A man who spent his entire adult life chasing early retirement says he’s heartbroken after finally reaching his goal, only to be told by his wife that she no longer wants him to retire.
The original post, which quickly gained traction on Reddit’s r/leanfire forum, came from a 37-year-old military veteran who said he had been saving diligently since age 17. He claimed to have put away every bonus, pay raise and combat stipend for two decades with the goal of “leanFIRE,” a version of financial independence that supports a modest lifestyle in early retirement.
They Agreed To This Plan Many, Many Years Ago
He recalled that when they married, they had agreed she would be a stay-at-home mom while he worked hard toward an early retirement. “Now I finally have enough, but there’s one problem: my wife doesn’t want me to leanFIRE now,” he wrote.
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The couple, who met as teenagers and have two children aged 12 and 14, built their lives around the idea that he would one day retire early. He says he frequently brought up the plan over the years, but she never engaged with the financial side.
“I talk about it all the time, but she doesn’t want any part of the finances, so she kind of tunes me out,” he added.
When he finally sat her down to say he was ready, she said she didn’t want either of them to retire early.
When he asked why, she couldn't give him a clear reason. “She won’t tell me exactly why. Trust me, I’ve asked,” he said.
He thought she might be worried about finances, so he offered to take over the household responsibilities while she worked part-time, especially since their children are old enough to take care of themselves during the school day. Her answer was, “What if I don’t like my job?”
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Commenters Are Divided
Redditors were quick to weigh in. Some were supportive, saying that he’s right.
Others were more critical. One commenter wrote, “She probably doesn’t want you around the house all day and likes her current life. You’re suggesting a pretty big change to her.” Another pointed out that just because they agreed 20 years ago, it doesn’t mean it still works for her now.
Many recommended marriage counseling. “A lot can change in three years, more so in 20 years,” one person said.
Some speculated darker motives. One top-voted comment asked directly, “Why would she allow her cash cow to retire?” Another alluded to potential infidelity: “She likes you out of the house. There might be something there.”
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Resentment Brewing
As the thread grew, OP returned to clarify his frustration. “I hate all the comments just telling me to get another job or at least a part-time one. Like no. I’ve done a lot and she can step in and I can be the SAHP to teenagers. I don’t want for resentment to build.”
Another commenter, summarizing the emotional core of the issue, wrote: “You can't let someone tell you that you can't have what you've worked and sacrificed for, for twenty f****** years, the entire prime of your life, without a damn good reason.”
In the end, his situation has sparked wide debate over gender roles, fairness, communication, and what it means to share a vision for the future. But one thing almost every commenter agreed on: they need to talk honestly and soon.
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Image: Shutterstock
