa. They won’t be declaring in this heat, that much is certain.
“I see you have been victim of a lot of international chuntering about disappointing all-rounder, D. Trump,” emails Robert Wilson. Hi mate. “Can I just say that, a little like Mark Ealham or Martin McCague, Donald isn’t really the problem. It’s the selectors, dammit. Democracy’s a funny old game (and more fun as a spectacle if the general IQ is maintained at a decent level). Given the GOP’s long and passionate romance with stupid, the real problem with Trump is the same problem with Bush. What if the next one is worse?” A brilliant article from March 2016 argued that Trump didn’t want to be President, rather, he longs to be King. With that in mind, will he attempt to replace himself with an heir? Don Jr? Best we don’t think too much about that either.
174th over: Australia 545-5 (S Marsh 125, Paine 1) Paine off the mark behind square. “Do you reckon Smith will declare before the fourth new ball is taken?” asks John Starbuck. Every time that phrase is used Dirk Nannes bobs up to talk about the Sheffield Shield Final where they had 900 put on against them.
“Is Jason Gillespie the nicest bloke ever to play Test cricket?” asks Gervase Greene. “I live just near the SCG and took the dog for a dawdle around the park yesterday morning. Saw Gillespie about to do a ‘stand-up’ TV interview outside the Members. “Morning Diz,” I said, not having known him my whole life. Or met him, even. He put down the mike, sauntered over, said nice things about me and my dog (not in order) and then showed off his proudest possession: The pair of thongs (for Brits, read flip-flops) he was wearing, the instep emblazoned with a huge colour pic of him in full flight, overlaid with “DIZZY 201!” I reckon if I’d taken 250+ Test wickets I’d skite about that, but no - he prefers to enjoy and dine out on his bizarre top Test score. “Bought then in Yorkshire too (where he coached, with great success). How good is that?” he asked, before sauntering back to the patient TV crew. Very, say I. A genuine legend.”
As a Guardian columnist he’s probably reading this (Hi, Diz) so I don’t want to carry on too much, but your assessment is spot on. After the Adelaide Test, we sat down with him for a long chat about everything on the Final Word podcast. The best interview we’ve ever done for it. Have a listen at lunch. (Also, please subscribe/review, etc!)
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WICKET! Mitch Marsh b Curran 101 (Australia 544-5)
Next ball! Off stump flying after Marsh misses one that cuts back a bit and goes under his bat. But what a wonderful innings. Job done. Bowled, Tom.
MITCH MARSH REACHES HIS SECOND TEST TON! (and nearly runs himself out)
First ball of the Curran over, Mitch Marsh whacks him past point and assumes he has got it to the rope so they start hugging half way through the second run! But it hasn’t, so they have to scamper back. Bizarre scenes, but they love it. Another top moment from these maligned brothers. “That is going to be shown at Christmas time at the Marsh household for many years to come,” laughs Simon Katich on radio about the near run out. Has anyone been ran out after completing their 100th run? Doesn’t matter.
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173rd over: Australia 542-4 (S Marsh 125, M Marsh 99) Moeen to Shaun Marsh. A sedate maiden. Happy enough to leave the strike to his brother first up next over, by the looks. “Too many Marshes make a morass,” emails Jonny Starbuck. “Or should that be a Slough of Despond for England?”
172nd over: Australia 542-4 (S Marsh 125, M Marsh 99) Mitch Marsh moves to 99 in a real hurry here! Flogs another Broad short ball through midwicket. No venom about the man with 399 wickets this morning. Then gets onto the front foot with a punishing drive down the ground. Like we’ve been transported back to Perth. Wonderful shot to think about as they go for a drink with the younger Marsh a run away from a ton.
Hands up anyone who had 2 hundreds to each of the Marsh brothers & that the Marsh brothers would get as many tons as all the England team ? #Ashes
— Brett Graham (@worldofBG) January 7, 2018
171st over: Australia 532-4 (S Marsh 125, M Marsh 89) Moeen to Shaun Marsh. Cutting to the sweeper. His younger brother is too, more powerfully, for a couple. Too easy.
My editor on the Australian desk, Pádraig Collins, is into 90s kit chat. Who isn’t? “This Socceroos jersey from the same era is the worst Australian kit.” Strongly disagree. One of my all-time faves. It’s the blue one they transitoned to a couple of years after that I couldn’t handle. But I fear we’re down a wormhole here. Best I put it to a stop.
