Summary
Ok, that’s enough from this page for one day, I’ll see you back here when the caravan pitches up in Melbourne. Time to redirect you to the more considered content from the likes of Geoff Lemon, Barney Ronay, and first, Ali Martin.
“Maybe I’m clutching at straws but surely managing to take the third Test into the fifth day constitutes a moral victory for England in the Ashes?” pleads Colum Fordham. “Ah how sweet is the taste of victory!”
Jim Lines asks the question that once began as a taunt but must now be given serious sporting (if not financial) consideration. “With the anomalous exception of 2010/11, the Aussie-hosted Ashes have been embarrassingly one-sided for decades. Given the calendar pressures combined with the diminishing status of first-class cricket, at what point does is it reduced to a three-Test series?”
Travis Head and Alex Carey wrested this match away from England yesterday, but the tourists could still take some hope from engineering an Australian collapse from 311-4 to 349 all out. With momentum behind them and Ben Stokes in the line-up, an unlikely target of 435 was not beyond the realms of possibility, but first the brittle top order would have to survive a testing 20 minute spell before lunch. Ben Duckett was unable to do just that, continuing his wretched tour with another soft dismissal.
The afternoon session saw Ollie Pope come and go quickly, and demand serious interrogation of England’s selectors should be be seen in his playing whites on Boxing Day in Melbourne. The other Englishman battling for his place at the start of the tour, Zak Crawley, seems likely to end it more secure than ever of his status. Today he compiled a studied 85, building a series of promising partnerships before he became one of Nathan Lyon’s three victims.
The spinner turned the match his side’s way with the scalps of Crawley and Ben Stokes to beautiful deliveries, and Harry Brook to the kind of brain fade that is become the hallmark of the batter’s career. Amongst all that Pat Cummins dismissed Joe Root for the 13th time in Tests, Mitchell Starc was warned twice for running onto the protected part of the strip, and Cummins may have rolled an ankle in the outfield, hardly bowling in the final session.
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Close of play Day 4: England 207-6 (Target 435)
The battle for the Ashes survives another day, but that is only because Australia were denied the time to administer the last rites this evening. England’s performance was full of bright moments but as is now customary Australia’s superior skill shone through in the end.
63rd over: England 207-6 (Smith 2, Jacks 11) Jacks survives the final over of the day, despite Head beating his outside edge, and England reach stumps.
62nd over: England 207-6 (Smith 2, Jacks 11) After 17 dot balls without any indication England cared about scoring Smith is able to work a delivery through the ring on the legside for a single. And like London buses two come along at once! One over left in the day’s play.
“Bazball has failed, but no differently than its predecessors,” explains Lindsay Went. “In England’s 34(!) Test defeats in Australia since 1989, there has not been a single close loss involved. There’s a lone 5 wicket loss and a solo 98 run loss. As for the rest, there’s six innings defeats, eleven by 200 runs or more, nine by 8 wickets or more with the remaining eight falling in between. And people stay up all night to watch this? That’s devotion - or insanity!”
61st over: England 205-6 (Smith 1, Jacks 10) Head races through an over Jadeja-style as Jacks joins Smith in dead-batting everything. The Ashes will remain alive, technically, for another day.
60th over: England 205-6 (Smith 1, Jacks 10) Smith is hell bent on getting to stumps, crawling to one from 25 deliveries. It’s not without risk though, playing back to Lyon and tickling an edge that avoids an ugly bowled dismissal and catching Carey unawares with the keeper already rising to collect the bouncing ball and unable to pouch the catch off his laces.
Colin Brushwood with some inconvenient truths for the future of English cricket. “After every Ashes away stuffing the ECB goes all Yes Minister: a review, a white paper, a shake up blah blah blah. But nothing will make a difference. England will never contain a team of housing estate players who might get stuck right in to the Aussies. Cricket may as well be croquet or show jumping in the cities. Grassroots? Sold to developers for flats.
59th over: England 205-6 (Smith 1, Jacks 10) Australia review a Head delivery that straightens and beats Jacks on his outside edge. They think there was a feather but DRS disagrees.
Nathan Lyon’s 68 Test wickets at the Adelaide Oval is now the joint-second best return by a bowler at an Australian Test ground. Shane Warne also has 68 at the Gabba, behind only Dennis Lillee’s 82 at the MCG.
58th over: England 199-6 (Smith 0, Jacks 5) Jacks dabs away three Lyon deliveries then sweeps uppishly for a single.
“My mate came around today and forced Francis Ford Coppola’s Megalopolis into the Blu Ray player,” begins Chris Paraskevas. “A sprawling, egotistical, overblown, irreverent financial and critical disaster that has provided the perfect thematic compliment to England’s impending series defeat and the collapse of the Bazball Empire (playing on the laptop with the movie as soundtrack). Who cares about a competitive series? Leave that sentiment for the India visits: this is all about getting to 5-0! Long live Bazalopilis.”
57th over: England 198-6 (Smith 0, Jacks 4) Australia bring Head back into the attack, presumably goading England into some more comedy dismissals before sundown. Smith doesn’t take the bait, dobbing away a maiden.
56th over: England 198-6 (Smith 0, Jacks 4) Jacks may well be a golfer, keen for a Sunday tee time at Kooyonga. He aims a couple of lusty reverse sweeps at Lyon, connecting with one that reaches the cover boundary, but in a manner that brings into question his awareness of the match situation.
55th over: England 194-6 (Smith 0, Jacks 0) For fear of returning to the weeds of an English postmortem, the past two dismissals are examples of Australia’s brilliance more than England’s failings. A brilliance made even more stark when the spinners of both teams are compared side-by-side. However, 177-3 becomes 194-6 as a direct consequence of Brook’s latest brain fade…
Smith sees off a Boland maiden. Presumably the English keeper is not a golfer.
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54th over: England 194-6 (Smith 0, Jacks 0) That was another superb demonstration of Lyon’s ability to generate drift, dragging Crawley out of position and opening the gate to allow the ball to jag through. He almost repeats the trick to Jacks to conclude a wicket maiden but gets too much purchase off the surface.
