TINK/CAPELL. OH
Poor Greece. Eleven years ago, they were winning Euro 2004. Today, the country’s beleaguered inhabitants would be happy to have €2,004. But at least they no longer have to deal with Claudio Ranieri, a manager so talented he brought defeat against that powerhouse of international football, the Faroe Islands. Despite leaving in November with a sweet severance package of €800,000, they still haven’t recovered and sit bottom of a group led by Romania and Norn Iron 1-0 with two draws from six games and a second defeat to the Faroes. Athens’ loss, er, is Leicester’s gain.
“To have attracted one of the world’s elite managers speaks volumes for the progress Leicester City has made,” whooped vice-chairman Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha when handing The Tinkerman a blue shirt that he will of course be in charge of for many, many years to come, though may be temporarily sacked before being reinstated again. The Fiver, however, is unsure when “elite” was considered getting a club promoted from Ligue 2. “Since I left Chelsea I have dreamt of another chance to work in the best league in the world again,” he trilled. Since leaving Chelsea, Ranieri has also been sacked six times but he didn’t mention that.
No matter, he will be bringing some new, fresh tactical ploys to the Premier League. This, after all, is a man who played two midfielders and four strikers against Norn Iron 1-0, a formation more commonly associated with The Fiver slumping against a 12-year-old from Lincoln on the PlayStation. What next? Esteban Cambiasso taking on a five-man Sunderland midfield in three weeks’ time all by himself? The Fiver is worried, mind, because Ranieri is too quiet and humble to tell a supporter to “eff off and die”, mistakenly suggest ostriches are capable of burying their head in the sand and put his hands around the neck of a grounded opposition player. Plus, can Ranieri handle himself as well as his predecessor?
Speaking of Italian managers past their sell-by date, Fabio Capello has departed Russia three years early with the fattest of fat pay cheques, perhaps positioning himself perfectly for another in England. “The Russian Football Union and the head coach of Russia’s national team, Fabio Capello, have reached an agreement to terminate the employment contract by mutual agreement,” the Other RFU said of agreeing to let Capello go by mutual agreement. Now where is O’Trap resting up at the moment?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The club are very disappointed and surprised in the way in which our new media arrangement has been portrayed locally and presented to the national media. So we are very clear: the football club are looking to start something different this season. Bearing in mind the change in training facility (which is a considerable distance from Swindon), our in-house journalist, Tom Otrebski, will be conducting interviews with players, management and staff during the week as well as producing a lot of behind-the-scenes material that will engage the fans and give them more of an insight into how the team and the club is run. This will be distributed on all the club’s official media channels and also on a new and exciting media platform” – Swindon Town are definitely giving people an insight into how their club is run after deciding to control all media activity this season – match reports and post-match press conferences aside – through a new app. The Fiver wonders if this magic media platform can do our job for us too, please.
FIVER LETTERS
“Surely residents of Fiver Towers have noticed that there is a group of supporters out there who have taken the STOP FOOTBALL campaign to heart? I am referring, of course, to fans of Blackpool who, after managing to stop the closing match of last season against Huddersfield at half-time, waited until midway through the second half to stop the club’s first pre-season friendly against Lancaster City. Incidentally, after hearing that the match had been abandoned I went to the club’s website to get the details, but all I could find out was: ‘A brace from new signing Mark Cullen helped Blackpool ease to victory in their first pre-season friendly at Lancaster City.’ Obviously the club have decided to take a head-in-the-sand approach to the new season” – Chris Van Duyn.
“Snakes? In Melbourne (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs)? Not with the weather we’re getting at the moment” – Tim Grey. Shivering, In Melbourne.
“‘Engineers working on the sensor systems behind the recent advances in automobile active safety?’ So Craig Hills’ job (yesterday’s Fiver letters) is a car crash waiting to happen? Well at least he’s reading the right tea-timely email for that profession” – Justin Kavanagh.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Chris Van Duyn.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES
Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope.
BITS AND BOBS
Víctor Valdés can catch up on that Casualty episode of Holby Sin City he’s been meaning to watch in sheer incredulity after being left out of Manchester United’s pre-season jaunt to USA! USA!! USA!!!
Meanwhile, immigration suits on that side of the pond aren’t having any of Cheik Tioté’s efforts to get into the country for Newcastle’s tour. “He has had visa complications and trying to get him over the visa issue has been difficult but it wasn’t successful,” sniffed Steve McClaren.
PSG’s Thiago Motta looks set to become Inter’s Thiago Motta pretty soon. “I have spent three-and-a-half years here, but it seems a lot more to me,” he parped. “I think I have given everything by now. Returning to Inter would be a real challenge.”
The handling of Iker Casillas’ exit by Real Madrid don’t impress Xavi much. “It leaves a bad taste what is happening with him now,” sniffed the man undertaking “a thrilling project in Qatar”.
Raheem Sterling has coughed for the doctor before completing his £49m move to Manchester City.
Stoke City boss Mark Hughes insists Xherdan Shaqiri took the club’s move to sign him seriously, despite telling the former Home and Away star where to go. “We were able to have good conversations but in the end it wasn’t to be,” sighed Hughes.
And flamin’ A-League chief Damien de Bohun apparently left pay negotiations in a tizzy when players’ association representatives rejected the offer on the table. “He was very agitated and stormed out,” tootled Adelaide United striker and Professional Footballers Australia exco member Bruce Djite. “Damien is a cool, calm, collected guy generally but it went out the window … he just left in a child’s tantrum because it was clear the deal wasn’t going to get done.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Think Brazilians being forced to play in lucrative ‘glamour friendlies’ around the world is a modern phenomenon? Think again. Pelé and Santos were doing it more than 50 years ago. Nick Miller has the forgotten story here.
The Tinkerman could be a risky man for Leicester, reckons Marcus Christenson, who casts a critical eye over Claudio Ranieri’s recent record.
Does Morgan Schneiderlin complete Louis van Gaal’s Manchester United jigsaw? Jamie Jackson and Dominic Fifield look at the pieces.
This week’s Gallery stars Arda Turan in 300 and alongside Simon Le Bon. Obviously.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVER
Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.