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170th over: Australia 528-4 (S Marsh 124, M Marsh 86) Okay, Broad does get a go now. Ali Mitchell on ABC says she had a chat to him in the lift this morning. Encouraged him to take his 400th wicket. In response, said we might be waiting until March. Joking, of course. But maybe he’s right on the evidence of this first set. A gift to Mitch Marsh early in the over, floating down outside the off-stump. He absolutely lashes it past point for four. Into the 80s. He’s short again, on Mitch’s body, so he pulls this time and the result is the same. Back to back boundaries. Awful way to start Broad’s day. These two have now put on 150.
In 8 Tests between them, the Marsh brothers have made more than 700 runs this series. Pretty impressive. And together - they've beaten Steve Smith's 687! #howgoodissmith
— Neroli Meadows (@Neroli_M_FOX) January 7, 2018
169th over: Australia 519-4 (S Marsh 123, M Marsh 78) Nearly a run out! Shaun turns just behind the keeper to leg slip or thereabouts, YJB is right on it and throws to the non-strikers’ end. A direct hit would have got him. Alas, not. Mitch happy enough to defend. He’s from Perth, of course, so he will know how it works batting in this sort of heat. Make them hurt then properly cash in.
Hurts even more because I've tried to buy this kit before, from a bloke in a nightclub. As written about here in my @WisdenCricket Golden Summer reflection: https://t.co/ZWJmpSFc7g https://t.co/fXbVs4UFwg
— Adam Collins (@collinsadam) January 7, 2018
168th over: Australia 518-4 (S Marsh 122, M Marsh 78) Jimmy so good. Three maidens in four overs of this spell. The only runs conceded came from the missed catch at slip. This time around, he’s denied a pair of leg before shouts. Joel Wilson is right on both occasions as they are sliding down. Just. He cannot win.
167th over: Australia 518-4 (S Marsh 122, M Marsh 78) Moeen to replace Mason. So, still no Broad with the new-ish ball. Jimmy has got it moving about a bit. Why not get Disco Stu with him too? Dreadful long hop to Mitch Marsh early in the over, which he punishes. Finds his range later in the over to Shaun. Meh.
166th over: Australia 513-4 (S Marsh 122, M Marsh 73) DROPPED CATCH! Shaun Marsh’s outside edge is found but it has bisected Cook and Root at first and second slip respectively. Oh dear. Someone has got to snaffle that. Probably Cook, who moved late. Poor Jimmy. Next ball be beats Marsh the elder with a beauty. Cannot do any more than this.
Sorry about the delay. Just got some bad news from an eBay auction I was emotionally involved in. You lot understand, I’m sure.
I have been keeping secret for a few days that Paul Reiffel's full Australia 'A' kit from the 1994-95 ODI series was on eBay. Just lost the auction (well, @leachitup did as my proxy). Went for $600. I would have given my soul. Cruel game. pic.twitter.com/DJ6J2fgE8Z
— Adam Collins (@collinsadam) January 7, 2018
165th over: Australia 509-4 (S Marsh 118, M Marsh 73) Singles exchanged before Shaun Marsh leans into a crisp clip through midwicket after coming down the track. He’s batting beautifully this morning. But more than runs, he’ll want to be out there if/when his brother reaches 100.
164th over: Australia 502-4 (S Marsh 112, M Marsh 72) Back to back Anderson maidens. This time to Mitch Marsh. Ample respect here, defending each delivery.
Have a fantastic email from late yesterday that is quite relevant now. From Blair Trewin, who works in climate monitoring at the Bureau of Meteorology. This is great stuff.
“Spotted the discussion on the OBO about extremely hot Tests. The Sharjah Test of 2002 often comes up in this context; a thermometer in the sun may well have registered 50 but the actual temperature (measured under standard conditions) peaked at 38.0 - the thing which made the conditions particularly extreme for that match was the high humidity. (That’s also the case for the 1986-87 tied Test in Madras, where the highest temperature was 36.5).
The highest known temperature for a Test match day is 43.1 in Adelaide in January 1908 and for an ODI 44.1 in Melbourne in January 2003, both for Australia-England matches. (I don’t have complete records for the subcontinent, but India and Pakistan have had the good sense not to play internationals in the places/times of year (mid-April to June) when such temperatures might occur, so I think it’s unlikely higher values have occurred there).”