It’s not my rhetorical questions causing England to collapse, it’s Tony McKnight’s attention. “I know this makes me a poor fan, and I know it’s fanciful, but I’ve gone away from the game 3 times because it’s too stressful (they couldn’t could they?), and then each time I come back, ‘just for a minute,’ just checking in’, we lose a wicket, (Root, Brook, Stokes). Apologies.”
With the coda, in case we were unconvinced of his superpower: “you can add Crawley to the list.”
WICKET! Crawley st Carey b Lyon 85 (England 194-6)
Why do I ask these rhetorical questions? Lyon sends down a textbook delivery that beats Crawley through the gate. Carey gathers it with the minimum of fuss and whips off the bails with the England opener still balanced on his front foot a metre outside his crease. The end is nigh.
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53rd over: England 194-5 (Crawley 85, Smith 0) Crawley continues his lone hand, whipping Boland to the midwicket fence for a boundary. Then he rotates the strike to reveal a typically skittish-looking Smith. There’s half-an-hour of play remaining today. Are we coming back tomorrow?
WICKET! Stokes b Lyon 5 (England 189-5)
Lyon comes around the wicket to Crawley now and again the batter tries to sweep (reverse) the opening delivery. He fails to connect, raising the prospect of an lbw. He goes again next ball, this time sending a decent stroke out to the point sweeper to move into the 80s. Stokes is still watchful, dotting from the crease, but even in a hyper-defensive mode he can’t keep out a Lyon pearler! From around the wicket the ball drifts onto leg stump, draws the England skipper forward, bounces and spins past the shoulder of the defensive stroke and clips the top of off-stump. That’s why he’s the GOAT. Masterful delivery.
52nd over: England 189-5 (Crawley 80)
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51st over: England 188-4 (Crawley 79, Stokes 5) Scott Boland replaces the out-of-sorts Starc but he overpitches to Stokes who batters him Lara-like through the covers with a massive stride and runner’s lunge.
Speaking of West Indian greats, the superbly named Andy Roberts has come steaming in from the sight-screen. “Watching and reading along here, enjoying the cricket so far,” he begins, softening us up, “but I need to get something off my chest.
At the risk of sounding like a pedant of the first order, I can’t stand it when people talk about Australia “winning the Ashes” during this 25/26 series, or “winning the Ashes” in England. Australia can’t win the Ashes because they already hold them. They will continue to hold them until England can muster a definitive series victory. Until then, Australia will RETAIN the Ashes. They RETAINED the Ashes in England by drawing the series, and are likely to RETAIN the Ashes in this Australian summer with a series win. When people get it wrong, they are fundamentally misunderstanding the nature of an Ashes contest. It is not just another series that you win lose or draw; there is a prize that needs to be won - wrested from the holder clearly and totally. The outcome of the Test series - win, lose or draw - is secondary to who wins or retains the Ashes.
Okay, rant over. I’ll get back to relaxing by the pool and waiting for the Australian win. I’m calling 150 runs.”
50th over: England 183-4 (Crawley 78, Stokes 1) Crawley has dealt with Lyon so far by sweeping him early in an over, and he does just that again, whipping him powerfully for four through square-leg. Thereafter the bowler adjusts a fraction shorter allowing the tall batter to play him from the crease and pick his spot for an easy single. Stokes remains watchful.
Gervase Greene adds more meat to the bones of the “why don’t Australia get pelters for not winning in England” question.
“Australia in England has almost always been competitive, whereas England are rarely so over here. Lest we forget those last six tours (and there’s a sample bias there, as it dates from the demise of the all-time great Australian dynasty) saw two series drawn and three of four series narrowly lost. The corresponding English tours Down Under were for the most part laughably one-sided. 2006’s 0-5, 2013’s 0-5, 2017’s 0-4 and 2021’s 0-4. Or to put it another way, overall in the six series in England, England won 14 Tests and Australia 8. In the past six series in Australia, England won 3 Test and Australia 19.
And the way things are going, by this time tomorrow it’ll be 0-3 in this series. As a Test cricket fan I wish it were more even always. But generally speaking, it simply hasn’t been. Hopefully the next MCC review of KPIs might factor this issue into their mix.”
49th over: England 178-4 (Crawley 73, Stokes 1) “This is the best I’ve ever seen Crawley bat,” purrs Justin Langer, offering the opener a backhanded compliment amidst a thorough takedown of England’s inability to bat for time. Stokes is actually the man on srtike during the over, allowing another off-colour Starc over to mostly pass through to the keeper.
A lovely two act play from Philip Rebbeck:
17:04: “‘Hoist by his own petard’ is already past tense Jonathan. And I hope it doesn’t happen to Brook.”
17:05: “Oh dear.”
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48th over: England 178-4 (Crawley 73, Stokes 1) That’s the fourth time in six innings Brook has got himself in, and on three of those occasions he has got himself out. The margin between success and failure is wafer thin.
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WICKET! Lyon b Brook 30 (England 177-4)
Lol. Option b it is then.
Nathan Lyon is recalled, Harry Brook misses the reverse sweep, and off balance he can scarcely believe the ball cannoned into his off stump. Another ugly dismissal for the prodigiously talented Englishman.
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47th over: England 176-3 (Crawley 72, Brook 30) Starc looks a shadow of his usual self bowling without rhythm from around the wicket. Brook is either a) starting to look very dangerous and ready to prove his class, or b) just about to be hoisted by his own petard.
“I have a very basic understanding of cricket, so just wondering, since Australia hasn’t won an Ashes in England in a very long time either, why doesn’t Australia seem to get judged as harshly?” Very fair question Rina. I think because around those series Australia have won the World Test Championship, a bunch of 50-over World Cups, and only lost by fine margins (2023 & 2019 both 2-2 draws, and 2015 2-3). There hasn’t been the abject failure on the scale England tend to deliver on a quadrennial basis.
46th over: England 171-3 (Crawley 70, Brook 28) After 30-or-so deliveries #diggingin Harry Brook has started to resemble his usual self. He takes Head for seven runs from three deliveries, including a powerfully struck reverse sweep for four. Crawley moves into the 70s with what is becoming a characteristically straight bat and straightforward off drive.
