Right, that’s all from me. It’s been a blast. Stay with us for the Leicester v Man Utd game, if you’d be so kind. Bye!
Fine stats here for Palace (though they were playing Newcastle).
No wonder Alan Pardew was smiling after his Crystal Palace side produced these numbers vs Newcastle...#cpfc #NUFC pic.twitter.com/WBFdE9IIGM
— PA Dugout (@PA_dugout) November 28, 2015
Our Leicester v Manchester United live blog is now, um, live. You can find it here, and meanwhile we’ve got a statistically-focused video for you!
“Patience was the key,” says Sam Allardyce. “It’s not very easy to beat 10 men. We had to be patient and that paid off. We produced a bit of outstanding quality when we needed it. Two pieces of outstanding quality. The quality we showed to get the goals to break through Stoke’s resolute defence, we beat them with a bit of quality and a bit of patience.”
“So, the pitch invasion by Everton fans directly contributes to more time added on …” notes Sally. Indeed. That’ll learn ‘em.
Five points is a ludicrously poor tally. Sunderland – who are, remember, Sunderland – have more from the last six days. Still, their goal difference is better than Newcastle’s.
5 - Aston Villa have the joint-fewest points of any team in any season in Premier League history after 14 matches. Struggle.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) November 28, 2015
@Simon_Burnton BEST. LEAGUE. EVER.
— Anthony C Pepera (@otheranthony) November 28, 2015
Never in doubt.
I underplayed the drama when I suggested the final goal at Bournemouth was scored in the 95th minute. It was the 98th.
Final score: Manchester City 3-1 Southampton
This actually finished a while ago, but Bournemouth were being too interesting for me to get round to it until now.
Final score: Aston Villa 2-3 Watford
A massive, massive, huge, enormous victory for Watford, and Villa remain mired on five points!
Final score: Bournempouth 3-3 Everton
Ludicrous conclusion there, Stanislas sealing the comeback of the day when he headed in a high, hard cross five minutes into stoppage time!
GOAL! Bournemouth 3-3 Everton
Stanislas has scored again! Astonishing scenes! Eddie Howe, who looked so glum after Everton’s third, is merry once more!
Updated
Into the 99th minute at Villa Park!
GOAL! Bournemouth 2-3 Everton
Ross Barkley wins it for Everton! A bit of a scrappy one, and it ends with a low, not very firm shot from Barkley that bobbles under Bournemouth’s substitute keeper, provoking a minor pitch invasion from the away fans!
Updated
Messi scored a fourth for Barcelona a few minutes ago, and I’m afraid I missed it. Sorry.
Final score: Sunderland 2-0 Stoke City
A vital, Shawcross-red-card-assisted victory for Sunderland, who are out of the bottom three!
GOAL! Crystal Palace 5-1 Newcastle! And it's full time!
McArthur with another! And moments later it’s all over, as the referee puts an end to Newcastle’s latest humiliation!
Updated
Aggro! It’s all going off at Villa Park. Ayew claims he was elbowed by Capoue, and the players huff and puff for a while. He wasn’t elbowed, though.
The first action in stoppage time at Villa Park involves Guedioura slamming a shot from 25 yards towards the bottom corner, well saved.
GOAL! Aston Villa 2-3 Watford!
Ayew scores a bit of a stonker! He spins on the edge of the area, opens space on his right side, and curls the ball past Arlauskis! And moments later the fourth official indicates there will be 10 minutes of stoppage time! Equaliser potential alert!
GOAL! Bournemouth 2-2 Everton!
Junior Stanislas equalises for Bournemouth! A quick free-kick is given to Smith, who runs down the right and his low centre is smashed in!
Updated
Sunderland think they’re Barcelona now, and they flood forward again but can’t find the final ball.
GOAL! Sunderland 2-0 Stoke
Duncan Watmore extends Sunderland’s lead, and it’s looking very much like a six-point week for Big Sam’s side! The ball is played down the right wing and Watmore carries it into the area before shooting low across goal and in at the back stick!
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-3 Watford!
Ighalo spins 15 yards out and hits a shot that loops into the air off Micah Richards’ buttock, and Deeney arrives like a steam train to win it and head it past Guzan! Hutton, scorer of Watford’s second, gave the ball away in the build-up.