There’s always that debate between the actual temperature and player comfort, as Tony Greig measured for years. I note that David Warner said at the time that day two in Chittagong back in September was the hottest day of cricket he had been involved in. It was on 31 degrees, but the humidity was over 80%.
Austalia's 500 up
163rd over: Australia 502-4 (S Marsh 112, M Marsh 72) Taking the third new ball from the Paddington End is not Stuart Broad, but Mason Crane. How about that? “If it was Shane Warne,” says Jim Maxwell on ABC, “but... hmmm.” Fair play to him though, he’s beaten Mitch Marsh outside the off-stump with one that skids, then locates an inside edge that could have deflected onto a leg stump on another day. Two runs instead, bringing up the Australian 500. Mitch into the 70s.
“Writing to you from Göttingen, Germany” says Ashwin V.S. on the email. “Thanks for the coverage, it’s been brilliant while the same cannot be said for the Ashes, Mr. Smith apart. Was watching the South Africa vs India game earlier in the day and while it’s a pity Steyn’s injured again, the trio of Morkel, Rabada and Philander look excellent and it should be interesting to see Starc, Cummins and Hazlewood compete against them.”
Cannot wait for this. Shaping up as a proper, proper Test series.
“Any chance Maxi may get a look in for the SA tour? I’d get Khawaja and Warner to open, play either Smith or Marsh senior at first drop and slot Maxi in the middle order. I’m still not convinced with Marsh junior though, sure his batting’s improved but he is not the ideal fifth bowling option to have on those lively SA decks.”
I’d have Maxwell in every Australian XI in every format in every country on every day. I’d also have him in my bridal party and will probably leave everything I have to him in a will. So I’m the wrong guy to ask.
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162nd over: Australia 499-4 (S Marsh 112, M Marsh 69) Okay, Jimmy does get the third new ball. That’s better. To Shaun Marsh. He’s defending then leaving to begin. Bit of shape away from the left-hander. Can’t question his radar or persistence.
161st over: Australia 499-4 (S Marsh 112, M Marsh 69) Instead of the third new ball, they are keeping their old one with Crane. What? Five singles milked from the brothers, the first three down the ground. The leggie did locate Mitch’s edge, but wide of slip. Shaun cuts, keeping the strike.
Big Brother puts England in Room 101 @collinsadam
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) January 6, 2018
160th over: Australia 494-4 (S Marsh 109, M Marsh 67) Moeen finds Shaun Marsh’s edge, but to ground. Couple there for him. Takes another single in that direction off the back foot. Very little going on here. But the third new ball is now due. The worst three words in the cricket language.
As you can see, I’ve taken to photographing petrol signs and attributing the prices to bowlers in kph. Yet another reason why I was so popular in high school.
The English bowlers must have used “4 kph off” vouchers on this tour. #Ashes
— Ken McAlpine (@KenMcAlpine) January 6, 2018
159th over: Australia 491-4 (S Marsh 106, M Marsh 67) Mitch’s turn, smacking a full toss through cover for his first boundary of the day. I worry for Mason Crane today. He’s been very impressive at times over the last couple of days. But it is hard to overstate how awful the conditions are today.
A note in from another great mate, Chris Barrett. Not the cricket writer, but Australia’s former ambassador to the OECD. “Late night in Berlin. Thank God you’re kicking off the OBO. I need something to distract me from those Trump tweets! Hoping for some stable genius from the Aussies today.” Bit of a theme emerging with the messages this morning, isn’t there?
Meanwhile, we’ve all been given baggy greens in the press box from the SCG Trust. Our man Vic Marks straight into it.
Vic Marks earns an unexpected baggy green. #Ashes pic.twitter.com/4c3CbR6Z86
— Adam Collins (@collinsadam) January 6, 2018
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Shaun Marsh reaches his sixth Test century!
Driving through cover fourth ball, he’s done it! His second of the series. Races out towards his teammates in the Members Stand with arms aloft. His brother Mitch’s reaction at the non-strikers end is just as enthusiastic. They are very close. What a lovely moment. His second ton of the series. A glorious shot to get there too, a textbook cover drive. And he likes it so much he does it again! Past point for another boundary, punishing a long hop. The perfect start for Australia. Well played Shaun Marsh.