WinViz is still drunk, reckoning England have a 13% chance of victory. Pretty sure it’s been at least 10% all innings.
45th over: England 158-3 (Crawley 65, Brook 20) The final drinks break of the day has been taken. Starc resumes, still from around the wicket, and still displeased with his landing foot. He looks as unthreatening as he has all series and England continue to milk offside runs.
44th over: England 153-3 (Crawley 61, Brook 19) Head replaces Lyon and he almost makes an immediate breakthrough! Brook advances but gets beaten in flight, the ball spins into his pad and ricochets away, fortunately for him well out of reach of Carey with a stumping in the offing. Crawley moves into the 60s.
“Part of me expected to wake up to Travis Head and Alex Carey still batting,” emails Guy Hornsby, “so I’m going to take this as an England micro-win for now. As despondent as this series has been in terms of expectation v reality, each Test has seen more of an attempt to revert to more game awareness, from the last innings in Brisbane to now. It’s all a bit after the Lord Mayor’s show, sadly. There is a next to zero chance of a win or draw, but they are valuing their wicket, which is something in scant supply recently. Australia are just incredibly and consistently good.
I’m flying to Melbourne today and will be at the MCG on Boxing day with my daughter Leila and brother Dave. I’d be much happier if we were playing like this than how we were at Perth. At least it’s progress.”
Pack for all weather Guy. It was 40C earlier this week down here but the forecast for Boxing Day is just 20, and the G can be an unforgiving blustery corridor when it wants to be.
43rd over: England 147-3 (Crawley 57, Brook 19) Mitchell Starc replaces Scott Boland in the attack. In case you’re unaware, Starc has received two warnings by the standing umpire for running into the danger area. One more and he will be ordered out of the attack. Starc’s explanation for his miscalculations is the uneven landing area in the popping crease forcing him to adjust his approach angle. He begins his latest spell from around the wicket – not over – as he normally would, to avoid further controversy. He doesn’t like his landing position there either, dropping short and wide allowing Brook and Crawley easy runs behind square on the offside.
42nd over: England 143-3 (Crawley 56, Brook 15) Lyon is getting a lot of turn now from out of the rough, but the variability is still there off the flat. All of which means Carey’s job behind the stumps is incredibly difficult, but he shows superb foot and glovework – especially down the legside. Standing up to Boland in the previous over he also whipped the bails off for a speculative legside stumping. He is having quite the series.
“Wouldn’t another solution to a lack of talent be sending young talented (and fringe) players to play their trade in Australia, South Africa and the Caribbean?” asks John. “Didn’t do Alex Hales or Phil Salt any harm.”
41st over: England 139-3 (Crawley 53, Brook 14) Right on cue, the mischievous young Hal Brook rocks back and whips Boland off a length over midwicket for four. He then puts his cue in the rack for the remainder of the over. The Yorkshireman is 14 off 40 deliveries. He has yet to settle but, like Crawley, he is grinding, mostly.
“It shouldn’t be forgotten that Australia hasn’t won any of the last 6 Ashes series in England (4 losses, 2 draws),” reminds Warren from Brisbane. “England are quite good in England.”
Excellent reminder Warren. And why I’m not against the whole Bazball methodology. They identified a weakness (winning in Australia) and established a plan to rectify it.
40th over: England 135-3 (Crawley 53, Brook 10) Lyon is getting increasingly assertive as he grows into his work. England respond with a series of reverse sweeps. Crawley then goes back to a length delivery that keeps low and requires a nervous stab to stop it from shivering his timbers.
Brian Withington remains glued to his box. “Who is this opener and what has he done with Zak Crawley? And while we ponder that, can we have the mischievous young Hal Brook back please?”
39th over: England 131-3 (Crawley 52, Brook 7) “That’s the worst batting I’ve ever seen,” laments Ricky Ponting, as Harry Brook moves to the offside and attempts to scoop Scott Boland from a yorker length, only to lose his balance and squirt an under edge towards square-leg. That was to the fifth delivery of a trademark line-length Boland over, with the batter on seven from 29 deliveries, with the score at 131/3 chasing 435. Barney could file a 2,000 world column on that shot as a microcosm of the tour.
“While I bow to no man or woman n my respect for Joy Division/New Order and Ceremony, surely a better choice for England would be Atmosphere,” emails Sam. “‘We walked in silence’ is probably a fair description of the batman getting back to the dressing room.
BTW, if there’s one word that strikes me for the English performance, it would be “underdone”. I’m no expert on preparation, but one side (with a few honourable exceptions) is still playing like they just got off the plane, did a session in the nets and then went out for the toss.”
This one goes out to Sussan Ley and the rest of the Hacienda massive.
38th over: England 131-3 (Crawley 52, Brook 7) The pitch is starting to give Lyon the natural variation that makes him so dangerous. The odd one is holding its line while others are spitting out of clouds of dust. Crawley is less able to sweep his way out of trouble and gets a little lucky when a backfoot prod from the crease carries a long way in the air without being intercepted by a fielder.
37th over: England 131-3 (Crawley 52, Brook 7) Boland is less accurate this over, allowing Crawley and Brook to work singles standing tall, then he slips a touch straight and raps Crawley on his pads. The Victorian is adamant he should have an LBW but the umpire, and captain Cummins, disagree – accurately as Hawkeye confirms.
36th over: England 129-3 (Crawley 51, Brook 6) Australia’s frontline spinner replaces the part-timer and Crawley punches Lyon away for three to bring up a hard earned 50. A diligent knock from the opener, demonstrating to his critics that he has the fortitude to grind out a rearguard knock. Brook does not relish his time at the crease, missing on his inside edge to have the veteran off-spinner bellowing for an LBW. No dice. Probably doing too much. As if to prove the point a delivery later in the over spins from outside off down the legside above the height of the bails. Hmmm, not what England wanted to see, but that was nice from Garry.