Updated
GOAL! Sunderland 1-0 Stoke
Stoke concede an away goal! Van Aanholt with a bullet from 20 yards that zings low into the right-hand corner!
Updated
GOAL! Bournemouth 1-2 Everton
What a goal from Smith! Ritchie takes a corner from the right, it’s headed out to Smith 20 yards out, and he takes a touch to control the ball and, when nobody closes him down, he hits it with the outside of his right foot, the ball curling and dipping viciously before landing inside the far post!
Updated
This update is nowhere near as assertive as I’d like.
GOAL WE THINK HERE AT THE ABBEY FOR THE U'S?
— Cambridge United FC (@CambridgeUtdFC) November 28, 2015
Watford keep the ball for ages, but eventually Ighalo fails to control and Villa break. Down the other end they roar, and when they reach the penalty area the ball pings about a bit, bouncing up into Watson’s arm. No penalty, says the referee.
Sunderland want a penalty, but Fletcher’s collapse was more Oscar-worthy than anything else – Wollscheid didn’t seem to do very much. Though the Black Cats do seem genuinely aggrieved.
75' Fletcher left furious after being pulled over by Wollscheid, but the referee remains unmoved. Seconds later Lens fires over
— Sunderland AFC (@SunderlandAFC) November 28, 2015
Updated
@Simon_Burnton when do we conclude that the Bundesliga isn't a league? Bayern out!
— steep the tea bun (@steamyteabuns) November 28, 2015
It does look a little silly now. Still, maybe it’ll be different next year, eh?
The Leicester v Manchester United teams are in:
#lcfc XI to face @ManUtd: Schmeichel; Simpson, Huth, Morgan (c), Fuchs; Mahrez, Kanté, Drinkwater, Albrighton; Okazaki, Vardy. #LeiMnu
— Leicester City (@LCFC) November 28, 2015
#mufc XI: De Gea, Darmian, McNair, Smalling, Blind, Carrick, Schweinsteiger, Mata, Young, Rooney, Martial pic.twitter.com/CmPBKVBiHj
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) November 28, 2015
GOAL! Manchester City 3-1 Southampton
Southampton have had a right good go at finding an equaliser, but it’s a bit more distant now! De Bruyne gets another assist, chipping across to Kolarov to the left of goal, who drills it low and hard and in off the far post.
Updated
Bayern Munich have beaten Hertha Berlin and now have a frankly ludicrous 40 points from 14 games.
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-2 Watford
Hutton has been a constant threat for Villa today, rampaging down the right, but he’s just scored for Watford! Deeney tries to play in Ighalo, Hutton stretches to prod the ball away from him and he succeeds, toe-poking past his own keeper!
Updated
At Villa, Gomes has been stretchered off and Arlauskis has come on, along with Ikechi Anya, who replaces Paredes. Villa take over Carles Gil and bring on Traoré.
Sunderland are pushing forward gently against 10-man Stoke, without truly threatening. Someone has just blazed over the bar from the edge of the area.
Gomes is still being treated on the pitch at Villa Park. There’s been no play there for at least five minutes, with the outfield players doing exercises on the half-way line to keep warm.
Updated
What a chance for Southampton! Tadic runs forward, Demichelis ludicrously runs out of his way and Tadic is allowed to just run into the penalty area where, one on one with the keeper, he tries to chip and Caballero gets a hand to it.
Updated
This is going to be another goalkeeping substitution, with Giedrius Arlauskis stripping off as Gomes, now flat on his back and being attended by three physios and five paramedics, looks very unlikely to continue.
Charlie Austin comes on in the 57th minute and scores in the 58th, putting QPR a goal up at home to Leeds. Meanwhile at Villa Park, Heurelho Gomes has collided with Cathcart and is now rolling around holding his head.
GOAL! Barclona 3-0 Real Sociedad
Neymar turns in a low cross from the left, and it looks like Barcelona are going to pull off a win here.
At Villa Park, Heurelho Gomes fluffs a routine catch, and Aké’s clearance saves him considerable blushes.
Another injury for Sunderland, for whom Larsson is now limping and holding his hamstring. And he’s going to come off.
