DONE DEAL?
Thousands of raucous Fenerbahce fans welcoming Robin van Persie at Istanbul airport? Check. Medical terms? Check. Personal terms on three-year contract? Check. A grand unveiling at the club’s Sukru Saracoglu Stadium in front of a few more thousand fans frothing at the mouth at the sight of a diminishing Dutchman holding up a scarf? Youbetcha.
“I’m humbled to see that so many great fans came today to greet me and to welcome me to your family,” the Dutchman swooned. “I promise you one thing; I will do everything in my power to help Fenerbahce win as many trophies to make you guys happy because if I see today, I can only imagine how it would be if you win the league what kind of party that would be.
“I highly appreciate the work of Ed Woodward, the CEO of Manchester United. The way he dealt with this transfer is from a high level, it’s very classy. He proved he’s a true gentleman in the way he dealt with the whole situation. Ed, if you’re listening, thank you.”
It’s hard to see what “high-level” work Ed has “dealt with” in this transfer, other than showing Van Persie the door and simply agreeing a fee with Fenerbahce. Especially as a fee hasn’t actually been agreed. Yep, that’s right, despite Van Persie’s fanfare and PR offensive, the transfer could yet fall on its backside – an outcome that would surely be the biggest episode of gun-jumpery since that silly Man City fan got a Champions League winners tattoo at the start of the 2010-11 season. Or those premature celebrations at Raheem Sterling’s “goal” against Italy during last summer’s World Cup. Whichever works, take your pick.
Classy work then, Ed, if you’re listening. Probably best that you get that one sorted out pronto, or risk the almighty wrath of a Dutch striker that has to return to Manchester looking like a bit of a turkey, his once-peacocked tail now firmly between his legs.
That said, even if the transfer does fall through, at least Van Persie got some long-awaited adulation in Istanbul, something that has been sorely lacking of late. I mean, it wasn’t the kind of reception that Darius Vassell received when he signed for Turkish side Ankarakgucu in 2009, but at least Robin got a free scarf.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It was a good competitive game” – Stoke City manager Mark Hughes manages to stretch the meaning of both the words “good” and “competitive” in bigging up his side’s friendly with Everton. In Singapore. In July. Which finished 0-0 and had to be settled by penalties.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re. yesterday’s Fiver. How nice to see Claudio Ranieri back in the Premier League. My favourite story about his first spell here came during his first post-match interview at Chelsea. Not speaking the best English, he was reportedly provided with a club employee to translate for him. The employee, fantastically, somewhat edited his replies: ‘Game of two halves’, ‘lads as sick as parrots’ etc. It was the last time he did the job” – Josh Robertson.
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BITS AND BOBS
Nicolas Lombaerts says that, contrary to reports he failed a medical at Sunderland due to knee knack, the reason he will not be turning out for them is down to the fact he didn’t like the cut of their jib. “I took the decision myself. I didn’t want to join Sunderland,” he sniffed.
Napoli’s Gonzalo Higuaín is going nowhere, reckons the club’s president Aurelio De Laurentiis. “There is absolutely no chance that Higuaín will leave,” parped De Laurentiis in quotes The Fiver will be tucking behind its ear for possible use in the Quote of the Day section in the weeks ahead.
Feyenoord’s Jordy Clasie will spend Thursday coughing for Southampton’s doctors as they determined whether he is fit to fill the Morgan Schneiderlin-sized hole in the Saints’ midfield.
AZ Alkmaar’s Steven Berghuis will be known as Watford’s Steven Berghuis for the foreseeable future.
Stoke’s continued efforts to provide out of favour Barcelona whelps with a safe haven have continued with the news that 19-year-old winger Moha El Ouriachi has done one from Catalonia all the way to The Potteries.
And Rivaldo Sr provided the pass for his son, Rivaldinho, to score in Mogi Mirim’s 3-1 win over Macae in the Brazilian second division, with Rivaldo Jr taking a ball to the face somewhat more convincingly than his dad did against Turkey in 2002.
STILL WANT MORE?
Various Big Website writers have been casting their eyes around the 20 best youngsters in the Premier League to determine which of them will spend the next season failing to get off the bench.
What is Manchester United’s best XI? One that does not involve Ángel di María or Marouane Fellaini, if this is to be believed.
It’s the summer! Everyone’s on holiday! It’s time for another Knowledge archive special! Which player has worn the same colours for the most clubs?
And why has Freddie Adu, 26 [YES, STILL TWENTY-SIX – Fiver vidiprinter] chosen to join the Tampa Bay Rowdies, asks Kristan Heneage.
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