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35th over: England 123-3 (Crawley 47, Brook 4) Cummins has a rest to allow Boland another spell, which in turn brings Carey back up to the stumps. Just the single from it.
“As an Aussie I completely agree with your overview of why Bazball hasn’t been a failure - but the issue is with the overall talent pathways in England,” emails Luke.
“Curious what you think of the current county system. Is the current administration not picking from county cricket a symptom of it not functioning as it should? Comparing it to the Aussie shield system with 6 teams - I wonder if there’s too many county sides diluting the quality? Would a system with like 4-8 “representative sides” of sets of counties be viable? Give English players a higher level of red ball cricket to learn at - before they enter the national team?”
It’s a complicated problem. Lots of people suggest there are too many counties, but then the first and second division set-up should moderate that issue to a degree. Moreover, many of the counties at risk of merging or being cast aside exist as community assets in their own right independent of the English high-performance pathway. Then you have the inescapable realty of English weather making early season matches dominated by medium-pace seam on soft green pitches and so reducing the exposure of spin bowlers and conditioning the techniques of batters. Add in the congested calendar (especially the overlapping IPL) and the importance of white ball cricket to the bottom line, and you have a system not set up for Test match success.
34th over: England 122-3 (Crawley 46, Brook 4) Head is into his fourth over and there is plenty of noisey chirping around the bat as Brook tries, and mostly fails, to assert himself on the contest. Eventually he rotates strike before Crawley profits from an unguarded mid-off to run three.
33rd over: England 118-3 (Crawley 43, Brook 3) Lovely shot from Crawley, picking the length early and pulling Cummins effortlessly for four in front of midwicket. Cummins has 3/24 from 10 overs. The rest have 0/94 from 23.
32nd over: England 113-3 (Crawley 39, Brook 2) Head is still in the game and he draws a false shot from Brook that isn’t far from a regulation leading-edge caught and bowled.
Back to the previous post and the topic of Joy Division’s Ceremony, this has long been a favourite version of mine, by the overlooked Galaxie 500.
31st over: England 110-3 (Crawley 38, Brook 0) Crawley absorbs a Cummins maiden with no alarm.
“I prefer at this point to think of a song to sum up the performance,” emails David in Tokyo. “I’m thinking Joy Division’s “Ceremony” (the gritty Radiohead cover): This is why it’s so unnerving / Then again the same old story…”
30th over: England 110-3 (Crawley 38, Brook 0) Head continues and he gets a ripper to turn and bounce on Crawley, draw the bat-pad edge and is unfortunate it doesn’t go to hand on the legside. The opener nurdles himself off strike before Brook dots a couple to work his way into the contest.
In case you were wondering, that is the 13th time Cummins has taken Root’s wicket in Test cricket. I’m confident plenty of them looked exactly like that one too, line and length, the ball holding its line after pitching and inducing the false stroke.
WICKET! Root c Carey b Cummins 39 (England 109-3)
Pat Cummins takes responsibility from the other end after Tea and he sends down five unerring dot balls before a sixth tickles the edge of Root’s bat and carries through to Carey. England’s pre-Tea optimism evaporates.
29th over: England 109-3 (Crawley 37)
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28th over: England 109-2 (Crawley 37, Root 39) Australia begin after Tea by chucking the ball to Travis Head. And why not? On his home deck, buoyed by plundering a stack of runs maybe he will have the golden arm required to disrupt a partnership that blossomed nicely before the break.
For four deliveries there’s little to report as England nudge a couple of singles – then Root pads away a spinning delivery wide of off-stump and Head appeals like a man possessed. The decision is declined on-field because it did pitch miles outside off, but Cummins reviews. DRS reveals UMPIRE’S CALL with ball tracking indicating the delivery would be clipping the outside edge of the off bail but not spinning enough to take a satisfactory chunk of wood. Very very lucky for Joe Root and almost a stroke of genius from Australia straight after Tea.
Controversial opinion: batters playing no shot should lose the onus of an “umpire’s call”.
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The players return for the final session of play. There are 41 overs or 150 minutes of action remaining. Could it be the final session of the Ashes as a going concern, or a magical chapter in the most unlikely comeback in Test history?
“No doubt this is a talented England team, and Bazball has enabled them to showcase that talent in a way a more conservative style would not,” opens Andrew Byrne, “but this Australian team has the strongest bowling line-up in world cricket, by some margin; does the basics very well; and plays as a disciplined, cohesive unit. There’s no shame in losing to this Australian team. They’re the best in the world for a reason.”
Absolutely. Amongst the unstitching of England’s approach this point cannot be lost. Travis Head, Alex Carey, and Mitchell Starc are all heading towards series of historic greatness, despite pre-tour predictions the primary dangers would be Steve Smith, Marnus Labuschagne, Pat Cummins, and Josh Hazlewood.
And as I mentioned earlier, Australia’s excellence is no one-off, they routinely humiliate England, so a radical change of approach had merit.
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On the topic of the cultural status of cricket in England, Stephen Jones questions whether the status quo will prevent anything actually being done about it, even if issues and solutions are identified.
“No doubt a review will occur. English cricket seems to be a procession of playing and reviewing. And so three years on how many recommendations have been implemented?” he asks, in reference to the the Andrew Strauss-led Men’s High Performance Review of 2022.
“It just seems the depth of talent is not there to match that of the Australians,” emails Paul. “Attending here in Adelaide I sense this is a truly national game with the nation as a whole thoroughly engaged. There is no upper class public school divergence from working class cricketers, and as an older reader I can remember when it was unthinkable that the Test matches were not on free to air television, when we sat on the beach with transistors listening to John Arlott.
We need a reinvigoration of the cultural status of Cricket as a thoroughly English phenomenon.
Fred Flintoff’s initiative with working class kids is a very encouraging development. Could we get similar things going all around the country? When you compare such a potential fledgling movement with “el Sistema” in Venezuela, which got kids of all backgrounds to play a musical instrument, it could lead to a ressurgent flowering and create a pool of talent stretching way beyond the present confines of English “Public” schools. The ECB enabling free to air all day test matches on the BBC would be a good start.”