GOAL! Manchester City 2-1 Southampton
A free-kick is played down the right to Wanyama, who sends in a lovely first-time cross to the far post, where Long heads in!
Updated
“Barcelona have been taking it easy against Real Sociedad,” writes Charles Antaki. “The only news is that the galumphing Jeremy Mathieu seems to be making a decent fist of getting up down, doing wing-back work à la Jordi Alba. On the other side, sad to see the complete effacement of the once-lively Carlos Vela. Barcelona two up, flags waving, general Catalan satisfaction.”
This kind of gloating isn’t really on, is it?
Just a quick check-up on @Manuel_Neuer. Yep...he's still there. #FCBBSC 2-0 pic.twitter.com/ehDkonwF8L
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) November 28, 2015
Two changes for Bournemouth, with the goalkeeper one of those going.
46: Two changes for #afcb at the break, with Smith replacing by Cook & Allsop on for his @premierleague debut, in place of Federici. #BOUEVE
— AFC Bournemouth (@afcbournemouth) November 28, 2015
RED CARD! Stoke go down to 10 men!
Shawcross gets a second booking for fouling Watmore, and that’s the end of his afternoon.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 4-1 Newcastle
Well that’s curtains. Newcastle change shape at half-time, going to a back three, none of whom attempt to win the ball as Cabaye’s free-kick is flicked on, and Bolasie scores.
Updated
Second half!
Play has restarted at Villa and Selhurst Parks, with the other top-flight games a few moments behind.
Updated
Sam Allardyce answers the big question: what’s that in your mouth?
Everton’s second goal, complete with delicious assist, is available here.
@Simon_Burnton Mesut Ozil is studying Gerard Deulofeu's play to improve on his assists.
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) November 28, 2015
Updated
Oooh! Right at the end of the half at the Stadium of Light Pantilimon raced from his line to collect a loose ball, did indeed collect it, and then carried it outside the area! It wasn’t deliberate, and it didn’t deny Stoke much of an advantage, but it was a handball.
Peeeep! It's half-time
Well, in many places it is. At Villa Park it’s half-ended 1-1 and all to play for. Sunderland v Stoke is the top-flight’s token goalless encounter, while at Selhurst Park Palace have fought back from a goal down to end the half in total control, and Bournemouth are two down at home to Everton.
GOAL! Barcelona 2-0 Real Sociedad
Suárez! A deep cross from the right, and a ludicrous athletic scissor-volley from the Uruguayan!
Updated
Sinclair goes close again at Villa Park. Watford have been under a large, scary cosh since Capoue missed that half-chance to put them 0-2 up.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 3-1 Newcastle
Wickham crosses from the left, and Zaha volleys into the ground, sending the ball looping up and into the far corner, above the desperate leap of Coloccini on the line!
Updated
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-1 Watford
Unusual football-fails-to-make-MBMer-look-idiotic shock! A free-kick from 35 yards is looped into the box, and Micah Richards wins it, and scores with an across-goal header! And he was offside too!
Updated
There’s surely no way Watford are winning 1-0 today. Ciaran Clark is the latest to miss a chance, sliding in at the far post to send a flicked-on corner wide.
Wilfried Zaha has been booked for diving at Selhurst Park. It was a particularly ludicrous effort, rightly punished.
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-2 Everton
Romelu Lukaku’s on the scoresheet again! It’s a lovely curling cross-cum-through-ball from Deulofeu on the right, and Lukaku takes one touch to control before crashing the ball in at the near post!
Updated
Oooh again! And it’s Villa again! Sinclair cuts in from the right, then keeps on cutting in, jinks past a gang of four players and sends in a curling right-footed shot which is top-corner-bound until Gomes gets in the way.
Defoe is off, obviously defeated by that thigh/hamstring issue. Watmore comes on.
Oooh! Ayew blasts a shot goalwards from 23 yards, Gomes saves and Sinclair’s header from the rebound flies straight back to the keeper! Still, Villa are making chances today, which is something.
“As a Villa fan, is it cowardly to pray for rain?” wonders Andrew James. “Oh wait, I’m not following the cricket.” Yup, you need something more extreme than rain. Some kind of cyclone-type event, perhaps.