158th over: Australia 487-4 (S Marsh 106, M Marsh 63)
The players are out on the field. Moeen to Shaun Marsh, who resumes on 98. A ton in the first over? Let’s do this.
Opening the day on the email. Niall Connolly, good day to you. “I have added ‘stable genius’ to the profile on my resume,” he writes. “I expect my phone will be ringing off the (erstwhile) hook tomorrow morning with prospective employers in a bidding war for my like, very smart, legal services.” I don’t really know how to come at this topic. I’m just grateful that we’re at the cricket avoiding reality.
Adam Hirst has something for us as well, in response to Felix’s earlier offering. “The Leicester song starts off sounding similar to this, although obviously can’t reach its untouchable magnificence. Maybe it will one day be the song the players run out to at the Crisp Bowl though.”
Peter Rowntree, too, with a note titled ‘Just When You Thought Things Couldn’t Get Worse.’ He writes: “I was thinking the same thought this afternoon, that was before my Mrs used the same spoon to make my coffee that she had used to make her Chai Tea. Yuk!!” I’m not your marriage counsellor, but you have to set some boundaries. This is one of them.
And my dear friend Tommy Cameron, to finish us off for now. “Does Steve Smith’s error to Moeen yesterday mean we can’t yet conclude he is a stable genius? And how hot does it need to get in the 2018 White House for officials to stop play?” Something, something, CIA, something.
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Jimmy. Bloody hell. What a journey he’s had over the last few weeks. And he’s now bowled more balls than ever before in a series, as Ali Martin documented last night.
By the way, I neglected to do the bit where I tell you how to contact me. You already know that of course, because you can read the headline at the top. But in the least patronising tone possible, flick me a long take here and a hot take there.
Righto, I’m upstairs and ready to go. Not many people in yet, so if you are in Sydney and like watching bowlers get driven into the ground (you freaks), then get on down.
A bit of reading before we get going. When listening to Usman Khawaja speak after play last night it reminded me a lot of how Mark Waugh would respond to his lazy critics.
Usman Khawaja and Mark Waugh share plenty of the same frustrations. SCG day four, @guardian_sport: https://t.co/vBccTeupXc #Ashes
— Adam Collins (@collinsadam) January 6, 2018
It is brutal outside. “There is no way out,” says Felix White who is in the uber with me to the ground now. Have done a lot of OBOing from the back of ubers through this series. Once sitting on a bus tyre in Brisbane. A few gutters waiting for them. Glitz, glam. Anyway, we’re staying in an old bank vault remade as an AirBnB. He gifted me this song to start the day. And now me to you.
Nice things, nice things! A lot of time for us to deal in the turdig state of the contest, but let’s start positive. Last night, we had our annual Australian cricket media dinner. It’s a nice thing that the SCG Trust puts on for us. The formalities include an award to the emerging international player of the year. Until 2016, this gong went to a bloke, but not a woman. In 2017, we fixed that up and issued one prize for each national side.
Anyway, Pat Cummins won the men’s category. An obvious selection, if about six years too late. Melinda Farrell from ESPN did the induction, reflecting on where she was when Pat hit the winning runs on debut in South Africa after claiming six second innings wickets. It really was one of those “where were you?” moments, wasn’t it? (A pub in Bethnal Green, me). Pat spoke equally well in reply. Such a good fella.
I was asked to talk about Amanda-Jade Wellington, who was selected as the emerging woman. A fantastic young legspinner, who keeps grabbing headlines for all the right reasons. For instance, the ball she bowled to topple Tammy Beaumont in the Women’s Ashes earlier this summer. Nice things.
Welcome to day four at the SCG!
It can get worse. It’s just hard to work out how. 37 degrees in the shade it is forecast to reach at the SCG today. Australia aren’t declaring anytime soon. They would have had the TVs on in their hotel rooms last night watching South Africa go through their paces. That’s where their attention surely is. Going big, getting a couple of Marsh brothers to 100. Maybe their wicketkeeper as well. Pat Cummins? Why not. As many runs as possible to get them feeling big and strong before facing the only bowling attack that holds a candle to their own. Oh, and Donald Trump is has lost whatever plot he has again overnight. Grim, eh?
But we’ll do it together. Good morning to you all.
I don’t see what’s wrong with that
Adam will be here shortly.