Tea: England 106-2 (Target 435)
Following a couple of early wickets England have dug in nicely. They enjoyed the better of the last hour of the session with Crawley and Root sharing a 75-run partnership at 4.32rpo. A series-saving victory remains fanciful in the extreme but the ball is doing little for the seamers and this pair have show how to get on top of Nathan Lyon. With some application there’s no reason England can’t take this match into a fifth day.
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27th over: England 106-2 (Crawley 36, Root 37) With a softening ball Green’s back of a length stock delivery is increasingly unthreatening. Crawley spots his window of opportunity and drills a very handsome cover drive.
“Amidst all the general doom, gloom and hand wringing can we spare a moment to savour this engrossing contest between Joe Root and Nathan Lyon? Top cricket between two of the very best.” It sure is. Root looks so assured sweeping and especially reverse sweeping, denying Lyon the opportunity to settle into a groove. The odd puff of dust suggests the demons in this surface may be lurking close to the surface but they have yet to interfere with the England legend’s concentration.
26th over: England 99-2 (Crawley 31, Root 36) Lyon moves around the wicket to try to disrupt England’s plan of attack. He lasts five balls and three easy singles before moving back over and gifting Root a fourth easy run for the over. Australia have created very little in the past hour.
25th over: England 95-2 (Crawley 29, Root 34) England milk Green for three singles.
Ben Barclay turns his attention to England’s selection policy. “Worth remembering England have failed to replace Broad and Anderson, with Archer’s return not enough, yet Starc and Lyon carry on. Atkinson sorely missed here. But the decisions! Jacks in the lineup for his batting, concedes 200 runs and bats a duck. And the Old Boys Club selections, with Pope and Crawley as sure as Death and Taxes, and about as useful. Australia have risen to the occasion, England have sunk to it. Australia are simply a better team, but England are throwing the contest away by beating themselves.”
Some of these decisions I’d be happy defending in theory (clearly in execution they have failed). Putting Anderson and Broad out to pasture felt a little premature at the time (especially considering Woakes was retained) and the absence of an attack leader on this tour has been glaring. Moreover, the success of Boland and Neser proves a rounded attack need not just contain height and pace.
24th over: England 92-2 (Crawley 27, Root 33) This pair have dealt superbly with Lyon so far. They began by sweeping everything but are not mixing up the sweeps with conventional pushes and the occasional reverse sweep. Root, in particular, is reverse sweeping with confidence, forcing the veteran bowler to mix up his line and length.
“Last time I can sort of see the Covid issue, but this has just been abysmal,” begins John Goldstein. “We have had the last few years of using a crap ball in our conditions to get the next generation of bowlers used to it. The time of year that ball experience would be of use everybody is playing the various short forms. Yeah, it will be great, we can learn how to reverse swing it. At the same time not really letting the bowlers who actually play for England use it because they are playing Tests or golf. All it did was bolster some averages for batters, stats for the mighty army of stats geeks and get more spin in the game because nobody else wanted to bowl with it. I’m convinced that the people who run the game in England and Wales secretly hate the game and they are trying (and succeeding) to dull any glimmer of enjoyment I have.”
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23rd over: England 86-2 (Crawley 26, Root 28) Cameron Green is invited into the attack for the first time today, following Boland’s line-and-length clinic. In between backfoot singles to each batter he beats Crawley’s outside edge with some extra bounce. Root then cuts a very tight delivery for four through second slip off an under edge that carried a high degree of jeopardy. He rides his luck for now and punches gloves with his opener to acknowledge a 50 partnership.
“I too, am a Pom living long-term in Aus,” emails Grant. “I confess I didn’t have high hopes for this tour but I had hoped for something vaguely competitive. But the thing that has struck me most in this debacle is the acute lack of care from the England team: each humiliation is seemingly greeted by a shoulder shrug and a “pfft, so what”. I had intended to go to at least one day of the Boxing Day test but I think I’ll keep my money in my pocket and stay home. Most dispiriting.”
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22nd over: England 79-2 (Crawley 25, Root 22) Lyon gives it the big un after getting one to explode from a foot mark and beat the inside of Crawley’s forward defence. The umpire rejects the appeal assuming the ball had spun too much – which Hawkeye confirms. England’s opener responds by putting the sweep away and crunching a classical cover drive for four, then reverse sweeping to bring Root on strike, who immediately reverses a single of his own.
Lyon is coming over the wicket to the two right-handers but Ricky Ponting on the telly reckons he should now be coming around the wicket while England are looking to sweep.
21st over: England 73-2 (Crawley 20, Root 21) Superb parsimonious bowling from Boland, chugging in, hitting a perfect line and length, making the ball fade towards the right-hander’s off stump. Root is happy to play out a maiden from the crease. Just six runs from Boland’s five overs so far, and I guess his pitch-map would be a single red bruise on a perfect line and length.
20th over: England 73-2 (Crawley 20, Root 21) England continue to sweep against Lyon. Root has first dibs, brushing his way off strike, then Crawley profits from a slightly fuller delivery, crunching it in the air well in front of square for a rare boundary. You can see the pitch deteriorating, with the odd puff of dust and the odd delivery scooting low, but it is far from a minefield at this stage.
19th over: England 68-2 (Crawley 16, Root 20) Scott Boland continues to hit his line and length, denying Root or Crawley any opportunity to free their arms. The sense of claustrophobia ratchets up when Carey comes forward to stand up to the stumps.
“I’m an Englishman living long term in Australia,” (me too Joss) “and I have say this English team have been a dreadful disappointment. The gulf in class is an abyss. The Australians looked drilled, completely up for it and are monstering England. By contrast the English look underprepared, unsure how to deal with this superb Aussie side and at this stage like they would rather be anywhere else. We have to be better prepared to create a contest, at this stage they look like a bunch of deer, staring with frightened eyes as the Australian road train comes barreling towards them.”
The $64,000 question is how to better prepare when the cricket calendar is so congested, and home boards are so ambivalent to the requirements of visiting teams?