Southampton have a shot! It goes wide from Ward-Prowse, but still, it’s a shot.
@Simon_Burnton Everton's South American Colonel's Adjutant (Funes Mori) gets on the end of a corner - an unusual goal for the Blues!
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) November 28, 2015
Chance for Watford! Well, nearly a chance, anyway. Deeney passes to Capoue, bursting into the area, but he’s too close to Guzan, who rushes out to block the shot!
GOAL! Bournemouth 0-1 Everton
Federici, a couple of minutes after a wonderful save diverted an apparently top-corner-bound looping header, is beaten! It’s a header from a left-side corner from Ramiro Funes Mori, who seems to be climbing all over Steve Cook in order to reach it!
Updated
GOAL! Barcelona 1-0 Real Sociedad
Neymar! A relatively prosaic one, that: a low cross from the right, Neymar running across his marker reaches it first and crashes the ball into the near-side top corner!
Meanwhile in Sunderland, Jermain Defoe goes down and a physio administers a thigh massage. Looks like he’s going to play on.
Villa incredibly fail to equalise! The ball falls to Ayew seven yards out, and he spins and shoots just the wrong side of the post!
Goal! Man City 2-0 Southampton
City should have had a penalty and Southampton a red card as the ball is punched off the line, but from the corner Delph’s drive is deflected goalwards off Van Dijk!
Updated
GOAL! Crystal Palace 2-1 Newcastle
Well that didn’t last long. A low ball from the right across the edge of the six-yard box finds its way to Bolasie, at the back of it, and he cracks it into the net.
GOAL! Aston Villa 0-1 Watford
A bit of penalty-area ping pong ends when the ball breaks to Ighalo, all lonesome eight yards out, and he strokes it low past Guzan. Looked offside on first viewing.
Updated
Another shooting chance for McArthur at Selhurst Park, set up by Bolasie this time, but he absolutely skies this one.
Barcelona hit the post! I think that was Iniesta’s header, from a Suárez outside-of-the-right-foot cross from the left. Real Sociedad remain level after 13 minutes.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 1-1 Newcastle
Another defensive dunceclass at Selhurst Park, as Coloccini lets a long punt down the middle bounce, Wickham takes possession and lays the ball across the edge of the area, where McArthur’s low shot is deflected past Elliot.
Bournemouth look to have had the best of the first 10 minutes against Everton and have had a couple of shots, the latest from King, which is saved.
And Villa have had a decent effort too, Ayew shooting from an acute angle on the right, but it’s saved, and the rebound cleared.
GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-1 Newcastle
Papiss Cissé puts Newcastle ahead! And where was the marking? It’s a chipped cross from the right and I’m afraid Scott Dann’s week has gone from bad to worse! Instead of following Cissé’s run he steps up, and the striker is in acres of space when he heads in.
Updated
GOAL! Manchester City 1-0 Southampton
De Bruyne scores for City! And it’s a nightmare for Yoshida, who is passed the ball on the right of Southampton’s defence, in plenty of space. He waits until he’s closed down by Sterling, gives it away, and Sterling crosses for De Bruyne, who has sprinted clear of his marker, to tap in.
Updated
Bayern have scored, and it’s Thomas Muller’s 13th goal of the season. He hasn’t scored more than that in any of the last three seasons.
GOOOOAAAALLLL!!! #MÜLLERED! (34') #FCBBSC 1-0
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) November 28, 2015
A Southampton player has finally got a kick at Manchester City. Unfortunately he kicked Sergio Agüero, leading to a decent free-kick chance, and Kolarov’s effort is well saved by Stekelenburg!
Manchester City kicked off a good minute earlier than any other Premier League side, and they’ve owned the first two minutes, forcing an early save from Stekelenburg with a shot from the left side of the penalty area.
Kick-off!
It’s 3pm, and several games are now under way. Not Sunderland v Stoke, though, where they’re having a minute’s applause in memory of Marton Fulop.
Updated
The Guardian’s own James Dart appears to be broadcasting live from Dagenham Redbridge v Plymouth on Periscope here, if you’d like a Premier League antidote.
Kick-off approaches. Players are emerging from various tunnels as I write. Deep breath.
