Price: £52,300
Top speed: 155mph
Engine: 3-litre diesel
Transmission: 8-speed auto, 4WD
0-62mph: 5.1 seconds
MPG: 42.8
CO2: 174g/km
It’s my wife on the phone. She sounds hysterical. “How the hell do you turn this stupid car on?” It’s so nice to hear your loved one’s dulcet tones blaring out of the handset in an open-plan office. “There’s no start button and no key hole,” she says. “Have you looked next to the steering wheel, darling, where it normally is? Or checked if it’s keyless entry?” I smile to myself, smugness warming me to the core. “Good grief! Of course I have,” she says in exasperation. Finally, unable to start it, she abandons the car and waits for a bus. Foxed by an Audi…
The thing is, there’s nothing unusual about being outwitted by a car these days. Each new layer of technology leaves some of us behind. I often can’t turn on the radio, or reset the trip when sitting in an unfamiliar car. Now here’s one my wife can’t even start.
The SQ5 is the pimped-up twin brother of the hard-working Q5, which sits midway up Audi’s pecking order – roomier than the Q3 but not as colossal as the brand’s mothership, the Q7. And, perhaps because of this, like a typical middle child, it often gets overlooked. You can’t fault its performance or capability, but its bland looks are never going to ignite your driving passion.
But then the S was added and suddenly the SQ5 became a whole lot more desirable. The strong and reliable V6 twin-turbo diesel was cranked up to produce a far meatier 335bhp. That excess of power being sent equally to all four wheels using Audi’s much admired Quattro system means even the most innocuous blip on the throttle sends you thundering down the road. A new sports axle ensures the ooomph isn’t dolloped out, it flows in a smooth, controllable abundance. The quicker you go the lighter and more agile the car seems to feel, topping out at a jowl-trembling 155mph (handy if you happen to own a runway).
The acceleration is startling. We idly wondered if the SQ might stand for Super Quick – a friend thought Audi should introduce an OMG to its range, or maybe a WTF…
The SQ5 Plus comes loaded with look-at-me extras. There are the 21in “starfish” alloy wheels, a four-pack of exhausts and red brake callipers. Inside you can luxuriate on diamond-stitched leather seats and relish the premium finish. It’s let down by an outdated infotainment system. Other Audis have dashboards which are the envy of the motoring world, but this will be getting an upgrade soon.
By the way, the “hidden” key slot looks like an air vent. I spent 20 minutes looking for it before having to consult the car’s manual. Clearly I haven’t told my wife that.
Email Martin at martin.love@observer.co.uk or follow him on Twitter @MartinLove166