18th over: England 67-2 (Crawley 16, Root 19) England have clearly decided on a plan of attack to to sweep Nathan Lyon. Four sweeps generate five runs in the off-spinner’s second over, with Crawley also standing tall for a couple of straighter-batted defensive prods.
“Generations of England’s administrators have assumed that the perennial “raw materials” problem in spin is unsolvable,” emails Kandukuru Nagarjun. “Hothousing the attributes/vibes pick Shoaib Bashir hasn’t worked either. Because it turns out spinners need match practice. Who knew?!
Which leads us to a potential solution: find emerging spinners gigs in domestic FC teams. In India for example. We suddenly have a dozen new Ranji Trophy teams (eg. Nagaland, Arunachal Pradesh) which are all struggling to compete. Enable them to sign up a Rehan Ahmed or Tom Hartley for a full season. The ECB pays their wages; the BCCI pays for their travel and stay. This obviously won’t work for Jacks who has franchise options, but for red ball specialists it could build skills, cricket smarts and character.”
17th over: England 61-2 (Crawley 12, Root 18) Boland, angling the ball in from over the wicket, using the wobble seam to try and befuddle the pair of right-handed batters, hits his trademark line and length, conceding just the single to Crawley.
Tony McKnight compares the merits of the English and Australian pyramids. “Credit to Marnus, who went to play Shield cricket, made the runs, and won back his place in the side. Same for Khawaja. Bethell by contrast faced how many balls in the last year? And Pope has laboured under a threat for almost a year now. The difference between Bazball’s consequence free culture and Australia’s “basic Test cricket?” I’m not qualified to say.”
16th over: England 60-2 (Crawley 11, Root 18) Huge moment in the context of Australia’s push for victory as Nathan Lyon is introduced with the ball just 15 overs old. Two of his first three deliveries generate hearty appeals, the first for a sharp grab by Head at short leg (off the pad) and the second by Carey behind the stumps for a very tidy piece of glovework down the legside (no edge or stumping). Crawley then plants his front foot down the pitch and sweeps his way off strike, but the delivery he connected well with elicited a puff of dust on pitching. Root is untroubled by the South Australian soil, sweeping conventionally for four, then reverse sweeping for four more.
15th over: England 51-2 (Crawley 10, Root 10) Boland continues after drinks and England’s right-handers each nudge singles.
Thanks Tanya, merry Christmas. Return to that open bottle of Bailey’s and forget this tour ever began.
As this match, series, and era, lurches to its inevitable conclusion for England, I’d be interested to hear from readers about how it all sits in context and modern cricket history. Here’s a few notes from me to set the ball rolling.
Since 1987 England have won just six Tests in Australia. Half of those came in 2010-11. England, and the accompanying media narrative, set unrealistic expectations. What is unfolding is exactly what history suggests should happen, we should not be surprised about it.
The four-year Bazball experiment has been worth it, irrespective of its failure on this tour. England being stereotypically English has rarely worked, so deviating from the script, planning years ahead and identifying talent specifically for this moment should be commended. Obviously the execution has been flawed.
Considering the status of England among international cricket’s “Big Three”, something is clearly broken with the talent pathway. It’s one thing to support a long-term strategy that deviates from the traditional script, and another to not trust a single specialist spinner in the entire country, or for the only support batter in a touring squad to average 28 in first-class cricket, with no centuries. Aggressive cricket and a positive mindset might bring marginal gains and some occasional swings in momentum, but if the raw materials are not great to begin with, that will only accomplish so much.
Let me know your thoughts via jonathan.howcroft.casual@theguardian.com
14th over: England 49-2 (Crawley 9, Root 9) Cummins is after his bunny, and rolls through a seventh over. A beauty rips past Crawley’s bat, as he pushes forward in serious concentration.
They pause for drinks and it is time for me to hand over to Jonathan Howcroft. Thanks for your company and all your emails and sorry I didn’t manage to get around to them all. Enjoy the world-record run chase.
13th over: England 46-2 (Crawley 8, Root 8) The first change is not Lyon but Boland, suncream across his nose. Oooof, and an near miss as Root is squared up and an edge bounces just short of Khawaja at slip
“WinViz has England at 10% to win,” writes Michael Meagher, “which, truthfully, feels wildly optimistic.”
12th over: England 44-2 (Crawley 8, Root 6) Watchful from Crawley and Root, and they’ve nearly seen Cummins and Starc off.
11th over: England 41-2 (Crawley 6, Root 5) A four each to Crawley and Root as Starc drifts a sigh away from perfection. And a second warning to Starc for running on the pitch. Perhaps time for Lyon.
10th over: England 31-2 (Crawley 1, Root 0) A wicket maiden, and a cock-a-hoop Labuschagne, mouth like a O like AA Milne’s Jonathon Jo. For Pope, perhaps some relief that the torment is over
WICKET! Pope c Labuschagne b Cummins 17 (England 31-2)
Brutal. A spacedust popping catch at second slip by Labuschagne, like a slippery seal in the bath, sliding to his left, scooping the ball up with one paw. Pope takes off one glove, then the other, and disappears into the bowels of the stadium.
MARNUS ARE YOU KIDDING! WOWWWWW!#Ashes | #PlayoftheDay | @nrmainsurance pic.twitter.com/vikW0O7B6L
— cricket.com.au (@cricketcomau) December 20, 2025
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9th over: England 30-1 (Crawley 1, Pope 16) A couple of beauties from Starc but England survive.
Hello Martin O’ Connor! “There was a brilliant UK sitcom set in a newsroom in the early 1990s called Drop the Dead Donkey. One of the jokes that has stuck with me is a character looking at some sort of screen and saying ‘Look at this cricket score. There’s a whole generation of children growing up who think that England Test collapse is all one word.’ Plus ca change”
I loved that program.
8th over: England 26-1 (Crawley 1, Pope 13) Crawley now has a 27 ball one. Leaving balls alone as if he’s never heard of Bazball.
“I gave up watching midway through the second test,” writes Stephen Holliday. “The writing was on the wall after the first, but I stuck with it. But in the second test, the Smith drop from an Archer delivery - I forget the batsman - but the body language was appalling. Archer too despondent.