Updated
Latest news from the bad omen dept:
17 - Barcelona have won their last 17 La Liga games at Camp Nou against Real Sociedad, keeping ten clean sheets in that streak. Solid
— OptaJose (@OptaJose) November 28, 2015
“As far as Dundee United at the moment are concerned, I’m with Aaron Neville,” counters Simon McMahon.
Look at this face,
I know the years are showing,
Look at this life,
I still don’t know where it’s going.
I don’t know much, but I know I love you, and that may be all I need to know.
Brings a tear to your eye, truly it does.
Richard Wright’s back. Perhaps, as the always-ahead-of-the-crowd Barney Ronay argued just three and a half years ago, his time has finally come.
1071 - Richard Wright has made the bench for Man City in the league for the first time since December 2012 v Reading, 1071 days ago. Warm.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) November 28, 2015
Paul Merson on Aston Villa v Watford
“For me this is their biggest game for a long, long time because if they lose this game, for me, that’ll be it.”
As it happens the first game I ever reported on was Aston Villa 4-0 Watford way back in 2000. Merson was the star that day, and scored a lovely longish-range goal that I can still picture. A repeat of that score would appear unlikely.
“Mr McMahon’s vision of reality (through Tangerine-coloured lenses) may regard the arrival of footballing flotsam Demel and Sinama-Pongolle at Tannadice as ‘bringing in experience’, but shouldn’t he know better?” demands Lou Roper. “Is that the relegation song playing around the head of ‘Mighty Mixu’?” Crikey.
Meanwhile in Spain, Messi, Suárez and Neymar start together against whichever unfortunate hopeless saps have the miserable task of attempting to stop them today (Real Sociedad, if you must).
Juan Carlos Paredes gets his first start of the season for Watford today. “He gives us velocity and vertical lines,” says Quique Sánchez Flores. How are Villa’s vertical lines?
“Afternoon Simon,” writes volunteer part-time occasional fitba’ correspondent Simon McMahon. Afternoon. “Game of the day in Scotland is at Tannadice where Dundee United face Hamilton. New signings Guy Demel and Florent Sinama Pongolle are in the United squad as manager Mixu ‘The Mighty Finn’ Paatelainen turns to experience to help United move up the table. Three points today would be a start, though don’t bet your house on it.
“Elsewhere in the SPFL, Aberdeen host Ross County and Motherwell play Hearts. There’s also Scottish Cup third round action. Ties include Ayr v Dunfermline, Cowdenbeath v Arbroath, Inverurie Loco Works v Annan Athletic, Wick Academy v Linlithgow Rose, Huntly v Lothian Thistle Hutchison Vale and Fulchester Rovers v Glipton Giants. Ok, I made that last one up. But names to conjure with nonetheless.”
Teams! All your teams! Get your Premier League line-ups here!
Here follows the starting line-ups in the Premier League. If you want to know who’s who in any other game, I’m happy to take requests.
Aston Villa v Watford
Aston Villa: Guzan, Hutton, Richards, Clark, Richardson, Veretout, Sanchez, Gana, Gil, Ayew, Sinclair. Subs: Okore, Bacuna, Westwood, Lescott, Traore, Bunn, Gestede.
Watford: Gomes, Nyom, Cathcart, Britos, Aké, Abdi, Watson, Capoue, Paredes, Deeney, Ighalo. Subs: Jurado, Guedioura, Ibarbo, Berghuis, Anya, Diamanti, Arlauskis.
Referee: Lee Mason.
Bournemouth v Everton
Bournemouth: Federici, Francis, Cook, Distin, Daniels, Ritchie, Gosling, Surman, Stanislas, Arter, King. Subs: Smith, MacDonald, Kermorgant, Allsop, Murray, O’Kane, Cargill.
Everton: Howard, Coleman, Funes Mori, Stones, Galloway, McCarthy, Barry, Deulofeu, Barkley, Kone, Lukaku. Subs: Robles, Gibson, Mirallas, Lennon, Naismith, Cleverley, Osman.
Referee: Kevin Friend.