Smith looked like his world had ended and he was going to get picked on by the bigger boys. Only question now is whether Stokes, McCullum or both will walk when the 5-0 is confirmed.”
Both coach and captain went after England women'’s Ashes debacle last year. But I think they’ll want Stokes to stay – if he will.
7th over: England 26-1 (Crawley 1, Pope 13) A really quite nice shot from Pope as Starc is sent skimming through point, though he did live dangerously by leaving one that shimmied close to the stumps.
Updated
6th over: England 21-1 (Crawley 1, Pope 7) A slightly less panic-inducing over. Pope defends with bat close to body, though Crawley gets beaten by a peach.
”I’ve actually stayed up for this nightmare whenever possible,” writes Julian Menz.
”I’ve done the same for every Ashes tour before and since my daughter was a sleepless, screaming, teething babe-in-arms.
”I miss those days.” I know, I (sometimes) miss them too.
5th over: England 20-1 (Crawley 1, Pope 7) Crawley keeps his counsel. The umpire points out to Starc that he is running in the danger zone in his follow through, Starc points out there is a hole in the pitch which he is trying to avoid, and so a man comes out with a flattening iron to hammer things flat. Just four leg byes from the over.
3rd over: England 16-1 (Crawley 1, Pope 7) Agonies. Pope edges Cummins through the slips for four, in just the way you imagine he has. He chastises himself afterwards and then is beaten off the last ball of Cummins’ over. Cummins can’t believe he’s still there.
Afternoon session
3rd over: England 11-1 (Crawley 0, Pope 3) This isn’t a relaxing watch tbh. Starcs’s first ball leaps over Carey’s gloves and down to the boundary. Pope looks about as relaxed as a man about to go down the Niagara Falls in a barrel.
To sum up: the good news, for anyone still awake, is that England’s bowlers whistled through Australia this morning, taking six quick wickets. Tongue looked the real deal. The bad news is that England are chasing the highest fourth innings score in Test history and Duckett is already out.
“The next two hours are going to be disturbing, chilling, and terrifying. They are going to be a Technicolor-vivid documentation of total psychological disintegration, and resultant wild demented slashing. Yes, I am watching The Shining again. HERE’S STARCY!” I’m feeling a lot better now Paul Griffin. Time for me to find the coffee in a foreign kitchen, while England stiffen their sinews over lunch. Back shortly.
Lunch - England need 430 to win
2nd over: England 5-1 (Crawley 0, Pope 1) I don’t think I can bear to watch Pope – but he escapes the strike immediately with a push into the covers and Crawley sees off the rest of the over and takes England through till lunch -with a bit of time wasting for good measure.
Duckett did briefly – for one ball – look in command as he pinged a Cummins half volley through midwicket for four. But then the needless nibble.
Updated
WICKET! Duckett c Labuschagne b Cummins 4 (England 4-1)
A regulation nibble to second slip with bent knees.
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1st over: England 0-0 (Crawley 0, Duckett 0) Starc sprints away from the trees in full green bloom lining one end of the Adelaide Oval – he’s such a wonder in full flight – almost Holdingesque. Crawley ignore the first, nibbles at the fourth and is beaten. A maiden.
Updated
England need 435 to win.
Australia lost 6 for 38 this morning. One might almost say it was careless, if their lead wasn’t already 434.
Still, we can dream, can’t we Gervase Greene?
“Just as all your flint-hearted colleagues are whooping it up at the Graun’s Xmas drinks after-party, smirking at ‘poor old Aldred suffering on the couch as Australia grind out a 600-run lead…’
Turns out you’ve got a potential cliff-hanger on your hands, with the mother of all Baz-chases set to transform this series. That’ll learn ‘em!”
The highest fourth innings run-chase in Test history will be a piquant final chapter to the Bazball story. Though I am beginning to regret that last Baileys for the road. Anyway, the players are already out and Starc has the ball.
WICKET! Boland c and b Archer (Australia 349 all out and lead England by 434)
Super ball from Archer, nasty, brutish and short. Boland fends into the offside and is caught by a diving Archer in his follow-through.
Updated
84th over: Australia 349-9 (Starc 7, Boland 1) Excellent work by England’s bowlers this morning, who have rushed (almost) through the Australian card in about an hour and a half. Those two wickets spruce up Carse’s figures no end.
WICKET! Lyon lbw Carse 0 (Australia 344-9)
Carse on a hat-trick! Lyon is trapped on the crease by a perfect nut. He reviews with one hand and walks off with the other.
Updated
WICKET! Cummins c Brook b Carse 6 (Australia 344-8)
Feet in cement, bat wafty, Brook collects.
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83rd over: Australia 344-7 (Cummins 6, Starc 3) Archer giving nothing.
Dear Tanya,
You “still think England can pull it off” (your reply to Andrew Benton, earlier)
What on earth have you seen to support such optimism ?
it seems clear that the Aussies are better in every way.”
Hope, Colum Farrelly, that Bazball will throw us a crumb, just once this series.
82nd over: Australia 340-7 (Cummins 4, Starc 2) Carse returns to take the new ball at the other end. Just a single from it. England have stuck at their task but the lead is an ominous 426.
Updated
81st over: Australia 340-7 (Cummins 4, Starc 2) Archer with the new ball. Starc flicks at the second and England plump for a review for a catch down the leg side. Nowhere near.
80th over: Australia 335-7 (Cummins 3, Starc 0) Impressive work from Tongue who has plugged away this morning, producing occasional venom from a friendly face.
Updated
WICKET! Inglis c Smith b Tongue 10 (Australia 335-7)
Questions, questions! from Tongue. A fourth wicket as Inglis flurries behind to Jamie Smith.
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78th over: Australia 332-6 (Inglis 8, Cummins 2) Stokes’s 50th Ashes wicket was a snorter, the ball right into Carey’s rib, fended away in mid-air to the waiting Brook. The lead is 417.
“I’m an American from America. New to cricket. Has England been playing cricket for very long, or are they kind of new to this? They don’t seem very good, tbh.” David Slider, i think you’re being mischievous.
WICKET! Carey c Brooks b Stokes 72 (Australia 329-6)
Stokes gets his man. Carey looks bitterly disappointed after flicking a bouncer to le gslip where Brooks holds on with both hands.
Updated
78th over: Australia 328-5 (Carey 72, Inglis 6) Brick upon brick.
“Just finished a burning shift in the bar and making noodles,” writes David Kalucy, “you think England is going to bat for a draw?” I think England are rinsed enough that they may be caught between batting for a draw and frolicking towards the highest chase in Test history.
77th over: Australia 325-5 (Carey 71, Inglis 4) England think they’ve got Inglis – he’s given out lbw on the field – but he reviews and the replay shows an inside edge onto the pad. Predictably snicko doesn’t agree, but the TV pictures are clear enough that it doesn’t matter. Bowler Stokes rocks his head back in disappointment.
76th over: Australia 320-5 (Carey 69, Inglis 2) Tongue is having a decent showing with the ball and has probably booked his ticket for Melbourne and Sydney. He’s big and tricksy and full of attack.
“Wolfish abandon. I quite like the sound of it,” writes Abhishek Chopra.
“England used to have Sibley who was all elephantish calm.”
Elephantine calm is exactly what England could have done with this series.
75th over: Australia 317-5 (Carey 68, Inglis 1) Stokes’ fifth over of the morning. Carey with a twinkle toed boundary through point. The sky is gloriously blue by the way.
WICKET! Head c Crawley b Tongue 170 (Australia 311-5)
Head walks off the turf and down the tunnel, but not before saluting the crowd. The end of a talismanic innings comes after he launches into a hook but doesn’t have quite enough umph, flaying Tongue instead down to Crawley, who does well to hold on after staring into the sun at deep square leg.
74th over: Australia 311-5 (Carey 63) Tongue makes the breakthrough with his first over of the morning.
Updated
73rd over: Australia 309-4 (Head 165, Carey 61) Stokes is testing, varies his length, throws in a slower ball, but to no avail.
“What kind of total do you think Australia will be looking for to out them safe? 500 or more?” I think 500ish Charles Esche, especially with a bit of inclement weather possible tomorrow morning.
72nd over: Australia 304-4 (Head 165, Carey 61) But there goes the pressure valve, as Head flays two four off Carse with wolfish abandon. Thirteen from the over, and the lead creeps towards 400.
Updated
71st over: Australia 291-4 (Head 154, Carey 60) Just a couple off Stokes’s over, who is once again leading by example. It must be exhausting.
70th over: Australia 289-4 (Head 153, Carey 59) Head hadn’t looked quite so on it this morning, but now upper cuts with a swagger off Carse to bring a to bring up his 150 off 205 balls.
Updated
69th over: Australia 279-4 (Head 144, Carey 58) Another goodly over from the indefatigable Stokes.
The batter who has faced the most balls in this series is not Travis Head but Ben Stokes: 422 balls, 160 runs, 16 fours v Head: 411 balls, 353 runs, 36 fours and eight sixes. A whole different ball game, says Tim de Lisle, whose sofa I have borrowed for the night.
Updated
68th over: Australia 276-4 (Head 142, Carey 57) Carse’s first ball is short and wide and thumped to the boundary by Carey. A diving stop by Smith saves any further blushes and that’s all Australia can milk from the over.
Updated
Play!
67th over: Australia 272-4 (Head 142, Carey 53) Stokes has the ball. Hair swept back and regal. Running in to the strains of the Barmy Army’s Jerusalem. On the ball. Just one single from it.
Updated
“Do you think that England just haven’t got what it takes,” asks Andrew Benton, “or is it that they haven’t got it together? Is there a brilliant, Aussie-whipping, team hiding in there somewhere? Hocus-pocus, batters and bowlers, please focus!”
I still think they could pull it off. And if they’re going to, today would be the day to do it. Some good news for England – a morning’s rain is due tomorrow.
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Pitch watch
The consensus is, it hasn’t deteriorated.
The highest Test match chase is 418 says Steven Finn, and after that point it becomes an uphill task.
The good news is that Ben Stokes in a maroon vest, his mullet on point, is bowling in the nets.
Updated
A post-mortem email. Too soon, Matthew Lawrenson, too soon.
“If England lose this series, as it looks as though they will, and badly (ditto) - what will happen afterwards? The usual routine is appointing a committee who recommends reorganising County Cricket to benefit the England team. As the current regime has pretty much ignored County Cricket, what do you think they would think of next?”
Surely they can’t reorganise county cricket again. They’ve only just found some kind of settlement after the Strauss report. But maybe they might start paying attention to Championship performances. Or stretch it over a full summer again.
Should England need inspiration, they need look no further than the Big Bash, where Brisbane Heat have chased down the greatest BBL run chase at the Gabba.
Just watching Travis Head on the highlights, bristling through his moustache to 142 not out. Carey starts the day unbeaten on 52. Geoff might be enjoying Bazball’s demise below.
Preamble
Hello – from a Christmassy London, fleet-footed from the sports desk Christmas drinks.
It’s important at this point to say that England still have a chance to win the Ashes. Important because it might be the last time anyone can say that for the rest of the series. And the next two years.
The current Australian lead is 356. But England’s highest successful run-chase is 378 – against India at Edgbaston in 2022 at the height of Bazball - and as recently as this summer they galloped to 373 against India at Headingley.
They know how to do it. The muscle memory is there.
But Starc.
But Cummins.
But Lyon.
Hope springs eternal.
Hello – from a Christmassy London, fleet-footed from the sports desk Christmas drinks,
It’s important at this point to say that England still have a chance to win the Ashes. Important because it might be the last time anyone can say that for the rest of the series. And the next two years.
The current Australian lead is 356. But England’s highest successful run-chase is 378 – against India at Edgbaston in 2022 at the height of Bazball- and as recently as this summer they galloped to 373 against India at Headingley.
They know how to do it. The muscle memory is there.
But Starc.
But Cummins.
But Lyon.
Hope springs eternal.