Crystal Palace v Newcastle
Crystal Palace: Hennessey, Ward, Dann, Delaney, Souare, Cabaye, McArthur, Bolasie, Puncheon, Zaha, Wickham. Subs: Speroni, Bamford, Lee, Jedinak, Ledley, Chamakh, Kelly.
Newcastle: Elliot, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Dummett, Colback, Anita, Sissoko, Perez, Wijnaldum, Cisse. Subs: De Jong, Gouffran, Lascelles, Thauvin, Darlow, Sterry, Mitrovic.
Referee: Stuart Attwell.
Man City v Southampton
Man City: Caballero, Sagna, Otamendi, Demichelis, Kolarov, Delph, Fernandinho, De Bruyne, Toure, Sterling, Aguero. Subs: Fernando, Bony, Jesus Navas, Silva, Clichy, Wright, Iheanacho.
Southampton: Stekelenburg, Yoshida, Fonte, van Dijk, Bertrand, Wanyama, Romeu, Steven Davis, Ward-Prowse, Mane, Long. Subs: Kelvin Davis, Clasie, Tadic, Martina, Juanmi, Ramirez, Caulker.
Referee: Roger East.
Sunderland v Stoke
Sunderland: Pantilimon, Coates, O’Shea, Kaboul, Yedlin, Larsson, M’Vila, Cattermole, Van Aanholt, Fletcher, Defoe. Subs: Borini, Johnson, Matthews, Lens, Toivonen, Mannone, Watmore.
Stoke: Butland, Johnson, Shawcross, Wollscheid, Pieters, Adam, Whelan, Shaqiri, Krkic, Arnautovic, Walters. Subs: Wilson, Afellay, van Ginkel, Diouf, Cameron, Crouch, Haugaard.
Referee: Mike Dean.
Updated
Talking of Villa, they’re the first top-flight team to get their team up on Twitter. No Grealish, as widely advertised, and Gestede again on the bench:
Confirmed line-up: Villa team to face Watford, kick-off 3pm. #AVFC #AVLWAT pic.twitter.com/Iw09HVgt1f
— Aston Villa FC (@AVFCOfficial) November 28, 2015
Is this the most worried Aston Villa fans have ever been ahead of a home game against Watford? There’s only ever been two away win in 17 matches between these teams, with Watford’s one and only success at Villa Park coming on their first visit in 1969, which isn’t exactly encouraging for the Hornets. More encouragingly, they’re playing the 2015 Villa team, not any of the previous ones.
So @AVFCOfficial we must believe. We can do this. We can turn this around. Fight and fight hard. Fight like lions. Be prepared.Up The Villa!
— Adil Ray (@adilray) November 28, 2015
Hello world!
So, without any form of fussing or messing or assorted jiggerypokery, I offer you today’s key 3pm kick-offs in the Premier League and beyond:
The League of Premiers
AFC Bournemouth v Everton
Aston Villa v Watford
Crystal Palace v Newcastle
Leicester v Man Utd (this doesn’t kick off until 5.30, to be fair)
Man City v Southampton
Sunderland v Stoke
The Ship of Champions
Blackburn v Sheff Wed
Brighton v Birmingham
Cardiff v Burnley
Fulham v Preston
Huddersfield v Middlesbrough
Nottm Forest v Reading
QPR v Leeds
Rotherham v Bristol City
Wolverhampton v MK Dons
The League they call One
Blackpool v Fleetwood Town
Burton Albion v Colchester
Chesterfield v Swindon
Coventry v Doncaster
Crewe v Oldham
Millwall v Bury
Rochdale v Port Vale
Scunthorpe v Peterborough
Shrewsbury v Gillingham
Southend v Wigan
Walsall v Bradford
The League they call Two
Barnet v Mansfield
Cambridge Utd v Notts County
Carlisle v Crawley Town
Dag & Red v Plymouth
Exeter v Bristol Rovers
Hartlepool v Oxford Utd
Leyton Orient v AFC Wimbledon
Newport County v Luton
Northampton v Yeovil
Stevenage v Morecambe
Wycombe v Portsmouth
York v Accrington Stanley
The leagues they call foreign
Barcelona v Real Sociedad
Bayern Munich v Hertha Berlin (2.30pm, which is close enough)
And welcome. Let’s have some fun.
Updated
